- Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Little
I've been exploring my gender identity for a few a year now trying to figure out who I am. I have recently asked some friends to use she/her pronouns with me, and they have been very supportive about it. Here recently however, I have been feeling angry and upset with myself. I come up with all these different scenarios in my head that cause me a lot of emotional pain. I can't help but feel most days that I am only lying to myself, and everyone around me. I have also gotten so upset that I spent a few nights crying and hurting myself emotionally, and physically. Some days I wake up dreading my existence, and longing to look in the mirror to see a different person. I don't know exactly what is going on inside my head, and the sooner I figure it out the happier I can be. I have looked into therapy, but I can't afford it. I feel very lost some days, and others I feel very confident with my identity. I have looked at myself in the mirror hoping to see what my heart is feeling. I have also been trying out different names hoping to find one I finally connect with. I have stayed with Kairi for almost 4 months now, and that is the longest I have stayed with a name. It also just feels right to me, and I don't really know how to explain that. This tug of war with my identity, and emotions has gone on for almost the entire year. My relationship with my self has gotten a bit better, but I still hit a bump in the road every now and then. Here recently I actually bought myself a really cute summer dress, and I have worn it in the privacy of my room. It makes me feel very differently about myself, and I would almost say I feel cute while wearing it. I am sorry that this is very long, but I needed to get this off my chest. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.