IC complicates dating.

[CrossfireDiaperHurricane]

Yes and no. I experience total IC and I've always been. For longtime IC people, most of us accept it. For myself that's the way I live. I've never had anything different.
Over time I had to accept it. So I lived my life knowing that wearing a diaper was normal. But yes, IC complicates everything. Including for dating.

I have a loving and understanding family. I have a group of close friends. And after finishing college I started my teaching career when I was 24. I love teaching and I love my students. But I think there was something missing. In fact I've never had a serious girlfriend. Obviously having to wear a diaper complicates everything. Including dating.

How do IC people start a relationship? I have a few women friends. But I never get close to them. I know I'm a bit paranoid and anxious. I'd just like to know how men get through this. How do you deal with all the complications with IC?

 

[cantwait]

Yes and no. I experience total IC and I've always been. For longtime IC people, most of us accept it. For myself that's the way I live. I've never had anything different.
Over time I had to accept it. So I lived my life knowing that wearing a diaper was normal. But yes, IC complicates everything. Including for dating.

I have a loving and understanding family. I have a group of close friends. And after finishing college I started my teaching career when I was 24. I love teaching and I love my students. But I think there was something missing. In fact I've never had a serious girlfriend. Obviously having to wear a diaper complicates everything. Including dating.

How do IC people start a relationship? I have a few women friends. But I never get close to them. I know I'm a bit paranoid and anxious. I'd just like to know how men get through this. How do you deal with all the complications with IC?

I’m not sure, I’m still trying to figure it out…😂

 

[luminescent81]

My boyfriend has diarrhea urge incontinence due to really severe and irreversible GI issues. He hasn’t to my knowledge and that I’m aware of ever worn a diaper while on a date or spending time with me. But he’s had many bowel related close calls, and we’ve absolutely cut plans short. We plan our dates around toilet access, and try to avoid places with foods that could make him ill.

I had a male friend once who admitted to me that he had urine incontinence, but not much more then that. I resssured him I didn’t judge and to let me know if he ever needed anything from me, I’d provide whatever it was no questions asked. We never discussed it past that.

Have you tried broaching them subject at all with your female friends?

 

[slimjiminy]

I have an aunt that should probably wear a pull-up sometimes. She frequently "needs to use the bathroom" wherever I take her. I've even bought her some a year ago and she placed them in her closet. But I think her Alzheimers friend probably shot them down as a "diaper" and she has not wore them. If the problem becomes more severe, I'll have to approach this conversation again.

 

[newt]

How do IC people start a relationship? I have a few women friends. But I never get close to them. I know I'm a bit paranoid and anxious. I'd just like to know how men get through this. How do you deal with all the complications with IC?

To be honest, you seem to have already done the hardest part, which is accepting yourself and the condition. And you have a supportive family and friend group. To be honest, getting to that point is harder than dating. But that doesn't make dating with IC any easier.

For reference, I started wearing full-time (only U-IC) when I was 28. I met my fiance when I was 29. We had gone on a few dates before I told her. I was so nervous telling her that when I finally did she laughed. Not because of the condition, but because she had thought I was going to tell her I had something life threatening by how nervous I was. Naturally laughing is the one reaction I feared most, but to her credit she understood right away and explained why she was laughing and then told me she could not care less, she was just glad I wasn't dying or had some other major problem.

My advice is to take the relationship slow as far as the physical goes. Focus on your emotional connection first. Most people will not care about the condition if they can see a real future with you. And just go out on dates. A vast majority of dates will not continue after a first date regardless of your IC. They might not connect with you. You might not connect with them. You will realize that the majority dates/relationships will not continue independent of IC. And that's fine. That's just dating. Only very rarely do you meet the "one" on the first date.

The absolute key is to try to limit the amount of damage IC does to your self-confidence. I'm not saying you need to have the confidence of Ryan Gosling, but you need to ensure you have enough self-confidence that you can open up enough to be yourself. You have a successful career you love. You have a great support group. You have plenty to offer, don't let your condition prevent you from sharing that with someone. And to be honest, I think it takes more courage and self-confidence to date with conditions like these than without. The very act of opening yourself up, not only to the vulnerability of love but also to potential hurt and embarrassment from IC, makes us stronger than the average person.

Besides, by not dating you are guaranteed to destroy any hope of a loving relationship all because you a fear potential rejection or embarrassment. And I truly believe the risk of rejection and embarrassment is absolutely dwarfed by the benefits of love. Once you find love, you will no longer care about whatever rejections or embarrassment that happened along the way. It will all be worth it.