I want to let go.

[puffyfluffyfoxo]

to keep it to the point, i dont want to do any of this anymore.

To explain, I started wearing diapers when i was about 16 to deal with stress and bedwetting, (im 19 now)
I wore and to school when I needed them. Over the years ive become much more dependant on them as somewhat of a self soothing foundation of sorts. Almost to a point where id rather not go without them anywhere.
Ive also seemed to have been picking up more "babyish" comfort objects like wearing a soft tight snapcrotch to bed, and sleeping with the pacifier i have had a heavy urge for. Ive always slept with a stuffed animal but i feel this is getting accessive.
Ive spoken to several phsychologists and therapists and none of them had anything constructive to add besides finding replacement behaviors.

I dont want to do this forever. Im never going to accept this side of myself and i hate it even though it feels like i rely on this to feel safe. I dont know who else to ask or where to go.

 

[blaincorrous]

to keep it to the point, i dont want to do any of this anymore.

To explain, I started wearing diapers when i was about 16 to deal with stress and bedwetting, (im 19 now)
I wore and to school when I needed them. Over the years ive become much more dependant on them as somewhat of a self soothing foundation of sorts. Almost to a point where id rather not go without them anywhere.
Ive also seemed to have been picking up more "babyish" comfort objects like wearing a soft tight snapcrotch to bed, and sleeping with the pacifier i have had a heavy urge for. Ive always slept with a stuffed animal but i feel this is getting accessive.
Ive spoken to several phsychologists and therapists and none of them had anything constructive to add besides finding replacement behaviors.

I dont want to do this forever. Im never going to accept this side of myself and i hate it even though it feels like i rely on this to feel safe. I dont know who else to ask or where to go.

My heart seriously breaks for you. I have felt the same and wanted this to go away.

I’m so sorry, but I don’t have any answer you want to hear right now.

Based on your level of distress, I think you should change your tack on this and talk with your therapist about how you can accept this part of you. It’s the only way you are going to find peace.

Take it from someone who was in your shoes at your age. I would still rather have the chance to be “normal”. That’s the honest truth. But normal didn’t pick me. Diapers did. All I can do is accept this is me. I’ll save the speech about learning to love this side of yourself, because you’re not receptive to that right now. For now focus on acceptance.

It would be irresponsible for anyone, therapist, psychologist, or myself, to tell you this is going away. Any “cure” is going to be far more destructive and distressing than acceptance, and it still won’t work. But since this causes you so much distress, I want you to keep talking. You sound like you’re in crisis, and we’re here for you.

The book you want to read is “You’re Not Broken”. https://a.co/d/apK42vG This book is all about establishing your self-worth above the negative thoughts you have about yourself. If you feel well versed in the basics, jump to chapter 3 and get to the good stuff you need.