keepitonDL
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 110
- Role
-
- Diaper Lover
I have this mental block where if something is hard or if i have to concentrate for a long time, I shut down and when its happening it feels like my brain is on fire.
Technically i'll do whatever it takes to ignore or at least "get rid" of those intense feelings. its the worst its like falling into a pit of despair and not knowing what happened.
Other people can be good at things/have there well established careers and I spent all of my 20's dealing with childhood trauma, going to therapy, eating disorders, I oversexualized myself because I thought it would make me more successful ( as bad as that is to admit) Because I just never knew how. And I didnt think I was capable.
and i dont feel as grown up as other people around me, definitely other women, and pretty much everyone else. Unless if your visibly downbad, but as time goes by my problems are getting more obvious. a 22 or 25 year old and look at me like oh what are you doing with your life, anyone could ask me that.
I cant tell you the answer.
When I get motivated , I get so overwhelmed so easily .. I just cry, shell up, forget , and the cycle of not doing it continues. People say there are resources, and baby steps. But i don't know where to begin, and i get a sore throat just thinking about it. And people are literally convinced i don't care. I feel like an outcast. I guess i'm trying to find the prerogative of this post. Maybe if youve ever felt this way. and what helped you with the immediate shut down or cry fest. Because im starting to believe less and less that I m capable of hard things.
Technically i'll do whatever it takes to ignore or at least "get rid" of those intense feelings. its the worst its like falling into a pit of despair and not knowing what happened.
Other people can be good at things/have there well established careers and I spent all of my 20's dealing with childhood trauma, going to therapy, eating disorders, I oversexualized myself because I thought it would make me more successful ( as bad as that is to admit) Because I just never knew how. And I didnt think I was capable.
and i dont feel as grown up as other people around me, definitely other women, and pretty much everyone else. Unless if your visibly downbad, but as time goes by my problems are getting more obvious. a 22 or 25 year old and look at me like oh what are you doing with your life, anyone could ask me that.
I cant tell you the answer.
When I get motivated , I get so overwhelmed so easily .. I just cry, shell up, forget , and the cycle of not doing it continues. People say there are resources, and baby steps. But i don't know where to begin, and i get a sore throat just thinking about it. And people are literally convinced i don't care. I feel like an outcast. I guess i'm trying to find the prerogative of this post. Maybe if youve ever felt this way. and what helped you with the immediate shut down or cry fest. Because im starting to believe less and less that I m capable of hard things.