I guess this is me

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Tribbles

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  1. Diaper Lover
I'm an indeterminate number of tribbles. I'm also long winded.

My non-ABDL interests are primarily video gaming (action/adventure/roleplaying, some simulation), science, and technology. I'm hoping cool stuff like fusion power, virus-fabricated batteries, and space exploration pan out in my lifetime. But in the mean time I distract myself by being a big damn hero, wizard, pilot etc etc. Secondary interests include making fire, oggling and using knives, and searching for the ultimate ASMR video.

That's probably what most people come for in an introduction thread. But since I've never taken the time to seriously talk about my ABDL side with anybody, I'll launch into a history of me as catharsis.

When I was young I had an issue with messing myself. It wasn't (and never was) on purpose. I would basically hold my bowels so long that I had no choice and would just go whenever. Don't ask me why, this confuses me even to this day. But my earliest memories of diapers were related to this. One time my mother got so frustrated with my messing that she physically brute-strength *forced* me to put on a diaper before going to school. This was not enjoyable and I remember ripping it off after leaving the house.

Some while later I remember I woke up one morning and there was a small bag of adult diapers outside my bedroom. I left them there for days until my parents said something, and then I took them. I was like, 7? 8? years old at that point. Too young to understand self pleasuring (PG-13 rating?). But I remember putting those diapers on, taking them off, touching and feeling and listening to the crinkling for hours. Can still remember the strange... excited calmness? So I was definitely into them at that point. I remember watching diaper commercials (as long as nobody was around to NOTICE me watching them!), and looking at advertisements in the paper, because I wanted them so much.

Until I got my first job I could only make diapers out of towels and bags, or use things that were similar to diapers like sanitary pads or those plastic-backed cotton packing sheets. I'm sure a lot of you know how that sort of thing goes, wanting diapers, but unable to actually get any. Once I DID get my first job, I was able to put in an order for an entire box of Attends, which were my first real diapers as an adult. They were absolutely glorious in their look and feel and sounds and eh...functionality compared to makeshift attempts. After going wild at first I rationed them carefully to last as long as I could stand it.

Nowadays I'm poor so I can't afford to buy diapers that I like but don't actually need. Plus I'm almost sad in a way because I see how happy people are with the AB-side of things but I've never really been able to reach that "headspace" as you call it. I kind of hate myself for my interest in diapers being so shallow. I've told a couple of really close (15+ years) friends about my interest and they didn't really care much one way or another, and I've never gotten a relationship that was serious enough to want to tell a partner about it (much less share!). So it's just me alone trying to enjoy this aspect of myself as much as is possible.
 

egor

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  1. Diaper Lover
Hello Tribbles and welcome to the group.

Very nice introduction.

Egor
 

dogboy

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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
(snip)

Nowadays I'm poor so I can't afford to buy diapers that I like but don't actually need. Plus I'm almost sad in a way because I see how happy people are with the AB-side of things but I've never really been able to reach that "headspace" as you call it. I kind of hate myself for my interest in diapers being so shallow. I've told a couple of really close (15+ years) friends about my interest and they didn't really care much one way or another, and I've never gotten a relationship that was serious enough to want to tell a partner about it (much less share!). So it's just me alone trying to enjoy this aspect of myself as much as is possible.

Hi and welcome to the site. You're not alone having these kind of conflicted feelings. I suspect that most of us started out that way. Eventually, things begin to settle into place. You'll make more money in a few years and you should feel less guilty about enjoying diapers. For a better understanding, go to Wikipedia and look up Infantalism and read the part explaining Love Mapping. I think that's as good and explanation as any as to why some people become attracted to diapers and other baby objects.
 
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