I finally told my wife!!!

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PaddedInEastvale

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I have posted a few times on here asking for pointers on whether or not I should tell my wife of my DL side and how to do it. I played out every possible scenario in my head for all of those 11 years ranging from her being into it and wanting to wear a diaper too to her freaking out, leaving me and taking the kids with her. Well, after 11 years of marriage, I finally got the courage to tell her. I'm happy to report that it went fairly well. While she wasn't into the diaper fetish herself, she is okay with me wearing as long as she doesn't see me do it. I am still working out what the at exactly means, but I will give her time to process it before I ask for details. I literally just told her a couple hours ago and this is the first place I came to after I answered the questions she had. It just feels like w big burden is lifted off my shoulders now that my wife knows.
 

Gardener

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Congratulations! Glad it went well. Keep us posted on further developments as the two of you process this together.
 

Scaramouche

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Yes! Congratulations! I hope things continue to go well between you two.
 
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Maxx

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What it probably means is.... not a lot. Kids are at least as snoopy as wives, if not more so. You've still got to be careful.

Happy for you that it wasn't a meltdown. Don't need to see that on the evening news.
 

JohnApple

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Congratulations! That's great to hear. My girlfriend a couple years ago had the same reaction pretty much. It's great that she accepts that part of you!
 

PaddedInEastvale

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Well I spoke a little too soon. I guess she was just in shock last night after I broke the news because I got a text today while I work saying that now that she has had time to think and process it a little, she feels hurt, betrayed, sad, angry, etc. damn, I knew it was too good to be true. Now I'm scared to go home because I don't know what I'm going to come home to.
 

Trevor

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Well I spoke a little too soon. I guess she was just in shock last night after I broke the news because I got a text today while I work saying that now that she has had time to think and process it a little, she feels hurt, betrayed, sad, angry, etc. damn, I knew it was too good to be true. Now I'm scared to go home because I don't know what I'm going to come home to.

That seems like a really natural reaction. You've hidden something (for whatever reason) that she thinks she had a right to know. I think you have to let her process it but when she's ready to talk, remind her that it wasn't about your lack of faith in her but your problems with yourself and how this has made you feel from a young age. I think you should have shared it but I can absolutely understand why you couldn't. That's the part you need to really communicate to help things get better.
 

foxkits

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Your were afraid to tell her and it would be bad that's why you did not tell.
She went on line searching and found the negative stuff.
So go home and talk it out .
Be nice kind let her get it out.
Later when she ok to talk about it get the postive links you can find give that to her some form bittergray why kids like diapers.
So she can understand most of all it's has nothing to do with kids.
There are some very happy couple's out there both men and woman not all dl's are men.
It calm's you. When your stressed . Your still the same man .
Your going to let her vent at you she need's to get it out.
Just dont get mad take it in .
Two fighting wont help things.
11 years is a long time .
She feel's blindsided . Just be her best friend ok let it blow over ok.
It may take a while just be the best you can be.
 

PaddedInEastvale

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She basically told me to stop or get help. I must have some seriously deep rooted issues that I have blocked out if I have desires to wear diapers. She also said that Satan has a hold on me and I need to repent to God and ask Him to remove the deisires. She made me trash all of my diapers (after I happily told her where I was keeping them yesterday). :-(

Wow...this went from 100% awesome yesterday to making me want to jump off a bridge today. I feel ashamed and sad and although she promises this revelation won't change her love for me, I'm afraid that just won't be the case. I feel she will see me as a different person and will always wonder if I am having the desire to wear at any given time. Damn...
 

toyboy

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I hope things work out for the best. Showing my wife this site helped a lot. You can probably excited her to seasor with her amotions for a while just try to be understanding .
Good luck mate I now how scary it is
 
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Maxx

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She basically told me to stop or get help. I must have some seriously deep rooted issues that I have blocked out if I have desires to wear diapers. She also said that Satan has a hold on me and I need to repent to God and ask Him to remove the deisires. She made me trash all of my diapers (after I happily told her where I was keeping them yesterday). :-(

Wow...this went from 100% awesome yesterday to making me want to jump off a bridge today. I feel ashamed and sad and although she promises this revelation won't change her love for me, I'm afraid that just won't be the case. I feel she will see me as a different person and will always wonder if I am having the desire to wear at any given time. Damn...

Well, this actually sounds like a more normal, but still semi-rational response. Remember how wierd this looks to the uninitiated. I still like your chances for coming through this without TOO much fallout. Remember, women are emotional creatures. I've been through much worse over mowing the lawn or fixing gutters.

Diapers are on hold for the time being certainly. As she researches further and processes her thoughts on it, who knows? Maybe she'll even show up here as part of that process...
 
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Marka

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[...] I feel she will see me as a different person and will always wonder if I am having the desire to wear at any given time. Damn...

Over simplified perhaps but, don't be a different person... You haven't changed anything... you simply shared more information...

If you get too confounded by this, that will have changed you... and she will likely respond accordingly...

Make certain, that in your own fear, guilt, shame and, regret... that you extend the compassion and understanding for her side of it... If you allow the fear and such to be more powerful than your love, compassion and, commitment; that will become the basis of the relationship... and then, the end could more probably be considered...

Your part at this time, is understandably difficult... you have to be strong yet, light-handed... for both of you now...

Resist the compulsion to be rash... if you truly trust your wife, show her that too... I assume that you trusted her enough to think it was time to reveal your hidden interests... if that be the case, follow through and, continue trusting her... Unless of course, she should begin to genuinely abuse you...

My best,
-Marka
 

PaddedInEastvale

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Thanks guys. I'm hoping it all turns out okay, but I'm in the thick of it now so I'm feeling overwhelmed and depressed. I just have to move forward and hope for the best.
 

Trevor

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She basically told me to stop or get help. I must have some seriously deep rooted issues that I have blocked out if I have desires to wear diapers. She also said that Satan has a hold on me and I need to repent to God and ask Him to remove the deisires. She made me trash all of my diapers (after I happily told her where I was keeping them yesterday). :-(

Wow...this went from 100% awesome yesterday to making me want to jump off a bridge today. I feel ashamed and sad and although she promises this revelation won't change her love for me, I'm afraid that just won't be the case. I feel she will see me as a different person and will always wonder if I am having the desire to wear at any given time. Damn...

I think we know pretty well by now that this isn't how it works. If Satan is going around giving people a love for diapers, God isn't doing much to alleviate it. I prefer to think that if God exists, he's above concern for our underwear preference or urges but might care about how we express them or how they might make us feel less than human. This is probably not the time for such a discussion with your wife but perhaps when she's had more time to live with it she can start to see how you're still the same man she's loved and lived with all this time.
 

Gardener

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That's really too bad. But Fairly common I would guess.m the comment about Satan struck me. Is this a common belief of hers--that whatever is "bad" in her eyes is the work of the devil? What role does religion/faith play in your marriage? I think your answer to those questions may have a lot to do with the delayed reaction and how this will play out. It also impacts how you need/might be able to help her come to terms with this new information. I imagine you know this hasn't just suddenly appeared out of the blue. I don't remember if you've given us much of your history of DL activities or not, but for most of us it goes back to our very earliest days. If it doesn't get better with your wife, I would normally suggest couples therapy, but unless you found someone who understands about this psychological "quirk" of nature, you'd probably just get beat up. Keep us posted.
 

PaddedInEastvale

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We talked some more and while she still is not on board with it, she is starting to calm down a little. She just can't understand why a grown man wants to wear a diaper that he doesn't need. She asks me why I do it and my only answer to her is that I like the way it feels and it's comforting, but she doesn't like that answer. I can't give her any better explanation than that so she feels like if I don't understand what causes my diaper desires, then how can expect her to understand it. I can understand her reasoning, but like many of us here, we don't know why. It's a god thing I'm only a diaper lover because the adult baby thing would have thrown her into a fit of rage.

She told me that she just needs time to process all of it but assured me that she is not going to leave me over it. She does want me to stop, but then she also wants me to be happy. I told her that I have tried to stop before, but it hasn't worked. Although it's the first time I'm hearing from her mouth so it has a lot more meaning to me. If she truly wants me to stop, I will do my best. I told her I can't guarantee that I won't still think about it or have the desires, but I will try. Then she is afraid that if she makes me stop, I won't be happy, start resenting her and then leave her. I assured her that I wouldn't leave her over the diapers either. If it's basically a choice between diapers or her, I would be an idiot to choose and inanimate object over my wife who returns the love for me.

She sat in my arms and we just hugged-cuddles for a while. So while she definitely still doesn't know what to make of all of this yet, she seems to at least got a cooler head now. We will see what the next few days bring. I will keep you posted.

Oh, to the guy who asked if everything bad is from the Devil, we know that not everything bad is from the devil, but she is assured that it's him laying with my mind and normalcy. I didn't get too much into that with her as that's another conversation, but I think she knows that wearing a diaper is no more of the devil that somebody wearing a g string or thong.
 
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We talked some more and while she still is not on board with it, she is starting to calm down a little. She just can't understand why a grown man wants to wear a diaper that he doesn't need. She asks me why I do it and my only answer to her is that I like the way it feels and it's comforting, but she doesn't like that answer. I can't give her any better explanation than that so she feels like if I don't understand what causes my diaper desires, then how can expect her to understand it. I can understand her reasoning, but like many of us here, we don't know why. It's a god thing I'm only a diaper lover because the adult baby thing would have thrown her into a fit of rage.

She told me that she just needs time to process all of it but assured me that she is not going to leave me over it. She does want me to stop, but then she also wants me to be happy. I told her that I have tried to stop before, but it hasn't worked. Although it's the first time I'm hearing from her mouth so it has a lot more meaning to me. If she truly wants me to stop, I will do my best. I told her I can't guarantee that I won't still think about it or have the desires, but I will try. Then she is afraid that if she makes me stop, I won't be happy, start resenting her and then leave her. I assured her that I wouldn't leave her over the diapers either. If it's basically a choice between diapers or her, I would be an idiot to choose and inanimate object over my wife who returns the love for me.

She sat in my arms and we just hugged-cuddles for a while. So while she definitely still doesn't know what to make of all of this yet, she seems to at least got a cooler head now. We will see what the next few days bring. I will keep you posted.

Oh, to the guy who asked if everything bad is from the Devil, we know that not everything bad is from the devil, but she is assured that it's him laying with my mind and normalcy. I didn't get too much into that with her as that's another conversation, but I think she knows that wearing a diaper is no more of the devil that somebody wearing a g string or thong.

I think you need to go slowly with her, it sounds like a lot has happened in a short time. There are some things that you could compare it to that might help. For example, ask her if she can explain why she likes her favorite food or her favorite movie. Or for that matter, what types of fabric and designs she finds comfortable or uncomfortable. That might give her a better sense of what you're trying to put words to, or even help you put words to it yourself.

As people have been saying, you're not a different person than you were yesterday, you've just let her in on a new part of her. She has a right to feel hurt since she thought that she knew all of you and now it turns out there was a hidden part. That can heal with time and understanding about your own fears and difficulties that prevented you from telling her right away.

Also, make sure you know yourself in this. Don't make promises that you can't keep and don't deceive her in order to make things get better now. That will lead to worse problems down the road.
 

dogboy

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Sorry for the bad result. I might compare it to someone who compulsively buys things that they don't need, or a person who hoards things. It's a compulsion that's based on something that happened to you when you were very young, age 2 - 6, a time when we make associations.

One thing I advise people when they want to tell someone is to have some idea why you enjoy wearing diapers. I know we discuss that until we turn blue in the face, but there are reasons and they typically are personal and somewhat unique to each individual. In my case, I was adopted at the age of 2, a time when potty training would be taking place.

You should look up love mapping on Wikipedia, and Infantalism. They have very good articles which give insight into why we are attracted to wearing and using diapers.

I have found that time heals most wounds and I believe time is on your side. This will have less impact on your wife a month from now. I got discovered by my parents and it was a very traumatic event. Many years later my diaper order was discovered by my wife and I had a lot of explaining to do. I did my homework, joining this site, asking for advise and also researching infantalism. My wife was very accepting. I hope you wife will begin to understand better, but I think you will have to gently lead her there. Good luck.
 
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