I feel like I can't catch a break. (Warning: Rant!)

[KittyninjaW]

I got under control for the most part but it's just I can't control myself when I get in these autistic feedback loops, like I was in one today and it is embarrassing when i got out of one and my grandmother knows when they start but she can't stop it. She even said when they start at a restaurant when I want to leave but can't at a specific time, and I get upset at her for saying that. I just want to stop these but it's hard when I start because i feel like I can't do it! Is there anything I can do to stop these feedback loops every single time! Because I just want to be good and not do these but it's hard.

 

[Kittyinpink]

I got under control for the most part but it's just I can't control myself when I get in these autistic feedback loops, like I was in one today and it is embarrassing when i got out of one and my grandmother knows when they start but she can't stop it. She even said when they start at a restaurant when I want to leave but can't at a specific time, and I get upset at her for saying that. I just want to stop these but it's hard when I start because i feel like I can't do it! Is there anything I can do to stop these feedback loops every single time! Because I just want to be good and not do these but it's hard.

Ooohh...
Sorry 😞..
Your emotions.
Tired now..
Your emotions are tired..
Like exercising.. 😶
Maybe you can relax..
Your tired now I think 🤔?

 

[littleph0enix]

I got under control for the most part

first of all what helped you to get under control?

I can't control myself when I get in these autistic feedback loops

what is it kind of like? is it very one sided from your own point of view? is it like always trying to have the last say in the argument? and does it happen out of no where or is it just a build up of things that gets to a point you just cant hold back anymore?

grandmother knows when they start but she can't stop it.

If she knows when you are getting over heated in an argument can she not just drop it/ walk away for a bit as it were to let you calm down? or do you end up subconsciously forcing her in to the argument in a way she cant walk away from?

She even said when they start at a restaurant when I want to leave but can't at a specific time, and I get upset at her for saying that.

I dont want to sound bad since I know its a age thing I have seen a lot from other people but if she knows it is going to set you off maybe she should not say it at all? or if it is needed to have that talk pick a better time/ place to do so? like as I say I cant say this is 100% her fault since its hard to not do this when you are used to talking this way to people for so long.
But in a restaurant is not really the place to get in to such things if you both know where its going to end up so I can understand you getting upset about this honestly. but even if she starts it that does not mean you need to get triggered right away though if this happens to often it just means you need to be the one to start this talk in a controlled space where you can stop and re start.

I just want to stop these but it's hard when I start because i feel like I can't do it! Is there anything I can do to stop these feedback loops every single time! Because I just want to be good and not do these but it's hard.

arguments with family are very hard to deal with honestly, like you have points (well hopefully or it would just seem really bad of you) and so does your family (and hopefully your family's point stand true as well) if you feel like the arguments is getting out of hand the only 2 things I can think is:

1) find a way to distract your self when you feels like you are losing control (so this could be many thing like something to fiddle with or some other kind of task to move your mind of to other things so you dont get to stressed as you talk)

2) find a way for you to stop talking at all and walk away, you can always start again once you have calmed down/ de stressed. I used to be told this a lot in school since just walking away for a bit had given me time to think and calm down to a point where I could finish off the argument on good terms and then go back to the day at hand.

 

[chiaochai]

forgive me if i am misunderstanding the situation, but it sounds like the argument is you want to leave and she doesnt sometimes. the way i see it whoever drove the both of you there gets to pick. or if you both drove yourselves you could just leave while she stays there.

i am autistic as well and it really sucks that people never want to pick a time to hang out and then show up at that time, but over the years i have been forced to become more flexible about it. sometimes you just have to consider the other person and pick your battles

 

[KittyninjaW]

first of all what helped you to get under control?

I breave in and out and hug myself, but I can't do that all the time.

what is it kind of like? is it very one sided from your own point of view? is it like always trying to have the last say in the argument? and does it happen out of no where or is it just a build up of things that gets to a point you just cant hold back anymore?

I am thinking the latter, but it seems like the former.

If she knows when you are getting over heated in an argument can she not just drop it/ walk away for a bit as it were to let you calm down? or do you end up subconsciously forcing her in to the argument in a way she cant walk away from?

The latter one. I think about walking away but it always happens after the thing. I want to end it quickly when it starts.

I dont want to sound bad since I know its a age thing I have seen a lot from other people but if she knows it is going to set you off maybe she should not say it at all? or if it is needed to have that talk pick a better time/ place to do so? like as I say I cant say this is 100% her fault since its hard to not do this when you are used to talking this way to people for so long.
But in a restaurant is not really the place to get in to such things if you both know where its going to end up so I can understand you getting upset about this honestly. but even if she starts it that does not mean you need to get triggered right away though if this happens to often it just means you need to be the one to start this talk in a controlled space where you can stop and re start.

It's Something to think about

arguments with family are very hard to deal with honestly, like you have points (well hopefully or it would just seem really bad of you) and so does your family (and hopefully your family's point stand true as well) if you feel like the arguments is getting out of hand the only 2 things I can think is:

1) find a way to distract your self when you feels like you are losing control (so this could be many thing like something to fiddle with or some other kind of task to move your mind of to other things so you dont get to stressed as you talk)

2) find a way for you to stop talking at all and walk away, you can always start again once you have calmed down/ de stressed. I used to be told this a lot in school since just walking away for a bit had given me time to think and calm down to a point where I could finish off the argument on good terms and then go back to the day at hand.

I want to but it's hard.

 

[littleph0enix]

so for the most part it sounds like the 2 main things that need to be fixed/ dumbed down are:

1) it would help you hugely to start the argument on your own terms in a space you feel safe, like I know its not great to have a argument but that is all apart of good communication and is 100% needed to keep everyone's relationships in check. The difference is having a calm and control argument is healthy in that we can fix what we know but we cant fix what we done talk about.

2) it is going to be a hard for you but you really need to find other ways to calm your self down what you get to heated, breathing in and out/ hugging your self is fine but you need more ways that you know work. as I say there is a lots of ways to do it but everyone is different so for now all I can say is what ever does not take much for you to do but makes you happy try to find a way to bring that in to your arguments to slow things down.

if you can learning to walk away even if its only for 5 mins can really save you from going over the top but this is all I can say really with out knowing more about you as a person.