I feel deeply ashamed for having an ABDL fetish

[rosethorn52]

I love wearing diapers, I love being little, and I have a caregiver, but I can not get over the persistent embarrassment and shame that comes with the territory of this kink.

I’ve known I was interested in this fetish since I hit puberty, I was accidentally discovered by my parents while wearing a diaper, and I repressed that part of me as deeply as I could due to shame.

I’ve told a couple of therapists about the event that spiraled me into these shameful feelings, but the feelings don’t seem to go away, I struggle to properly process and move forward from those emotions.

I am lucky, I have a partner that accepts me for who I am, and has the same kinks/open mindedness. But I struggle to enjoy that part of myself shame free, it isn’t fair to withhold parts of myself for her or me.

Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with these feelings? This isn’t something I want to change, it will always be tangibly there within me for the rest of my life, no matter what. I just want to accept this for all it is.

Thank you for reading.

 

[Forced]

I would say, from experience, it gets easier over time.
Being a mainly DL I still have twinges of shame straight after my OH has helped me #3.
“Why do I have these desires?”
“I’d be better of ‘normal’ for the sake of my GF”
“She must think I’m I weirdo”

But as soon as I’m back in a fresh/clean nappy and my err battery is recharged I think to myself, it’s who I am, I can’t change that and life is way too short to live it unhappy.

It’s something that I’ve only shared with long term partners who each had their own unusual ‘interests’ so that did/has helped along the way too.

 

[Hemix]

It sounds like thou'rt already starting to accept it, so it might be a matter of time since thou acceptest it completely.

Dost thou feel weak or stupid when thou dost thy normal activities related to that kink?

Maybe thou hast to start gaining courage with small actions. Thou canst also do something thou considerest to be very embarrassing and keep that situation for a while, so thou won't give a damn about the other things thou dost.

Or... thou canst combine those things with intelectual and exciting activities, a "new kind of point of view".

Good luck 🤞🥰

 

[TabaCrate]

Read the book "You're not broken" from Dr Rhoda-Lipscomb. It will explain you how to control your shame!
It's abook dedicated to ABDL!

 

[odd1inSyde]

I think it's an individual journey. I know ABDLs across the age bracket, from 20s to 60s - some have accepted themselves and are proud of who they are, others still struggle. Myself, I struggle with the shame and embarrassment you describe. I think the first thing you should do is find a kink-positive therapist. I'm not sure where you live, but I know a few people in the Tri-State Area who do zoom sessions if you need recommendations.

 

[Outdoorlife]

One of the greatest things I have learned here is your are not alone. And there are quite a few ABDLs across the world. While I share sentiments of shame, there are some intelligent and kind folks here to help problem solve.

If so many adults all ended up enjoying or needing diapers independently, it is not a strange singular occurrence. However, it is still something most people in the “normal” world will not understand nor should we expect them to, even if it would be nice.

Some folks have recommended a book on here. I forgot what it is but am thinking I will need to find out.

 

[odd1inSyde]

Probably "You Are Not Broken" by Dr. Rhonda Lipscomb.

 

[BobbiSueEllen]

Well...first off, it sounds like your parents reacted harshly if your AB/DL got repressed as deeply as you indicate. If so, that was a tragically poor response on their part. I can understand initial shock and all on their part but to reply back with a wrecking ball was wrong. There's the first, deepest part of the damage.

Secondly, it's nobody else's business but yours and those whom you tell/show. Even when it comes to family. It's none of their business because, on the whole, reaction will be rather negative. You would get one, maybe two in your overall family who'd accept it in you and love you anyway...the rest will love you from a distance. That's my experience, anyway.

Third, you're hurting nobody else...right? No children know of or are involved in this? This AB/DL is yours and yours alone, nobody else's. Best you can do is talk about it if someone who knows brings it up...and don't bring it up yourself. People have many layers and many of those layers are very private, regardless what any given layer represents. And don't let others draw you out too much; some things, even if merely aspects of things, aren't meant to be known by others...unless you trust that other person explicitly, like you would an extremely-close friend or a life-mate. And I hate to say, parents & siblings don't fit that spot.

Fourth, this is part of your life, no matter if you see it as a blessing, thorn, whathaveyous. You'll learn how to cope with it positively, separate it from your public life...it may fizzle, it may stagnate. It may grow. You will accept it in whatever level it develops, maybe even come to embrace it and jump right on in...with discretion, of course. Only time will tell for you. It's a long life and it's all yours; only you can live it and live to tell it in your unique way.

Fifth: you found the best place to discover and explore this all: ADISC. Welcome aboard! You'll make friends, get support, get answers to questions...whatever you need to navigate this all.

Sixth: there's nothing "wrong" with you. At all. It'll be okay, you'll be okay. Trust me, trust anyone here who tells you this. You're in excellent hands here.

Seventh...keep talking! Your situation is why you're here. And why we're here. Don't give up trying to learn and understand this in you...it's yours and you deserve to learn and know about it. Just keep talking, ask questions! We learn from one another here...you will, too.

Again, welcome aboard! 🥳 Always... --Bobbi Sue Ellen, adult baby girl, 41 years in this.

 

[Belarin]

This is something that nearly all of us either have experienced or still are, The shame and guilt over what you desire can be very overwhelming but it does get better with time.

You say you've been into this since puberty, may I ask how old you are? I only ask as if you are say only 20 that's not been very long and it can take quite a long time for some to become comfortable with their desires.

For me I was 7-8 when I first became interested in nappies and soiling myself, I was 13 when I discovered ABDL stuff online and even then with people to talk to, articles to read and lot's of experimenting it wasn't until maybe 26-29 that I really began to accept it and it stopped feeling bad about it that's 20 odd years from discovery to complete acceptance. and I'm fairly good at accepting quirkiness in myself and others.

Take your time, find a comfortable space to explore what it is you feel, what you like, what you don't and learn what it really is to you and who you are.

Read the book "You're not broken" from Dr Rhoda-Lipscomb. It will explain you how to control your shame!
It's abook dedicated to ABDL!

I will second this, not read the book myself but have seen many stories of people finding solace and helpful advice in it's pages.

I think it's an individual journey. I know ABDLs across the age bracket, from 20s to 60s - some have accepted themselves and are proud of who they are, others still struggle. Myself, I struggle with the shame and embarrassment you describe. I think the first thing you should do is find a kink-positive therapist. I'm not sure where you live, but I know a few people in the Tri-State Area who do zoom sessions if you need recommendations.

Kink positive therapist are always good if you can find them and there are even some who know full well about ABDL, I was talking to a friend recently who has spoken to a therapist that they say specialises in ABDL. They will be more likely to support you through your feelings rather than try to "correct" them.

One of the greatest things I have learned here is your are not alone. And there are quite a few ABDLs across the world. While I share sentiments of shame, there are some intelligent and kind folks here to help problem solve.

If so many adults all ended up enjoying or needing diapers independently, it is not a strange singular occurrence. However, it is still something most people in the “normal” world will not understand nor should we expect them to, even if it would be nice.

Some folks have recommended a book on here. I forgot what it is but am thinking I will need to find out.

This is also a great point, simly knowing there are others out there who feel the same that you can talk to and seek advice from is a big help.
Just take this site alone, the member count is nearly at 49,000, sure some of those may be duplicate accounts of members that forgot they had one already or lost a password, also most of them are inactive but even so that's over 40,000 people who at some point have signed up here due to a shared interest in nappies and we are just one community among hundreds online.

With that many people sharing this interest and so many more still too afraid to admit it even to themselves or simply unaware that ABDL exists that shows it is not such an obscure concept and there must be something to it.


At the end of the day keep talking whether it's here or another community, to a therapist, your caregiver, a trusted friend. Ask the questions you need to ask and share your thoughts, feelings and fears openly, simply putting them out in the world makes them feel more substantial, easier to understand and accept.

 

[SherriLil]

I have a somewhat similar backstory @rosethorn52. My AB, or least DL side developed earlier in life - so far back that I can barely remember it, I was probably 4 or 5 - but by the time I was in my 'tween years, I was making diapers and wearing them whenever I could. When I was 13, my step-dad found my diaper stash under a dresser, and proceeded to yell at me in front of my family while waving one of them around, which traumatized me pretty deeply... I didn't look at or wear a diaper for more than 20 years after that.

I've been 24/7 for about 3.5 years now, but I was dabbling in diapers again for a few years before making the leap, and I went through a lot of what you're describing, feeling ashamed and treating anything related to "this" as radioactive material that had to be deeply hidden. The road to feeling okay about yourself is a long one, but if you can walk it, your life will indescribably better. For me, it was about realizing and accepting that, first of all, this is a part of me that formed way before I had any choice in it, and that it's always going to be part of me. Second, I came to understand that "this" isn't harming anyone, including myself. Third, I eventually grasped that as a happier person, I'm also a better husband, a better dad, a better friend, and better at my job. I treat wearing diapers as a sort of side-effect free antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication (aside from maybe diaper rash and occasional dings to my credit cards). Were it the case that I had been prescribed such medication by a doctor, should I then feel badly about needing it? No.

 

[IcyBlue]

I read this post and it made me understand a lot more about my interests and comfort I crave.

Accepting Yourself - And Your Liking Of Diapers

Accepting yourself as who you are is difficult. Everybody across the globe has insecurities, secrets and some trouble believing that the "real" them will ever be fully accepted by their friends, family, peers and significant others. Everybody has secrets they feel will alter the way others think...

www.adisc.org

 

[googlyeyes467]

For me I only started really accepting it when I decided to take pride in it instead. This wasn't easy so let me explain. My fear, and what was preventing me from accepting it, was that I was just a useless weirdo who just wanted to be a baby and do nothing with my life. I feared that I truly was a loser who would have no friends, no lover, no goals because I was just a useless baby man.

Even though it took a lot of therapy, reading, and discussion with other ABDLs, (I even talked to Dr. Libscomb), I now see it totally differently. I look in the mirror with a diaper on and say "wanting to wear diapers and play with baby stuff is not all I am.". I am an ABDL, a little at times, it's part of my identity, but I'm also a scientist, a runner, a good friend, a husband, a writer, a coffee lover, a cook etc. etc. I can be ABDL and be a successful, interesting person. Not only that but ABDL makes me more interesting because it's outside the norm of what people expect.

Be proud of yourself. Yes, ABDL is different from the norm, but also there is nothing wrong with it. You're not a freak for liking it because you have so much more to you than you realize. You can be an ABDL and amazing person who lives a wonderful fantastic life.

Reach out to other ABDLs and make friends. Let it enrich your life instead of holding you back.

I realize all of this is hard so take baby steps (pun intended). As a community we believe in you.

 

[OldTerry]

I too have awful feelings of shamefulness and disgust with myself at times and then I purge

 

[Belarin]

For me I only started really accepting it when I decided to take pride in it instead. This wasn't easy so let me explain. My fear, and what was preventing me from accepting it, was that I was just a useless weirdo who just wanted to be a baby and do nothing with my life. I feared that I truly was a loser who would have no friends, no lover, no goals because I was just a useless baby man.

Even though it took a lot of therapy, reading, and discussion with other ABDLs, (I even talked to Dr. Libscomb), I now see it totally differently. I look in the mirror with a diaper on and say "wanting to wear diapers and play with baby stuff is not all I am.". I am an ABDL, a little at times, it's part of my identity, but I'm also a scientist, a runner, a good friend, a husband, a writer, a coffee lover, a cook etc. etc. I can be ABDL and be a successful, interesting person. Not only that but ABDL makes me more interesting because it's outside the norm of what people expect.

Be proud of yourself. Yes, ABDL is different from the norm, but also there is nothing wrong with it. You're not a freak for liking it because you have so much more to you than you realize. You can be an ABDL and amazing person who lives a wonderful fantastic life.

Reach out to other ABDLs and make friends. Let it enrich your life instead of holding you back.

I realize all of this is hard so take baby steps (pun intended). As a community we believe in you.

Exactly this, well said.

ABDL is just one small facet of who you are, sure it's a little weird but for some people not loving football is abnormal or being a guy that enjoys knitting & crochet. In the minds of some people Anime is only for kids and adults that enjoy it are freaks or mentally degenerate.

The point is everyone has, does or likes something that many others would find weird, it's what makes life so interesting because we are all different but you are not your favourite food, you are not the job you do, you are not the clothes you wear, there is more to you than your hobbies, the music you listen to and your political affiliation or choice of religeon.

If the desire to wear diapers or dress and act like a young child is part of you that's great but it's still only a part of the whole person that is you.

 

[Subtlerustle]

@rosethorn52 there is so much good advice here. I will add two podcasts that helped me immensely. Love in Brief and Dream a Little. Whatever route you take do not give up the pursuit of self acceptance. The journey there may be bumpy but the destination so worth it. Your life is going to be indescribably better when you arrive.

 

[googlyeyes467]

@rosethorn52 there is so much good advice here. I will add two podcasts that helped me immensely. Love in Brief and Dream a Little. Whatever route you take do not give up the pursuit of self acceptance. The journey there may be bumpy but the destination so worth it. Your life is going to be indescribably better when you arrive.

Agreed. Love In Brief in particular really normalizes the experience.

 

[Newbaby110521]

I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I feel ashamed or embarrassed about my ABDL side but it’s part of me and has brought me great joy. Look what we feel isn’t normal but it is natural and in a way this is far better for us. After all we are not putting mind altering substances into our bodies (drugs, alcohol) we are not packing our lungs with that (smoking) and compared to some other kinks and fetishes like bestality and necrophilia what we are into is pretty vanilla and this part of us does not hurt anyone. In the grand scheme of things being ABDL is nothing to be ashamed of.