I became a bedwetter

[Llayden]

You guys should start a different thread. Then you share to your hearts content how you feel that people that don't fit your exact mold are wrong, rude, insensitive, or hurtful. You could explain in even greater detail how your own very personal experiences and views are the only legitimate ones and anyone else should just go away and has no right to post. Anything else is illegitimate, right? For someone that claims to have such personal and intimate experience of dealing with the spectrum of humanity, your definitions of who can and should post here is VERY black and white.

Or maybe, just get some thicker skin? You could try that.

 

[ltaluv]

You guys should start a different thread. Then you share to your hearts content how you feel that people that don't fit your exact mold are wrong, rude, insensitive, or hurtful. You could explain in even greater detail how your own very personal experiences and views are the only legitimate ones and anyone else should just go away and has no right to post. Anything else is illegitimate, right? For someone that claims to have such personal and intimate experience of dealing with the spectrum of humanity, your definitions of who can and should post here is VERY black and white.

Or maybe, just get some thicker skin? You could try that.

Wow, quite the strawman you've got there. I have not called anybody wrong or rude, nor have I called anything illegitimate. I certainly have not said anything about who can and cannot post here.

What I have asked is that a few people respect the started rules of the forum by respecting those of us who are fighting with incontinence. I have compared it to going to support forums for other medical problems and bragging about how you've managed to give yourself their problem. Would you go to an AA meeting and ask for advice on becoming a drunk? I hope not, because I suspect that you can see how those there might find it disrespectful.

You seem to have a problem with me for asking that, which is fine. However, I would politely request that you be angry with me for things I have actually done, instead of all these things that I haven't done. It makes it easier that way - I have plenty of trouble keeping track of the real ways I've offended people, without having to recall all the imaginary ways I've offended them, too.

Is it thin-skinned to ask people to abide by the forum rules? I don't find it so, any more than it would be disrespectful for your neighbor to ask you not to speed on your street because you might run over their cat. Perhaps you're the sort that would retaliate by chasing their grade-school children with your new snowblower while singing, "Oh, Susanna" and complaining that they're too thin-skinned - I wouldn't know, since I scarcely know you. I might suggest that you take a deep breath and reflect that forums work best when we all follow the rules, but I would worry that you might think that I was calling your experiences illegitimate or telling you that you weren't allowed to post in one forum or another, so I'll dispense with the suggestion.

(And to be clear, I am not accusing you of assaulting grade-schoolers with power equipment, with or without Stephen Foster tunes involved. It's merely a turn of phrase.)

 

[Slomo]

The heading for this forum says "Continent folk may post, but they must be respectful of the people who are incontinent." I find someone posting about happily making oneself incontinent while most of the people in this particular forum didn't have a choice, and would prefer not to be, disrespectful.

Just because you and the op both wanted to achieve some sort of incontinence, most of us in the incontinent forum do not view achieving incontinence as a success to be celebrated.

Right, and regardless of how some of us got here, the OP and I ARE legitimately incontinent. I understand and respect you didn't want to become incontinent, but please understand and respect some of do.

 

[Slomo]

You're confusing openly embracing something with openly discussing it. Letting people know what it's like to live with schizophrenia does indeed help to reduce stigma. Embracing schizophrenia by wearing a tinfoil hat to keep the aliens from reading your thoughts, or trying to kill your neighbor because you're sure he's plotting against you, does not reduce stigma. Likewise, discussing what it's like to live with incontinence helps to reduce stigma; insisting that we should celebrate when someone manages to find a chemical way to induce incontinence does not.

To further your mental health analogy, imagine if the OP had gone to a schizophrenia support forum and declared that he could simulate a psychotic break by taking a bunch of PCP, and that now he didn't even need to take all that PCP to simulate a psychotic break, would be viewed with horror by the forum members. Yet that's exactly what our OP did here, and you're crowing about what a success it is.

Most incontinent people do not have BIID, and the last time I looked this was the incontinence forum, not the BIID support forum. Somebody who posts about achieving their fantasy of being incontinent is being disrespectful to those of us who deal with it on a day to day basis. They very likely do not have BIID - that is you projecting your diagnosis onto others.

I don't doubt that you have a form of BIID, and I'm not trying to minimize your struggles with it. However, most people do not have that, and posts about wanting to become incontinent are inappropriate and insensitive here, and posts demanding that we celebrate these people are equally inappropriate and insensitive.

I realize that I may seem to you too be argumentative and mean. What you don't seem to realize its how hurtful some of these posts, including many of yours, are to those of us who are truly dealing with incontinence.

I can understand that. It may be on the extreme side for us, but I do believe I have biid for this, as do some others here. I have always seen myself as diaper dependent, and was never once comfortable in my own body without a diaper on AND being dependent on it at the same time. I've never sought an official diagnosis though as I fell I have nothing to prove. Please also note my incontinence is the result of an auto accident, years of dedrigation, and 14 surgeries. No joke on that, and I actually even died once in the process of "acheiving" the level of incontinence I had always wanted. It has been one of those "be careful what you wish for" journeys for me but I do not regret getting here.

Like I mentioned too, having sought it out or no, those like the OP and I ARE legitimately incontinent. We DO deal with it every bit as much as you and everyone else. There is no disrespect in this, it just doesn't bother us in the least, even though we are now stuck with the exact same "struggles" every other incontinent person has.

 

[Slomo]

What I have asked is that a few people respect the started rules of the forum by respecting those of us who are fighting with incontinence

Not all people with incontinene fight it. And those who chose it, still have it no less than those who didn't choose to end up this way. seeing incontinence as a positive or desirable thing isn't disrespect, it's a matter of opinion.

 

[alwayz]

I have noticed that I do pee frequently, nothing new for me. I always go to bed wearing a clean dry diaper. I have noticed that I do pee a small amount before I fall asleep. But now I wake up in the morning with a saturated diaper. At first it happened once in awhile, I always wet my diaper at night but now it is saturated and I don't know that I am wetting. This is now happening almost every night. I wear diapers 24/7, during the day I get the urge to go but moments later I wet my diaper. By the end of my shift, my diaper is very wet, but not yet saturated. When I get home I change into another diaper and may have to change into another before bed.

 

[flipside]

Like I mentioned too, having sought it out or no, those like the OP and I ARE legitimately incontinent. We DO deal with it every bit as much as you and everyone else. There is no disrespect in this, it just doesn't bother us in the least, even though we are now stuck with the exact same "struggles" every other incontinent person has.

You don't get it. The disrespect isn't in the fact that you are incontinent, it's how you want us to view it.

Let's say there's a support group for amputees. Most of the people in that support group didn't want to be amputees. Some of them don't like it, some accept it, and some appreciate parts of it. There's also someone in the support group who always wanted to be an amputee and became one in a car accident. Then one day a new amputee comes into the support group and all they do is tell a story about they deliberately cut off the blood flow to some appendage because they desperately wanted to be an amputee, and the doctors ended up cutting it off. Then the person who always wanted to be one, and became one through no fault of their own, jumps up and says "congratulations! Yay! That's wonderful for you." Then looks around the room at the people who are shaking their heads and says "clap everyone, this is great news, we need things like this."

I don't have a problem with people inducing incontinence or pretending to be incontinent, even if I don't understand it. If this thread had been in any other forum on this site, I wouldn't have even minded your posts demanding we be happy for the OP (which is the post that really bugged me). Be as happy as you want for yourself or for someone else who is also happy about it. Don't expect me to be happy for them (or you) and complain when I'm not.

 

[MarcusP]

You don't get it. The disrespect isn't in the fact that you are incontinent, it's how you want us to view it.

Let's say there's a support group for amputees. Most of the people in that support group didn't want to be amputees. Some of them don't like it, some accept it, and some appreciate parts of it. There's also someone in the support group who always wanted to be an amputee and became one in a car accident. Then one day a new amputee comes into the support group and all they do is tell a story about they deliberately cut off the blood flow to some appendage because they desperately wanted to be an amputee, and the doctors ended up cutting it off. Then the person who always wanted to be one, and became one through no fault of their own, jumps up and says "congratulations! Yay! That's wonderful for you." Then looks around the room at the people who are shaking their heads and says "clap everyone, this is great news, we need things like this."

I don't have a problem with people inducing incontinence or pretending to be incontinent, even if I don't understand it. If this thread had been in any other forum on this site, I wouldn't have even minded your posts demanding we be happy for the OP (which is the post that really bugged me). Be as happy as you want for yourself or for someone else who is also happy about it. Don't expect me to be happy for them (or you) and complain when I'm not.

There is no disrespect that I see. Nobody is making fun of incontinence. Imitation is a form of flattery, not mocking. So what if some people want to be incontinent. As a medically incontinent person, it does not offend me, does not hurt me, does not make me feel bad in the least. It is not even a question of thick or thin skin. It is just a different perspective. If somebody wants to gouge their eyes out to become blind, I would feel the exact same. It is your body not mine. Once your eyes are gone, you are legit blind and would be welcome on a blindness forum to talk about issues living without sight. I might think it is weird, and I might think there are deeper psychological issues, but even if I was blind, it would not offend me in the slightest if someone did that.

I actually wonder what is going on with people who take offense to people who seek incontinence. Do their desires/actions make your condition worse? No of course not. Probably closer to the truth is they threaten your victim status because you think incontinence can only be a bad thing that nobody sane wants. That perpetuates the stigma believe it or not. Or maybe there is jealousy that an otherwise fit human body would voluntarily disable themselves AND be happy. Perhaps you envy their happiness with a condition that gives you nothing but misery.

What Slomo and I are saying is that we did not choose to be incontinent. However we have embraced it and actually cannot imagine or desire being continent. Yes it is possible, it is a form of radical acceptance. So, if an incontinent person can learn to love their condition, to the point of feeling totally content and happy, why deny somebody else from trying it? Especially if they have spent most of their lives feeling incomplete and sad wanting what we had forced upon us. Just because you cannot imagine somebody voluntarily seeking this out does not mean that they dont exist.

Once they achieve incontinence, how are they different than us? They deal with the exact same issues as we do. They might need info, and might share info. They did you zero harm by the means which they became incontinent. To be offended is absurd.

Slomo never demanded people be happy for voluntary incontinents. He stated his opinion, and it is valid. He like me is also asking for greater tolerance and acceptance of what is essentially a tiny minority of people whose beliefs resemble BIID. We are as a whole already a minority, and this ridiculous infighting pisses me off. Its like there is this perverse elitism on the incontinent forum where we have to all sit around moping all day, and attack anyone who might actually be happy, or even happily seek it out. So what? It doesn't hurt you in any way. You just come off as a grumpy old person.

This isn't directed solely at the person I responded to. It is to everyone who whines and complains about this issue.

 

[ltaluv]

Well put, flipside. A couple of people seem to keep losing track of the fact that the complaints about these posts are all about lack of respect - and yes, demanding that we be happy for someone who found a way to mimic incontinence though dangerously drug use is a disrespectful post in the incontinence forum.

Do those who wished for and sought out incontinence really deal with all the same struggles I do? Of course not - that's a ridiculous statement. I deal with ongoing treatments - Monday I had a rather painful procedure done to improve my symptoms. I'm still in quite a bit of pain. I expect to have another procedure done next month, and based on past experience I'll be in pain for several weeks, but then it will hopefully eliminate my pain for months. (I'd love to post about it, and I could really use some support and advice on the ongoing pain, but I don't feel like getting attacked again for my choice of treatments.) Do you deal with chronic pain from the disease that caused your incontinence, the high cost of getting all this done, and all the time off work for these procedures and appointments? Do you deal with feelings of intense depression when you have to change after yet another accident? Do you deal with kids who don't really understand why dad doesn't feel up to seeing their school play? Don't you dare tell me that you deal with the same struggles as I do - it's simply not true. You may deal with the occasional logistical challenge or rash, but it is absolutely nothing like I do, so don't even try to go there.

Some people just don't get it, and some people will never get it, but promoting incontinence as a lifestyle choice in this forum is insensitive at best. I'm not telling you not to post - those who have chosen incontinence as a lifestyle, or as a result of BIID, clearly have a lot of wisdom to share because you do desk with some of the same challenges that others if us face. I am asking, as I keep saying, that you follow the forum guidelines and be respectful for those of us who would much rather choose some other way to live.

 

[Memi]

If anyone thinks it was disrespectful, sorry you see it that way.
You being offended doesn't automatically make it disrespectful, that's your opinion and nothing more.

Nobody has made fun of you for being incontinent; and other people wanting something similar to what you have (whether you like it or not) does not make it "disrespectful", get over yourself.
I swear some replies here should be on reddit's gatekeeping subreddit.

Ridiculous.

 

[rennecfox]

If anyone thinks it was disrespectful, sorry you see it that way.
You being offended doesn't automatically make it disrespectful, that's your opinion and nothing more.

Nobody has made fun of you for being incontinent; and other people wanting something similar to what you have (whether you like it or not) does not make it "disrespectful", get over yourself.
I swear some replies here should be on reddit's gatekeeping subreddit.

Ridiculous.

You made a post about how you chose this, they didn't choose this. Why did you even make this post to begin with? This forum is about helping with issues about incontinence. Your post seems to have done nothing related to helping anyone in any way as it has lead to nothing but unnecessary conflicts because of response to your unnecessary post. And your latest reply makes you even less sympathetic by demonstrating you lack the capacity for empathy.

 

[alwayz]

I had a nasty motorcycle accident in 2010. It took quite awhile to recover, but ever since then wetting accidents started, occasionally at first but now I have to wear a diaper all the time. I never sought evaluation because it was insidious, and I thought I could control it, but at this point I have accepted the fact that I am incontinent, at this point what would a medical evaluation prove. What can they do, add more medication, hmmm, what are the side effects? I already take medication, what are the interactions? I have a medical background as an RN for nearly 20 years, including critical care and emergency. I am still working but now in a different field after retiring from law enforcement and now in security. I wear a diaper to work and always come home with a saturated diaper, I cannot control the urge to pee for longer that a minute at most. While true I was and am a DL but now I accept the fact that I'm incontinent.
How someone arrives at this place is their journey, and should not be up to others to denigrate others on how they arrived here but share the commonality that exists, and celebrate that commonality and support each other.

 

[Eulogy]

Closing, as this has become more combative than helpful.