how to talk to my therapist about my abdl side???

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wyatt

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I kinda want to bring up the topic of my little side to my therapist, mainly because its how I cope when I get stressed or I'm having exiety problem's. She wants to help me find ways of coping or ways to calm down when I have a exiety attack, I know its not really something I can use when I'm not home but I think its something she should know about.
I just don't know how to bring the subject up and explain it without sounding strange(if thats possible), I defiantly don't want to make myself sound bad, I just have a really hard time explaining stuff and being nervous about it doesn't help.

Thank you for any advise :)
 

Bear85

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I would love to help you there mate.... I finally got the balls to see someone (a sexual health counselor) dont know if they can really help me with my abdl issues (amongst all my other fetishes/issues- but the one giving me the most grief) I have an appointment in a couple weeks but I have absolutely no idea what to say to them.
A well studied psych should know of infantalism or paraphilic infantalism, so I should think they would have an idea.
 

EPO1

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I kinda want to bring up the topic of my little side to my therapist, mainly because its how I cope when I get stressed or I'm having exiety problem's. She wants to help me find ways of coping or ways to calm down when I have a exiety attack, I know its not really something I can use when I'm not home but I think its something she should know about.
I just don't know how to bring the subject up and explain it without sounding strange(if thats possible), I defiantly don't want to make myself sound bad, I just have a really hard time explaining stuff and being nervous about it doesn't help.

Thank you for any advise :)

A good therapist will be open minded and listen and try to understand...
There's nothing else to it - it's a confidential setting too, so don't be shy about it. Your actions are not illegal and you're clearly not "alone".
I also assume that these days all therapists have at least heard about ABDL stuff...
Don't be afraid - they're usually very professional people and are the to help you.
Just approach it in a way that YOU are comfortable with - don't try to sell it easy or as something that it isn't...
Simply explain that you have been doing this, that it's comforting and that you find it highly stress relieving or whatever it is to you.

There's never a guarantee that any therapist will know how to deal with it exactly ... but generally speaking the consensus is that if it isn't hurting you, isn't limiting your function within society, etc... isn't posing any threat to you, etc... then it's harmless and does not need to be "treated".
If you want to talk about it none the less or about stuff that is bothering you in connection with it - or want inputs etc, then I guess discussing it will be good.
 

Tyger

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Just say it like you explained to us. Example: "I don't know how to say this to you because I get really nervous, and I don't want to come across weird, but I like to wear diapers and consider myself an adult baby, I feel like it helps me calm down, and I thought it was some relevant information for you to know."
Trust me, they won't show any signs of judging you, they go into psychology to work with interesting people, and being adult baby isn't even that weird com paired to some things.
There are actually a lot of psychologists though that don't know about it still. Only 1/3 of the ones I went to knew about it, and that was because one had a previous client that claimed it. Also my friend who is going into psychology heard it briefly mentioned in one of his classes once, so it is only now lightly even touched on. You will probably have to explain a bit more about what it is to you, but once you get past saying the word 'diaper' it all gets a bit easier from there.
 

KidSpike13

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I kinda want to bring up the topic of my little side to my therapist, mainly because its how I cope when I get stressed or I'm having exiety problem's. She wants to help me find ways of coping or ways to calm down when I have a exiety attack, I know its not really something I can use when I'm not home but I think its something she should know about.
I just don't know how to bring the subject up and explain it without sounding strange(if thats possible), I defiantly don't want to make myself sound bad, I just have a really hard time explaining stuff and being nervous about it doesn't help.

Thank you for any advise :)
Hi there Wyatt. First off I'd like to put a disclaimer that if anyone already posted similar advice, I do apologize I just don't have time to scroll through responses right now due to school. Anyway, I think it is a good idea to tell your therapist. I told mine and out worked out that things became a little easier because I wouldn't necessarily have to pretend to be grown up the entire time I am in session anymore. It really helps me to have the ability to bring in a teddy as well as, when I get really stressed in session, suck my thumb. Now, as to how you might do this, I have to say that there is no single surefire way. Though, if your therapist is a professional, they should not react in a terrible way no matter how you do. That said, I think that you might find it best to just, in the beginning of session, say something like "there's something I've been wanting to discuss with you, but have been having s hard time bringing it up. It's something that I find helps me cope with stress and anxiety, but is something that I can't really do in public because most people would not understand." , and then maybe ask if your therapist has ever heard of infantilism, or knows what an ab/dl is. Then go on tp explain how it pertains to your life and what aspects of the fetish and/or lifestyle apply to you personally.

Like I said, you really should be able to bring it up in any which way, but if you want a starting point to help you think of a way that YOU want to bring it up, I hope that my suggestion helps
 

egor

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I kinda want to bring up the topic of my little side to my therapist, mainly because its how I cope when I get stressed or I'm having exiety problem's. She wants to help me find ways of coping or ways to calm down when I have a exiety attack, I know its not really something I can use when I'm not home but I think its something she should know about.
I just don't know how to bring the subject up and explain it without sounding strange(if thats possible), I defiantly don't want to make myself sound bad, I just have a really hard time explaining stuff and being nervous about it doesn't help.

Thank you for any advise :)

Hello

There has been a lot of good advice already and I will probably say the same thing, but that is because it works and every ones therapist/client relationship is different. So It does not hurt to hear the same thing several different ways.

I had two occasions to bring it up.

The first time I was to embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it and I chickened out.

The second time I went about it in a roundabout way, (FYI: I joined this group the day before), and mentioned it at the last possible moment. She was very reassuring and the next session I went through my whole life history with the diaper issues.

So suggestions are this.

Make sure you are comfortable with the therapists skills to handle it. I changed from my individual therapist to becoming an one on one client with my group therapist for this very reason.

Do not unload everything at first, but bring up the subject and then open up as you get more comfortable with the therapist ability to help and understand the back ground. They are versed in fetishes but may not be up to date on this subject. So do not be surprised if you have to "educate" them in the process. SO go in with the link information for Bitter Grays "understanding Infantilism".

Once you have a good report with your therapist then it will be much easier to go into the deep seeded reasons behind the subject. That is when We worked together and made it a coping mechanism.

I hope this helps
Good luck.
 

gnd567

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I kinda want to bring up the topic of my little side to my therapist, mainly because its how I cope when I get stressed or I'm having exiety problem's. She wants to help me find ways of coping or ways to calm down when I have a exiety attack, I know its not really something I can use when I'm not home but I think its something she should know about.
I just don't know how to bring the subject up and explain it without sounding strange(if thats possible), I defiantly don't want to make myself sound bad, I just have a really hard time explaining stuff and being nervous about it doesn't help.

Thank you for any advise :)

I'm exactly the same. I tried to tell her last time but I was so nervous and anxious that I chickened out. I hope it goes well for you. I'm going to try again and hopefully I'll be able to get the courage to do it because like you, it helps me deal with my anxiety attacks. I really feel like I need to tell her I think you feel the same. Good luck!
 

BabyDenise

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I reading some other threads on ADISC, some people have suggestion writing your thoughts on paper. Maybe in the form of a letter before your appointment. This way you are at home and can gather your thoughts, rewriting the letter untill you get it right. The handing your therapist the letter at your appointment.
 

MadDoctor

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I actually told my therapist about it two weeks ago. I've been wanting to do it for forever, but it's really hard to talk about with other people, because I'm pretty ashamed of it most of the time, not to mention that there are some really nasty stigmas attached to it (like that being into kids stuff means that you're a pedophile). Anyways, the way I did it is three-fold. First off, I eased into it. I brought up sexuality first, and then kink, and then didn't go into it anymore for that session. I guess I was sort of testing the waters. Oh, and at the very end I told her that I had something that I wanted to talk about next time, so that she would ask me about it and get things started I guess.

The second thing I did was tell myself that it might help others besides me. There is virtually no real research done on alternative sexuality (i.e. fetishes) or nonsexual infantilism, and that is something that I would like to see changed. If people understand it better, there will be fewer negative stigmas, as well as less of a barrier for anyone wanting to talk to their therapist about it. As it is now, most studies done on fetishes and the like have been done on people in mental hospitals or who have had brushes with the law because of their interests. So, I seek to change that.

The third thing I did was approach it clinically; I mean to say that I didn't just up and tell her I liked diapers, but I asked her what she knew about AB/DL, and when she didn't know that, I said infantilism. Then, once she said she knew what that was, I told her that I was into it. We didn't really get any further into it at that time, besides trying to figure out a way to not have a panic attack stemming from telling her, but it was also very helpful to have some time afterwards to actually let it sink in that I had done it, and that the world wasn't ending. Next week, I'll probably bring it up again, because I have anxiety issues and panic attacks, and I want to know if acting on these interests are a good form of coping or not.

So, tl;dr, go at it slow, make sure you're comfortable, and trying and make it less about you specifically all make it much, much easier. Also, I haven't had a panic attack from it, so that's encouraging too.
 

wyatt

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Thank you all for the great advice!
I definitely feel a lot better about telling her now, after reading about everyone having positive results with telling there therapist. Im definitely going to write what I want to say down, so that if I can't bring myself to talk about it I can just let her read it. I don't plan on bringing up about wearing diapers unless she asks about it. I think telling her about the web site understanding infantilism would help if she wants to get more info about it.

I guess in the worst case scenario she would have no clue what I was talking about and I would have to explain more about it?
 

FeekaDimension

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The last therapist I had, as well as my sister's (who I met when I sat in on a few sessions with her), both said that there isn't much you can tell them that would freak them out. Something like this is, at worst, weird but harmless as long as it's not interfering with you getting the necessities done. A lot of times my therapist was like, "Oh, that's all?" when I brought up my weirder interests. Trust me... they've had experience with things waaaaaayyy worse than infantilism.
 

zackiepooh1992

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A good therapist will be open minded and listen and try to understand...
There's nothing else to it - it's a confidential setting too, so don't be shy about it. Your actions are not illegal and you're clearly not "alone".
I also assume that these days all therapists have at least heard about ABDL stuff...
Don't be afraid - they're usually very professional people and are the to help you.
Just approach it in a way that YOU are comfortable with - don't try to sell it easy or as something that it isn't...
Simply explain that you have been doing this, that it's comforting and that you find it highly stress relieving or whatever it is to you.

There's never a guarantee that any therapist will know how to deal with it exactly ... but generally speaking the consensus is that if it isn't hurting you, isn't limiting your function within society, etc... isn't posing any threat to you, etc... then it's harmless and does not need to be "treated".
If you want to talk about it none the less or about stuff that is bothering you in connection with it - or want inputs etc, then I guess discussing it will be good.

Your inputs are always good on here bro!!! Im wondering about the illegal part though at what part to they have to drawl the line?
 

MadDoctor

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Your inputs are always good on here bro!!! Im wondering about the illegal part though at what part to they have to drawl the line?

Doctor-patient confidentiality always holds, unless the patient is going to potentially harm themselves or others. So, if you were to mention to your doctor that you were going to starve yourself to try and fit into a baby diaper, they may very well contact someone to stop that. Meanwhile, you can tell a therapist that you're going to, say, steal diapers, but as long as you're not going to be doing so in a violent way, the confidentiality agreement holds. The way one of my old psychologists explained it to me is this: if you tell me that you're going to go rob a convenience store after work, I might try to convince you otherwise, but I'll keep it to myself; however, if you tell me that you're going to rob a convenience store at gunpoint, then I am required to tell the police.

Oh, and you can tell your therapist about having done illegal things (even violent things) and they can't report it. It's only if you're a threat to someone's safety. It still does take quite a bit of courage though. I'm still trying to work up the nerve to talk to her about stealing a diaper from a neighbor when I was 14 or so. That sort of stuff just isn't easy to say.
 

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Well the first thing you need to ask yourself: Do you absolutely trust her? Do you not only think that she can keep your secrets, but also that she can remain totally unbiased? If not, than maybe bring that up first, because therapy won't be nearly effective if you can't.

If you can trust her, just tell her basically how it evolved with you. Like, how did you start with it, how did it grow into what it is now, what you you fantasize about, how does it make you feel, and maybe even mention the role of ADISC if it's relevant. Like I said, you need to be able to fully trust her, but if you can, absolute full disclosure is the best thing. Full disclosure of your thoughts, actions, emotions, urges, etc. The more you tell them, the better you will feel, and the more she can help you. Just make sure you fully trust her first, or it will be very difficult to tell her, and you won't be able to tell her it all. In that case, the best that can happen is that she doesn't understand at all, and the worst is that she tries to help you with problems you don't have.

Good luck,
~Wyatt
 

babycam

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Go for it. It would be a relief to know that you have someone who you can talk to about it in a private and safe place.
 

wyatt

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Well the first thing you need to ask yourself: Do you absolutely trust her? Do you not only think that she can keep your secrets, but also that she can remain totally unbiased? If not, than maybe bring that up first, because therapy won't be nearly effective if you can't.

If you can trust her, just tell her basically how it evolved with you. Like, how did you start with it, how did it grow into what it is now, what you you fantasize about, how does it make you feel, and maybe even mention the role of ADISC if it's relevant. Like I said, you need to be able to fully trust her, but if you can, absolute full disclosure is the best thing. Full disclosure of your thoughts, actions, emotions, urges, etc. The more you tell them, the better you will feel, and the more she can help you. Just make sure you fully trust her first, or it will be very difficult to tell her, and you won't be able to tell her it all. In that case, the best that can happen is that she doesn't understand at all, and the worst is that she tries to help you with problems you don't have.

Good luck,
~Wyatt

I think I can trust her with it, even though I only have seen her 4 or 5 times so far. The last time I saw her I told her I wanted to talk about some stuff that was bothering me from my past ,and after I opened up a little about some stuff she told me that she was really happy that I brought this up.( I guess because she ushualy has to try and pry stuff out of me haha) but I know that if I don't talk about what bothers me I can't get help with it.
I think she would understand if I told her about my little side, I just have to work up to talking about it.

My problem is i think that I'm trying to move to fast because I know in 2 months (roughly 3 or 4 more visits with her) I'm going to school for 9 months and I won't be able to see her to talk about stuff but once every 2 months and I can't talk to a therapist around where my school is because my insurance won't cover it since I'm out of state.

Its kinda my own fault for waiting until a couple months before I'm supposed to leave to ask for help. It was just really hard to tell myself that it was ok to ask for help.
 

TeddyHugs

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I think I can trust her with it, even though I only have seen her 4 or 5 times so far. The last time I saw her I told her I wanted to talk about some stuff that was bothering me from my past ,and after I opened up a little about some stuff she told me that she was really happy that I brought this up.( I guess because she ushualy has to try and pry stuff out of me haha) but I know that if I don't talk about what bothers me I can't get help with it.
I think she would understand if I told her about my little side, I just have to work up to talking about it.

My problem is i think that I'm trying to move to fast because I know in 2 months (roughly 3 or 4 more visits with her) I'm going to school for 9 months and I won't be able to see her to talk about stuff but once every 2 months and I can't talk to a therapist around where my school is because my insurance won't cover it since I'm out of state.

Its kinda my own fault for waiting until a couple months before I'm supposed to leave to ask for help. It was just really hard to tell myself that it was ok to ask for help.

Well, I guess just work with what you have, sweetie. Tell her and talk about it as much as you please before you leave. Just remember that what we do isn't something to be ashamed of. We are only seeking comfort and safety, and in moderation, being an ABDL is harmless and effective at relieving stress. While there usually are other things bothering ABDLs which should be fixed and helped, the ABDLism itself is not a problem, and should not be destroyed. Make that much clear when you tell her, perhaps presenting it from a higher level metacognitive point of view of yourself.

Good luck sweetie,
~Wyatt
 

Aidy1

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This one is right up my alley and I'll post here before going to the greeting area of the forum.

So, I have major depression which has lead me to being unemployed .. blah blah blah. Anyway, I went to 3 therapists before finding one I connected with. I told one of my other therapists about my little side as well as my current one. The way I went about it is writing it down. She was very open about it and went and did a lot of research so she understood it better. She also understood that it isn't cut and dry and that what I enjoy doing isn't the same as everyone else.

She's the reason I'm back on here now. I've had a major mood crash and she recommended using my little stuff to sooth myself. So, therapists orders are to wear a nappy at night (since I'm back with my parents who don't know) and talk to people on here.

So my advice, write it down and email it to your therapist (direct email) or write it in a letter and give it to her to read once you've left a session so she can process it. (Or he of course... I get on better with women therapists)

Anyway, here's what I wrote to mine. Warning! It's lengthy. I've also edited out anything that can identify me of course.

Hi Gabby, 25/2/2014

So... sexual stuff I couldn't talk about.

My main sexual interest is dressing in nappies and having other childish objects. However, it is only about 10% sexual and 90% emotional. The sexual side is being cared for by other people and the idea of not being in control.

This started when I was about 4 or 5. I remember taking a dummy from a friends house and thinking about wearing nappies. Whenever I got a wishbone I would wish to be a baby again. At 6 or 7 I'd use the towels in the bathroom as a pretend nappy after a shower. I can't remember ever talking to my parents about it but I do remember using a towel as a nappy in front of mum and her laughing.

This went away from 8 – 13 or so before coming back. It was about the time my cousin killed herself. (26year old on my mum's side) I would take nappies from my cousins and at 15 eventually worked up the courage to buy some.

I was caught out at 23 before going to work out bush when Mum found some nappies under my bed. I made up a story that I had been wetting the bed which stressed them out to no end. I linked this to deaths and that it usually happened when bad things happened. The only true thing about that is that I have a strong urge, emotionally, to be a kid in moments of extreme stress.. such as deaths. I still feel guilty about this due to the stress it causes my parents.

When I worked in the country I had my own place so could indulge myself more. It basically stopped being sexual other than the idea of being cared for by another person fantasy. Emotionally, I used it every afternoon and night to wind down. A bottle of warm milk before bed and my teddy. I also attempted to relearn to wet the bed so I could feel more like a little kid. I've given this up but still have the urge to.

By the time I got to Geraldton I rarely wore nappies any more and just had the bottle and slept with a teddy as well as childish pyjamas. (Now I live with friends so I have a teddy hidden under my bed and a dummy for when I'm feeling completely overwhelmed.. just to get a bit of the feeling back)

I did tell my last psych about this and one thing I found, through discussion, is that I've rarely felt like an adult or a man. Even as a teenager, and being taller than everyone, I still felt like a little kid.
I never really view my friends as adults either.

I don't feel guilty or ashamed by this, except for the idea that others may find out. Due to my work I feared people finding out and misunderstanding.
Other than that, I'm very comfortable with myself about it.

One funny part of it is I'm a volunteer firefighter... and whenever I'm on my way to a fire I feel like a little kid going somewhere exciting to play. Completely happy.

When I said I have thoughts of suicide, 70% of it is usually “I wish I could completely wipe my brain and go back to being a kid.” 30% is still actually suicidal thoughts though and it's usually a kids voice asking “Do you want to die Aidy?”

(Insert name)
 

GoodnitesBoy92

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Any therapist worth their salt you should be able to talk to about this. If for whatever reason they cannot help you with it, they should be able to refer you to someone who can.
 

dprpantsnpypants

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The last therapist I had, as well as my sister's (who I met when I sat in on a few sessions with her), both said that there isn't much you can tell them that would freak them out. Something like this is, at worst, weird but harmless as long as it's not interfering with you getting the necessities done. A lot of times my therapist was like, "Oh, that's all?" when I brought up my weirder interests. Trust me... they've had experience with things waaaaaayyy worse than infantilism.

Yeah, my current therapist said he had heard of things a lot stranger than a diaper fetish - I really wanted to ask him for specifics but decided not to in the end. We tend to think of ourselves are freaks but at the end of the day there are a lot of people doing all sorts of things in their own homes!
 
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