How do I tell my boyfriend of 4 years?

Status
Not open for further replies.

breamalym

Contributor
Messages
8
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
I have been a diaper lover for as long as I can remember. I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I had desires to wear and use diapers. But this was a few months ago and he thought it was really weird. He asked me when I would talk to a doctor about it. Like I need to be fixed. Which I felt like I did. And sometimes I still feel that way. But I have started trying to accept this part of me, and I plan to marry this man. I just don't want to have to either keep this hidden or bury it again. How do I tell him? How do I help him understand? I know he won't throw four years away for this but I'm so scared.
 

hex000f

Contributor
Messages
215
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Babyfur
First and most importantly. You do not need to be fixed/cured/whatever. Your not hurting anyone and your not breaking any laws by wearing and using diapers. Bold text because I wish I'd had someone to tell me and my parents that during my teenage years.

I can't say I'm an expert on relationship dynamics, but my advice would be this: try to allay his fears/worries about being you a diaper lover. If he cares about you enough to be your boyfriend he should come around once you solve whatever is bothering him. He may just think its weird and not understand it. Things may be as simple as explaining why you like wearing diapers. You can also ask him why he thinks wearing and using diapers is bad from a practical perspective. Or he may think your headed for trouble, which I can assure you your not, at least not what from what you've said here. Let him know that a lot of successful and moral people have these tendencies hidden away. Make absolutely sure he doesn't think this will turn into something criminal, especially if you are a diaper fetishist.

If you get past those initial steps, make sure you can agree on boundaries that you both feel comfortable with, such as having your diaper covered up when you're around him if he wants that, for example.

Hope this helps.
 
Last edited:

PlotTwist

Est. Contributor
Messages
311
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Incontinent
Does he have any kinks or fetishes? Perhaps you can indulge him in one/some of them, then relate it to that.

To be honest, it really isn't that weird compared to other kinks, and no one wants them to be "fixed". For instance, take bondage, S&M, or PVC, I'd think these are all objectively the same or more "weird" in comparison to your average person's daily public life, but they're accepted as they're popular (aside, of course, for those who are uptight about those sort of things). There's room in this world for all manner of kinks, and no one should shame anyone's others!

That said, if he's uncomfortable or just plain doesn't like it due to a bad experience on his end, you do have to be gentle about it. Talk it out. Tell him that it's something that makes you happy, and doesn't hurt anyone. He can join in if he'd like, but isn't required to at all.

Take it slow and easy, don't be too pushy, and certainly never portray it in any sort of negative light, and good luck!
 

Isle

Est. Contributor
Messages
208
Age
74
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
I think it would help if you could get him to see its no different from anyone trying "be who they are." Because of all the publicity about LBGTQ, I thinks its more generally understood that people cannot change who they are. Being a DL definitely comes under that.
 

kmayhem69

Contributor
Messages
16
Role
  1. Other
I think that was uncalled for when he asked when will you see a doctor about it. If someone really, truly, 100% loves you, then they will accept you in their life no matter what, and not try to fix you.
 

breamalym

Contributor
Messages
8
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
I think that was uncalled for when he asked when will you see a doctor about it. If someone really, truly, 100% loves you, then they will accept you in their life no matter what, and not try to fix you.

He told me that because at that point I hated this and was trying to find a way to "fix" it.
 

bambinod

Est. Contributor
Messages
9,898
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
He told me that because at that point I hated this and was trying to find a way to "fix" it.

good: he's interested in trying to help you fix something he thinks is broken

not as good: he thinks something is broken about you that you don't want to change

Sounds like something that can be worked through though. Reminds me of an old saying, "Women marry, with hopes of changing their man. Men marry with hopes of their woman never changing. Both are always disappointed." It's all about perspective, understanding, and compromise.
 

dogboy

Est. Contributor
Messages
21,359
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
I would also read the Wikipedia article on Infantalism so that you can understand what you're talking about. I think finding acceptance centers around communication. If you have a better understanding as to what this is, you can better convince him to accept who you are.

I had to tell my wife when she discovered my diaper order, so I went on several sites to gather information, and one of those sites was this one. I got a lot of help from other members, all who urged me to be open and honest. My wife was very accepting, probably because we love and support each other.

In church weddings, the passage from 1st Corinthians is often read, and it reads like this. "Love conquers all things, so keep love first". Love is recognizing that none of us are perfect, but because we love, we live with each others' imperfections, and those imperfections don't matter, as long as they aren't destructive. There is nothing destructive about wearing and enjoying diapers, or regressing and feeling "little". Our introduction thread says that diapers don't rule our lives, and that's important to remember. There is a time and place for all things, a time to wear diapers and a time to be a grown up.

That's important in how we express our love to our partner. Maybe some diaper play enters into it, and maybe it doesn't if our partner is uncomfortable with it. But even if he is uncomfortable with your diaper wearing, he should accept that this is who you are, that you will need to express the desire to have some "little time" when it works for the two of you. I hope this helps.
 

RequiemDreamer

Est. Contributor
Messages
41
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
I have been a diaper lover for as long as I can remember. I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I had desires to wear and use diapers. But this was a few months ago and he thought it was really weird. He asked me when I would talk to a doctor about it. Like I need to be fixed. Which I felt like I did. And sometimes I still feel that way. But I have started trying to accept this part of me, and I plan to marry this man. I just don't want to have to either keep this hidden or bury it again. How do I tell him? How do I help him understand? I know he won't throw four years away for this but I'm so scared.

I can sympathize with you. I told my wife (then-girlfriend) about myself when things started to get more serious, and she reacted in a similar way. She thought it was really weird and wondered what was "really" wrong with me. To her, diapers were obviously just a substitution for something else. Were we not being intimate often enough? Do I feel like I'm not being hugged often enough? (I tried to describe that diapers made me feel comfortable, and she took that to mean that I was otherwise not comfortable).

She didn't see it as enough to get rid of me, but I think she also assumed it would just go away. We got married 4 years ago, and have been reasonable happy (and diaper free). I've brought it up a few times since then (the last time being nearly 3 years ago now), but she doesn't understand (she's the oldest of 4 and changed her fair share of diapers -- why would you want to be in one?) In order to keep the peace, I haven't worn (except once, when she was out of town for a week, but I felt really guilty and ended up throwing everything away a few days before she got back) in about 5 years.

I think the most important question you have to ask yourself is: what role do you want diapers to play in your life? What role do you want your boyfriend to have with them? I would've loved for my wife to accept me, and maybe even wear herself, but it didn't work out that way. In the end, I love her, and we got married. Diapers aren't everything. That being said, I am frequenting this website... so, like others have pointed out, its not really something that you can just "give up."
 

breamalym

Contributor
Messages
8
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
I would also read the Wikipedia article on Infantalism so that you can understand what you're talking about. I think finding acceptance centers around communication. If you have a better understanding as to what this is, you can better convince him to accept who you are.

I had to tell my wife when she discovered my diaper order, so I went on several sites to gather information, and one of those sites was this one. I got a lot of help from other members, all who urged me to be open and honest. My wife was very accepting, probably because we love and support each other.

In church weddings, the passage from 1st Corinthians is often read, and it reads like this. "Love conquers all things, so keep love first". Love is recognizing that none of us are perfect, but because we love, we live with each others' imperfections, and those imperfections don't matter, as long as they aren't destructive. There is nothing destructive about wearing and enjoying diapers, or regressing and feeling "little". Our introduction thread says that diapers don't rule our lives, and that's important to remember. There is a time and place for all things, a time to wear diapers and a time to be a grown up.

That's important in how we express our love to our partner. Maybe some diaper play enters into it, and maybe it doesn't if our partner is uncomfortable with it. But even if he is uncomfortable with your diaper wearing, he should accept that this is who you are, that you will need to express the desire to have some "little time" when it works for the two of you. I hope this helps.

Thank you so much. This was really encouraging. :)
 

BabyGirl4Ever907

Contributor
Messages
6
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
Honestly, if it's something that he's not comfortable with, the best thing you can do is tell him that you've accepted it as part of who you are and if he truly loves you he needs to do the same. Coming out is scary, I remember being terrified when I told my boyfriend, but one thing I learned from the experience is that he doesn't truly care about you if he's not going to accept you for who you are. I hope this helps. Best of luck.
 

NabePup

Est. Contributor
Messages
713
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Babyfur
  4. Diaperfur
  5. Little
PlotTwist beat me to it. I've never had that serious or long of a relationship so I've never had to deal with bringing it up with a partner. However I have thought about it a lot (I'm sure many of us here have), but when I feel comfortable confiding that part of me with my partner.

I'll want to learn about my partner's "kinks" or "closeted side" before revealing mine, if possible. That way I can support and indulge in it with them. Coming to terms (or at least relative terms) with my ABDL side has taught me to be waaaay more open minded so unless it's something that's harmful or REALLY messed up, I doubt I'll be against it (if not supportive of it).

Then my hope, after establishing that trust and showing that support, is that sharing my ABDL side with them would only make us grow closer the same way when they shared their non-vanilla side with me.

So I'd suggest trying to learn of any unique things your beau might be into (assuming he's comfortable with it of course) and then showing your support for it (or at least acceptance of it).

Also, chances are this side of you will most likely never completely go away. Its influence can sometimes weaken or strengthen, and there are some people who have completely "outgrown" or lost their ABDLism (I feel this has got to be the minority though), but since it probably isn't going away anytime soon (if ever) then it'll be good for the both of you to be honest and work it out instead of trying to hide it.

I just tried Googling it a little bit and couldn't find what I was looking for so this may not be true anymore. But I also wanted to add, according to a reputable medical journal (I can't remember the exact one atm) that fetishes/kinks (I don't think they have to be explicitly sexual) are common and (usually) not unhealthy. As in, healthy individuals (can) have fetishes/kinks, as in there's nothing wrong with them and they're actually pretty common. Granted the extent of these kinks can vary (i.e. someone likes seeing people in lingerie vs someone who needs to have their face trampled by several pairs of feet to feel any legitimate excitement), but there's nothing more or less wrong with anyone on this forum, your boyfriend, whoever you might pass on the street, or YOU for having an unorthodox attraction/lifestyle. If you don't like/want it, then by all means you can try and might be able to purge it out of you. But I honestly feel finding how it fits into your life and how to healthily balance it out with the rest of your life and what makes you you (essentially coming to terms with it) will be the best option.

Being completely honest and seeking complete and total acceptance of yourself is a scary and daunting thing, but for a relationship to remain strong and last, achieving this would greatly help the chances. It's good you're trying to be honest and open with him
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top