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Hiiiiiiya!

kittengirl173

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Hiiii! My name is Nia. I'm almost 21, and I'm a trans girl. I've known I was trans since I was 12, but I wasn't able to transition and start hormones until right after my 19th birthday, as my family is extremely transphobic. I have a lot of trauma from not being loved for me by my family and for anything feminine being shamed, and it somehow coalesced into me loving diapers and being treated like a cute little girl. 😅😊🥰.

I don't remember when I first started wanting to wear diapers, but I know I wanted to by the time I was 10. Like a lot of you, I've felt a lot of shame for it over the years. Because my parents made me feel I was horrible for my gender, I internalized that I was bad. That self-hating spread beyond my gender. My anxiety decided that if everyone found out that I like diapers, I would be arrested and put in prison. I cried about being scared of found out often, and it got to the point that I asked my parents to let me go back on my antidepressants. (I was a bit wary of them in the past because my parents forced me on them as they thought they would "cure" my gender dysphoria. Now I'm on an antidepressant out of my own wish rather than my parents. ❤️). I'm now out of my parent's household, and I finally accepted myself this past January. I bought my first diapers in February 2022 after dreaming of them for so long.

Diapers can be sexual for me sometimes, but a lot of the time it's a comfort thing. I just love acting little, as it's really healing for me and feels like me. 💗 I try to sneak a little bit of that childhood-wonder into my normal life. I tend to dress very colorfully in pink skirts. Even if I'm being an adult, I can still give hints of my little side as well in an adult outfit. 😊

I'm a junior in college studying math and music composition/technology, and I want to go to grad school in pure math! I'm not in the best financial position right now, but I look forward to when I am more financially stable so I can buy diapers again. 😁 I currently live with my accepting girlfriend, and she is my mommy. 🥰 I've browsed this site for a while, but I've never made an account until now. Hiii everyone!
 
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RetroGirl15

Symbol of beauty & purity; Cure Cheri Blossom! 🌸
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That doesnt make any sense of you being arrested if someone found out about being a abdl..
 

kittengirl173

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RetroGirl15 said:
That doesnt make any sense of you being arrested if someone found out about being a abdl..
I know; it was anxiety as I felt about being abdl.
 

Cottontail

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Thanks for a great intro, Nia (@kittengirl173). It’s so frustrating to hear about people dealing with rejection over gender identity. I of course hope your parents come around and make amends, though I’ll understand if that’s hard to imagine right now. In any case, it’s completely awesome that you have your own space, your own plans, and a supportive SO. I wish you the very best!

I was a band geek from elementary school through college. Never did much composition, but I loved performing. And then I went into engineering. One of the band directors at my university was also a professor of electrical engineering and a brilliant mathematician. Music really helps develop that part of your brain. I’ve worked with a lot of fantastic engineers and scientists over the years, and I’m never surprised when one of them talks about being in band or taking piano or otherwise being involved with music.

Take care and enjoy the site. I felt a bit awkward about it when I landed here many moons ago, but it quickly became a virtual home for my little side. Lots of supportive folks here.
 
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Jorelaxed

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Welcome to the site Nia.😊
 
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Happy2BeInNappies2

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Welcome to ADISC Nia, I hope your adult future is far better than the negative aspects of your past, I also found family life as a child, some what difficult, (growing up was never easy).
I have found a lot of support and information from members here, I hope you will discover the same for yourself.

As for me, I am a submissive asexual, feminine male, in my mid 60s living in Newcastle NSW Australia.
For all of my living memory I have always had a love of wearing dresses and using nappies, along with a very strong desire to have been born a girl.

Some of my interests are: science, astronomy, space exploration, history, archeology, volcanism, geology and geography.

All the best with your studies.
Have fun.
 

Lattimore55

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Wow, Nia,

What a lot of suffering to go through just to be who you are. My hat is off to you to have gotten as clear of fear and toxicity as you have from people who were, and are, supposed to love you. To draw two of the most misunderstood and reviled...by some... identities, subject to such approbation, being trans and striking terror into people about something they think is basic, sexual identify, and then AB to challenge people's sense of mastery and maturity with age play and infantilism, leaving people in fear of their own identity, making them feel scared that if you can embrace something as horrible as yielding your maturity, being vulnerable for whatever period, and control of bodily function, by wearing diapers. It's a good thing you embrace Babyfur and Diaperfur, which most don't begin to try to understand, than something else, or you would be left with overcoming a trifecta of things "vanilla" society fears so much they would be better served if wearing doubled diapers, themsleves. Because you scare the crap out of them. Most of us internalize parental, societal, and religious judgements but your family was not subtle. You are really strong to come out building a life, keeping true to your core self, shucking off the judgments of your parents, finding positive relationships, and preparing for a vocation we all desperately need, in math.

It is hard to get past judgments we internalize; it's how we are built. But I hope you recognize when your parents whisper in your ear you are not ok....it is no longer them. It is you. When I hear my mother and father who found my stash when I was 12, and called me down to the living room after everyone went to bed and told me I was sick, depraved, and going to hell, (and were so scared they never mentioned it again, thank god), I say "Hey, Hi Mom, Hi Dad, you are back trying to make me scared because you are petrified of someone who is different...and harming no one! I'm sorry you were afraid. " It is no fun to feel 10 inches tall as an adolescent. I don't think that was their intent, they simply were not equipped to deal.

I hope when you put yourself through the wringer, or are simply critical of or doubt yourself, you smile and waive to your parents in your mind, and tell them "I'm sorry I scare you, come back when you make space in your hearts for your child, and you will be fine."

Pat yourself on the back for your courage and fortitude. And good luck in your relationship and vocation. Thanks for sharing your story.

Hat still off to you,

Lattimore

P.S. I get it that guilt and self-condemnation could make an adolescent child think they would get arrested for wearing diapers. Such needless oppression and fear to let a child suffer through. Let's hope that parents have more courage nowadays to be kind, or if they cannot be, have the humility to know they didn't know what to do. When you don't know what to do, get help, or leave it alone.
 
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kittengirl173

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Cottontail said:
Thanks for a great intro, Nia (@kittengirl173). It’s so frustrating to hear about people dealing with rejection over gender identity. I of course hope your parents come around and make amends, though I’ll understand if that’s hard to imagine right now. In any case, it’s completely awesome that you have your own space, your own plans, and a supportive SO. I wish you the very best!

I was a band geek from elementary school through college. Never did much composition, but I loved performing. And then I went into engineering. One of the band directors at my university was also a professor of electrical engineering and a brilliant mathematician. Music really helps develop that part of your brain. I’ve worked with a lot of fantastic engineers and scientists over the years, and I’m never surprised when one of them talks about being in band or taking piano or otherwise being involved with music.

Take care and enjoy the site. I felt a bit awkward about it when I landed here many moons ago, but it quickly became a virtual home for my little side. Lots of supportive folks here.
Yeah, a lot of people who like math love music! My best friend from high school I'm still close to is also a pure math major who composes. I write orchestral and piano music inspired by video game music, ghibli music, and musical theater. I actually got a piece of mine played by my college's orchestra last semester! :DD I absolutely love math, so I really want to be a professor or teacher someday.
 
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warmfeeling

I love wearing nappies
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kittengirl173 said:
Hiiii! My name is Nia. I'm almost 21, and I'm a trans girl. I've known I was trans since I was 12, but I wasn't able to transition and start hormones until right after my 19th birthday, as my family is extremely transphobic. I have a lot of trauma from not being loved for me by my family and for anything feminine being shamed, and it somehow coalesced into me loving diapers and being treated like a cute little girl. 😅😊🥰.

I don't remember when I first started wanting to wear diapers, but I know I wanted to by the time I was 10. Like a lot of you, I've felt a lot of shame for it over the years. Because my parents made me feel I was horrible for my gender, I internalized that I was bad. That self-hating spread beyond my gender. My anxiety decided that if everyone found out that I like diapers, I would be arrested and put in prison. I cried about being scared of found out often, and it got to the point that I asked my parents to let me go back on my antidepressants. (I was a bit wary of them in the past because my parents forced me on them as they thought they would "cure" my gender dysphoria. Now I'm on an antidepressant out of my own wish rather than my parents. ❤️). I'm now out of my parent's household, and I finally accepted myself this past January. I bought my first diapers in February 2022 after dreaming of them for so long.

Diapers can be sexual for me sometimes, but a lot of the time it's a comfort thing. I just love acting little, as it's really healing for me and feels like me. 💗 I try to sneak a little bit of that childhood-wonder into my normal life. I tend to dress very colorfully in pink skirts. Even if I'm being an adult, I can still give hints of my little side as well in an adult outfit. 😊

I'm a junior in college studying math and music composition/technology, and I want to go to grad school in pure math! I'm not in the best financial position right now, but I look forward to when I am more financially stable so I can buy diapers again. 😁 I currently live with my accepting girlfriend, and she is my mommy. 🥰 I've browsed this site for a while, but I've never made an account until now. Hiii everyone!
Hello and welcome here, hope you have lots of fun with us 😁👍🏻
 

littleph0enix

The Right Honourable Lordship Of Giggles?!
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RetroGirl15 said:
That doesnt make any sense of you being arrested if someone found out about being a abdl..
People worry about alot of things when they are young and dont understand how things really are, even more so to those who had not accept them selfs at that point since not all that many people would want to talk to others (or know where to look to talk to other) that are in to it if it's something you self want to just forget/ hide from others

Not saying everyone since who am I to speak for everyone lol

Other then that hello Nia nice to meet you and I hope you keep seeing the kind of stuff on here that made you want to join in the end
 
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kittengirl173

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Lattimore55 said:
Wow, Nia,

What a lot of suffering to go through just to be who you are. My hat is off to you to have gotten as clear of fear and toxicity as you have from people who were, and are, supposed to love you. To draw two of the most misunderstood and reviled...by some... identities, subject to such approbation, being trans and striking terror into people about something they think is basic, sexual identify, and then AB to challenge people's sense of mastery and maturity with age play and infantilism, leaving people in fear of their own identity, making them feel scared that if you can embrace something as horrible as yielding your maturity, being vulnerable for whatever period, and control of bodily function, by wearing diapers. It's a good thing you embrace Babyfur and Diaperfur, which most don't begin to try to understand, than something else, or you would be left with overcoming a trifecta of things "vanilla" society fears so much they would be better served if wearing doubled diapers, themsleves. Because you scare the crap out of them. Most of us internalize parental, societal, and religious judgements but your family was not subtle. You are really strong to come out building a life, keeping true to your core self, shucking off the judgments of your parents, finding positive relationships, and preparing for a vocation we all desperately need, in math.

It is hard to get past judgments we internalize; it's how we are built. But I hope you recognize when your parents whisper in your ear you are not ok....it is no longer them. It is you. When I hear my mother and father who found my stash when I was 12, and called me down to the living room after everyone went to bed and told me I was sick, depraved, and going to hell, (and were so scared they never mentioned it again, thank god), I say "Hey, Hi Mom, Hi Dad, you are back trying to make me scared because you are petrified of someone who is different...and harming no one! I'm sorry you were afraid. " It is no fun to feel 10 inches tall as an adolescent. I don't think that was their intent, they simply were not equipped to deal.

I hope when you put yourself through the wringer, or are simply critical of or doubt yourself, you smile and waive to your parents in your mind, and tell them "I'm sorry I scare you, come back when you make space in your hearts for your child, and you will be fine."

Pat yourself on the back for your courage and fortitude. And good luck in your relationship and vocation. Thanks for sharing your story.

Hat still off to you,

Lattimore

P.S. I get it that guilt and self-condemnation could make an adolescent child think they would get arrested for wearing diapers. Such needless oppression and fear to let a child suffer through. Let's hope that parents have more courage nowadays to be kind, or if they cannot be, have the humility to know they didn't know what to do. When you don't know what to do, get help, or leave it alone.
Thank you so much for you kind and thoughtful response. 🥺 It wasn't until a few months into my transition that I began to question my parents' actions. It's just hard to accept a trans kid, I always justified to myself. But even if it is "hard," it's not okay to tell your child she is the most "vile, selfish person you know." It's not okay to chase your child to your room. And it's not okay to tell your daugher she's the most "masculine person you know" in order to attack her identity.

I want to go no contact with my parents someday. But unfortunately, I rely on them for my college education. My parents banned me from going home, and they don't allow me to use their health insurance. My girlfriend and I pay for our own apartment and groceries, and before I had an apartment, I was essentially homeless between semesters. That said, I am very fortunate and I do appreciate that they do support my college education. I want them to be happy; I just don't want to talk to them anymore someday. Thankfully, in graduate school, PhD programs are often funded so I hopefully won't rely on them anymore.
 
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Cottontail

Silly wabbit!
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kittengirl173 said:
I write orchestral and piano music inspired by video game music, ghibli music, and musical theater. I actually got a piece of mine played by my college's orchestra last semester!
That sounds awesome! I'm a big fan of chiptunes and electronica in general. A lot of that draws on 1980's and 90's video game and demoscene music, as I'm sure you know. Back in the early 90's, I had an Amiga computer and briefly dabbled into composing game-inspired tunes using various mod tracker apps. It was fun, but I definitely had no aptitude for it at all. :)
 
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LaLoneDigi

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Happy you've joined us!

It makes me sad how common your experience with being trans is. You should never have had to go through that. I'm sorry your family can't accept you for being you. I'm glad you have a supportive girlfriend. It sounds like things are going well despite everything else.

kittengirl173 said:
I write orchestral and piano music inspired by video game music, ghibli music, and musical theater. I actually got a piece of mine played by my college's orchestra last semester!
NEAT! CONGRATS!

Joe Hisaishi is one of my favorites! Music is a small hobby of mine, but I can't play or compose like him.
 
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ChrisK

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kittengirl173 said:
Hiiii! My name is Nia. I'm almost 21, and I'm a trans girl. I've known I was trans since I was 12, but I wasn't able to transition and start hormones until right after my 19th birthday, as my family is extremely transphobic. I have a lot of trauma from not being loved for me by my family and for anything feminine being shamed, and it somehow coalesced into me loving diapers and being treated like a cute little girl. 😅😊🥰.

I don't remember when I first started wanting to wear diapers, but I know I wanted to by the time I was 10. Like a lot of you, I've felt a lot of shame for it over the years. Because my parents made me feel I was horrible for my gender, I internalized that I was bad. That self-hating spread beyond my gender. My anxiety decided that if everyone found out that I like diapers, I would be arrested and put in prison. I cried about being scared of found out often, and it got to the point that I asked my parents to let me go back on my antidepressants. (I was a bit wary of them in the past because my parents forced me on them as they thought they would "cure" my gender dysphoria. Now I'm on an antidepressant out of my own wish rather than my parents. ❤️). I'm now out of my parent's household, and I finally accepted myself this past January. I bought my first diapers in February 2022 after dreaming of them for so long.

Diapers can be sexual for me sometimes, but a lot of the time it's a comfort thing. I just love acting little, as it's really healing for me and feels like me. 💗 I try to sneak a little bit of that childhood-wonder into my normal life. I tend to dress very colorfully in pink skirts. Even if I'm being an adult, I can still give hints of my little side as well in an adult outfit. 😊

I'm a junior in college studying math and music composition/technology, and I want to go to grad school in pure math! I'm not in the best financial position right now, but I look forward to when I am more financially stable so I can buy diapers again. 😁 I currently live with my accepting girlfriend, and she is my mommy. 🥰 I've browsed this site for a while, but I've never made an account until now. Hiii everyone!
Welcome to the site Nia, great intro! I feel like I know you already. I guess that's the best part of this site, the feeling of acceptance and understanding. Understanding in a way no one ever has or maybe ever will. Not allstate but you're in good hands.....enjoy
 

Hemix

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Welcome aboard, here thou'lt have all of our support and love! I think humankind has still to get better, but that it was way worse in the past about that topic.
 

kittengirl173

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LaLoneDigi said:
Happy you've joined us!

It makes me sad how common your experience with being trans is. You should never have had to go through that. I'm sorry your family can't accept you for being you. I'm glad you have a supportive girlfriend. It sounds like things are going well despite everything else.


NEAT! CONGRATS!

Joe Hisaishi is one of my favorites! Music is a small hobby of mine, but I can't play or compose like him.
Joe Hisaishi is one of my favorite composers too!! I recently did a transcription of The Sixth Station from Spirited Away for one of my classes. 😁😊
 

kittengirl173

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ChrisK said:
Welcome to the site Nia, great intro! I feel like I know you already. I guess that's the best part of this site, the feeling of acceptance and understanding. Understanding in a way no one ever has or maybe ever will. Not allstate but you're in good hands.....enjoy
Awwww thanks! I'm excited to talk to other littles, as besides my girlfriend, I can never talk about this side of myself to anyone. I'm happy to be here. 🥰🌸
 
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