hi i'm a spouse of a newly outed DL

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Welcome stunned66, to our community! I hope you enjoy it here!

It always makes me smile to see people coming here to help understand their partner. :smile1:
 

stunned66

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Well, I talked to him when he got home last night. I let him jabber about his day, the drive, etc. and gently asked if he could answer a few questions about his experience(s) with being a DL. Needless to say, that after hours of googling and poking around here, I had a lot of questions. I am pleased to report that I had each of my questions answered - some easy to handle, some not so much. ;-) He wasn't ready for the myriad of questions, but we were both cool, calm and collected. He said he NEVER would have expected me to dive into this as quickly and thoroughly as I have. I politely reminded him that this was a fairly significant development in our relationship and being a student of Library and Information Science it is in my nature to research the hell out of topics.:rolleyes: The details of what we discussed plainly put EVERYTHING out on the table and, while difficult (mostly for him), I know now that he's hid it completely from everyone he has ever known and was so afraid of getting caught that he only lurked sites and forums and never participated in any conversations - I wish he could have mustered the strength (but I get it)... btw - he had never been to this forum before and is "going to check it out". I told him that if he chose this forum that I would back out so he could feel free to participate without holding back because I was a member here. I said this because (outside of the DL stuff apparently - lol) I know him too well and he wouldn't if I was bouncing around posting. Anyway, as its been explained to me, this started in early teens with padding his clothing at night while sleeping around the same time he discovered masturbation. Having only experimented occasionally over many years, he took an opportunity during a business trip to check things out and a few times while I was away on extended family visits out of state. I'm going to be honest, since I've been told I can be here, when he told me that its not just a matter of wearing them, its using them while urinating/masturbating, well, my body posture stiffened quite a bit. Somehow on Sunday I didn't hear him say that, though I think my mind just tuned that out. Anyway, while I'm fairly cool about the diapers themselves (its only been a couple of days so give me some slack here), I will need a bit more time to process the rest. Ideally, he says he would like us to be together and I told him that if that happened it would be a very long time (and that is diaper only). In the meantime, I'll get the diapers and we'll take it from there. The visual I get of him at the moment swings back and forth between humorous (he would totally get that) and uncomfortable and will do so, I guess, until all is unveiled! Bottom line, I love this man with all of my heart and we will work together to incorporate this into our lifestyle. He's walked me through the most difficult times of my (therefor our) life, including hospitalization and ECTs (as an aside don't let anyone tell you that you have to have one - its barbaric) for mental illness. Many partners have walked away from people like me and I will not selfishly turn my head away to his needs. Well... that pretty much covers it for now. Guess I needed to vent - which is funny since 2 hours ago all my therapist and I did was talk about all of this!:D My man, therapist and this forum are pretty much what I've got to walk me through... thanks everyone...
 
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supercas29

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I'm glad your being so supportive of him. That's pretty much how I was with Stirlock when I found out, only instead of forums and websites I had to vent to people that I figured I could confide in at the time and later on they used the information against me to tell my whole family that my boyfriend wore diapers. I personally didn't care who knew... but I didn't want anybody to riddicule him for something that was personal and the fact that a bunch of middle aged idiots are probably to this day sitting around drunk remenicing about the fact that I was once in love with a "diaper baby" as they so maturely call him is kinda sick because I don't even think of it as much as they still do. One thing that made me laugh one time was that Stirlock came to visit me at my grandmas house and we figured we'd be safe with him wearing diapers around my bedroom and the living room and that she wouldn't find out, and for some reason she came through the living room in the middle of the night and noticed that hew as just wearing a diaper and a tee shirt. After I had driven back home she came up to me laughing and she said "Sugar, did you know that Michael boy walks around in disposable britches?" I love how grandparents see things different from our parents. Anyways... just figured I would share that with ya.
 
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Well... that pretty much covers it for now. Guess I needed to vent - which is funny since 2 hours ago all my therapist and I did was talk about all of this!:D My man, therapist and this forum are pretty much what I've got to walk me through... thanks everyone...
Glad you vented all that out, and glad to see you dealing with this very well compared to most people. You should take pride in being so open minded and kind hearted towards his difference. Also just a short tip of advice, do not be disgusted by urine. Urine is 100% clean/sterile, so no worries!

Just remember to make a thread in the appropriate forum if you have any questions! Also if you decide to leave due to him joining, please let us know so we can say bye to you and a warm welcome to him.

I'm glad your being so supportive of him. That's pretty much how I was with Stirlock when I found out, only instead of forums and websites I had to vent to people that I figured I could confide in at the time and later on they used the information against me to tell my whole family that my boyfriend wore diapers. I personally didn't care who knew... but I didn't want anybody to riddicule him for something that was personal and the fact that a bunch of middle aged idiots are probably to this day sitting around drunk remenicing about the fact that I was once in love with a "diaper baby" as they so maturely call him is kinda sick because I don't even think of it as much as they still do.
*ultimate face palm!*

Honey, no offense but that was a stupid thing to do. He just told you his biggest and deepest secret of his life and you go and tell people!? That was very senseless, I wish you would have stopped and taken a while to think about it. None the less the damage is done, I just hope you learned to never tell anyone about his secret unless he gives you permission, because it is not your right to do that, even if your his gf. Just because you do not care who knows, does not mean he does not. Even if he does not care about people knowing, it could EASILY ruin his reputation. It could cause him to loose friends, cause him t loose family, cause him to loose a job, and of course cause him to be harassed constantly. You need to understand most people, specially in america, look at us on the same level of pedophiles. Most will treat us just as horrible as pedophiles, so if you do not want your bf beng treated like a pedophile then keep your mouth shut.

I know I may havecome off blunt, but I am just trying to make you realize something which is EXTEMELY important, again final point, do NOT tell a single soul without his permission. If you have any questions or concerns about anything or just need to vent, come here, you will get a very quick handfull of people's advice, from a lot of people who are very expeiranced with this stuff.

Good luck, and I really hope you telling people has not damaged his reputation permentaly. Also take for granted he did not flip out on you, cause I know I would be heated if I just told my gf my deepest darkest secret and she goes and tells people, even if she was only trying to vent, cause really to me there is no excuse for spreading something like this.
 

stirlock

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No worries, eclipse. The people she told were people I really hadn't ever met or had very little dealings with, so it honestly wasn't a big deal at all. Its not like she went around telling everyone we knew. But anyway, its in the past, and nothing bad came of it.
Stunned66. I'm glad you're being so understanding about your husband's coming out to you. It takes a lot to do that believe me I know. The reason I came out to Bobbi about it so quickly is because I knew she'd most likely be accepting about it. I'm glad I was right. I was even surprised when she was willing to change me (I know some people would have reservations about that).
Anyway, welcome and hope you like it here.
 

kite

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Anyway, as its been explained to me, this started in early teens with padding his clothing at night while sleeping
this seems to be a common thread among us... all interested in the padding aspect right around our early to mid teen years. sorry, just a thought i had.
 
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No worries, eclipse. The people she told were people I really hadn't ever met or had very little dealings with, so it honestly wasn't a big deal at all. Its not like she went around telling everyone we knew. But anyway, its in the past, and nothing bad came of it.
Thats good to hear! You got super lucky, the wrong people could have a serious impact on you and even the people who associate with you. One thing seems for sure is you two seem like a real good couple, both open minded and honest and forgiving. I wish I had a relationship like that, I have had relationships but I do not think I could call any of them all 3 of those at once. Do not take for granted that blessing you all have.
 

supercas29

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Only thing I have to say to that... is that I wish we still were a couple.... but distance and time has a tendancy to change people. We're still amazingly close, and I'm greatful for that but honestly, I'd never do anything to try and harm Mike. Even when I lived in California we still lived like five hours from each other, so our families never officially met.
 
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Welcome Stunned66, I think you will find much good info here.
I can relate to your situation, as I have been married for 20yrs, and the hardest thing I ever did, was to tell my wife my secret. I had not told anyone else and she is still the only person who knows in real life. The only other people who know are here on this site.
I would say that fear is the reason he did not tell you sooner, he must love you a lot to keep that secret for that long. Before I told my wife, I was really afraid that if she knew that would be the end of our relationship, as there are stories on line of spouses who could not deal with diapers and ended the relationship because of it.
In the end it turned out my fear was unjustified, and she said that diapers wouldn't be a good reason to end our relationship, she loved me for who I am, but you never really know that untill later.

If you would like to talk to my wife please PM me and I will give you her email address.
She can probably relate to your situation as she is only into this lifestyle through me.
 
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Awww I did not realize you two lived far apart, that is so sad to live semi close then move further apart. Specially when you have something so good going.

Well of course supercas29 I knew you did not tell people to hurt him on purpose, I know you told people thinking you could trust them and they betrayed you. You just simply did not understand how down people look at it. But now you know most people will degrade people like that. So if he did not get hurt from it in anyway, then I would say that was worth learning that.
 

timmywimmy

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dear stunned66,

this is a journey. You may well find some more details of his fetish - as and when he feels able to reveal them - a little difficult to deal with. I am also sure that the more you talk to him about this you will find that - whatever those details are - he didn't choose them, just as he didnt choose to be gay. We all know that sex is not a supermarket. For some reason it appears to choose us, rather than the other way around. I would hazard a guess that the more you talk about this the more you find that the roots of this were earlier than his teens.

Is a fetish identity as powerful and compelling as what we would regard as a sexual identity - straightness, gayness, transgenderedness? After all, a fetish usually attaches itself to, or operates inside, a sexual orientation. (You get a few people who post that they're only interested in diapers, but not many. 99 per cent of us want to wear diapers straightly or gayly - but not alone!) But if it isn't powerful enough to decide whether or not you're attracted to others of your own birth gender, everyone on this forum can testify that it is incredibly powerful regardless, that it doesn't 'go away', and can sympathise with your SO's long struggle to hide it. We can also (and do) applaud your generosity and broad-mindedness. A big hand for Stunned!
 
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Dang man you really don't see someone that devoted to someone very often who ever your spouse is he is a very lucky man to have found someone like you and I hope that the side that thinks its kinda funny wins out because from experience being seen by others even that know your a DL can be very embarrassing.
 

PostTenebrasLux

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Stunned66-

I just joined this forum as well, and have been trying to manage the burden of this secret too. I applaud your brave husband for deciding to share this with you. And I applaud you (perhaps just a little louder) for being supportive.

Regarding your questions after SO threads or forums, I've only ever seen one. When I first discovered this stuff on the internet a few years ago, there was a pretty active 'sister forum' for SOs connected to a forum for AB/DLs. The SO part kind of died out--not sure why--which was later followed by the disappearance of the 'brother' forum. And oddly enough, I can't even remember what these fora (that the right word?) were called.

I think it'd be neat to see an SO section here at ADISC, but you raise a good point about SOs and *B/DLs posting messages in mutually accessible locations. Perhaps there's a way to make the SO section read only for the ABies.

Thanks for sharing--I feel vicariously encouraged. Best of luck, and see you around ADISC.
 

Talula

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Hi stunned, just to let you know that I too was in a similiar situation, about 6 months ago.

Feel free to give me a pm or ask me any questions you like and I'll try to answer them from the perspective of 'our side of the fence'.

Take care x
 

Diapered Rabbit

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Stunned 66 - I've read all your posts and deeply appreciate your candor and acceptance of your spouse. Individuals who are married and want to disclose this kind of interest are often in great fear of rejection. My first marriage (which was fraught with numerous other issues) ended after I disclosed my adult baby desires to my spouse. In fact she attempted to bar me from seeing visiting my children and accused me of sexual abuse toward them. She went as far as vindictively sending letters to every friend, acquaintance, professor, co-worker and professional colleage that I had, which nearly destroyed my career and life. (I am a professional special educator and child development specialist). We divorced in 1987. I finally met my wife and partner I will be with for the rest of my life over 4 years ago. She has known about my adult baby and diaper wearing side since within a week of meeting her. She has always been accepting and loving toward me. It would be nice to see things work out for others that are already married or in deeply committed relationships. Welcome to the community and hope things work out well for both of you. :bunny:
 
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