Help me outgrow

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onegoodcry

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Hello everyone. I'm here because I want to outgrow, or at least regulate, my exclusive fetish. I haven't "worn" since I was potty trained at age 5, although the prospect of "little space" sounds more and more appealing. Instead, AB/DL has manifested mostly as art commissions and roleplays.

My non-AB/DL interests include literature, philosophy, music, video games, and art. I have a working knowledge of Photoshop and am in the process of writing a novel. I want to finish that novel at some point, and possibly play in a band.

Around two months ago, I had a nervous breakdown in which I was forgetting to eat and sleep. I've pondered desperately which link in the chain caused me to "snap". It was a clusterf**k of factors ranging from planning for college to all the marijuana I did this summer - and don't forget about a plethora of "mommy issues". I practically learned to walk by her gaslighting.

Any way you slice it, my manic episode landed me an inpatient stay at a mental hospital, and a diagnosis of Bipolar I "with psychotic features".

The first med they put me on was an absolute s**tshow, for lack of a better word. It had me feeling like my mind, soul, and body were having a standoff with each other. I've spent so much of my life in transition, that at a couple points I even considered that kind of transition. Meanwhile, I'm an only child trying to resolve some early-onset erectile dysfunction.

I'm not as "anti-med" as I used to be, mind you. Part of me wants a full body MRI scan. But now it, feels like every coping mechanism of mine is just tainted. Like there's a blockade in my head preventing the joy of anything from registering.

The one mindset I took refuge in during some of my worst crisis moments... I can't access.

I'm sick of the f**ing snowball effect. I'm sick of being held back by trauma.

I want control over my life, my five senses, my creativity, a normal but flexible sleep cycle, and eventually to "get my rocks off" with some guys and girls.

I've already proven that I can "adult" - although there's still some work to do in that area.

But before all that, I want a good, long cry.
 
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egor

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Hello onegoodcry and welcome to the group.

Very informative introduction.

Egor
 

onegoodcry

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Thank you. I know how much I ranted and rambled. I'm always searching for the best possible version of myself to present to everyone. I guess that's what made me snap.
 

dogboy

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Thank you. I know how much I ranted and rambled. I'm always searching for the best possible version of myself to present to everyone. I guess that's what made me snap.
Hi and welcome. If you eventually play in a band, what is your instrument? I played in a very good rock/cover band for 15 years. I'm a keyboardist, my degree in organ performance, but I mostly play piano and keyboards.
 

onegoodcry

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Hi and welcome. If you eventually play in a band, what is your instrument? I played in a very good rock/cover band for 15 years. I'm a keyboardist, my degree in organ performance, but I mostly play piano and keyboards.
Bass guitar or drums. People tell me I have a decent singing voice, but to me the most satisfying thing in music is a tight rhythm section.
 

ESPF

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Hello onegoodcry,
Wow... Where to go with that?
Well. Welcome to the group. 🐈
 
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