THANK YOU guys for your kind and supportive replies, not to worry I'm not about to throw the rope over the old oak tree just yet. The holidays have been stressful as far back as I can remember, 3 or 4 I'd guess there are some horror stories to almost rival Phoebe Cates's in Gremlins. My parents and sister are getting together half a world away to pretend we had a happy family in the 60s and wish me to join them, they were abusive, dismissive and demeaning, the dog got more respect, I cannot be part of the hypocrisy. Still that is nothing new I think the 25th year party my boss held for me at work yesterday had me down more, a lame thank you speech and a $350 check. I got $400 on my 20th year and more than that for my first Christmas bonus after only a month on the job. It's been ten years since we've had a bonus and three since my last raise, I feel I've wasted my loyalty to what the company once was.
I'm 56 now and look like i'm in my late 30s, in good health, own my home fully paid for and do have a small circle of good friends here as well as many others on my two favorite forums.
I do have many reasons to be grateful!