Growing tired of life

babyraggydolls

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  2. Diaper Lover
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I wake up and i am greeted with cats pee. The one thing i had to look forward to was the Scooby doo show bluray i ordered from Amazon and it took three weeks to arrive and it showed up scratched and one of the disks won’t play and sending it back to America isn’t easy from the uk so I’m sending it in to a dvd disk repair service on eBay so they can polish the scratches out of it. I tried to get the missing episodes on iTunes and they wouldn’t play back it had lines through the picture. Using the bathroom in my house sucks because it’s flooded and has stagnant water and my partner won’t let us get a plumber and the roofs rotting and in my kind i only have two choices either declare myself homeless and leave or take my own life, I’m getting old I’m 40odd and my autism makes being alive painful because the smallest of issues like the Scooby doo disk being faulty and it ruins my day, my head hurt so much because it was something that was meant to be ok but it went wrong 😑 and I couldn’t cope. I just can’t do enough to function every day and get by and it gets worse as I get older and so does my mobility and even using the bathroom trying to clean myself I found Traumatic it gives me anxiety because of the amount of concentration it requires and I have very little concentration. I thinking about saving the money to go abroad to die because in some countries they have laws that allow that but it’s expensive. I’ve spoken to people who are 70 or 80 years old and who are tired of life, I’m 49 and I’m already tired of life and being here with no purpose and no prospects of a brighter future.
 
I would get out if where your living. Those conditions are not good to live in. A new place that is in good shape. Will be a big step to start feeling better about your self.
 
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It'd be one thing if your partner had plumbing skills...but they don't. Why are they doing this to you both? That's not at all prudent of them. You gotta have working plumbing.
 
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After my wife died, I sought psychiatric help because I was doing things that I thought would end my life, like over exercizing. It can be very helpful to talk about your problems with another human being. There are churches that take on projects to help others who can't help themselves. My church has repaired houses, built porches that were falling down, built ramps for people with mobility problems.

It's time to look outside of your environs and seek the help of others. No one should have to live with bad plumbing and leaky roofs as it's very unhealthy. There are people out there who will care. Find a church and become a member. Attend adult Sunday classes and get to know other people. There are very good people out there.
 
Honestly, I think you need to take stock of things in your life. Perhaps a list.

At this point, I believe that you are not in a relationship that is healthy to be in. So if you want to leave them, the first thing I would do is take stock of what belongings you have. The essential things be it any identification, insurance cards, drivers licenses, birth certificates, medical records, locate them and keep them in a safe place. Make your own bank account that is one that they cannot have access to if you don't already have one. Inform the people in your life who are safe, be it family, friends, social worker, care worker, priest, pastor, etc, that you intend to leave and garner the support you can get from them. See if there is a place you can stay in the meantime.

you mentioned you have cats. If you want to get away, you will have to make some decisions. If they are yours and you can not afford to keep them, then you need to rehouse them. If you do plan to keep them after you move out and get yourself resettled, then you'll still probably need someone to take them in while you have gotten things sorted.

You mentioned you are disabled or have autism and/or other disabilities. Are you on any disability benefits? Is there anyone like a caseworker or social services that you are in contact with? I'm not based in the UK but I would imagine that these are some of the first people I would get in contact with. They could maybe help you find low income or subsidized housing. They could maybe help you get some insurance coverage or reimbursements for some diapers to wear. And perhaps they could even help you get sorted and moved out to another place.

Its also worth reaching out to NGOs to see if they have some resources to help you. NGOs catering to the disabled, autistic people etc could help fill in the gaps in terms of services or help lead you down corridors to help you fight for your benefits.

This sounds like a situation you've endured for far too long. Take a deep breath. Cross off one task per day. Like one day: look up an NGO. Another day: call said NGO. Another day: gather up x piece of identification paperwork.

it's a lot of work I won't deny it, but you have to work for a better life.

hang in there
 
You're getting good advice written above my post. Good suggestions and the bottom line is don't give up.

And if your thoughts wander into the self-harm arena, please, please reach out to your country's hotline for helping people who are feeling desperate and in need of help.

Your situation is unfortunately becoming more common with people losing a sense of connection and purpose in their lives. This is exacerbated by social media. People are important. Friends are important. Real connections with real people are important. Social media does little to promote real relationships.

Best wishes to you.
 
I have to agree. This is somewhere in the grey between neglect & abuse and clearly a matter which will raise Protective Services' eyebrows.
 
Milianna said:
Honestly, I think you need to take stock of things in your life. Perhaps a list.

At this point, I believe that you are not in a relationship that is healthy to be in. So if you want to leave them, the first thing I would do is take stock of what belongings you have. The essential things be it any identification, insurance cards, drivers licenses, birth certificates, medical records, locate them and keep them in a safe place. Make your own bank account that is one that they cannot have access to if you don't already have one. Inform the people in your life who are safe, be it family, friends, social worker, care worker, priest, pastor, etc, that you intend to leave and garner the support you can get from them. See if there is a place you can stay in the meantime.

you mentioned you have cats. If you want to get away, you will have to make some decisions. If they are yours and you can not afford to keep them, then you need to rehouse them. If you do plan to keep them after you move out and get yourself resettled, then you'll still probably need someone to take them in while you have gotten things sorted.

You mentioned you are disabled or have autism and/or other disabilities. Are you on any disability benefits? Is there anyone like a caseworker or social services that you are in contact with? I'm not based in the UK but I would imagine that these are some of the first people I would get in contact with. They could maybe help you find low income or subsidized housing. They could maybe help you get some insurance coverage or reimbursements for some diapers to wear. And perhaps they could even help you get sorted and moved out to another place.

Its also worth reaching out to NGOs to see if they have some resources to help you. NGOs catering to the disabled, autistic people etc could help fill in the gaps in terms of services or help lead you down corridors to help you fight for your benefits.

This sounds like a situation you've endured for far too long. Take a deep breath. Cross off one task per day. Like one day: look up an NGO. Another day: call said NGO. Another day: gather up x piece of identification paperwork.

it's a lot of work I won't deny it, but you have to work for a better life.

hang in there

I have a social worker
babyraggydolls said:
I wake up and i am greeted with cats pee. The one thing i had to look forward to was the Scooby doo show bluray i ordered from Amazon and it took three weeks to arrive and it showed up scratched and one of the disks won’t play and sending it back to America isn’t easy from the uk so I’m sending it in to a dvd disk repair service on eBay so they can polish the scratches out of it. I tried to get the missing episodes on iTunes and they wouldn’t play back it had lines through the picture. Using the bathroom in my house sucks because it’s flooded and has stagnant water and my partner won’t let us get a plumber and the roofs rotting and in my kind i only have two choices either declare myself homeless and leave or take my own life, I’m getting old I’m 40odd and my autism makes being alive painful because the smallest of issues like the Scooby doo disk being faulty and it ruins my day, my head hurt so much because it was something that was meant to be ok but it went wrong 😑 and I couldn’t cope. I just can’t do enough to function every day and get by and it gets worse as I get older and so does my mobility and even using the bathroom trying to clean myself I found Traumatic it gives me anxiety because of the amount of concentration it requires and I have very little concentration. I thinking about saving the money to go abroad to die because in some countries they have laws that allow that but it’s expensive. I’ve spoken to people who are 70 or 80 years old and who are tired of life, I’m 49 and I’m already tired of life and being here with no purpose and no prospects of a bright

babyraggydolls said:
I wake up and i am greeted with cats pee. The one thing i had to look forward to was the Scooby doo show bluray i ordered from Amazon and it took three weeks to arrive and it showed up scratched and one of the disks won’t play and sending it back to America isn’t easy from the uk so I’m sending it in to a dvd disk repair service on eBay so they can polish the scratches out of it. I tried to get the missing episodes on iTunes and they wouldn’t play back it had lines through the picture. Using the bathroom in my house sucks because it’s flooded and has stagnant water and my partner won’t let us get a plumber and the roofs rotting and in my kind i only have two choices either declare myself homeless and leave or take my own life, I’m getting old I’m 40odd and my autism makes being alive painful because the smallest of issues like the Scooby doo disk being faulty and it ruins my day, my head hurt so much because it was something that was meant to be ok but it went wrong 😑 and I couldn’t cope. I just can’t do enough to function every day and get by and it gets worse as I get older and so does my mobility and even using the bathroom trying to clean myself I found Traumatic it gives me anxiety because of the amount of concentration it requires and I have very little concentration. I thinking about saving the money to go abroad to die because in some countries they have laws that allow that but it’s expensive. I’ve spoken to people who are 70 or 80 years old and who are tired of life, I’m 49 and I’m already tired of life and being here with no purpose and no prospects of a brighter future.

I have a social worker and am on benefits but the social worker doesn’t do anything, she promised to help by referring me for housing advice but that was 8 months ago and I’ve chased it up until I’m blue in the face. I don’t know how to fix things but if I could I would. The person who installed the bathroom didn’t use waterproofing or even water resistant wood so the whole floors rotten in the bathroom as it’s made from wood. If it was me I would cut a whole in the floor and fill it with concrete but the shower slab and the toilet would probably need to come out. The toilet leak is caused where the toilet keeps sinking on the rotten floor and pulling the pipes out with it. Eventually it will collapse because wet wood becomes cardboard like and eventually parishes and I think I’m closer to that not only with the floor but the roof.

Every time I go to leave I get stopped from exiting the home because the just block the door way, or get showered with gifts which I am not happy about but this whole house is a disaster area, today I woke up and smoke from people having coal fires drifted in through the front door because it’s got more gaps and holes than Swiss cheese and the smoke comes in from outdoors so I’ve had to run a hepafilter (I got one of them cheap ones off Amazon) I woke up feeling sick from it.

I think I got to out pressure on social services because I’m living like an animal. I only take comfort in the fact that I got diapers if I’m stuck for the bathroom which will last me until I could get a portable toilet hired and put in the garden if the cost wasn’t too bad. I got to do something
 
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I checked me email and apparently the case social worker has left and they assigned me a new one ☝️ so I’ve emailed her and explained that things have gotten worse. I’m sad she’s left but hopefully there new one can help. I emailed a list of how things have gotten worse 😑 I hate changes but I will get used to the new social worker.
 
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