Grieving

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Fireband

The musician of many genres
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I just got a call from the state hospital 2 hours ago...my good friend, fellow little, love interest...has died from cardiac arrest following her start of a new treatment at the inpatient state psych hospital she was staying at. They were not able to revive her. I guess her body has been through too much...the car accident 2 years ago, her latest suicide attempt. My friends and me in particular are heartbroken. Not only was she the sweetest girl and little in the whole wide world, she was my band mate awhile back (until the car accident) and we were super close (almost family). I've lost so many love interests due to moving and jobs, but now death!? It's like I poison everyone I touch. I've also lost too many friends. My social circle is too small now (I have about 6 good friends left in real life). I'm the kind of guy who has the need to love someone to love himself. And without the ability to wait for my friend and start a relationship with her, I'm broken. I feel like I have nothing left where I live. If i didn't have my job to hold down, I would move away from Pittsburgh, a city that seems to have brought me more bad than good. In 3 days, my friends and I are holding a memorial concert in her honor playing her favorite song "Lightning Crashes" by Live. And to my love, who was going to join this forum, i'm sure everyone here would've loved you. You have all been so supportive and caring to me on this site. You guys are diamonds and are true friends to me. Thank you for your time.
-Fireband.
In loving memory of Liliana "Lilly" Rosealine Weston. 1997-2018 "A smile is worth a million dollars, a hug is worth the same, and love is priceless" That quote you told me will be in my heart forever
 

Leio

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My deepest condolences to you, Fireband. The death of a loved one is, making a great understatement, an extremely painful thing to bear.

I'm sad to hear about your friend/love's death.

Know that I am here for you in this time of grieving.
 

egor

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I am soooooo sorry Fireband.

That is such a hard blow. Knowing what you have told us.

I hope you have a network of people that you can talk to.

Please keep us informed of how you are doing and PM me if you need someone to just listen.

Egor
 

HTML

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I'm really sorry for your loss. If you'd like someone to talk to, please let me know.

One piece of advice I can offer is to cry. Don't bottle your emotions up. It's not healthy. I too, lost a loved one this week, so I have an idea on what you're feeling.
 

ESPF

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I'm sorry for your loss Firebrand,😿
 

Safariwolf

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I know how you feel I just lost my great grandma after celebrating her 92nd birthday I'm so sorry for your loss it's never easy but we're all here for you
 

dogboy

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I'm a church organist and I played a funeral today for a friend's mother. Sadly, we only stay in this body for awhile. I lost my best friend when my wife died and I don't expect to ever be the same. The big events in our lives change us forever. For me, the challenge is to find meaning for my life, one that no longer contains her, at least, not for now.

I do believe that we go on after death, otherwise this life has little meaning. But the loneliness can be overwhelming. The best I can suggest to you is to stay busy and spend time with the five friends you still have. Life is for the living, which is all of us. The trick is to feel like you are alive, having something to look forward to. Without that, we begin to die inside. That's what I fight every day.

I'm sorry for your loss because loss can be overwhelming. Try not to let it do that to you. Live does continue, with us and within us. I did receive a sign that my wife is okay, but it's a long involved story so I won't tell it here. But if you look for more, you receive more.
 

Fireband

The musician of many genres
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Diaper Lover, Little, Incontinent
Just an Update:
I'm even more crushed then before. Lilly's mom stopped by today with some notes Lilly had been writing for and about me. She said she read them while going through her daughter's stuff and thought I should read them. I spent this evening reading them, and let's just say by the end of all the notes and journals, I drank my whole best bottle of gin (I save that stuff for the super hard times). The notes and journals said that she always loved me, and the night I stood up to her was the night I was her "prince in shining armor". It turns out she turned me away that night because she was shy about returning my feelings. The last note witch was written the day she got to hospital was all about how she really wanted to start dating, and I would would've been and i quote "the best guy for a girl ever". She wanted to one day get engaged and start a family. I even found that she had been planning to rent a lake house near Lake Erie for a little's gettaway. She'd be happy to know I would've said yes to both dating and a vacation. I'll never forget her. I'll always love her even though she's gone. But now, there's a hole in my heart and the only thing to fill it is my liquor cabinet. There are no support groups in my area, and a lot of my friends moved away. I'm kinda on my own, in terms of real life help. I wish too she had met my family. They would've loved her, and maybe she would've helped them understand me and my IC. That's how we bonded back in the day (after the car wreak that rendered her incontinent). I was her "bully shield". I don't think I'll really ever be the same, but over time I'll heal. But for now my flames are doused.
-fireband
 

furryfox

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Fireband, I am so, so sorry to hear about your friend Lilly passing on. Have faith that you will both be reunited in a better world someday. Sending positive energy to help heal your heart.
 

Kenna

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sorry for your loss i know what it is like to lose those that are very close to you around you.
 

rennecfox

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Ugh I am so sorry to hear this, that truly is horrible :'( I can't even begin to know the amount of pain you are going through, but I do know the pain of loss and if you need to talk I can listen feel free to PM me.
 
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