Going Through With Acceptance

[babied]

Hi Everyone,

Just thought the best way to get this off my mind is to write it out and share it.

For the past while I have been going through with the acceptance of my DL side, and most of us here know that it can be tough. Since the acceptance kicked in I tend to go around in a circle telling myself that it's fine one minute and its not the next. I have got to the stage where I know that it is a part of who I am but now and again I start to feel that there is something wrong with me and work myself into a panic. The main thing that I have told myself recently is that no one can choose what they like or dislike.

Advice ?

Side-question: All of this as got me looking for something to relate to, and the only thing I can think of is that, could we relate this acceptance with the LGBT people. Since we do go through the same type of things that LGBT people go through with acceptance ?

 

[Trevor]

Try looking at it as objectively as you can and try to determine what's really so wrong with it. You may come up with some others but these are the ones that are primary to me:

• It is generally a negative in relationships, although occasionally positive if you can share it. This makes it like a lot of things but objectively, I would say it creates more problems for the average person.
• It's something that most want to keep private, if not secret, which creates additional complications. Again, there are other things in life that are similar but manageable.
• It's an added expense. This one is pretty trivial to me. Hobbies and interests often have an associated cost and while I wouldn't call this a hobby, some do, and the cost is manageable.
• Refusing to accept yourself can lead to significant stress. This one is hard to really see until you're on the other side of it. I would call this the biggest negative and it's one that is within your own power to alleviate.

For me, this list seems to put the most negative aspects of it coming from society rather than from objective harms. It says to me that being an ABDL is pretty neutral in and of itself, but has some negative consequences because society at large isn't on board with it. In that I keep this to myself and those with whom I share the interest, society's stigma doesn't matter to me too much. Write up your own list and see what's really worrying you.

As to the LGBT part of your post, I don't think it serves us too well to focus on those similarities. There are some that do exist but I think trying to make that connection risks trivializing that struggle. When I need something relatable, I tend to think of the broader acceptance of geek culture or how kinks in general have become more accepted, which is really where I think we should be focusing our energies rather than seeking broad acceptance for a pretty strange practice held by a tiny number of people.

Keep at the acceptance thing. It's really worth it!

 

[babied]

Thanks Trevor,

I do agree with you on the point about society, that it can make many people feel like they are/will be judged just because they are different. The only thing that comes to mind about making a list is that I did get dumped recently which I think led to me getting caught in this spiral deeper, and also that I still have to meet another abdl person.

 

[dogboy]

Great advise from Trevor. From your last post, I wouldn't necessarily limit myself to another ABDL person. Like Trevor said, we are few in numbers compared to the entire population. I didn't find an AB/DL person, but rather, someone who loves me unconditionally. I can wear diapers when I want because she understands me, just as I understand and accept her. It works for us and I hope you find someone where it works for you.

 

[Trevor]

Thanks Trevor,

I do agree with you on the point about society, that it can make many people feel like they are/will be judged just because they are different. The only thing that comes to mind about making a list is that I did get dumped recently which I think led to me getting caught in this spiral deeper, and also that I still have to meet another abdl person.

Remember that anyone can get dumped, not just ABDLs. There are so many reasons why things don't work out (or do) and this is just one piece of that overall puzzle. While it's obvious that ABDLs can get along in relationships with those who aren't into it, I would recommend getting out there and meeting other ABDLs. I've found it really helped me put it in a better place in my mind to know others out there like myself. I had managed to get myself to a place of grudging acceptance all on my own but it wasn't until I made ABDL friends that I understood how it could be a positive thing in my life.

 

[viker55]

im brand new to the community just did my first post a few mintues ago and i stumbled across this thread. I am also on a journey to finding out where i lay in the community and mabye more importantly about accepting myself for who i am and rather or not i should accept this newly found love or desire for diapers and i wanted to reach out and find people that were in the same boat as me and after reading your top thread i have to say i have those same feelings from time to time and tend to ask myself why do i want to wear them, what if people find out, Am i wearing them for attention or am i depressed and the list can go on and on but i think one thing thats really opened my eyes recently is that i can reach out to support groups and forums like this and speak to people and learn alot more about the community and learn to accept myself with this new found love.

 

[Nessus]

I am lucky to have been taught from a very early age that what others think of me is their problem so I have no shame in being DL internally.

My external sense is not one of shame but distrust. I do not trust others to understand this part of who I am.

I offer that shame truly comes in two general flavors - genuine and artificial. I see genuine shame as happening when you genuinely did something bad - unethical or immoral - or something similar enough that you should not have done it and therefore should be ashamed if you are truly a good person. This form of shame is healthy, natural, and an effective means of helping us maintain a solid moral and ethical footing. In some ways it is the hallmark of a truly good person. That is not the context we are discussing, however.

The kind of shame you seem to be dealing with, from what I can tell, appears to be a mix of artificial shame and a lack of trust of some of those around you. I am definitely in tune with the lack of trust and that is both legitimate and important given our situation. I can certainly see why you would be reluctant to expose this side of yourself to just anyone on the basis that they may react in a way you do not need to experience. That is normal and understandable.

As for what I call 'artificial shame' I see that coming from an externally imposed standard of behavior that is not of a moral or ethical nature but is what we call from the world of 'Mores' which covers cultural or social concepts which look a lot like morals but are in fact taboos and similar things. Our behavior is very much of this nature in that it violates the Mores of most if not all modern societies while having no direct moral or ethical element.

Of course if you are talking about BDSM in conjunction with ABDL then a moral element can enter, but the core behaviors and concepts behind being a member of the ABDL community itself is absent of any real moral or ethical dimension.

The upshot of all this is that you really have no reason to be ashamed of yourself or feel bad about your DL behavior or have any internal acceptance problems for any reason that actually means anything.

I do understand that it is very easy for me to say that while be very hard to follow it in real life, but that does not mean it is any less true. You hopefully can find you way to a place where you realize you are who you are, and if you are good to other people, are respectful of their differences and accepting of their behaviors when they do not violate clear ethical or moral standards then you are, by definition, a good person. The fact you like to wear diapers and what you may (or may not) enjoy doing in them is your business and no one else's unless you choose to make it so. At that point you are choosing to trust that the other person will accept you as you are, and you may have to make a further choice if they do not. What you would not need to do is be ashamed or guilty for you will have done nothing to be ashamed or guilty of.

I hope that helps!