Going on a first date, I need help

[Cammer]

So I started talking to a girl and we are going on our first date a week from today. What do I do, should I tell her about my IC? I don’t want her to think I intentionally held that back from her when we get farther along in a relationship, if we do. What do y’all think

 

[BabyHailey1977]

Personally, I’d wait til the second date. Let her judge you on the first date, not your IC. Good luck!!!

 

[RestrainU4Me]

I would suggest you wait a few of dates. Probably after the first kiss, when things “start” to get serious and she starts to feel comfortable around you.

So you’re the guy she likes with a health issue.

Vs

Some guy she just met that wears diapers.

 

[BlameBaby]

So I started talking to a girl and we are going on our first date a week from today. What do I do, should I tell her about my IC? I don’t want her to think I intentionally held that back from her when we get farther along in a relationship, if we do. What do y’all think

Personally I would tell her up front before getting into a relationship.

 

[warmfeeling]

So I started talking to a girl and we are going on our first date a week from today. What do I do, should I tell her about my IC? I don’t want her to think I intentionally held that back from her when we get farther along in a relationship, if we do. What do y’all think

For me, I’d see how the first date goes, if you think it’s going well, I think maybe 2nd or 3rd date, maybe a drop a hint of things to see how it goes. Good luck 👍🏻😁

 

[Cammer]

For me, I’d see how the first date goes, if you think it’s going well, I think maybe 2nd or 3rd date, maybe a drop a hint of things to see how it goes. Good luck 👍🏻😁

What kinda hints would you drop, I have heard people say that before or kinda test the water but I wouldn’t know how

 

[greatlake5]

That's a tough one. I have a fairly new partner. This is a different deal. She figured it out first before I could tell her. We have been good friends for almost 5 years. We hang out with the same group of friends. Only one of them knew I was IC and never discussed it with anyone. In the end she just said she thought I was kind of cute. After a couple of times together we started playing tennis and riding our bikes. She mentioned that I never seen to use the bathroom. Uh oh. Anyway she finally asked me if I was wearing a diaper. Lets just say it wasn't good. But over time I started to relax around her and here we are.

For you, it's something you have to figure yourself if it's worse even telling her. I never thought I'd let a woman know. I'm private about it. I don't like talking other people about such personal things. But I will say that if you seem to have some connection with her and you're going to date, I think you have to let her know (in a very casual way).

 

[Cammer]

That's a tough one. I have a fairly new partner. This is a different deal. She figured it out first before I could tell her. We have been good friends for almost 5 years. We hang out with the same group of friends. Only one of them knew I was IC and never discussed it with anyone. In the end she just said she thought I was kind of cute. After a couple of times together we started playing tennis and riding our bikes. She mentioned that I never seen to use the bathroom. Uh oh. Anyway she finally asked me if I was wearing a diaper. Lets just say it wasn't good. But over time I started to relax around her and here we are.

For you, it's something you have to figure yourself if it's worse even telling her. I never thought I'd let a woman know. I'm private about it. I don't like talking other people about such personal things. But I will say that if you seem to have some connection with her and you're going to date, I think you have to let her know (in a very casual way).

Thank you!

 

[GoodboyN]

So I started talking to a girl and we are going on our first date a week from today. What do I do, should I tell her about my IC? I don’t want her to think I intentionally held that back from her when we get farther along in a relationship, if we do. What do y’all think

Hey Cammer this is a great post! My opinions are don't tell her up front on the first date! Right before the relationship progresses to touchy feely and kissing that's when you should tell her; whether it's two weeks or two years from now. Give the relationship a chance to grow roots. Sweep her off her feet with charm and charisma, give her personal attention, concentrate on the little things, and if you like her find a way to express it, even if it's awkward. I miss dating, o to be young again.

 

[Cammer]

Hey Cammer this is a great post! My opinions are don't tell her up front on the first date! Right before the relationship progresses to touchy feely and kissing that's when you should tell her; whether it's two weeks or two years from now. Give the relationship a chance to grow roots. Sweep her off her feet with charm and charisma, give her personal attention, concentrate on the little things, and if you like her find a way to express it, even if it's awkward. I miss dating, o to be young again.

Thank you for your opinion on my question, I just hope there’s a chance it works out

 

[Turfy]

Yeah, it’s definitely not first date material. That’s more for when conversations about medical stuff comes up, that’s when to bring it up, when you naturally would as part of that conversation

 

[GoodboyN]

Thank you for your opinion on my question, I just hope there’s a chance it works out

I'm no expert but I've dated my share of women and I give you a 90% chance of success. Every single gal I opened up to accepted me wholeheartedly. If she doesn't accept you for who you are then she's the wrong one.

 

[Turfy]

I'm no expert but I've dated my share of women and I give you a 90% chance of success. Every single gal I opened up to accepted me wholeheartedly. If she doesn't accept you for who you are then she's the wrong one.

That’s another incredibly good point that I’ve made a few times: Would you really want to waste your time on someone who was going to give a fuck? What does that say about this person?

It’s actually a good litmus test to check the character on the person you are becoming ever more interested in

 

[uknappygirl]

I would agree with the advice to wait until date 2 or 3 before bringing it up. I get what others have said about working out if someone is right by how they respond to something like this but there’s so much going on at a first date, with thoughts and questions that they might just find it a bit overwhelming at that point. A bit later on it’s easier to talk and ask questions and understand. Hope that helps and it goes well. Xx

 

[Rita]

For myself we I waited a 4 months before I told her ! Wanted to get to know each other so much better ! ! Was very lucky that she was very understanding now she definitely she a keeper and we enjoy each other very much !!!
DO Hope your just as lucky as I been .... Best of luck !!!!

 

[Hockeyczar]

I wouldn't tell her until you think you may get intimate.

 

[blueberry]

I told my GF now wife on our 3rd date. I wrote her a letter and gave it to her at the end of the date so that she could read it when she got home. The first text I received when she got home that night was “I read your letter and I am not going anywhere”. The next 3 years led to a-lot of questions and time for her to get comfortable with everything. Now almost 4 years into our relationship she has a very good understanding of what ABDL means to me and I have a very good understanding of her boundaries/limits.

The one and only piece of advice I would give is that you should assess how important it is for your partner to be participatory in your ABDL lifestlye. Some women want nothing to do with it, others are accepting but do not wish to participate, and others are all in (role playing, mommying, involving diapers in sex, etc). If you need a woman that is “all in”, do not settle.

I love my wife to death but I did not explore my feelings deeply enough in the courting phase. I found a woman that loves me and accepts me for my ABDL but is not willing to participate. This has left a gaping hole in my heart and no matter how hard my wife tries to love me in other ways my cup never feels completely full. It can be discouraging and lonely at times but we manage. Its a process, that is different for every couple. Good luck!

 

[ltaluv]

I love my wife to death but I did not explore my feelings deeply enough in the courting phase. I found a woman that loves me and accepts me for my ABDL but is not willing to participate. This has left a gaping hole in my heart and no matter how hard my wife tries to love me in other ways my cup never feels completely full.

This is part of the gulf that divides those who are purely incontinent from those who are ABDL (though they may also be incontinent). Few of those who are simply incontinent have the desire to include their spouse in their incontinence, and many recoil at the thought of their spouse needing to participate in it.

My wife is very supportive, and would change me if I needed her to. That's not something I want, and I would not allow her to do that unless I was unable to do it on my own. She's happy to buy diapers or other supplies for me, but I rarely let her do this. It took a long time for me to be comfortable with her even seeing me in a diaper, and I'm still not completely comfortable with that after nearly ten years of marriage.

When my wife and I met, we became friends before we started dating. I knew she wanted to date me, but I was dating someone else at the time, and she was waiting for her divorce to become final, so we waited. I told her about my various medical problems (incontinence is not the worst thing i have going on) before we started dating because I didn't want to date her at all if she was going to have a problem with those things. It's a bit different if you start dating before you're friends, and makes it harder to determine when to bring up medical things.

 

[Unorthodoxengineer]

I would take it quite slowly - wait until you're both comfortable with one another. On a first (first few) date, you'll both be nervous and anxious.
Try something like "I have a secret, which I'm a bit embarrassed about". Telling someone a "secret" shows up front that you trust them more than anyone else - which puts it in a good context.

I would bet she also has something secret, which she was nervous about sharing with you! Most people do. If all goes well, it will bring you closer together.

Fingers crossed! I've been there a few times & know how nervewracking it is.

 

[Babybear2006]

I wouldn't say anything about the diapers on the first few dates just have fun and get to know each other. Unless they grab or touch that area and ask about it. I didn't tell my fiance until we decided to sleep together for the first time. I started out saying that I had a secret that I needed to tell her about. I told her that I was a bedwetter in high school which is where we first met and dated until we broke up and lost contact for several years. She told me that she remembered my brother telling her that I had to wear diapers at night in school. She asked me if I still had problems with bedwetting and I told her that I sometimes still had problems with bedwetting. She then asked if I still had to wear diapers at night and if I had brought some to sleep in, I told her that I did to both. When we got to the room I took my pants off and she saw that I was wearing a pullup that was wet from the trip. She asked if I had daytime accidents and I told her sometimes.