Giving up the DL lifestyle

[Gettingoverthefear]

Recently my wife of 30+ years discovered some of my baby things. I have been increasing my baby behaviors in the last 2 years because I retired and my wife was still working. My wife is planning on retiring soon. I told her I would go to a counselor. I would like to keep the door open for me to continue my abdl habit, but do not know if that is realistic given that I have hidden this habit for all of our marriage. Until the last 2 years, my diaper fetish was merely a way to satisfy myself sexually when my wife did not want to have sex. After retirement, my diaper fetish has grown into a more time consuming and frequent habit which I have to admit is interfering with my sex life with my wife. So now I fell like perhaps I should give it up, but would like to consider the possibility of continuing my abdl habits with my wife's consent.

 

[Angellothefox]

Sorry everyone for wording something differently at dose not need wording differently.

 

[WillWheatThins]

I believe I can require myself with professional help to have a different sexual fetish. Because I started to wet the bed at the age of 13-14 after some major trauma. It only lasted for about a year but of course that was the perfect time because I was at that age that I was masterbating multiple times a day because of the change of puberty. So I believe I can start moving diapers out of my life little by little while replacing it with some other fetish that I think is better for me and a future relationship.

Since so many people here are using the term "fetish" I feel it's important for people to understand what a psychologist hears when you say "Fetish" and how that compares with the more commonly understood word "Kink"...

According to the DSM, a fetish is a dysfunctional sexual attraction to an object or tactile sensation other than what is considered human sexual intercourse. In order for it to be considered a fetish, the sexual object must be used to achieve sexual satisfaction - or you are unable to achieve arousal without it. In order for it to be considered dysfunctional, it must create a feelings of anxiety or impulsive behaviours that are generally disruptive to your life and creates an unhealthy cycle of self-loathing.

However, when most people say fetish they really mean kink. A kink, in simplest terms, is anything that turns you on! Kinks can be healthy and fulfilling ways for people to express themselves and don't generally cause the levels of anxiety that turn into full-blown self-loathing.

It sounds like you definitely have a fetish, because you formed a sexual bond with your diapers during puberty, it is causing you significant anxiety and you've decided to seek treatment. Your goal should not to turn your fetish into another fetish - that's like swapping lung cancer for brain cancer... both will cause you harm. Instead, I encourage you to talk with your psychologist about improving your interpersonal communication so that you can clearly communicate your sexual needs and desires to a partner that wants to hear them.

Psychologists understand fetishes to be "progressive" which means they get stronger over time, not weaker. The longer you go without expressing yourself sexually, the more difficult it becomes because your expectations and fantasies can balloon to unrealistic proportions. If any of this is true for you (maybe none of it is) it's worth it to weigh the risks and rewards of whichever path you choose.

Best of luck!

 

[ThePoeticSkunk]

I think if you can find you're bliss by letting go of this lifestyle then that may be the right thing to do. However, speaking from personal experience I've tried to suppress this desire as well and through the binge and purge cycles I've learned that such attempts are futile. Now I never sought the help of a therapist but I wish you all the best with yours. Goodluck!

 

[Doshy]

I think you are going to regret telling a counselor about your diaper fetish. Infantilism and diaper fetishes is the LEAST STUDIED AND UNDERSTOOD phenomenon in the psychiatric world. Unless you're talking to the best doctor in the world and are paying her a boatload of money, I don't think you should tell her.

She can help you with your other problems, but NOT with the diapers. That's just cold hard fact man.
It may be time to just accept that you like diapers. You don't have to wear them. For a long time, I had sworn off diapers. Instead, I just wore a onesie around as an undershirt. I was diapered in my mind only. In the last century and before, liking and wearing the garments of those outside of your norm was called transvestism. In history, people used to wear swaddling robes and just foul themselves, as that's what babies did.

Today we have diapers, but the fetish is still the same. You can be happy with just wearing the clothing of children and babies instead of wearing a diaper. I did it. Try it out before you tell a doctor.

 

[Doshy]

Since so many people here are using the term "fetish" I feel it's important for people to understand what a psychologist hears when you say "Fetish" and how that compares with the more commonly understood word "Kink"...

According to the DSM, a fetish is a dysfunctional sexual attraction to an object or tactile sensation other than what is considered human sexual intercourse. In order for it to be considered a fetish, the sexual object must be used to achieve sexual satisfaction - or you are unable to achieve arousal without it. In order for it to be considered dysfunctional, it must create a feelings of anxiety or impulsive behaviours that are generally disruptive to your life and creates an unhealthy cycle of self-loathing.

However, when most people say fetish they really mean kink. A kink, in simplest terms, is anything that turns you on! Kinks can be healthy and fulfilling ways for people to express themselves and don't generally cause the levels of anxiety that turn into full-blown self-loathing.

It sounds like you definitely have a fetish, because you formed a sexual bond with your diapers during puberty, it is causing you significant anxiety and you've decided to seek treatment. Your goal should not to turn your fetish into another fetish - that's like swapping lung cancer for brain cancer... both will cause you harm. Instead, I encourage you to talk with your psychologist about improving your interpersonal communication so that you can clearly communicate your sexual needs and desires to a partner that wants to hear them.

Psychologists understand fetishes to be "progressive" which means they get stronger over time, not weaker. The longer you go without expressing yourself sexually, the more difficult it becomes because your expectations and fantasies can balloon to unrealistic proportions. If any of this is true for you (maybe none of it is) it's worth it to weigh the risks and rewards of whichever path you choose.

Best of luck!

Great point, bravo man. Well said!

 

[babybobby]

In history, people used to wear swaddling robes and just foul themselves, as that's what babies did.

I've always wondered about this. Do you have a source?

@OP my partner and I are seeing a kink aware sex Therapist. I asked him about ABDL when interviewing him, he said he's worked with it, and it's well within the range of kinks. As far as stopping my desires, I had a major PURGE the start of college. My parents were intimately (almost gross) involved in my DL life, so there was lots of pressure/shame to "just be normal to find a partner". I threw away hundreds of dollars in diapers, and was back in them within my first month of college. I decided that it was something that made me happy, peaceful and was restorative. I then focused my work with therapy on accepting and loving myself.


Fast forward almost 10 years, I'm in a happy mature relationship with a man that is down to earth and loving. I made no secret of my diapers after about 2 months of dating, and was even honest about how often I slept in diapers (5 nights a week). I still remember how strong my insecurity was to lie and tell him only 2-3 nights. I was brave, and told the truth. We've been together for 5 years now. I hope to spend the rest of my life with him.

 

[Slomo]

Will got it right. There is a huge difference between having a fetish (understood to be sexual in nature, but also dysfunctional), a kink (understood to normally sexual), and being a diaper lover or adult baby too (which is not based on sexuality at all but is more of a compulsion).

It always gets me when someone says they have been inexplicably drawn to diapers since they were a child, and long before they even had sexual desires. And then they go on to say this is a fetish for them. Uh, no.

 

[Luckyfish]

I think you are going to regret telling a counselor about your diaper fetish. Infantilism and diaper fetishes is the LEAST STUDIED AND UNDERSTOOD phenomenon in the psychiatric world. Unless you're talking to the best doctor in the world and are paying her a boatload of money, I don't think you should tell her.

She can help you with your other problems, but NOT with the diapers. That's just cold hard fact man.
It may be time to just accept that you like diapers. You don't have to wear them. For a long time, I had sworn off diapers. Instead, I just wore a onesie around as an undershirt. I was diapered in my mind only. In the last century and before, liking and wearing the garments of those outside of your norm was called transvestism. In history, people used to wear swaddling robes and just foul themselves, as that's what babies did.

Today we have diapers, but the fetish is still the same. You can be happy with just wearing the clothing of children and babies instead of wearing a diaper. I did it. Try it out before you tell a doctor.

I disagree completely.
I told a veteran psychiatrist who never heard some of a diaper fetish and he understood the first time I explained it.
Although it's no longer a fetish.It's a paraphilia. There is no reason why not to explain this to a professional as the secretive aspect is what drives people to suffer with this to feel so guilty.
Coming clean is a great way to confide in a professional and express ones feelings of feeling different and have a balanced perspective of the pros and cons of living with a paraphilia.
I was encouraged to keep on doing what I do but strive for a balance that does not become an obsession.
5 years later I have maintained it to twice a week.
Everything in moderation.

- - - Updated - - -

Will got it right. There is a huge difference between having a fetish (understood to be sexual in nature, but also dysfunctional), a kink (understood to normally sexual), and being a diaper lover or adult baby too (which is not based on sexuality at all but is more of a compulsion).

It always gets me when someone says they have been inexplicably drawn to diapers since they were a child, and long before they even had sexual desires. And then they go on to say this is a fetish for them. Uh, no.

I was into diapers since 3 years old.
It developed into the paraphilia.(the word fetish has now changed to paraphila under the new dsm)


When I was a kid and did not understand sexuality it was sexual but not understood at that young age.

Whatever the word definition, its not important, its part of my sexuality and its not stronger then my heterosexuality.

 

[Jamieboy]

It always gets me when someone says they have been inexplicably drawn to diapers since they were a child, and long before they even had sexual desires. And then they go on to say this is a fetish for them. Uh, no.

Well, although it may be semantics, how we describe ourselves, I was into this at the age of two to three, when I was first weaned off of diapers. At that time, the desires were dancing in my head mostly, although I may have been getting erections early on. I don't know. I knew it made my heart race, and I just needed to go deeper. I started playing with "things", and spending way too much time in certain aisles of the pharmacy & grocery stores. I didn't learn about masturbation until I was 12, so I really didn't know what to do with an erection before that. By the time I reached puberty, other things were at play in my sexuality, and although my main sexual attraction was to females, the diaper desires in my brain never went away, they only manifested in ways I could now begin to enjoy. First it was plastic pants and soaps/lubes, and that brought me great comfort, in a way girls weren't bringing it to me. Later it was stuffers that I could get away with, and throw away (toilet paper, rags, etc.).

So, whether the mental desires formed before my sexuality, or not, they eventually merged with my sexuality by the time I was in my teens. Fetish? I don't know. That seemed to be the name for the unusual sexual attraction to an object. At that point in my life, I don't think there was any turning back, and eventually heard the term infantilism used, in place of fetish. That also seemed to fit. I can tell you, it was a guilt ridden stage, but I got over that, and shortly thereafter realized I wasn't alone in my desires. That made things a lot easier to accept. Yes, I knew people were into whips & chains, even women's panties, feet/shoes, vinyl/leather, etc. but now I could actually add diapers to the list of things people could be sexually attracted to, and I was part of that smaller group of kinky folk. Honestly, life got a bit easier to live, at that point, and there was no looking back, even after marriage.

- - - Updated - - -

Recently my wife of 30+ years discovered some of my baby things. I have been increasing my baby behaviors in the last 2 years because I retired and my wife was still working. My wife is planning on retiring soon. I told her I would go to a counselor. I would like to keep the door open for me to continue my abdl habit, but do not know if that is realistic given that I have hidden this habit for all of our marriage. Until the last 2 years, my diaper fetish was merely a way to satisfy myself sexually when my wife did not want to have sex. After retirement, my diaper fetish has grown into a more time consuming and frequent habit which I have to admit is interfering with my sex life with my wife. So now I fell like perhaps I should give it up, but would like to consider the possibility of continuing my abdl habits with my wife's consent.

Well, hopefully, with some intense communications, you and your wife can come to terms with the lost trust, and rebuild something that includes some diaper play. It can happen, but it takes a lot of effort. The easier way would be to drop the diapers, but I can almost guarantee, they'll be back, as will the wifely upsets. Better to figure a way to include them, in your life, and find a way to help her understand the need. A lot of women take it as a slight, that a diaper can be comforting, but they use chocolate, coffee, etc. to find their own comfort level in life, don't they?

- - - Updated - - -

I think you are going to regret telling a counselor about your diaper fetish. Infantilism and diaper fetishes is the LEAST STUDIED AND UNDERSTOOD phenomenon in the psychiatric world. Unless you're talking to the best doctor in the world and are paying her a boatload of money, I don't think you should tell her.

She can help you with your other problems, but NOT with the diapers. That's just cold hard fact man.
It may be time to just accept that you like diapers. You don't have to wear them. For a long time, I had sworn off diapers. Instead, I just wore a onesie around as an undershirt. I was diapered in my mind only. In the last century and before, liking and wearing the garments of those outside of your norm was called transvestism. In history, people used to wear swaddling robes and just foul themselves, as that's what babies did.

Today we have diapers, but the fetish is still the same. You can be happy with just wearing the clothing of children and babies instead of wearing a diaper. I did it. Try it out before you tell a doctor.

I disagree. I told my therapist many years ago. It wasn't the reason why I sought therapy, but I let her decide if it was important as to what I was trying to solve in my life. If a person does seek counseling over diaper wearing, will he/she try to wean you off diapers??? Only if you make it certain that it's your choice. Even then, the recidivism rate is monstrous... In that respect, you are probably right, doshy.

One thing that is a decent "second best" is wearing multiple (6-8) pairs of undies, and wetting them. It'll never hold a candle to a diaper, but it doesn't require the "goods" that a true diaper fetish does; diapers, powders, etc. It's also a bit easier to hide from anyone but your wife, since the undies can just be washed as soon as they come off, leaving just a greater number of them to address, should anyone get wind. Your wife will know, so don't try to hide that from her, too. That won't go well...

 

[Poohbearboy]

I don't see why you would like give up a part of you inside because your different from the rest of the world. Being different is not a bad thing but good in way like same with people sexual preference in this word we all same in one way or other.

 

[KimbaFoxNatsume]

Since so many people here are using the term "fetish" I feel it's important for people to understand what a psychologist hears when you say "Fetish" and how that compares with the more commonly understood word "Kink"...

According to the DSM, a fetish is a dysfunctional sexual attraction to an object or tactile sensation other than what is considered human sexual intercourse. In order for it to be considered a fetish, the sexual object must be used to achieve sexual satisfaction - or you are unable to achieve arousal without it. In order for it to be considered dysfunctional, it must create a feelings of anxiety or impulsive behaviours that are generally disruptive to your life and creates an unhealthy cycle of self-loathing.

However, when most people say fetish they really mean kink. A kink, in simplest terms, is anything that turns you on! Kinks can be healthy and fulfilling ways for people to express themselves and don't generally cause the levels of anxiety that turn into full-blown self-loathing.

It sounds like you definitely have a fetish, because you formed a sexual bond with your diapers during puberty, it is causing you significant anxiety and you've decided to seek treatment. Your goal should not to turn your fetish into another fetish - that's like swapping lung cancer for brain cancer... both will cause you harm. Instead, I encourage you to talk with your psychologist about improving your interpersonal communication so that you can clearly communicate your sexual needs and desires to a partner that wants to hear them.

Psychologists understand fetishes to be "progressive" which means they get stronger over time, not weaker. The longer you go without expressing yourself sexually, the more difficult it becomes because your expectations and fantasies can balloon to unrealistic proportions. If any of this is true for you (maybe none of it is) it's worth it to weigh the risks and rewards of whichever path you choose.

Best of luck!

This isn't completely correct.

Wikipedia's definition of a fetish:

''Sexual fetishism or erotic fetishism is a sexual fixation on a nonliving object or nongenital body part.'' It doesn't have to be ''dysfunctional'' to be considered a fetish. The page goes on to say that a person can be diagnosed with fetishistic disorder if it meets the following criteria: ''... the arousal must persist for at least six months and cause significant psychosocial distress or impairment in important areas of their life.'' https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism

Will got it right. There is a huge difference between having a fetish (understood to be sexual in nature, but also dysfunctional), a kink (understood to normally sexual), and being a diaper lover or adult baby too (which is not based on sexuality at all but is more of a compulsion).

It always gets me when someone says they have been inexplicably drawn to diapers since they were a child, and long before they even had sexual desires. And then they go on to say this is a fetish for them. Uh, no.

I can tell you from personal experience that I was drawn to training pants and potty training since I was a young child, and that it was most definitely sexual attraction. Of course, I didn't understand what it was back then, but fetishes can form before puberty. Maybe it's rare, but it happened to me.



Anyway... I told my therapist about being AB on Tuesday. I'm seeing her for other reasons but felt it important to bring it up. It's not always a bad thing, it really depends on your therapist. Mine thinks I have bigger problems to deal with. We'll see what happens from here.

 

[WillWheatThins]

This isn't completely correct.

Wikipedia's definition of a fetish:

''Sexual fetishism or erotic fetishism is a sexual fixation on a nonliving object or nongenital body part.'' It doesn't have to be ''dysfunctional'' to be considered a fetish. The page goes on to say that a person can be diagnosed with fetishistic disorder if it meets the following criteria: ''... the arousal must persist for at least six months and cause significant psychosocial distress or impairment in important areas of their life.'' https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fetishism

Yes, it appears paraphalia is now the more accepted pshychological term for a fetish that causes the kind of harm I described. The fact remains that fetishes are progressive... and will inevitibly lead to a parahalia - or fetishistic disorder - if left unexpressed.

 

[MetalMann]

Thanks everyone, I believe I can require myself with professional help to have a different sexual fetish. Because I started to wet the bed at the age of 13-14 after some major trauma. It only lasted for about a year but of course that was the perfect time because I was at that age that I was masterbating multiple times a day because of the change of puberty. So I believe I can start moving diapers out of my life little by little while replacing it with some other fetish that I think is better for me and a future relationship.

This would be redundant. To basically switch from diapers to another object is pretty much still having an issue. You'd basically go from diapers to let's say "adult toys" to get the same effect? I think you've never come to terms with diapers, I'd you don't accept diapers, what makes you think you'll accept the next fetish you have in line for yourself?

There's tons of fetishes considered weird by people that don't participate in that fetish.

Also a fetish isn't something you can flip a switch to turn it off. Whether you like it or not, this fetish will lurk around you for the rest of your life whether you participate or not. It's never going to disappear. You'll never be able to look at diapers as something different beyond the shame or interest. They'll never be like they are to anyone else. It will never be "normal", YOU will never be "normal". They're no pills, shock treatments, surgeries, or anything to change who you are.

What you should do is learn how to accept and adapt. Accepting who you are will help to increase your positive emotions and actually improve your day to day life. While it's easier said than done, working towards accepting yourself will relieve you of some depression.

A counselor won't fix you, they are basically there to listen to you and make suggestions. If anything, they will pretty much either help you to accept yourself, or put you on some drug, or completely agree with you, and how do you feel about that.

For you to be accepted by others, you have to first accept yourself. You have to embrace who you are. Love the person you are. What you are doing is pretty much despising who you are, letting it get to you in a way that its self destructive and will continue to be so. I'm not saying to wear diapers and participate and go non stop. What I'm saying is that there is something deeper in your soul that is just not happy.

 

[Isle]

Since so many people here are using the term "fetish" I feel it's important for people to understand what a psychologist hears when you say "Fetish" and how that compares with the more commonly understood word "Kink"...

However, when most people say fetish they really mean kink. A kink, in simplest terms, is anything that turns you on! Kinks can be healthy and fulfilling ways for people to express themselves and don't generally cause the levels of anxiety that turn into full-blown self-loathing.

It sounds like you definitely have a fetish, because you formed a sexual bond with your diapers during puberty, it is causing you significant anxiety and you've decided to seek treatment. Your goal should not to turn your fetish into another fetish - that's like swapping lung cancer for brain cancer... both will cause you harm. Instead, I encourage you to talk with your psychologist about improving your interpersonal communication so that you can clearly communicate your sexual needs and desires to a partner that wants to hear them
......
Best of luck!

I find this explanation (between kink and fetish) entirely too neat and packaged. Our psychological make-up is on a continuum, shades of grey if you will. Someone who is not otherwise healthily adjusted will likely not adjust well to have a sexual attraction to an object, and thus be labeled "dysfunctional" Think of the shame and guilt that many of us have felt in our efforts to come to grips with having a sexual attraction to diapers. The norms of society do not accept this so we need to learn to accept ourselves, and to learn to be an "outsider". This is not easy, and for someone with a traumatic childhood may be impossible. I have felt at times grateful that my kinks or fetishes do not impinge on the rights of others, otherwise my life would be much more difficult.

I prefer to think we are all just adjusting as humans to life on earth, and that this will appear to be "dysfunctional" much of the time.