Girlfriend of DL Help

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DLgirlfriend2

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Hi all! I found out a month ago that my boyfriend was a DL. I love him a lot and he's such a great guy. I joined this community to better understand and talk with people in relationships with this.

I've had a really difficult time coming to terms with this and as much as I try to accept it I feel like I'm not being honest. He says I don't have to participate etc. but I know this is a part of him and I don't really know how a long term relationship can last if one person feels like they have to hide themselves..

He hasn't told me about being an AB, I think it's just casual wear. I really wish I wasn't uncomfortable but I'm here to try and find ways to be more comfortable etc. so I can better support him. I don't want to lose him but I feel like it's affecting our relationship. Thanks!
 

gadawgs8000

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Welcome! Don't worry you aren't the first to hear this and not the last to be shocked! Hang in there!
 

Selenamisia

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Hi, there and welcome. I know how you feel because my boyfriend is an AB/DL. But it's nothing to freak out over. When he told me he was an adult baby, I tried to talk more about it with him to get a better understanding of it. I also read into some of it online and read other people's experiences with it too.

Maybe you and your boyfriend should talk about it more. Once you have a better understanding, it will be more easy for both of you to talk about it without it being so awkward and it may even bring you two closer. AB/DL has brought my boyfriend and I closer and we feel comfortable with discussing it. You don't have to participate if you don't want to but understanding it and accepting is very important.

Just try to relax, okay? There are a lot of AB/DL's in the world and this is safe community for us. Yes, I am an AB myself and I didn't know it until my boyfriend and I started talking more and more about it but I happen to enjoy acting like a baby/childish and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't know how your boyfriend became a DL but it couldn't hurt to ask him. I hope this helps.
 

gadawgs8000

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Well I will put this out there for you, I'm divorced now because of this... He was brave to share this with you first of all secondly he can't help his desires, I'm sure he like me has had these desires since he was young! Just be patient and try to talk with him don't judge and just listen be his biggest fan! That will go along way!!
 

Gardener

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The best advice I can give you is this: communicate. Remember that first of all he cared enough about you to share this extremely difficult part of any DL's makeup (or did you "find out" in some other way?) to admit to another human being. There is so much we DLs don't understand about this part of our character ourselves, and are embarrassed to admit to even ourselves, let alone another one we care about. He may be reluctant to open up again, depending on your initial reaction, or perhaps because he wishes you had never found out and regrets opening up at all. More information about how you found out might help us give more advice.

I would say, however, don't push him. Let him know you care about him, want to be part of his life, and are willing to talk with him whenever he is ready. Meanwhile, learn as much about "us DLers" from this site as you can. We are pretty decent and nice folks. Best wishes for working through this initial stage of getting to know each other better. A 50+ year DL.
 

Selenamisia

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Yeah, gadawgs8000 and Gardener gave some great advice. It was very brave of him to share that with you. Just listen to him and try to be caring and understanding.
 

DLgirlfriend2

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Thanks everyone! Yeah I'm very frustrated with myself because I know how hard it must've been to open up for him. We talked about it a lot but sometimes I just get emotional and cry I guess because I don't really know how to process the info. I'm trying my hardest to support him, but right now I feel slightly distant from him (which trust me I wish I didn't but sadly I can't help it:(...).

He had a very hard past as a child and was sexually abused, so he told me this may've been the beginning of the DL lifestyle. So I feel even worse about that.. It's not the most comfortable for me but I'm lucky to have a guy like him in my life. I'm just afraid I won't be able to get used to it and I'll have to let him go, so he can find someone who'll better satisfy him... :( I just don't know how I can better understand or feel comfortable.. or if I'm just a lost cause :(
 

bbwanab

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I have been married 20 years this year. I told my wife shortly after dating as I wanted no secrets. She was and has been very understanding, but she does not participate outside of buying say powder or wipes. I wear most every night and many times during the day.

Only you can decide what you can accept. You will find with most of us, even if we wanted, the desires do not go away. Sometimes they hibernate for a period which can then be followed by over indulgence. So if you hope it's a phase that will go away, it most probably won't.

For my wife, through discussions it was clear her desire was to not participate and I respect that is her position. But she does understand this is a part of me and what makes me "me". As such she knows that I am wearing but I do not push it on her, rather I try to be discrete without feeling like I am hiding anything. If we are going to do "the thing" �� Then I do not wear until we are done. If we spontaneously want to do "the thing" and I am wearing, I will excuse myself and take off my diaper. So the diapers do not interfere with together time.

We do have two kids and I found I hibernated more when the kids were little, just too busy. At the same time I never stopped wearing and have, and continue to, keep it from my kids. My wife and I agreed early on, before kids, that my diapers would be kept private and I will always be covered if wearing. Requires a certain level of discretion especially with storing and disposing but my oldest is 19 and she would be shocked if she ever learned I have been wearing diapers her whole life.

I guess I am telling you all this to show that if you can accept (preferably understand, although I don't understand myself at times), then do not feel you have to participate. As with me and my wife the key was to communicate with me telling her what I need and what I want and her telling me what she could accept. Through communication we were able to find a middle ground that could work for both of us. Not going to say it's easy, but let's face it no relationship is easy for what can be a number of factors. We have never fought about the diapers but have about other things.

So if everything else is great, and you can accept and agree on some ground rules for that acceptance, then the diapers should not define your relationship.

Best of luck to you and your boyfriend on this journey of discovery.
 

egor

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Hello DLgirlfriend2 and welcome to the group.

I think you have gotten so much good advice that I am not sure how I can add to it.

It was hard for me to come out to my wife. We had been married for 8 years and I had abstained for about 8 1/2 years. Unfortunately it all came back worse then ever. I was talking to my therapist about it and trying to figure out how to tell her. It all came out one night when she was cuddling me and treating me like a little boy and I started to cry. I told her and was so afraid that she would leave me. I had her watch a you tube video by Baby Mitchy on adult baby/diaper lovers and we spent a good three hours talking.

Communication is the key and listening to each other is the most important. Setting boundaries and respecting each others concerns is a very key part to it.

There is a lot of good information here and if your boyfriend has not done it yet he should also join. SO that you can gain an understanding together and move on from there.

Again welcome to the group

Egor
 

Gardener

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Hi again, I can hear the pain in your words. I wish I could help. But here's some more thoughts:
1. Have you just let him talk about his feelings about this? You also need to talk with him about what/how you're feeling now.
2. Instead of starting out being convinced you are not adequate for him because you will never be able to deal with this part of him, let him know how you feel for him as a person (not a person who is a DL). All of us who are like him know we are more than this one part of us. The wearing and use of diapers is only a small fraction of what and who we are. We have lots of interests, things we enjoy doing, friends, etc., etc. I'm a husband, father, grandfather, have two professional degrees (masters and doctorate in different fields), like to garden, bake all our bread for our multi-generational family, handyman (carpentry, electrical, etc.), football junket for my favorite team, and many other things. Oh, and occasionally I like to wear diapers in the privacy of my home when no one else is around. When you start seeing him again as a whole person instead of a man who likes diapers who also has some other characteristics, maybe you can be more accepting of him. But that will take you time, and frequent chances to open up your own feelings.
3. I don't know if he has ever had any professional counseling for his sexual abuse, but if he hasn't, encourage him to do so. And keep in mind, I think a survey would show the vast majority of AB/DLs did not develop this because they were sexually abused. DLs are not "victims". Don't see him that way because he's a DL. He was abused. That's why he may need counseling to heal if he hasn't.
4. Don't give up on yourself and/or him too quickly. The relationship just might be worth fighting for with hard work to come to terms with who you are and who he is.
5. If you, or he, is a person of faith, turn to your faith to help you find your way through this. My faith says God loves and accepts us as we are. We should love and accept ourselves and each other in the same way.
My thoughts are with you both.
 

dogboy

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I'm another who came out to my wife and it has worked out well. Even though she was accepting from the beginning, I know it has taken her awhile to accept the adult baby part of it. Don't beat yourself up about having trouble accepting all of this because it's a lot to wrap your mind around.

In the morning, I'll kid my wife and ask, "Is this a baby day or an adult day?" knowing full well what kind of day it is. If I have things to do during the day, or go out into the public, it's an adult day. I say this because I think as adult babies and diaper lovers, we need to give our loved ones some adult time otherwise we wear them out. I usually go to bed diapered but it's not that impacting as we're older. But there is a time and place for all things and that included diapers. You need him to be an adult most of the time, but there are times when he needs to be in diapers.

Over time, I think you both will be surprised how well you both can make this work. In the big picture, it's not that big a deal, just a little weird. There are a lot of worse things. I've seen a lot of marriages ruined by alcoholism, drugs, gambling, etc. This just has the expense of buying diapers and that's about it.

I think if you read some of the other threads on this site, it will help you become a little more comfortable with what certainly must have seemed really weird, at least at first. We're for the most part, pretty normal people who just have this one, sort of silly thing. In a way, the innocence of being little can be endearing.
 

foxkits

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The big thing here is your fighting the programming you got as a little girl.
Pampers are for babys it's what we get from pottie training.
All those negtive comments have an impact on us.
Even DL's feel shame.
But what if he had a medical reason he had to have diapers could you let him go.
We are hard wired this way so no deference the thing is there's a belief that we have control to give it up myth only 1% can.
It's such a little thing really in the big scheme of things.
He loves you treat you with kindness caring compassion.
You both enjoy your time togather Laugh Smile.
So he has one rust spot in his prince armor.
We all have something every one that not perfect.
Now I'm not getting down on you just trying to get you to see the big pictures is all such a little thing .
Some guys like girl pantys all sorts of stuff the big thing is do they love you and treat you great.
My girlfriend accepts me as I'm and I the same her she has flaws too.
But we enjoy each other so much that is what matters not my diapers teddy bear.
The time we play enjoying life the fun times the bad it's being together .
She thinks it's cute that I never lost the playfulness in side.
There is not a day we are not joking and laughing.
That's what the best in life has to offer.
 

aaronbabywolf

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Hi all! I found out a month ago that my boyfriend was a DL. I love him a lot and he's such a great guy. I joined this community to better understand and talk with people in relationships with this.

I've had a really difficult time coming to terms with this and as much as I try to accept it I feel like I'm not being honest. He says I don't have to participate etc. but I know this is a part of him and I don't really know how a long term relationship can last if one person feels like they have to hide themselves..

He hasn't told me about being an AB, I think it's just casual wear. I really wish I wasn't uncomfortable but I'm here to try and find ways to be more comfortable etc. so I can better support him. I don't want to lose him but I feel like it's affecting our relationship. Thanks!

I am happy you are trying to understand from his perspective how difficult it is for him to come out with this side of him. I am glad you really want to stay with him. Communication is key. Set boundaries and limits with what you are comfortable with. And don't be afraid to ask questions here! :)
 

Legolas

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Hey there! Hope you don't mind if I hop in too!

I think the biggest thing to note is that instead of freaking out and dumping your boyfriend (something that a lot of us have faced unfortunately), you're willing to educate yourself not only for him, but for yourself.

I really can't begin to say how HUGE this is. When I told my girlfriend about this, I was visibly shaking, stuttering and stammering, etc. I was a total mess. She took the same approach as you did though! She did her research and figured out my goals and reasons for being into ABDL stuff (comfort, security, innocence), and after taking a little bit of time to grow used to the idea, she even joined this forum!

It sounds like you are trying your absolute best to be open minded and understand, which I need to reiterate, is amazing. I had a boyfriend dump me over it when I was first discovering all this myself, and it really didn't bode too well for my self esteem :/ I'm beyond blessed to have met someone who not only tolerates what I'm interested in, but LOVES me for it. There are no words the feeling of acceptance after hiding something for so long. I guess the closest word would be freeing.

Thank you so much for coming here to learn more. There really must be something special between you two if you're willing to jump this hurdle together! I truly wish you both the best <3

Oh, and one last thing. PLEASE drop my GF a line (you can find her here). She can fill you in on her experience talking to me about ABDL things for the first time and her own personal journey with it so far!

On behalf of all of us here on ADISC, we really hope you enjoy your stay <3
 

sybru

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What I'd say first is that he's clearly lucky to have someone who cares enough to not dismiss something like this out of hand. I know it's probably a pretty big thing to process so props to you for coming here. :)

Since you guys clearly care deeply for each other, most importantly don't give up!! Great connections between people don't come along every day. Secondly, I'd recommend trying to find some sort of balance which you can both agree to. By the sounds of it you really aren't wild about the idea at all (which is totally understandable) so perhaps having it as an open secret isn't such a bad idea - ie he wears when you aren't around or whatever. At the same time, if there were points where you were confronted by a pack of diapers in the bathroom or wherever, even if it has to be forced, be very calm and ask him to move them elsewhere - treat it like it's nothing out of the ordinary even if that's not how you truly feel. Also don't forget all the reasons you wanted to be with him in the first place - he is still that person, even if he's a DL, and no amount of diapers can change that. :)

I wish you guys all the luck in the world.
 
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My suggestion is to just give it time, discuss parts that need immediate attention (when it's OK to wear, whether you want to play a part, how much is too much?, AB vs. DL, etc), and take the rest, as it comes. You can inundate yourself with info, and still feel powerless to fully understand, but over time things will settle into a routine. If you have true love, that is the glue that will bond you together forever. If you're just trying out the relationship, and this remains awkward, then that just might be the sign that the "love" is not strong enough to outlast a lifetime of a spouse in diapers. My wife made the point (awhile back...) that she never thought she'd live her life with a husband in diapers, but somehow we've managed now for about 28 years. It all depends on the way you treat each other.

Good luck!
 

tehse7en

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DLgirlfriend, I completely understand your reticence regarding your boyfriend's abdl side. But like others have said, it's a small part of who he is. It IS part of him and will always be there. Usually the desire to wear diapers and be in little mode ebb and flow. I know for me I'll get the urge to wear and then I may go weeks or months without wearing again. It took great courage on his part to open up to you about it, as you know. He took a big chance, which means he trusts and respects you. A little of my own experiences that may help you:

I've been into diapers on and off for 15 years. I've been through shame and guilt and having thoughts of "what is wrong with me?" I've had girlfriends who I've opened up to about my DL side, turn around and tell their friends my friends and even family members. My parents made me go to therapy. Other girlfriends judged me on the spot and left. Recently I was left by my gf of a year and a half as she wasn't oaky with my diaper side. All because I occasionally wear a diaper. A DIAPER. It's just that! Simple! Society tells you how to be a man or a woman, but if you venture outside that rigid doctrine, then there is something wrong with you. Your boyfriend is a normal guy! I also realize that someone who has no knowledge or experience in the abdl lifestyle could be completely overwhelmed by it when they thought their SO was one way and then suddenly he or she wants to wear a diaper or put a onesie on.

He's still the great guy you fell in love with, know you just know something deeper about him, something very personal and secretive. I suggest a lot of communication. Perhaps even go see a sex therapist together! I started seeing one a few months ago to get a better grip on my diaper side and to become more confident in it. I've realized that it's a part of me -- just like you have realized it's a part of him (which is very mature of you and very loving!!). I've struggled for years looking for acceptance and I'm sure he has too.

I also think that if you both can communicate and explore this together, it will bring you two much closer. The intimacy and vulnerability is really something to cherish. I know in my past relationships I've done things to make my gf happy, whether it was watching a girlie movie, or going to a show I didn't want to go to, or helping her with chores or doing a favor for her mom, etc. So why shouldn't that translate to the bedroom? Try a diaper on, or indulge him a little bit if he wants to wear around you -- it may not be your thing at all, but it would probably make him happy :)

Here is a really good group of podcasts talking about how to open up about the abdl lifestyle to a partner, and how two people can share and grow in that lifestyle together. It may be worth a listen :) Best wishes to you!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dream-a-little/id1090668917?mt=2
 

MetalMann

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I'll try to keep this short as possible...

Stigma sucks. When you think of diapers, (before you knew of his fetish) the first thing you'd think would be a baby.

Now I don't know exactly how the conversation went, but I can guess that it was full of deep breaths with him sweating bullets. I'm sure you were left with lots of questions. This is something that's been bottled up for so long. This step for him is probably for you to make a choice before the relationship gets to another level. A lot of us never actually come out because of the shame and guilt. Most of us are caught in one way or another.

Another thing to know is that this community comes from all walks of life. There's really nothing in common to point at and come up with an answer.

Diapers are just another form of underwear. Diapers aside, he's still the same person. It doesn't change who he is. You fell in love with the same person.

Back to stigma. While some of the aspects of ABDL are childish in nature, This has absolutely nothing to do with kids at all. Yes it can be weird and confusing, there is nothing harmful about it.

I would like to recommend you to read a novel called "There's a Baby in my Bed".
It's written by someone who went through what you're going through now.

The Internet is full of all sorts of negativity about everything considered different.




Sent from my SM-G935T using Tapatalk
 

tehse7en

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I'll try to keep this short as possible...

Stigma sucks. When you think of diapers, (before you knew of his fetish) the first thing you'd think would be a baby.

Now I don't know exactly how the conversation went, but I can guess that it was full of deep breaths with him sweating bullets. I'm sure you were left with lots of questions. This is something that's been bottled up for so long. This step for him is probably for you to make a choice before the relationship gets to another level. A lot of us never actually come out because of the shame and guilt. Most of us are caught in one way or another.

Another thing to know is that this community comes from all walks of life. There's really nothing in common to point at and come up with an answer.

Diapers are just another form of underwear. Diapers aside, he's still the same person. It doesn't change who he is. You fell in love with the same person.

Back to stigma. While some of the aspects of ABDL are childish in nature, This has absolutely nothing to do with kids at all. Yes it can be weird and confusing, there is nothing harmful about it.

I would like to recommend you to read a novel called "There's a Baby in my Bed".
It's written by someone who went through what you're going through now.

The Internet is full of all sorts of negativity about everything considered different.




Sent from my SM-G935T using Tapatalk

Well said. Just another form of underwear. And definitely read that book! You're boyfriend is a normal dude :) Actually I never liked that word "normal" because we're all "weird" in some way!
 
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