Getting over public changing embarrassment

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inconsurferdude

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I've been wearing diapers during the day for almost a year (and was in pullups before that) but I still feel embarrassed anytime I change in public restrooms. At first I tried to always wait until the bathroom was empty, but of course that's not always practical. It's really easy to say you'll probably never see that person again, but in real life it becomes pretty obvious. More than a few colleagues have either heard me changing (the Attends I wear are really loud, but practical for me) or seen me disposing of a rolled up diaper. I've never been asked about it directly at work, but there have been times out with friends where I'm changing and a friend's friend will walk in after me and hear me changing / see my feet under the stall, etc. I try to use single stall facilities as often as possible, but more often than not I'm faced with either changing in a normal restroom around other people or risking a leak. I'm used to wearing clothing that fits correctly and hides the bulk, I normally feel comfortable, and discrete. The only time I really think about my incontinence at all is when I'm changing in public. For people who have been managing their incontinence with diapers longer than I have: how long did it take you to stop caring? Are you still embarrassed? Are you open about your incontinence, or do you only address it if people notice?
 

BabelBilly

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Even after accepting the need & routine of wearing 24/7, I'm sure we ALL experience similar stuff.
That being said, I've made another observation: it's seems like eventually almost everyone who knows me, knows me, KNOWS(whether or not it's ever been talked about).
Bottom line: people talk and inevitably they'll obviously tell each other about it.
I accept me. I know God loves each & everyone of us. If someone doesn't like me, diapers probably aren't the reason.
I try to wear "extended wear" and plastic pants to avoid having to use public restrooms.Once i find effective diaper systems(there's SO many now!), i can usually last all day.

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dogboy

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Though I'm not incontinent, I'm going to weigh in here. If people hear you changing or see you throwing out a diaper, they will immediately assume you have continence problems. If they're anything close to being normal, intelligent people, they'll also know it's because of a medical problem. Only a complete ass would think anything negative. We all have some sort of medical problem and many people have several. What's the difference between high blood pressure, diabetes, and a million other diseases and incontinence? I still think most people are reasonably descent and can actually think through problems and medical situations and act positively.
 

inconsurferdude

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people talk and inevitably they'll obviously tell each other about it.

I definitely feel like most of the people I see on a daily basis know. Maybe there's some comfort in just assuming that everyone already knows, I had never thought about it like that. Thank you :)

Once i find effective diaper systems(there's SO many now!), i can usually last all day.

I change alot during the day, probably more than I really need to. With my plastic Attends I hardly ever have leaks, but I could probably change less if I wanted to. Maybe I'll try that. I wore pullups for years before switching to diapers for daily use, and pads before that, so I think my frequent changes are just a habit. I always feel like I need a shower instead of wipes if I'm in a diaper for more than four or five hours, but on days when I use a stuffer I feel alot more focused, so I've been doing that more often.
 

rennecfox

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The best way to deal with it is get used to changing fast, if people show up wait a few minutes and leave when its clear unless it's super busy.if its super busy, just put the used brief in your bag and dispose of it later
 

inconsurferdude

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I can usually change within a minute unless I'm having issues with minor IBS, but that's been happening less frequently. I keep all of my changing supplies in a backpack I always take with me into the restroom with me, so it's probably more obvious than I think. lol. I've never kept a used diaper in my backpack before, but if I double bagged it maybe that could work. I hadn't thought about that at all, thanks!
 

Tetra

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The only badvexperienceni have had on public changing was in a now defunct computer store where an employee heard me changing told a manager who assumed the sounds the employee described must be someone shoplifting merchandise, when I came out completely oblivious there were cops waiting for me , they asked me what all opening and closing of plastic packaging was about ? I was suitably unimpressed and told them I left important evidence in the trash can , help yourselves to it , needless to say they were embarrassed and the store manager was livid when he realised how I must have felt being accosted and accused of theft out of ignorance to my medical need . I bet they never did that again ! I wasn't really upset it was a teachable moment and they went to school ,unfortunately it didnt help the company because like i say they went bankrupt shortly therafter but I am sure the employees involved went to other companies bringing the knowledge they gained from that day , not everything that crinkle's in the bathroom is someone pilfering your merchandie.

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Trevor

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Changing in a public restroom where no one knows you seems pretty easy. I haven't done it a lot but the times I have, it was just like any other time I used a toilet: serving a specific need.

Using a work toilet where people know you is a different animal, particularly if you're not open about your wearing. In my case, I'd rather no one know. I don't have any incontinence problems and I'd rather not have to pretend I do. If I did, I think I'd still prefer to be discreet but business is business and we're back to physical necessity. If I were you, I'd be discreet but not secretive. Just do what you need to do and be frank if there are questions.
 

MassIncon

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I know this issue too well. I've been in diapers for a few years now and it's still a source of shame for me.

It's not too bad for me when out in public where I don't know people, but in the public restrooms at work and stuff I have a hard time. I only very rarely change at work. We have a sandwich shop in the lobby of my office tower that has a single person restroom and I usually go down there to do it. I am doing everything possible to keep coworkers from knowing.

Out and about at random public places, I've become a lot more comfortable. I don't really care anymore. Just last week I was at a busy airport and needed to change into something more super absorbant before boarding the plane. The restroom was super busy but I needed to get it done. Put on my Better Dry with Abena Abri Let Maxi booster in the stall. There was literally a line to get into this men's room. With all that plastic rustling and tapes, I'm quite sure everyone knew what was going on. Oh well. I was diapered up super securely and ready for my long flight. Came out of the stall with rolled up wet diaper and just tossed it in the trash.

I'd have had a very very hard time with something like that a few months into wearing diapers, but as time goes on I think I just reallize that this is just something I need to do and I need to learn not to be so ashamed of it. I try to do my thing as quickly and discreetly as I can and then go on with my life.
 

kerry

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I'm getting better with it. It's funny, I think: I'm really comfortable with people I know finding out about my diapers and my incontinence. No issue there: it's a medical condition; I've told some myself, and if others find out, so what? Hell: this doesn't happen, but I wouldn't be afraid to be seen in diapers by most of these people. But put me in a public women's room with people I don't know, and suddenly I'm gun shy. What's up with that? Suddenly I want to wait until no one is in the room to make noise untaping or taping my diapers. Suddenly I am extraordinarily careful not to be seen disposing of them. Huh? I'm working on getting over this because I seriously think it's pretty stupid. I mean it's my life. It's not as if I can do anything about it. :)
 

BabelBilly

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Agree! I've been in diapers 24/7 officially 2 years now & STILL feel the same way. I wonder if the day comes when this DOESN'T bother us will be the day when we're completely "out of touch". I suppose being aware of the awkwardness of public bathroom changes actually tells us that we're healthy people because it HAS to be awkward for strangers around us too!
Seeing adult change his/her diapers isn't something one sees very often-it HAS to be a very bizzare thing indeed!

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Rob110

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You will get to the point of not worrying about changing it just becomes a part of your daily life, I do onsite computer service for business customers and have had to change in the company's bathroom it was hard at first but I just remind my self that having an over saturated diaper that starts to leak is more embaressing then takeing my back pack with me when ai change

once you accept diapers are part of your life foe a medical issue and can openly talk about incontinence issues life gets easier
 

Slomo

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It honestly took me 10+ years before I really stopped caring what others might think. That said, I do still keep it low key or private, so long as I don't have to go out of my way to do so.
 

willnotwill

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Yep, while I'd be nervous changing at the office, in a public restroom... no problem.
 

Bkworm

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... how long did it take you to stop caring? Are you still embarrassed? Are you open about your incontinence, or do you only address it if people notice?

Hmmm ... Being 24/7 diapered for over 6 years now, it wasn't till about 2-3 years into this new "me" that I "stopped caring". Not that I stopped. But rather that I do what I need to do and move on in as private a manner as possible. I've had to change in those many multi-stalled restrooms common at the amusement parks. People must've heard the noise of the tapes coming on/off; oh well! Being at a doc's office, being told to take everything off, and having to remind them (because they didn't read my chart) that I should probably keep the diaper on till I "really need to" take it off is just another day. Etc. That being said, I am not "open". I'm not trying to flash it. But it happens (like when I took off my sweatshirt and the shirt underneath lifted high up to reveal the diaper that was peaking over my pant's waistline). For those that ask, I briefly explain and then we move on. Such is life!
 

Slomo

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Hmmm ... Being 24/7 diapered for over 6 years now, it wasn't till about 2-3 years into this new "me" that I "stopped caring". Not that I stopped. But rather that I do what I need to do and move on in as private a manner as possible. I've had to change in those many multi-stalled restrooms common at the amusement parks. People must've heard the noise of the tapes coming on/off; oh well! Being at a doc's office, being told to take everything off, and having to remind them (because they didn't read my chart) that I should probably keep the diaper on till I "really need to" take it off is just another day. Etc. That being said, I am not "open". I'm not trying to flash it. But it happens (like when I took off my sweatshirt and the shirt underneath lifted high up to reveal the diaper that was peaking over my pant's waistline). For those that ask, I briefly explain and then we move on. Such is life!

Lol, that and for surgeries. I remember I used to be embarassed of needing diapers enough that I would just take my diaper off when told to in prep for a surgery. (most times I would be dehydrated per the no drinking policies, and also put into the OR pretty fast so I wasn't a problem). Then I had one surgery that had me waiting in a patient prep/seating area for over three hours. And you guessed it, I peed all over the chair- and left a trail to the bathroom too.

After that incident I realized how much more embarrasing it can be to NOT point out I need a diaper.
 

Bkworm

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Lol, ... Then I had one surgery that had me waiting in a patient prep/seating area for over three hours. And you guessed it, I peed all over the chair- and left a trail to the bathroom too.

After that incident I realized how much more embarrasing it can be to NOT point out I need a diaper.
Yikes!:sad:

My most recent "embarrassing" moment came when I had to change at a restaurant during a long haul driving trip with our cousins (who don't know about my incon). It was one of those newly reconstructed, touch free, single user bathrooms; all nice and clean. I did my businesses and then found out how touch free they were: no trash can! I had to walk out with a diaper in hand to dispose of it in a trash can. Even so, nobody seemed to notice!
 

kerry

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Yikes!:sad:

My most recent "embarrassing" moment came when I had to change at a restaurant during a long haul driving trip with our cousins (who don't know about my incon). It was one of those newly reconstructed, touch free, single user bathrooms; all nice and clean. I did my businesses and then found out how touch free they were: no trash can! I had to walk out with a diaper in hand to dispose of it in a trash can. Even so, nobody seemed to notice!

What if someone needs to dispose of used tampons?
 

MassIncon

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Yikes!:sad:

My most recent "embarrassing" moment came when I had to change at a restaurant during a long haul driving trip with our cousins (who don't know about my incon). It was one of those newly reconstructed, touch free, single user bathrooms; all nice and clean. I did my businesses and then found out how touch free they were: no trash can! I had to walk out with a diaper in hand to dispose of it in a trash can. Even so, nobody seemed to notice!

What if someone needs to dispose of used tampons?

I thought those go down the toilet. Even so, this bathroom (and the other bathroom next to it because I checked) had no trash cans.

I'd have just thrown my diaper on the floor then. Seriously. If the owner/designer/management of the restroom is too stupid and oblivious to realize the need for a trash can in a restroom then they deserve to have to pick up gross things. I bet a handful of tampons/pads/diapers left on the floor would result in the addition of trash cans pretty quickly.
 
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