Gender Identity, Depression, and Coping (Thoughts)

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EllieMarieBinx

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So I identify as female, that much is true, but I live in an area where I cannot adequately express my true sex. Sometimes that causes me depression, and often times I resort to roleplaying to get my head off of the depressing topic by playing women in those roles. This thread isn't meant to depress or ask for advice, though. It is to show one of my methods for getting over gender identity-based depression, and to ask each of you, my fellow AB/DL sissies and ladies, how you all fight your depression. My personality is that of the studying kind. I like to find out what other people like and how they face difficulties in their lives. If there is something that alleviates your depression, even for a temporary amount of time, let me know. If it makes you happy that is all that matters. Don't be shy. Skye doesn't bite!
 

dogboy

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I don't suffer from gender dysforia depression, but I experience depression for other reasons. My wife has a number of health problems and I'm not getting any younger. I've had depression as a child and during my teen years. What I try to do is keep busy, keep my mind busy. I also enjoy writing because it can be cathartic. Writing my novel I explored a lot of the things which troubled me when I was a child and a teenager. In my story, I could put a lot of wrongs back to right, so to speak.

I also ride my bike and go out for walks. This seems to help. As for gender role reversal, I'm sure many of our members will have good advise. They'll weigh in sooner or later.
 

EllieMarieBinx

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Good feedback, dogboy! Everyone's feedback on this topic is welcome, gender dysphoric or not. The main aim is gender dysphoria, though. I liked your answer very much, and I can agree that keeping the mind busy does subtract from depression.
 

Avalanche

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I second dogboy on

1) Being busy (work or non-work) + I also second dogboy in creative work being particularly useful

2) Physical activity

And add

3) Music

I think most people have one or a few songs that cheer you up when you feel down. Sometimes it can be almost 180 degrees change. Perhaps associate some of these songs with your girl identity to help find peace with her?

Anyway, I think number 1) is the most effective, or at least has the greatest potential to work long term.

Personally I (probably) don't have any experience with real depression (got my share of bad things at times though, mostly family related). So I guess it all depends on how serious it is. Regarding gender issues, I'm a male with a little Little Girl side, which I haven't shared with anyone in my life. I'd probably best describe my state as "sligthly confused" rather than "depressed".
 

EllieMarieBinx

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Thank you for the feedback, Avalanche! I completely understand where you are coming from, and I think it's a good thing that you haven't experienced concrete depression from such things. That means that you know how to get past things and not let them get you down, which is easier said than done at times.
 

BabyLink

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Couple things that really help depression:

1. Physical Exercise

2. Regular Social Interactions - Don't let depression give you an excuse to be a recluse. Human beings are social creatures, that goes for introverts too! I'm n introvert myself, but I feel so much worse if I'm isolating myself.
 
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CrinklySiren

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Don't want to dishearten you but here is the story:

I have been dealing with crippling depression and suicidal thoughts for 20 years... it wasn't until i decided to transition that i stopped being depressed.

If you truly feel your depression stems from gender dysphoria, i would recommend talking to a gender specialist. I tried to fight my depression with everything... everything I could possibly think of... ABDL, ABDL friends, ABDL events, Smoking weed, hanging out with friends, having lots of friends, having very little but close knit friends, getting a new job, changing my major... and talking to about 7 different therapists/psychologists.... some of it might have numbed the pain a bit, but ultimately none of it helped - the absolute only thing that helped me, was transitioning. I'm currently 5 months on hormones and my depression hasn't even looked my way, I don't feel suicidal anymore, i'm actually happy to be alive and I live full time as female... sure, it has its painful moments, it has a bit of loneliness and a bit of ignorance... but the good times are especially good.

Depression is a serious thing, thats without a doubt ~ but Regular depression is not the same as GD depression. If you think your depression stems from GD, you should consider talking to a gender specialist, and if the option is for you ~ discuss transitioning... life is too short to spend it living in the wrong body. Take it from someone who has been suffering with GD her whole life... my life has gotten harder, more emotional, more crying, but ultimately ~ I'm much happier than i've ever been in the entirety of my short existence.. I can actually HANDLE tough situations now... i can actually survive the rest of my life instead of wondering whether or not i'm going to survive the next day... and suicide is the last thing on my mind.

Hope this helped in some way <3
 

giantguy99

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I had depression due to my situation from the past and not from trans dysforia. I used to be chronically homeless and I was constantly being taken advantage of because of my reckless nature due to undiagnosed and untreated asperger's. At any rate I never really had a decent coping mechanism because I was to busy just trying to stay alive and not get mugged to even figure out my own identity much less refine it. Nowadays I regress in order to cope with the struggles I am currently living with. Don't get me wrong "At home therapy" sessions aside I would still regress for no other reason then this seems to be quite a fun hobby anyways for me. I also go out a lot to do various things just to have something constructive to do as well as music.
 

EllieMarieBinx

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Emily is completely right on the GD part. The only real way past it is to transition, though coping can help you until you make it to the period where you need to transition. I like all of your answers, and even the ones from non-GD sufferers give pretty good insight into the coping situation. Apologies for not replying on time. I've been a busy person.
 

bfp2

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I understand not being able to show your true colors. When I use to play MMORPGs I would always use a female character. I have switched to panties for underwear almost full time...no one can see that (all though, it has actually started to feel normal and not that special). My depression has built over a number of years...nothing has made it or the associated feelings go away (not the military or a wife or a kid or a job that is male dominated...or any number of things). Transition is the only real cure for most. If you don't start soon it will be very difficult...the sooner the better. Start with a therapist and make sure GID is your problem.
 

FallenDown

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My dysphoria is always lingering, but sometimes it gets really intense. I play a lot of Video Games, and I always play the female characters. This gives me a bit of an outlet. MMOs are a good place to express yourself, because people only know you by your character. People thought of me as female in LoTRO and Runescape, and I had some very successful relationships through them.

Sadly, transitioning is not a perfect solution. It's a long process that essentially puts your life on hold, and most likely WILL destroy some important relationships in your life. If you're unlucky, it could mean losing family. This is all if you even have the type of body that will respond well to transition. While being younger helps, transitioning does not reshape bones, heighten your voice, or remove body hair. Some measures can help with this, but they can only do so much. If passing is a concern for you, you need to do a lot of research so you have an accurate idea of how you'll actually look after transition.

I don't say all of this to discourage you, only to help you think about whether it's what you truly want. I've heard it said that you should only transition if the pain of your dysphoria is completely unbearable, and may actually lead to suicide. It is a life saving measure.

I'll never transition, so I focus on my goals and hobbies. Meeting a nice girl and starting a family will give me a great long term outlet. I'll have to deal with my dysphoria forever, because transitioning would not fix my body. So, I see the depression as just something I have to deal with in my life, like a limp or a scar. Transgenderism is a birth defect as sure as intersex disorders are. I think of it as an intersex disorder of the brain. Note that I use birth defect in the literal, factual way, and I hope this causes nobody offense.
 

KatelynG

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I would very much disagree with "only transition as a life-saving measure." Regardless of suicidal tendencies and "passability", hormones (even without accompanying transition) have a distinct biological effect that can significantly reduce gender dysphoria in trans people which has been proven in a ridiculous number of studies.

Yes, transitioning may hurt important relationships in your family, but you cannot resort to blaming yourself for other people's intolerance and ignorance. It is your responsibility to care for yourself the best that you can, whether that means transition or not, and regardless of what other people think about you receiving medical care.

I have extremely strained relationships with my parents and family due to my own transition, but as soon as I moved to a safe space on my own and realized that I could be myself, my quality of life improved a hundred fold.

Modern medical treatment for trans people will almost 100% for sure allow you to pass unless you are extremely old already. In addition, it might be a good goal to escape places that put a ton of pressure on you to either pass or not be accepted, as they're probably not the best place for you mentally and emotionally regardless of transition.

Passing does not have to, and cannot be the ultimate goal of transition. If you transition, do it to make you feel more like yourself. Do it for yourself, not because some other person looks at you and tells you that you don't meet their standards of "transness" or "womanness". Your responsibility in transition and other medical treatment is to help yourself and to cater to your own needs. You don't get treatment for cancer because it will make you look more healthy; you do it to be more healthy, regardless of the fact that you may lose hair or in some other way look unappealing. Medical transition and social transition are treatments for gender dysphoria (as much as I hate pathologizing transness, it is in some ways very applicable here) and should be treated as you would other medical treatments: sit down, talk with a specialist, explain where you want to go (which is a bit different from other medical stuff in some ways), and let them suggest what your best route would be.

Find a specialized gender therapist/counselor and talk to them. They will be able to help you figure out where you want to go and how best to do that. Make sure that this person specializes in the area of gender, as it requires a somewhat different approach than most therapy/counseling. If you in your conversation with this person decide that transition is what you want to do, they will be able to help you find doctors to help. If not, they will likely have better advice than anyone on an internet forum not specializing in trans issues.
 

FallenDown

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I would very much disagree with "only transition as a life-saving measure." Regardless of suicidal tendencies and "passability", hormones (even without accompanying transition) have a distinct biological effect that can significantly reduce gender dysphoria in trans people which has been proven in a ridiculous number of studies.

Yes, transitioning may hurt important relationships in your family, but you cannot resort to blaming yourself for other people's intolerance and ignorance. It is your responsibility to care for yourself the best that you can, whether that means transition or not, and regardless of what other people think about you receiving medical care.

I have extremely strained relationships with my parents and family due to my own transition, but as soon as I moved to a safe space on my own and realized that I could be myself, my quality of life improved a hundred fold.

Modern medical treatment for trans people will almost 100% for sure allow you to pass unless you are extremely old already. In addition, it might be a good goal to escape places that put a ton of pressure on you to either pass or not be accepted, as they're probably not the best place for you mentally and emotionally regardless of transition.

Passing does not have to, and cannot be the ultimate goal of transition. If you transition, do it to make you feel more like yourself. Do it for yourself, not because some other person looks at you and tells you that you don't meet their standards of "transness" or "womanness". Your responsibility in transition and other medical treatment is to help yourself and to cater to your own needs. You don't get treatment for cancer because it will make you look more healthy; you do it to be more healthy, regardless of the fact that you may lose hair or in some other way look unappealing. Medical transition and social transition are treatments for gender dysphoria (as much as I hate pathologizing transness, it is in some ways very applicable here) and should be treated as you would other medical treatments: sit down, talk with a specialist, explain where you want to go (which is a bit different from other medical stuff in some ways), and let them suggest what your best route would be.

Find a specialized gender therapist/counselor and talk to them. They will be able to help you figure out where you want to go and how best to do that. Make sure that this person specializes in the area of gender, as it requires a somewhat different approach than most therapy/counseling. If you in your conversation with this person decide that transition is what you want to do, they will be able to help you find doctors to help. If not, they will likely have better advice than anyone on an internet forum not specializing in trans issues.

All very good points. I would never recommend not transitioning for the sake of other people, and you should never blame yourself for other people's issues. Just know what you're getting into. Same with passing. It's not the only goal of transition, but you need to know how important it is to you. I would never be able to accept MYSELF if I couldn't pass, and that's my issue, but plenty of others can be happy just expressing themselves the way they should be able to. But, knowing where you stand before transitioning is imperative; if you are unhappy with the result, it could very well make your life worse, and definitely harder.
 
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