Gingy
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 2,124
- Role
- Adult Baby, Sissy
This is a list of things that was emailed to me, some of them are pretty hilarious. Its basically showing how stupid people are.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
> faster than an ambulance.
>
>
> 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking
> places in front of a skating rink.
>
>
> 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick
> walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
> prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes
> at the front.
>
>
> 4. Only in America......do people order double
> cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
>
>
> 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open
> and then chain the pens to the counters.
>
>
> 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
> thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
> useless junk in the garage.
>
>
> 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines
> t o screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
> miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
> the first place.
>
>
> 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages
> of ten and buns in packages of eight.
>
>
> 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics'
> to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin
> meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
> creatures'
>
> .
> 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's
> with Braille lettering.
>
>
> EVER WONDER
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
> closed?
>
>
> Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
> Lottery"?
>
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
>
> Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click start?
>
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
> dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
>
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a
> broker?
>
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called
> rush hour?
>
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
> it?
>
>
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
> injections?
>
>
> You know that indestructible black box that is used on
> airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of
> that stuff??
>
>
> Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
>
> Why are they called apart ments when they are all stuck
> together?
>
>
> If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the
> opposite of progress?
>
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
> terminal?
>
>
> ------------------
> In case you needed further proof that the human race
> is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual
> label instructions on consumer goods:
>
>
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (
> that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
>
>
> On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No
> purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter
> special)?
>
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
> soap." (and that would be how???....)
>
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
> Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
>
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
> not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
>
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot
> after heating." (...and you thought????...)
>
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
> on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
>
>
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car
> or operate machinery after taking this medication."
> (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
> accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
> head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
> (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)
>
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
> outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
>
>
> On a Japane se food processor: "Not to be used for the
> other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this.
> I'm a bit curious.)
>
>
> On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk
> about a news flash)
>
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
> Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
> Delta?)
>
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
> garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame
> the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
>
>
> On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain
> with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of
> this happening somewhere?)
--
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
> faster than an ambulance.
>
>
> 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking
> places in front of a skating rink.
>
>
> 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick
> walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
> prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes
> at the front.
>
>
> 4. Only in America......do people order double
> cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
>
>
> 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open
> and then chain the pens to the counters.
>
>
> 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
> thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
> useless junk in the garage.
>
>
> 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines
> t o screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
> miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in
> the first place.
>
>
> 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages
> of ten and buns in packages of eight.
>
>
> 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics'
> to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin
> meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
> creatures'
>
> .
> 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's
> with Braille lettering.
>
>
> EVER WONDER
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
> closed?
>
>
> Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
> Lottery"?
>
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
>
> Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click start?
>
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
> dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
>
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a
> broker?
>
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called
> rush hour?
>
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
> it?
>
>
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
> injections?
>
>
> You know that indestructible black box that is used on
> airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of
> that stuff??
>
>
> Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
>
> Why are they called apart ments when they are all stuck
> together?
>
>
> If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the
> opposite of progress?
>
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
> terminal?
>
>
> ------------------
> In case you needed further proof that the human race
> is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual
> label instructions on consumer goods:
>
>
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (
> that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
>
>
> On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No
> purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter
> special)?
>
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
> soap." (and that would be how???....)
>
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
> Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
>
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
> not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
>
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot
> after heating." (...and you thought????...)
>
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
> on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
>
>
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car
> or operate machinery after taking this medication."
> (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
> accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
> head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
> (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)
>
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
> outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
>
>
> On a Japane se food processor: "Not to be used for the
> other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this.
> I'm a bit curious.)
>
>
> On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk
> about a news flash)
>
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
> Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
> Delta?)
>
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
> garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame
> the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
>
>
> On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain
> with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of
> this happening somewhere?)
--
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
