blissfullyquirky
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 271
- Role
- Adult Baby
- Diaper Lover
- Little
A few weeks ago, I started Googling some of my son's behavioral problems and found a few things about autism. Well, I knew that wasn't the problem, but I still looked at it only to rule it out. I knew about the spectrum, but I guess my perception of autism was still the stereotype of nonverbal, low-functioning children. I wasn't prepared for what happened next.
I recognized myself in many of the signs and symptoms. There were too many to ignore. I realized that I had been stimming all my life. I understood why I have such a hard time communicating with people and why I don't have close friends. I realized why sounds bother me so much and why I avoid noisy and crowded places. All my little quirks suddenly make sense when viewed through the prism of autism. I still don't know how I’m only just finding out about it in my 40’s, given how obvious it seems in retrospect.
I know self-diagnosis is controversial, but I've been very rigorous about it and I've looked at the DSM criteria a dozen times and I have examples for each. I never wanted to be autistic, so diagnosing myself as such isn't something I've taken lightly. For the first week, I couldn't even label myself autistic, I just couldn't go that far, and I decided I would identify as an Aspie. But the more I learn about it, and the more I read about the experiences of other autistic people, the better I understand myself and the more comfortable I feel with calling myself autistic. I'll probably be looking for a formal diagnosis at some point, if only for validation, but right now I'm not sure it's worth spending $2000 for someone to tell me I'm different when it's been painfully obvious all my life.
In many ways, it's a relief to know that my brain is wired differently than most people. And that goes a long way toward explaining why I'm ABDL and why I'm so emotionally immature. I don't know why my special interest couldn't have been dinosaurs instead of diapers, but knowing that I'm autistic really helps me to love the ABDL side of me. It also explains why I like the feeling of being tightly wrapped in a diaper and a onesie. It calms me down and it's my version of a weighted blanket.
It's strange to discover this about myself, but it's also comforting to accept myself as I am. I’m ABDL and autistic. I love my diapers and my teddy bear. I'm weird, but that's okay.
I recognized myself in many of the signs and symptoms. There were too many to ignore. I realized that I had been stimming all my life. I understood why I have such a hard time communicating with people and why I don't have close friends. I realized why sounds bother me so much and why I avoid noisy and crowded places. All my little quirks suddenly make sense when viewed through the prism of autism. I still don't know how I’m only just finding out about it in my 40’s, given how obvious it seems in retrospect.
I know self-diagnosis is controversial, but I've been very rigorous about it and I've looked at the DSM criteria a dozen times and I have examples for each. I never wanted to be autistic, so diagnosing myself as such isn't something I've taken lightly. For the first week, I couldn't even label myself autistic, I just couldn't go that far, and I decided I would identify as an Aspie. But the more I learn about it, and the more I read about the experiences of other autistic people, the better I understand myself and the more comfortable I feel with calling myself autistic. I'll probably be looking for a formal diagnosis at some point, if only for validation, but right now I'm not sure it's worth spending $2000 for someone to tell me I'm different when it's been painfully obvious all my life.
In many ways, it's a relief to know that my brain is wired differently than most people. And that goes a long way toward explaining why I'm ABDL and why I'm so emotionally immature. I don't know why my special interest couldn't have been dinosaurs instead of diapers, but knowing that I'm autistic really helps me to love the ABDL side of me. It also explains why I like the feeling of being tightly wrapped in a diaper and a onesie. It calms me down and it's my version of a weighted blanket.
It's strange to discover this about myself, but it's also comforting to accept myself as I am. I’m ABDL and autistic. I love my diapers and my teddy bear. I'm weird, but that's okay.