For those in this at least 5 years ... how many times have you tried to purge?

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DaddyHatiwolf

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I was having a talk on the phone with a kiddo earlier today about her purging this lifestyle and becoming "normal". I explained to her that "normal" is the perception of a person with a closet full of skeletons. After a brief thought she started to point out all of the times in life she found out about someones closet full of secrets. It took me back to the one and only time I have ever tried to purge this lifestyle. I was successful in my try because I wasnt an ab ... im a daddy. Anyone else recall the last time they tried to ditch being the person they are?
 

Trevor

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I only got rid of my stash on two occasions. Once was a proper purge, driven by self-loathing when I was still a teen. The second time was following a second discovery by my mother and I decided that this was too hazardous to continue at home. At that point I didn't really expect that I'd ever stop desiring them but I believed (and was shown to be correct) that I could go without accessories for an indefinite period (years, in that case) as required. I continued to have binge/purge feelings into my 20s but I'm pretty attached to my things and don't let them go easily. I really only started to come to more proper terms with it all after moving out on my own. When the major forbidden element of my family was removed from the equation, the angst was significantly reduced and I was able to start building on it in a more positive way.
 

Cottontail

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During my college years, when I was frequently moving back and forth between college and my parents' house, I tossed my stash (or most of it) on several occasions to avoid its being discovered. I can't remember ever having a proper "purge," though. I did go a few months without wearing during my freshman year of college, but that was not a conscious decision. Rather, I was so overwhelmed by the newness of everything that diapers, other hobbies, etc., just fell by the wayside.
 

browne

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i tryed once when traveling for work and to be onist even if i did purge again i know i wouldnt be able to clear it all there jsut to much of it around the place and its far to much of part of me to even think of trying to remove it :)
 

ipfreely2day

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I was having a talk on the phone with a kiddo earlier today about her purging this lifestyle and becoming "normal". I explained to her that "normal" is the perception of a person with a closet full of skeletons. After a brief thought she started to point out all of the times in life she found out about someones closet full of secrets. It took me back to the one and only time I have ever tried to purge this lifestyle. I was successful in my try because I wasnt an ab ... im a daddy. Anyone else recall the last time they tried to ditch being the person they are?

I've never tried to purge. I'd support anyone who wished to do so, but for myself, it is merely a part of who I am.
 

crybabydustin

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I purged once. When I was moving in with my GF. Thought, this would be it...move on with a solid relationship and leave my "baby" days behind me. A few months after that, I began again. No matter how hard, it will call you back. I've come to realize, it is who I am and its a part of me. There are times when the draw is not as strong and others when it feels like I need to be sucking my thumb and in my diapers all the time. Its an ebb and flow.
 
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I used to purge TONS, I've been doing this since the late 80's. I've not purged anymore since probably the late 90's. I finally came to the realization I was throwing money away when the next day or so I would go buy more things again. Once the part of guilt of wasting money way gone, I started to more easily accept myself. Of course I was a newly wed then and my wife helped me through a lot too.
 

bigbluehusky

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Usually I only purge when I have the fear that something big is going on. that hasn't happened in quite awhile. I never kept a big supply or had many other items (pacis, etc) but in college it happened quite frequently.
 
M

Maxx

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Only a few times, and then only because living circumstances dictated, ie, not enough privacy. Never because I wanted to quit or thought it was the thing to do.
 

Cody1621

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I only purged once, and at the time I didn't have much to throw away. I do regret it though, because I threw away about $100 in plastic pants. Not to mention a whole bag of Bambinos. I think I was just having a bad week and displaced my feelings onto the part of me that loves my diapers. I learned my lesson that one time though, if I ever feel the "urge to purge" I'll just stash everything away in a box somewhere and leave it.
 

kwisy

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I purged 3-4 times while I was a teen however after each purge and successive relapse I became more comfortable with myself and realized that there wasn't any reason to put myself through that kind of unnecessary pain.

I've probably thrown out the equivalent of $20-30 worth of diapers which doesn't seem like it's much compared to some people. Self acceptance of my DL side and how I felt about things didn't come until after I had accepted some AB tendencies which gave me stability as diapers became something more than just a sexual object.
 

dogboy

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During my senior year in college, my mom found both my diaper stash and gay porn. She took me to a psychiatrist at a residential mental facility, and there I had to discuss all of this. Needless to say, I tried to stop wearing and wanting diapers, though I was not successful. Upon graduation, I eventually moved to Ohio, married and started a family. For 7 years I mostly did not indulge, but in 1980, we moved to our present location. I had Fridays off, and I bought diapers and indulged for years until I got caught by my wife. She has been very supportive, and I no longer have to hide it. I appreciate the liberation.
 

DaddyHatiwolf

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During my senior year in college, my mom found both my diaper stash and gay porn. She took me to a psychiatrist at a residential mental facility, and there I had to discuss all of this. Needless to say, I tried to stop wearing and wanting diapers, though I was not successful. Upon graduation, I eventually moved to Ohio, married and started a family. For 7 years I mostly did not indulge, but in 1980, we moved to our present location. I had Fridays off, and I bought diapers and indulged for years until I got caught by my wife. She has been very supportive, and I no longer have to hide it. I appreciate the liberation.

Just out of curiosity .... what did the psychiatrist say?
 

Maux

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Obviously I've never managed to completely purge. But I have gone through periods where I've really tried to "potty train" or at least decrease my usage of diapers. Just recently I was trying to just use overnight pads(which leaked constantly), and thought I could maintain some bowel control(I know if I'm about to go, I'll just end up going in my pants if I'm not already in a bathroom), and that didn't go well either.

I also tried to throw out my stock of diapers when me and my fiance first started dating, just because I was afraid of what she'd say. I ended up with wet pants(which i managed to hide) and had to clean out some messy underwear in my toilet, both of those managed to be hidden. But, I woke up with a wet bed, and she was very supportive.

I really owe a lot to her for my acceptance of it, and the fact that I'm no longer overcome with this feeling that I "failed" at something for not being able to potty train, :)
 

dogboy

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Just out of curiosity .... what did the psychiatrist say?

Well, that's a funny story. He said that he thought I would out grow the desire for diapers. He was more concerned about my homosexuality, and that I had a boy friend who was a little younger than I. Remember that in the late '60s, you could be confined in a mental institution for being gay, against your will. That's what happened to Alan Ginsburg, the poet, and he wrote "Howl" because of it, as a rant.

I was a difficult, self willed person, and I wanted to read my poetry to my shrink, also laughable as I look back at it, and he wanted none of it. We didn't get along, and eventually I talked my mom out of going. My dad was retired on full disability and I knew they couldn't afford the sessions. I felt guilty, and I didn't want to consume their money, so I stopped going. I told my mom I could get better, and I guess she wanted to believe it.

Another funny thing, after I graduated from college, I taught in a private school for a year, and then left for Ohio to take a church job. I met the woman who would become my wife and the mother of my children. I really craved a traditional life, one of a home, backyard with a grill and children. It was a good choice for me, and I love my kids, and now my grand kids. Everyone must find their own way, and find things which work for them. This worked for me. That said, I always support those who have chosen different lifestyles for themselves, because I know what these feelings are like, and how they impact on one's life.

There are times I'm sitting at my computer in my family room, writing. In my mind, I go back to those times of such freedom and rebellion. I don't regret any of it, and in fact, I embrace it. I write my stories and my novel, and it allows me to express who I am, the other side of me. This is why I embrace the members on this site, because we are different, and dare to be different. We may not have chosen our attraction to diapers or infantilism. We certainly didn't chose our sexuality or sexual identity, and so, here we are, daring to reveal a side of ourselves that almost no one else in our lives see. Viva La ADISC!
 

Angusmac

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During my college years, when I was frequently moving back and forth between college and my parents' house, I tossed my stash (or most of it) on several occasions to avoid its being discovered.

Ditto, I tossed my stash a lot during the college years. However, after college, (early 90's for me) during the dawn of the internet...chat rooms and such, I found other AB/DL's on line and in discovering I was not alone, became more comfortable with myself. Years later, after getting my own place, I've had a constant stash...only purging 2times in recent years. Once during a relationship that lasted the better part of a year (When I'm in a relationship I just lose interest in diapers...probably because I'm satisfied emotionally and physically). Most recently I was about to get involved with a new potential girlfriend and phased out my stash...but then I decided the girl just wasn't right, and ordered a new supply...

-Gus
 

HokieABDL

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Since a teenager, I never purged it in my mind and fantasies. I would always ...
wear makeshifts and masturbate in them
... and it wasn't unusual for me to go years without actually wetting.

It wasn't until I was married (had told her before I was married, before I knew what ABDL was) that I actually got diapers.
 

Jsaur

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I used to be very on-off with the whole AB/DL thing and I was particularly secretive during my undergrad years.
I only started buying proper nappies when I moved in with my partner. Wouldn't have wanted to do it in a shared house...

I honestly wouldn't want to purge anymore. For a time I kept kidding myself like 'oh yeah this pack is the last i'll buy'. Nonsense! Now I don't wanna quit. I don't need the stress and I like myself as I am. I've never felt happier :) I have a cute onesie and all the other goodies! It's great, it's special and it's mine... and i don't care what anyone thinks!

funnily enough, as a consequence, I've found I'm ageplaying a lot less at the moment!
 

Bigbabybret

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Ok,

I've been ic forever...so, I've never had an issue with that side.

Now ab, I've not went through a purge per se but I may not participate from time to time.

My first steady gf way back when actually wanted more ab from me than I could do at that time...she wanted near 100% ab mode...I just wasn't ready...now this was many many years ago...

Now, I tend to get little from time to time every day if possible...it's just a mindset for me...my gf knows and is fine with it as long as she isn't super tired already...

B
 

Akikitsune

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Really Purged only once. When I was about 14 I looked from my stash to the woodstove in my house that runs at about 800 degrees in the winter and quite a few things went in :p
 
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