As a child, I wet the bed nearly every night. During the day, I was able to use the bathroom but would leak between bathroom visits. I retained urine as well which resulted in gushes a few times a day. Before my early teens, I was not yet diagnosed with my birth defects so I was branded as lazy and wetting ‘intentionally’! For that, I was severely beaten on a regular basis by my mom mostly and wore very obvious cloth diapers nearly continuously. My parents couldn’t afford disposable products so it was always pin-on diapers. Teasing and terrible harassment was common place. I thought about ending my life many times but my sister kept me grounded and sane. She was the only person I could go to when I was on the brink of ending it. I do remember my dad, the town drunk, holding me. I also remember how painful it was when he used his belt on me.
That was my life pretty much until my diagnosis after my first period, which changed the way my parents (and extended family) reacted to my wetting but did nothing for the mistreatment from my peers and others. When I started college about 250 miles from home, I was able to rewrite my life and make a few good friends, including my now husband.
When I look back, my young life was nothing better than miserable. I had no real friends back then and as a result, was very isolated and beyond timid. I never had a close friend over, sleepover, school dance, prom, nothing. I have few childhood memories as I chose to block them. One very good thing that came out of my isolation was my freakish attention to school. Remarkably, I attained Dean’s List recognition always. I finished with a high school Regents diploma (with college credits) but that was only a personal gain as I was seldom praised by anyone for my accomplishments. That hard work gained me a full scholarship at a very well recognized Texas university, which gained praise from my parents as they probably thought I would never make anything of myself.
Personally, as a result of leaving home and meeting many great people, I was able to do a 180 in my life. Instead of being isolated and timid, I like to think of myself as being quite outgoing and engaging.
There are very few that know of my health issues and that’s how it will remain. I will ‘never’ allow myself to be demoralized or otherwise harassed in any way again.
Thank you all for warmly welcoming me here and allowing me to vent. I have occasional deep depression issues and migraines but engaging in forums like this with wonderful people like yourselves helps me avoid those dreadful cycles.
