First time you questioned your gender?

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gigglemuffinz

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Alright, all aboard the topic train. :thumbsup:

Now I understand that many trans people believe that that they always had these feelings, and I'm not denying that. Certain things in my super young life definitely point to me being never exactly comfortable with my own assigned gender role.

What I'm asking is for our gender special community to describe the first time they ever actually consciously thought.. no, this is wrong... or perhaps.. but.. I want that! If that makes sense.

I'll start with my own. It's actually pretty simple, and I was still pretty young when it happened. I used to be really into The Land Before Time as a kid and my favorite character was Ducky. I asked my sisters if we could play a pretend Land Before Time game, and they all enjoyed the series too. I told them I wanted to be Ducky, and my sister adamantly told me no.

Her reasoning was that I was a boy, and Ducky was a girl. I couldn't be Ducky, apparently because whatever Ducky was off limit to me just because of the way I was born. Unfortunately as a kid I really was a pushover, and I didn't fight it... let myself lose that "grand" debate. But I was sad.. I remember being really sad. Like something was really wrong with the world, even with just this simple sounding moment. I didn't feel that was fair.. and it really hurt my feelings... like I had to start changing who I wanted to be for other people and it really did just keep on going from there. I often thought of the ways society saw boys and girls like this, and more and more I felt like there was this unfair wall separating "boy" and "girl" that I hated..​
 
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SissyDLE

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I was about four or five and was really into the cartoon Wacky Races. I wanted to be Penelope Pitstop! About that time I was playing round at a female friends house and her mum popped out to the shops (it was the 1970's when parents did leave their kids unattended). My friend was a tom boy and complained that she hated being in a frock. Simple solution - we swapped clothes. I had the lovely pink, frilly frock and she had my jeans and jumper. Half an hour later when her mum came home, she did not even notice for the first ten minutes. Then it dawned on her that the one in the dress had short hair. At that point all hell broke loose.

That was when i learned that liking girls clothing was not OK in 1970's rural Scotland. Equally, my friend found out that she was not meant to wear boys clothes either. It was several weeks till we were allowed to play together again. Even then we were closely supervised for a few weeks. That said, I had no regrets other than being caught. For 40 minutes, I was a girl!

From there, my gender questioning was restricted to within my head and I went to bed most nights wanting to wake up female. It was this age that i picked my name too. one that I still like 35 years later and am using when I go out en femme and will be using full time from September.

The gender dysphoria came and went as I got more adept at suppressing it until recently when I could do so no longer.

DLE
 
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I was 7 years old or so when I first really noticed. I'll have to post the reason why I became enticed when I get some more time, not exactly the best day for me to be thinking..
 

dogboy

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I don't presently have any real desires to live or identify as a female, but when I was a kid, grade school aged, my mom had a bag of old clothes in the basement. My male cousin would come over and we would dress up as girls. Not only did I enjoy doing it, but so did he. To be honest, I felt some sort of stimulation putting on the undergarments like panties and bra. One year I went as a girl for Halloween and if I recall correctly, my outfit was pretty complete, dress and perhaps undergarments. This was in the '50s. I was adopted and it's possible that my mom thought about having a girl. I know my aunt would have loved to have had a girl, so I think they enjoyed dressing me up as a girl.

They did me up with makeup and a wig. When I went around the neighborhood, house to house, no one recognized me. They thought I was a girl, dressed up as a princess. So that was my experience, and I enjoyed it. Eventually I outgrew it, but my sexuality has always been complicated, especially in high school and college. I suppose that's another story, some of it sad.
 

gigglemuffinz

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I was about four or five and was really into the cartoon Wacky Races. I wanted to be Penelope Pitstop! About that time I was playing round at a female friends house and her mum popped out to the shops (it was the 1970's when parents did leave their kids unattended). My friend was a tom boy and complained that she hated being in a frock. Simple solution - we swapped clothes. I had the lovely pink, frilly frock and she had my jeans and jumper. Half an hour later when her mum came home, she did not even notice for the first ten minutes. Then it dawned on her that the one in the dress had short hair. At that point all hell broke loose.

That was when i learned that liking girls clothing was not OK in 1970's rural Scotland. Equally, my friend found out that she was not meant to wear boys clothes either. It was several weeks till we were allowed to play together again. Even then we were closely supervised for a few weeks. That said, I had no regrets other than being caught. For 40 minutes, I was a girl!

From there, my gender questioning was restricted to within my head and I went to bed most nights wanting to wake up female. It was this age that i picked my name too. one that I still like 35 years later and am using when I go out en femme and will be using full time from September.

The gender dysphoria came and went as I got more adept at suppressing it until recently when I could do so no longer.

DLE
This story started out cute, but ended so sad! You deserved to have a closet full of adorable pink frocks! Thank you for sharing!

I was 7 years old or so when I first really noticed. I'll have to post the reason why I became enticed when I get some more time, not exactly the best day for me to be thinking..
I hope you share your story with us soon!

I have never questioned my gender. I'm a male, was born a male.
That's fine and absolutely so, nothing wrong with it at all. Was there ever a time where you even considered how you felt about being male? Simply questioned it? Even if you came to the conclusion that you indeed were male.

I don't presently have any real desires to live or identify as a female, but when I was a kid, grade school aged, my mom had a bag of old clothes in the basement. My male cousin would come over and we would dress up as girls. Not only did I enjoy doing it, but so did he. To be honest, I felt some sort of stimulation putting on the undergarments like panties and bra. One year I went as a girl for Halloween and if I recall correctly, my outfit was pretty complete, dress and perhaps undergarments. This was in the '50s. I was adopted and it's possible that my mom thought about having a girl. I know my aunt would have loved to have had a girl, so I think they enjoyed dressing me up as a girl.

They did me up with makeup and a wig. When I went around the neighborhood, house to house, no one recognized me. They thought I was a girl, dressed up as a princess. So that was my experience, and I enjoyed it. Eventually I outgrew it, but my sexuality has always been complicated, especially in high school and college. I suppose that's another story, some of it sad.
Oh wow, I do like your story though! Sounds like you enjoyed it, and it's at least a fun memory I bet. Thanks so much for sharing!
 

kitterdafoxy

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I remember it vividly and clearly, it happened in kindergarten when I was only around five (so around 1997). I was never interested in playing with the other boys of the class, they were gross and didn't smell very good at all, I was never into what they liked either (Toilet Humor, Bugs And Worms, Aggressiveness). I was always more gentle and sophisticated (for a five year old), i was not one to wear character tees or crocks, I preferred stripes and a pair of sketchers (not very girly or sophisticated, but it was at least better than everything else). Most boys in the class were either imitating some power rangers, telling downright vulgar jokes (even for a five year old they were very risqué), or staging wars with action figures, I always politely declined their offers and went over to my friends (all expect one were female, the non female had autism and I helped him not freak out). My days in that classroom were spent either drawing quite feminine artwork (swirls, flowers, etc), talking with my friends, or just relaxing around doing nothing, you would expect me to try and confirm to my genders standards, but I didn't.
 

SissyDLE

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This story started out cute, but ended so sad! You deserved to have a closet full of adorable pink frocks! Thank you for sharing!
Well, it may have ended sad where I left it off but I am the author of my own future. I now refuse to remain in the box labelled 'male' that I was forced into.

Most weekends I now present female and come mid September I am transitioning full time. I no longer question my gender. I now know who I am and i am female!

No point dwelling on the past, I'm too busy looking to the future!

DLE
 
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For me it is not so much as question the gender I was born with, but more of how I should of handled it wayyyyyyy back when. But then we did not have the openness as we do now.

I recall vividly associating with the heroines of movies instead of the heroes when I went to Saturday matinees. I recall as well that I was much more comfortable associating with girls my age instead of boys. As it turns out after years of somewhat wedded bliss complete with children and many grandchildren that deep inside of me I was always the happiest when I could allow my inner feminine nature take full reign of my life.

This does not mean that I wanted to totally change my male ways into female ways, but more of wanting to let that inner feminine being of myself to come out and live happily in the open and fully enjoy life.

I am not certain if I have fully succeeded or not, but I can say I am much happier now:smile1:
 

LilSamsara

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The first time I questioned my gender identity was about 6 yrs old. I had a group of female cousins I would hang out with weekly and I always got to dress up in their clothes and be one of the girls. It was confusing to me why all my girl cousins got treated a certain way and I didn't. I wasn't coddled or made up to look pretty or treated the way I knew I was supposed to be treated & this was very confusing for me. I got my release when I got to dress in their clothes and play with them but that was quickly extinguished when my mom caught me. I was treated with threats and belittling words of her anger which began my life in the closet. I decided all boys felt like they were girls and just made it my normal. This was a bad way to perceive the world bc it led to drug abuse and suicide attempts later on but that's a story for another time. I was young and didn't have the words for what I was feeling so I did what any kid would do... Generalized the feelings over the rest of my peers and made a safe place for myself... The closet isn't a safe place though... This was a false security.
 

KittyninjaW

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I never really have any desire to change genders, but there were really several times where I did. I was always more mature then my peers, and always more creative, sure I was instructed in the boy stuff, like superheroes, anime, and cartoons, lots and lots of cartoons, still there was always an attraction to the girly stuff, Even back to my preschool/kindergarten days, and to be honest I could get along with both genders, really, even to today, also once I made my own tea set out of mega blocks and Duplo blocks, (really) before my evil mother and even after she had a daughter and I admit, I sort of sunk in her room and played with her dolls, I lived with my grandma, even so, in summer school, I did sign up for a jewelry making class once, and I was denied, (BTW, Summer school in my day, wasn't the stereotype It was actually fun, with different activities, and stuff.) and I guess, I don't know, I'm just glad I have an outlet to talk about this stuff. (BTW, Sorry that I rambled, its you know there wasn't really one time there were several, but still, I don't really want to change genders, but still, I do want to be a little girl sometimes....)
 

Penny

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I didn't start questioning until I was about 15 or so. My house was kind of crazy so gender Norms were never enforced but when I got my first girlfriend and took on the masculine role in our relationship I starte really questioning who I was.

I shaved my head and started binding, passing myself off as a boy and I really loved it.

But it went back and forth and that led to a lot of confusion and depression. I always thought that girls and boys were supposed to be one way or another and I wasn't that way.

Somedays I feel very masculine and other days I feel very feminin and the sucky part is my sexuality changes with it. When I feel masculine I like girls and when I feel feminin I like boys.

It took a long time for me to realize that I was just an out of the box person and I do identify with the native American term "two spirited." it's the best way I can describe who I am.

Sometimes I'm penny and other days I'm Ethan and I don't expect anyone to keep up with it or call me certain pronouns when I shift but accepting who I am for who I am has been the greatest thing I've ever done.
 

dljonah20

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i feel that i'm a female in a males body, but the female in me is lesbian, i want to be a girl, but i want to be a girl that hooks up with other girls, but until gender operations are safe and painless and fast, i'll just stick to wearing bows in my hair and bright colors, the only time i ever got any negativity from it was in highschool, people thought i was gay, i mean i am gay, just not for guys
 

Froppy

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As I have said in a previous post I am 50/50 on both genders not sure what the correct term for me is or what I classify as lol but I like being a guy and girl and can be both and function normally although the abdl lifestyle will make me swing a little more to my feminine side I still like to go out and ride dirt bikes and what not I am an odd mix XD
 

Strawberry

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Played dress up when i was around 5, my sisters Easter dress .. got my butt beat good for that one. Never really feel 100% right but i dont see me ever being able to change things to the point where i fee right. Not with out costing me every thing. Ever question your gender more when your depressed? Feel more and more out of place when im depressed. Just kinda snowballs.
 

KittyninjaW

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Played dress up when i was around 5, my sisters Easter dress .. got my butt beat good for that one. Never really feel 100% right but i dont see me ever being able to change things to the point where i fee right. Not with out costing me every thing. Ever question your gender more when your depressed? Feel more and more out of place when im depressed. Just kinda snowballs.
I certainly do, and when I'm stressing.
 

Jaymegurl

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Dear gigglemuffinz :

Let's see, the first time that I questioned my gender was when I was eight years old. I had been looking at one of my Mom's magazines, and I saw pictures of a nine year old male's big penis, and I pulled off my own pants and thought " what happened to my own penis " because mine is so darn tiny. Why is this
I asked my Mom. She said that I had a tiny penis, true, but you are so special, that you were made to do things with your life that are not considered
" Normal ". This sort of set the stage for my lifestyle now.

Jaymegurl
 

kitterdafoxy

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Dear gigglemuffinz :

Let's see, the first time that I questioned my gender was when I was eight years old. I had been looking at one of my Mom's magazines, and I saw pictures of a nine year old male's big penis, and I pulled off my own pants and thought " what happened to my own penis " because mine is so darn tiny. Why is this
I asked my Mom. She said that I had a tiny penis, true, but you are so special, that you were made to do things with your life that are not considered
" Normal ". This sort of set the stage for my lifestyle now.

Jaymegurl
TIL: in 1975 showing a child's penis in a magazine was legal and acceptable.
 

CharliePup

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As I have said in a previous post I am 50/50 on both genders not sure what the correct term for me is or what I classify as lol but I like being a guy and girl and can be both and function normally although the abdl lifestyle will make me swing a little more to my feminine side I still like to go out and ride dirt bikes and what not I am an odd mix XD
You might want to consider using the term 'bigender'! I think that describes what you're talking about.

I never considered my gender seriously until I was maybe 16 or 17? Or possibly older, I don't know. As a child, I liked playing the boyfriend or husband, and most of the time I dressed up as a boy or neutral character (e.g. a wolf, a tiger) for fancy dress parties or whatever, hardly ever a little girl. As I got older, I sometimes imagined I was a boy or pretended at being one, but I didn't really question it or think of myself as a guy at that point. I would, for instance, insert myself into masculine roles but still imagine I had a 'girl' body - I remember jamming along to 'James Bond' (I wish I was James Bond just for the day, kissing all the girls, blow the bad guys away... as a teen and imagining I /was/ this cool super spy who got all the ladies - but had my body, despite being referred to as 'James' and a man. I have no idea when exactly I started having srs thoughts about my gender - most likely sometime after joining ADISC. What a vague answer! :p

I do know that for a long time I refused to ID as non-binary/anything other than a boy/girl and thought that was 'weird' - which was why I was so resistant to it, I guess. It's only in the past year, really, that I've embraced the idea of being a gender other than male/female most of the time.
 
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