Finishing last(un edited story)


  1. Diaper Lover
Finishing Last.


My legs dissapear out from underneath me as I stride forward, my arms tingle as the lactic acid burns my muscles. My side hurts like never before, ignoring the pain I focus on moving my arms hoping that my legs will move along side them. I can see the finish line as I hear the steps coming from behind. I struggle to pull very ounce of strength that I can. My entire body becomes cold, then hot and energy fills every vein in my body. I can feel my legs again, I push the harder, I move faster, I've never felt this good before in my life. I keep running, so close I will finish first. With every step I make I become faster and faster, and the crowd becomes further and further. The finish line becomes a white blur slowly taking over vision. I concentrate as hard as I can, but I can't stop the white.

Everything is so white, the door is white, the room is white. I shake my head as I realize that I am in a room and not on the track. I look arround the room looking for someone, but there is no one else to see. I don't know what happened but I feel as if I was hit by big truck, it hurts to move as I look around the room looking for any signs of life. I sighed outloud and layed my had back down on the paper covered pillow the ceilinng trying to remember the race, I cant remember if I won or not, I replay the race over and over again in my head.

I remember telling myself at the start that I wouldn't be last this time, no matter what, and that pain was just for a moment, but victory it was for a life time. I have ran the two mile in track for my school since I was in junior high, but I had never finished above last, and this track meet I was going to prove to everyone that I could fight through the pain. I told myself to ignore the pain and keep running over and over before the race, I remember preparing my mind, looking at all the other girls, and telling myself that they are not like me.

Something was different that day, I felt hevier, stiffer, but faster, and stronger, I felt like anything was possible, and when the gun sounded I left every runner behind me, as I sprinted forward, completely aware of the fact that I was running to fast. There was nothing I could do to stop myself, I felt it from down inside, this race, it was mine, I was going to win it, I was going to set a reccord, everyone would know my name, I just felt it. I was so close, and now all i can do is ask myself is: "what happened?"

Then, a doctor walked into the room.

"I see your finally awake Ira, how are you feeling?" she asked.

"like crap" was all I could think to say,
` "what happened?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"Quite alot, this is something completely new to me. I will start with the good news,
you set the worlds best two mile at 7:50"

"I did?" I screamed back, as a shock of pain ran threw my body afterwards.
"That didn't look like it felt to good" she said as I squinched my eyes in pain

She continued "Well, the womens and mens best where both beaten, by you and based on the physical shape they were in, I would have to say everyone in the world was quite suprised by how you did it, myself included"

"What do you mean I asked?" after she paused

"Its a pretty wild explanation so bear with me" she said as she opened up a folder in her hand and took a breath.

"I will begin with you are a very lucky young lady, last monday, you were flown to your hospital for emergcy care.

My eyes widened as the race was on a friday.

"However, after you was was rushed to the ER by paramedics at the race it was determined somsething else must be wrong. the intial diagnosis was you had just passed out due to strain and given yourself a concusion when your head the track. When you had not come out of your comma by monday morning, a nurse reported a unusual rise in body temperature to the ER doctor at around 2 AM. With you being unconsious your appendicitis went unnoticed, however your appendix had ruptured and it was out of the league of the ER doctor to remove it, so you was flown to me and 2 other surgons to do emergcy surgery. However with your body being in the state it was, you was fortunate to avoid the extreme pain that comes with appendicitis, but at the cost of a slower response to the inflmation of the organs in the abdominal region."
"You following me so far?" she asked

I replied hestiently "yeah i think"

"Well, it seems as if your appendix became inflamed the week of the race, and your body had been releasing hormones to try to reduce the inflamation, but during the race the extra hormones being released by the body, was completely consumed by your matablism and the resulting energy at the cost of execuating pain, gave you the strength you needed to finish the race, however no one knows how you were able to keep running with the ammount of pain you had to be in."

I interupted " I remember my side hurting worse then ever before, but I just compared it to normal pains I sometime get in my side, and pushed harder, it got worse, but I was so close all I could think was a little further, I don't even remember passing the finish line"

"Well that is not surprising, it was documented that youran into the bleachers as you passed the finish line, and you fell backwards hitting your head on the track, giving yourself a nasty conconsion" she said looking down at the papers in the folder

"I guess now I can tell you the bad news, I was prepared to tell you what happened, under the assumption that you would have suffered memory loss from the blow to the head, but you don't seem to have anny issues recalling what happened to a certain degree."

I smiled a little, still worried

"However, after for a short while after the surgery their wont be much sensation of the skin between your pelvis and your lower ribs, due to the damage that had already been sustained we had to remove your gulbladder, we are monitoring your kidney as it was the larger one, but it may still need to be removed in the future but as it stands it is healing properly and is expected to make a full recovery as very few nerves where damaged near the kidneys."
"Your colon was inflamed, and parts of it was removed, you may experince constipation at first, or runny stools, everyone is different."
"There was no nerves of the bladder or anal musscle dirrectly damaged, but the communication they had to the brain has been severed, however nerves have been seen to accomidate this by lengthing their mylin sheath, kinda like streching, this could take anywhere from 2 weeks to a life time, and isn't gaurteed to happen, and due to the ammount of inflamation we can't predict what will and what won't function propperlly. There are numous possabilities all we can do is play it safe as you recover"

"So what does this mean for me right now?" I asked hesitantly

she breathed out and closed the folder "Well right now it is really tough to say, your system has a lot of drugs in it, but to be safe, after we remove the cathendeer we recomend using the restroom before leaving, and trying to go by restroom and attempting to use one for at least 5 minutes once a hour for the next week or so just to be safe, with less frequent visits as begin to feel better"

That sounded terrible I thought but then sighed and said "It could be worse i guess"

"That is true, but regardless of what happens, you are a lucky lady and should be happy your alive" she said smiling.

I smiled back, and said thankyou.

"not a problem, just glad your okay let me send a nurse in hear to help you up and your belongings."

A male nurse walked carying a clear bag clearly with my tack outfit, and a backpack inside of it. He proceded to introduce himself:

"I am Trever, I will be your nurse this evening" he said

"Where are you folks" he asked trying not to sound rude.

"I am 18, live by myself" I responded

"Well, thats rare for a highschooler to say" he replied very amazed by me suddenly

"I just didn't like living at home, I never really thought much about it" I said

"Oh, well in that case, might I ask how you plan on getting back home?"

"I will take a taxi, or a bus" I said

"To Labelle!?" he exlaimed

"Wait, what hospital is this? I asked?"

"St. Jospeh's in Tampa " he said.

"Wow, figured I would be in miami at furthest, oh well I think I will be okay" I said

"I can give you a ride if you like?" he offered

"That is a bit skecth" I said questioning riding back with this guy

"Not a big deal I just would hate to ride a bus that far myself, so what do you say?" he asked

"Right now?" I asked

"No, but I get off soon, should give you some time to walk around get some food and drink from the lounge." he said

"alright!, hosspital food!" I said, feeling a small pain surge through me as I raised my voice.

"Ha, well here I will deflate this so you can go slide it out in the restroom, let me know if you have any questions or would like assistance from a female nurse" he said, while pulling a small string next to a tube going into what was most likely my urin bag.

I pushed off the bed, my stomch felt tingly but couldnt really feel any pain there, all the pain was in from shoulders, chest and legs. I wobbled over towards the bathroom to be stopped by a small force on my thigh. I had forgot to grab the urin bag. I turned around to grab it. The thing plasic felt cold and gross in my hand. I waddled back to the bathroom and shut the door. Their was a peice of paper on the toilet with instructions on how to self remove the device, I did as it showed, the first step already completed by the nurse, seemed like the scarriest as it said becareful not to pull to hard and dislodge the baloon. The process was quick and I sat down on the toilet for a few moments.

I was suprisded that even with a little effort nothing happened, but I felt a little worried, aand told myself that I would try again shortly. I opened the door and grabbed my pack leaning on the wall outside of it and changed into my clothes I had with me at the track meet, leaving my tack uniform in the bag.

I finished up in the bathroom, and walked out, and asked for directions to the lounge.

"Just down the hall, cant miss it" he said

"Also I will meet you there in about an hour, I don't get off till 9 but will take a late break and ask to leave early" he said

"thank you, your super kind!" I exlaimed walking towards the lobby

I looked up on the wall, and realized the clock showed that it was only 7pm, I guess he thought he could get off a whole hour early. The lobby was connected to a small cafeteria with those big rubber double doors keeping people out. I watched a employee leave with a empty cart. I assume the push the food here from a larger kitchen. I walked over to get a tray.

"room number?" the woman said I was walked up to the window

"I just left one I don't know it" I said

"I need a room number to give out food" she said

"I will go get see what room I was in" I said turning around

I walked back towards the room a little agitated that I had to have a room number, but it made sense guess they didn't want to be giving out free food to just anybody. I made it back to the door, and went to turn around when I decided I would try using the restroom again to be on the safe side. This time I manage to urinate a little, made me feel a little bit better. I briskly walked out of the room making sure to get the room numbner on my way out. "Room 432B" I said outloud to myself walking back towards the lobby trying not to forget.
  1. Carer
Interesting start you are building suspense and have lots of description. But every sentence starts with I did this or I did that. It makes it read a bit like a list of things you are doing rather than a story drawing the reader in. A little variety in structure would really bring your world to life. Looking forward to the next part.