FINISHED- The Revelation

Bartolome

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I rushed this story before. Now I have had time to go back and edit it for more style and content. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Many of the problems pointed out by other posters have been corrected, so consider this "The Revelation" version 2.0.


The Revelation

Mark leaned back in his chair watching Star Trek Deep Space Nine on DVD. The Dominion War was just heating up and the Klingons had finally cooled down, He smiled to himself. Sometimes, it was a good thing to just indulge. Especially given how unsure he was about his next task. Whenever he thought about it, his relaxation lapsed and anxiety flooded his mind. He turned his attention back to the TV show and focused on his breathing, telling himself that it would be all right.
It was Friday, his day off. Usually he spent this time writing, working on his screenplay, but of late, he'd had a bad case of writer's block. But today he felt like pampering himself... literally, he thought, and smiled. He looked at his watch and saw that is was four o'clock. Julie would be home in under an hour. He'd told her he had a surprise waiting, and she had left that morning excited. Mark had just felt anxious. He was as committed to the “surprise” as both he and Julie were to their relationship. Julie understood that after Mark's last experience, he wanted to take it slow, and if he had something he wanted to surprise her with, it was going to be big, but Mark was usually so honest and straightforward that she trusted him. Through the kitchen window, he'd watched her backside sway on the way to her Prius.
That was this morning. Now, it was almost time for the revelation.

About 20 minutes later, Julie walked through the front door and called “I'm home” from the lobby. Mark waddled over to her, the thick, teddy bear diaper under his jeans crinkling and bulging. “Hi sweetie, how was your day?” asked Julie.
“Relaxing. I needed to be lazy for a day. I've been working so hard,” said Mark.
“I know. Your job's stressful. I wouldn't know how to do what you do, working with those poor kids and those dysfunctional families all day. I mean, my brother was autistic but...”
Mark put a finger to her lips and said, “I know. I met him last Thanksgiving, remember?” Mark chucked and added, “Once I mentioned off-hand that I like the latest Star Trek movie, he hounded me that whole night with the intricacies of Romulan politics.” They both laughed, “How'd your day go?” asked Mark.
“Boooooringggggg,” sighed Julie. “I hate working in an office. At least you get to travel for a big chunk of your day and listen to your music. I have to share an office with Ms. Prissy Right Wing Fun-Killer. You know she complains to the boss about silly little desk decorations she can't even see? Never mind, it's the weekend, I don't have to deal with her again until Monday.” Julie looked at Mark with bright eyes and said, “So, what's my surprise?”
“Why don't you take your shoes off and meet me in the bedroom?” suggested Mark. “Then we'll talk.”
Julie wasn't sure she liked how that sounded but she gave her moved-in boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. Mark was the “word guy.” She'd known him in college and every time he opened his mouth he'd used some word she'd never heard before. She liked that about him, that he was smart and passionate about his job, but he never condescended to people, even when most of the time he was the most intellectual person in the room. Julie didn't consider herself an “intellectual,” but through Mark she felt like she learned so much more than she would have if she were with another guy, and when she picked up on those million dollar words and used them at the office, her colleagues looked at her with more respect. And through her, Mark had learned patience, and putting others before himself. They made each other better people.

Mark had only just moved in last week and sex hadn't come up yet, as they had both been so busy. Now, feeling anxious again, Mark waited in the bedroom, his jeans off, his diaper on display, and holding an adult-sized blue and green pacifier in his mouth. He had changed into a cute Mickey Mouse tee-shirt, and shaved his 5 o'clock shadow. He went over the words he'd been practicing in his head for years for when the right time came. Anxiety turned to dread, but he applied the self control he'd learned from Julie, and again focused almost exclusively on his breathing.
When Julie walked in and saw her 28-year old boyfriend wearing diapers and sucking a pacifier, her first thought was, costume party.
“I guess we're going somewhere special tonight,” she said, trying to make a light joke out of it.
Mark let his pacifier fall, secured to his shirt with a clip, and said, “Not exactly.”
“Okay, hun, so what exactly is going on. When you told me you had a surprise, I didn't expect to come home and find you in a diaper with a pacifier in your mouth, even if it is adorable. Seriously, what's going on? I mean, this is...” She had been about to say weird, but the better angels of her judgment stopped her. “She knew it was the wrong word to say, and backed: “It's not something I expected.”
“Well, life rarely is,” said Mark, and Julie couldn't help but admire how even dressed as a toddler, Mark managed to come off as contemplative and intelligent.
“Is there something you need to tell me?” asked Julie. She sat on the bed and hugged Mark, then sat up and snuggled a little with him.
“There's a couple things I've got to tell you,” said Mark. “First, I love you so much. Ever since you became a part of my life I've known we'll be together forever. I think you're beautiful and sexy and you make me a better person. And because I respect you, I need to to tell you something about myself. I didn't like keeping it from you but I had to find the right time to bring it up. Now that we're living together and we've got a whole weekend ahead of us, I though this would be the right time.”
Julie was confused. “So you're one of those diaper fetishists?”
Mark held his head slightly down and softly said, “Yeah.”
Julie lifted Mark's head up. “I didn't mean to sound critical, it's just... whoah. I mean I understand why you didn't tell me right away, I get it, it's just... like I said, unexpected. I mean, do you want to treat you like a 2 year old, give you your bath, change your diaper? What about work? I have a mortgage and...”
“Honey, you're getting ahead of yourself. Yes, I like wearing diapers. Yes, I enjoy being treated like a little kid. And as for sex... this is how I experience intimacy. We need to figure out how to make that work.”
“You mean you're not insisting on your terms or nothing?” asked Julie, concerned.
“Of course not! Look, I'm not one of those people on Jerry Springer,” said Mark. “I just need the momy-daddy roleplay once in a while and during sex. That's all. And really what harm does it do if I wear diapers around the house. I'll keep it discreet. No one but you will know.”
Julie said nothing for several minutes, and Mark was so anxious he felt like his stomach had crawled into his neck.
“I think I can deal with this. And the thought of being your 'mommy' is actually kind of... interesting.”
“We'll explore. We'll figure out boundaries. And in the meantime we'll learn more about each other,” said Mark.
“Why is it that you always know what to say?” asked Julie as she snuggled with her diapered boyfriend. “Our relationship must mean a lot to you if you planned this. But you're a grown man!”
“Part of me is three years old,” said Mark. He hugged her. “I love every part of you. Can you love every part of me?”
There was only one answer, and Julie knew it. Without hesitation, she said it: “Yes. Yes, of course, baby. What did you mean about sex though?”
“Diapers are something I like to wear for both emotional and sexual reasons,” said Mark. I'm not asking you to change my diaper and wipe poop off my butt, but I am telling you that this 'toddler' you see is a part of me and if you love me you'll need to accept it. When we want to be intimate, I need a little help, and the diapers and baby stuff do that. I just want to work in a little roleplay into our relationship. You might even like it after you try it.”
Julie felt foolish. She'd let stereotypes go to her head. And she was an opened minded girl. This wasn't any different, really, than the sexual kinks some of her friends revealed to her.
“That's a relief. I'm not ready for motherhood. Not full-time. And I'm sorry for assuming you were like those weirdos on Talk Shows. I should know better than that. And like I said, being 'Mommy' sometimes actually sounds kind of fun.”
“I'll make it fun,” promised Mark. As always, he was being so earnest that Julie had to meet him there.
“I don't mind if you wear the diapers around the house either, but make sure you keep the odor down and change yourself. It's your kink, it's your responsibility, okay?” asked Julie.
“That sounds fair,” said Mark.”I wouldn't ask you to make this relationship one-sided. It wouldn't be fair on you. And whatever you want from me, you have only to ask. So you're really okay with this?”
“Darling, I love you. We're connected. I felt that the first time I spent a night out with you. This diaper thing... sorry, this side to you, it's going to take me time to get used to it, I have to be honest. But for you, I'd do almost anything,” said Julie. “No. I would do anything. I'm so glad we talked about this,” said Julie. “Is there anything like a website you can give me to understand you better though?”
“Well, I wouldn't recommend the internet. I mean, the internet distorts everything, you'd get the wrong idea.” Mark got off the bed and went to his cabinet, where he pulled out a drawer containing a paperback book called Age Play. He gave it to Julie and sat back down on the bed, his diaper crinkling.
“Here you go,” said Mark. “I bought it when we first started dating. I was thinking of you.”
“You know Mark, I just realized something. I mean, I've dated a lot of guys. You know that. A lot of them never treated me half as well as you have. Guys have kept things from me. They've mistreated me. But you are a sweet man. And an honest one. You deserve the best,” she said. Suddenly she smiled wickedly, as though she'd just gotten an idea. She wanted to see Mark regress, to get a taste of what this would really be like, so in a tone like she was speaking to a child, she said, “I think my little boy deserves a trip to the ice cream shop!”
Sensing the change in her tone, Mark allowed himself to smile broadly, un-self consciously. “Ice cream! Ice cream!” He said, clapping like a toddler. “I want chocolate, Mommy!”
“Well first you need to change into something more appropriate for the neighborhood. Why don't you get a pair of jeans and a jacket?”
Mark put his pacifier back in his mouth and lisped “Otay Mommy, me put on big boy jeans,” and Julie smiled.
“Good boy. You can keep that shirt on, I think it's cute, but make sure to only use your paci in the car, okay sweet thing? This is our secret, I don't want any neighbors getting into our business.”
Mark nodded in agreement, too lazy to take out his pacifier.
A gleeful smile spread across Mark's face. He could see himself in the bedroom mirror. At that moment, he really did look four years old. He knew now, no matter what, this was going to work. He and Julie would make it work. And that's what it meant to be together, to give of yourself and ultimately also to accept others. The “revelation” couldn't have gone any better. And now, little Marky was going to get some Ice Cream too! Maybe he could even convince Julie to read him a bedtime story tonight.

-------------------------------------------------------

I would very much like comments on this, especially now that I have updated it. Please, if you have any praise or criticism.
 
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Bartolome

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- - - Updated - - -

I laughed at this typo. I have done that too.



Thanks for poiinting that out but do you have any other comments? I was hoping by posting this people would understand me better.
 

Bartolome

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I guess this didn't make the impact I hoped it would make. I mean I know it's not a fantasy-fullfilment story like most of the stories on this site but I thought I'd at least get some decent comments.

(Disappointed)
 

CheshireCat

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It's hard to comment on a story with just actions and responses. What builds depth to characters is showing the emotion and/or reason behind actions or responses. That's why flashbacks appear in many stories... trying to help the reader/viewer to understand the plight of the character.
 

Bartolome

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Well it is only a short vignette. I get what you mean though. I was trying to rely more on it being realistic and having the characterization spring from there. I didn't really feel like I was working with characters, even, it was more like I was working with archetypes. Maybe that's the problem.

Like I said, this is not the kind of fiction I usually write.
 
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This is well written Barry, I like the natural flow of it. The only problem is that there is absolutely no character development. The scene is set which is great, but the girl just accepts this whole new bombshell without any apprehensions about the reality. She simply says 'hey this is good, I have a fetish too.'

Both parties fit to easily into each other without either feeling some doubt which would fit more with the realistic theme.
 

gigglemuffinz

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This was a pretty cute story. I mean, it was obviously a story just created to express a little feeling and what it was designed to do it did well. :)

Obviously other types of stories might need a little different sentence structure and a little more addition, but for what it is.. again, very cute. ^_^
 

Calico

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I was never a fan of short stories that are a page long so that is why I didn't really comment except for the typo. How close is the mark character to you? Only thing I see different is he doesn't have an abusive girlfriend.
 

Bartolome

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This is well written Barry, I like the natural flow of it. The only problem is that there is absolutely no character development. The scene is set which is great, but the girl just accepts this whole new bombshell without any apprehensions about the reality. She simply says 'hey this is good, I have a fetish too.'

Both parties fit to easily into each other without either feeling some doubt which would fit more with the realistic theme.

Thanks for the compliments. I think the problem was the subject matter was too close to home and so I rushed through it. I literally wrote this in 15 minutes. Most of my stories wouldn't fall to that level of laziness, but ABDL can be an uncomfortable subject to write about.

Obviously it deserves a second pass, I'll make some changes based on your comments. Thanks. But I just wanted to write a story where things turned out okay, I guess. It could use more suspense.

I just wanted to write a story that wasn't wish fulfillment, where two characters actually confront an issue and deal with it. It's not supposed to represent a girl "just being cool with it." If anything that's not what happens. I tried to show her apprehension and doubt. The "foot licking" thing came about because everyone has SOMETHING and I think Julie wanted to make Mark feel better.

"Mark" and "Julie" are generic characters but the situation was based on my feelings. I wanted to be rather non-specific about their age, size, looks, etc. I don't see anything wrong with that, I was just trying to give back to the community. I gave him some of my own characteristics to make him an interesting character, not to "make him me" or draw a comparison.

Yes, it was a therapeutic exercise for me, rather than an attempt to write a story that satisfies all my highest criteria, but I still felt it was worth sharing.

- - - Updated - - -

This was a pretty cute story. I mean, it was obviously a story just created to express a little feeling and what it was designed to do it did well. :)

Obviously other types of stories might need a little different sentence structure and a little more addition, but for what it is.. again, very cute. ^_^

Thanks, I'm glad you see what I was trying to do. I rushed because I'd never written anything like this before and because to be honest I found writing it a little uncomfortable. I'm much more comfortable with science fiction.

- - - Updated - - -

- - - Updated - - -

I was never a fan of short stories that are a page long so that is why I didn't really comment except for the typo. How close is the mark character to you? Only thing I see different is he doesn't have an abusive girlfriend.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... not me. Not about me. Leave it at that. Does everything have to be about me? No. No. No.

Calico, I don't mean to give you a hard time, but please don't bring baggage from one thread into another unrelated thread. Thanks. I find that inappropriate and irrelevant.

================================================================================

As a general note (and sorry if I sound grumpy) , as a serious writer, I never gave one lick for writing ABDL fiction even when I was a teenager. And I still don't, except for this story, because this story represents my hopes and dreams. I'll edit it based on the comments of some of the readers but I hope you guys understand this is not typical of my work.
 
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Calico

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If you are going to get defensive with your responses, then people aren't going to reply to you anymore and then you are going to wonder why you are being "ignored." You wanted comments so I gave you one and you didn't like it. I won't comment on any future stories of yours or your posts because you seem to get uptight and upset and defensive when people respond to you.
 

Bartolome

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If you are going to get defensive with your responses, then people aren't going to reply to you anymore and then you are going to wonder why you are being "ignored." You wanted comments so I gave you one and you didn't like it. I won't comment on any future stories of yours or your posts because you seem to get uptight and upset and defensive when people respond to you.

I was upset that you were bringing baggage from another thread here. That's all.

MOVING on...

I'm embarrassed of this story and especially for being so defensive. I shouldn't have rushed it like I did. I don't think I was comfortable writing it. I wish I'd spent more time on it though so it is a better example of my writing before posting it here. I will edit it until I am satisfied Then hopefully I won't be so damn defensive. I think it could be a much much better story than it is.
 
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Bartolome

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UPDATED AND EDITED THIS STORY (SEE FIRST PAGE) BASED ON CRITICISMS AND COMMENTS RECEIVED. I'm much more proud of this version. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
 

Bartolome

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Thanks. I achieved what I set out to do.

Julie's having her own fetish was too much of a deus ex machina, so I took that out entirely; it wasn't necessary to the plot, either
 
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bambinobaby

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While I never read the first version, I can honestly say that I liked this version quite a bit, and see a lot of myself in Mark, too. I'd love to have a relationship with somebody as real and understanding as Julie. Well done...and if you are so inclined, there is great territory to expand on from this introduction.
 

Bartolome

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While I never read the first version, I can honestly say that I liked this version quite a bit, and see a lot of myself in Mark, too. I'd love to have a relationship with somebody as real and understanding as Julie. Well done...and if you are so inclined, there is great territory to expand on from this introduction.

Thanks... I spend most of my writing energy on non ABDL projects but I might do another one one day. I was motivated to write an ABDL story that was "slice of life" and not out of a fantasy.
 
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