Finally told my girlfriend, looking for some advice.

newaccount212

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Hello,

I’m sure this gets posted a lot, so forgive me I have not been on this forum too much but I will look around.

I was hoping I could get some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. So I have been into abdl for awhile now (specifically DL) and never had the balls to tell a SO. Finally started accepting this part of me and told myself I would tell a partner if I met the right person. I met someone pretty amazing a few months back and decided I’d tell her, after putting it off for weeks. Went as well as I could have hoped, seems to be accepting of this kink in the sense she doesn’t find me gross or any knee jerk reaction like that.

Tried my best explaining it, she has never heard of this before and doesn’t really understand it. Showed her some pictures/a video online since she asked. She giggled about it, said she could see how it is a turn on but thinks it’s a bit weird (understandably lol) said how she wants to read about it more together so she can wrap her head around the whole thing. Overall she seems open to exploring it, but we didn’t dive too deep just yet since I my brain was very scattered at the time.

Being that I’ve never been in this situation before I’m not sure what the appropriate next step is.. i know a lot of this is going to be on me and communicating what I am looking for. I told her multiple times I have no expectations of her, even if I only partake on my own time. Obviously we need to talk more, but to anyone who has been in this situation or even on the receiving end what worked for you easing into it?

Thanks to anyone who responds!
 
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Lumos

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Hello, and welcome aboard, fellow DL!

I told my wife about my 'DLness' 2 years ago, and her reaction was similar to your gf's and that it's not her thing. She did encourage me to buy some diapers (which I did) but I still don't feel comfortable wearing around her. My fear is that if she saw me in ABDL diapers, it will scare her away/overwhelm her. To ease her into it, I wear training pants (Rearz, Incontrol) 3-4 times a week, and she's seen me in those often, and she's cool with it. Obviously, this is going slower than I'd like, but I prefer that my wife sticks around, haha.

Good luck!
 
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SiiYaTii

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I think you have done a good job so far with breaking the news. The best advice I could give is to let your partner set the pace of learning about abdl. You are conscientious of the fact that this can be overwhelming. You mainly just need to feed her curiosity and delve into aspects when she asks questions. Just be sure to check in with them and make sure you don't overwhelm them with too much info or aspects that they aren't ready to talk about.

Through it all, communication is key.
 
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warmfeeling

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newaccount212 said:
Hello,

I’m sure this gets posted a lot, so forgive me I have not been on this forum too much but I will look around.

I was hoping I could get some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. So I have been into abdl for awhile now (specifically DL) and never had the balls to tell a SO. Finally started accepting this part of me and told myself I would tell a partner if I met the right person. I met someone pretty amazing a few months back and decided I’d tell her, after putting it off for weeks. Went as well as I could have hoped, seems to be accepting of this kink in the sense she doesn’t find me gross or any knee jerk reaction like that.

Tried my best explaining it, she has never heard of this before and doesn’t really understand it. Showed her some pictures/a video online since she asked. She giggled about it, said she could see how it is a turn on but thinks it’s a bit weird (understandably lol) said how she wants to read about it more together so she can wrap her head around the whole thing. Overall she seems open to exploring it, but we didn’t dive too deep just yet since I my brain was very scattered at the time.

Being that I’ve never been in this situation before I’m not sure what the appropriate next step is.. i know a lot of this is going to be on me and communicating what I am looking for. I told her multiple times I have no expectations of her, even if I only partake on my own time. Obviously we need to talk more, but to anyone who has been in this situation or even on the receiving end what worked for you easing into it?

Thanks to anyone who responds!
I told my wife of 30 years about my love for nappies, about 4 months ago. (I am a DL, not into the AB side, although I do like to read what people get up to). she wasn’t too sure at first, but she really ok with it now, although she wants nothing to do with it. I felt like I’d had a huge weight lifted from my shoulders, just knowing she now knows. I try no to overwhelm her, so I don’t wear them as much as I really want to, but she says it’s up to me, so I just get on with it. You’ve done the right thing telling her, and take it one step at a time, just remember there are two of you in your relationship, make sure think of her considerations too. Hope it keeps going well, it sounds like you’ve had a good start 😁👍🏻
 
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LePew

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Big congrats to you! Many of us non-ic folks have had to break this news to our partners at some point t and it is absolutely nerve wracking, like it feels like the whole relationship could be hanging on that conversation.

So, I commend your bravery. Well done.
 
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warmfeeling

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LaPew said:
Big congrats to you! Many of us non-ic folks have had to break this news to our partners at some point t and it is absolutely nerve wracking, like it feels like the whole relationship could be hanging on that conversation.

So, I commend your bravery. Well done.
You are so true, at first I thought I’d F#<¥€d up 30+ years of relationship, but like lots of people say, you’re not hurting anyone at all. Thank you, and like you I commend anyone who can come out to tell a loved one, or a friend that they want to wear nappies or be an AB, it’s not easy. Again we’ll done.
 
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SherriLil

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Yup, it feels like jumping off a cliff with a vague plan to build your parachute on the way down. If things don't work out... splat. I told my wife of 22 years, almost 4 years go (so, 18 years of marriage). I hadn't really hid it from her prior to that - it was from so far back in my history that I thought it had been expunged from the record. But it came back. I was lucky, she was not enthusiastic, but, she was accepting. It sounds like you are off to a good start, and that she's an open-minded girl who cares about you and doesn't make snap judgements. My advice would be, don't rush it. And accept the territory you manage to win gratefully; maybe she'll never want to change your diaper, but if you get to wear them while you're watching TV together and she's fine with it, that's still a big step. I wish you all the luck!
 
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Subtlerustle

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newaccount212 said:
Hello,

I’m sure this gets posted a lot, so forgive me I have not been on this forum too much but I will look around.

I was hoping I could get some advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. So I have been into abdl for awhile now (specifically DL) and never had the balls to tell a SO. Finally started accepting this part of me and told myself I would tell a partner if I met the right person. I met someone pretty amazing a few months back and decided I’d tell her, after putting it off for weeks. Went as well as I could have hoped, seems to be accepting of this kink in the sense she doesn’t find me gross or any knee jerk reaction like that.

Tried my best explaining it, she has never heard of this before and doesn’t really understand it. Showed her some pictures/a video online since she asked. She giggled about it, said she could see how it is a turn on but thinks it’s a bit weird (understandably lol) said how she wants to read about it more together so she can wrap her head around the whole thing. Overall she seems open to exploring it, but we didn’t dive too deep just yet since I my brain was very scattered at the time.

Being that I’ve never been in this situation before I’m not sure what the appropriate next step is.. i know a lot of this is going to be on me and communicating what I am looking for. I told her multiple times I have no expectations of her, even if I only partake on my own time. Obviously we need to talk more, but to anyone who has been in this situation or even on the receiving end what worked for you easing into it?

Thanks to anyone who responds!
Next steps: introduce her to Love in Brief and Dream a Little podcasts. Screen them ahead of time to see which episodes are applicable to you. They are excellent for normalizing this. Also Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb’s book “You’re not broken” has a section for SO’s to read. Available on Amazon.
Let us know how it goes.
 
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DLBIG

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Subtlerustle said:
Next steps: introduce her to Love in Brief and Dream a Little podcasts. Screen them ahead of time to see which episodes are applicable to you. They are excellent for normalizing this. Also Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb’s book “You’re not broken” has a section for SO’s to read. Available on Amazon.
Let us know how it goes.
These are great advice. Especially Dr. Rhoda’s book. Dr. Diaper.
A great book about ABDL
 

Tomtomthedl

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When I told the wife about my ABDL side I gave her this website. It's a little easier to browse through the headlines and click on what might Peak her interest in what she would like to read. There's a lot of informative information here.
 

Rita

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It always best to be up front about it in any relationship AB or Not !!
It could take sometime for her to understand and comprehend.
So Plus please don't rush or push her and be honest when she ask !

Best you the best !!!
 
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