Fetishism or personality?

SophiaNuw

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So it's been really difficult for me to define this fetish to myself.
I've now tried wearing a diaper, or rather a pull-up, for the first time and i've now come to terms that this is just a sexual fetish and nothing really more.
But it's weird, as i still feel like it's a very important thing to me, like this fetish defines me in a way.
I just don't know wether it's really true that i only care about diapers as a sex object, as if that were the case then why would i care this much? Why would i join a forum and seek guidance?
I always read people talking about how best thing to do is to accept and outlive your diaper fetishes, as long as it's in private and not hurting anyone else. But i just find it really hard to do so, as it feels wrong to give this much time and value in my life to a sexual fetish. I spend way too much time worrying or browsing forums, just like i'm now. I don't think it's healthy for me, but i don't think suppressing it is either.
I just find it really hard to balance my life with my fetish, and defining how much of my fetish is me. It feels very defining, and i'm just scared that it will overtake me if i embrace it.
Have anyone had similar thoughts or experiences, or are there anyone in general that have some good advice for dealing with such thoughts.
 
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MetalDan86

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SophiaNuw said:
So it's been really difficult for me to define this fetish to myself.
I've now tried wearing a diaper, or rather a pull-up, for the first time and i've now come to terms that this is just a sexual fetish and nothing really more.
But it's weird, as i still feel like it's a very important thing to me, like this fetish defines me in a way.
I just don't know wether it's really true that i only care about diapers as a sex object, as if that were the case then why would i care this much? Why would i join a forum and seek guidance?
I always read people talking about how best thing to do is to accept and outlive your diaper fetishes, as long as it's in private and not hurting anyone else. But i just find it really hard to do so, as it feels wrong to give this much time and value in my life to a sexual fetish. I spend way too much time worrying or browsing forums, just like i'm now. I don't think it's healthy for me, but i don't think suppressing it is either.
I just find it really hard to balance my life with my fetish, and defining how much of my fetish is me. It feels very defining, and i'm just scared that it will overtake me if i embrace it.
Have anyone had similar thoughts or experiences, or are there anyone in general that have some good advice for dealing with such thoughts.
I have had similar thoughts when I started trying abdl products in the mid 2000s. The important part was in learning to set some money aside for “me time.” After asking myself if this was something that added value/joy to my life, and once I got over the purge mentality that came from initial disgust, that all faded into the background and I really began to accept ABDL as part of what makes me “me.” It may not come right away for you, but I would try not to be so hard on yourself if it doesn’t make sense right away.
 
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DLBIG

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I’he been attracted to diapers since my very early age, since I was potty trained. I always wanted to be back in diapers. I was very creative to make diapers of any piece of cloth I could find with plastic bag over it to prevent any leaks. Without any surprises, through puberty and my sexual discoveries, diapers became a VERY strong fetish object to me, and still is to this day.

I always thought I was abnormal and hoped it would disappear one day. That day never came and will never come.

So I learn to accept myself and my fetish. Yes I binged and purged at the beginning, but I outgrown that. I have a fetish, a strange one and I learned to live with it. I think about it a LOT, but nothing I can do about it. Fighting it would simply make my life miserable.

But the “fetish fairy” really got me when she hit me with this strange fetish many many years ago. Worst, she gave that fetish to another person very far away from where I live🤪
 
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Kittyinpink

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SophiaNuw said:
So it's been really difficult for me to define this fetish to myself.
I've now tried wearing a diaper, or rather a pull-up, for the first time and i've now come to terms that this is just a sexual fetish and nothing really more.
But it's weird, as i still feel like it's a very important thing to me, like this fetish defines me in a way.
I just don't know wether it's really true that i only care about diapers as a sex object, as if that were the case then why would i care this much? Why would i join a forum and seek guidance?
I always read people talking about how best thing to do is to accept and outlive your diaper fetishes, as long as it's in private and not hurting anyone else. But i just find it really hard to do so, as it feels wrong to give this much time and value in my life to a sexual fetish. I spend way too much time worrying or browsing forums, just like i'm now. I don't think it's healthy for me, but i don't think suppressing it is either.
I just find it really hard to balance my life with my fetish, and defining how much of my fetish is me. It feels very defining, and i'm just scared that it will overtake me if i embrace it.
Have anyone had similar thoughts or experiences, or are there anyone in general that have some good advice for dealing with such thoughts.
Hey! 😊.
I, because of medication and age , I literally cannot feel any sexual feelings physically.
I started as a DL when I was young with hints of AB .
I still enjoy and absolutely love my diapers!
It's so hard to get rid of the feeling of guilt about our 'fetish' (I promise, it's much more than a fetish!)
But as you said 'we don't harm ourselves or others'
It's so important to alleviate yourself of guilt, thats pretty much why I think this wonderful site exists.
Love yourself! ❤️ , you deserve it ! 😊
 
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ozbub

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Cool question and relevant to all of us. Of course there is going to be a huge range of experiences, and motivations.

While I have had a little side (personality I guess) my entire life, I wouldn’t ever consider any aspect to be a fetish as such.

That said, having embraced my baby feelings from a very young age, and trying to incorporate as many real aspects of that as possible, diapers included, it was inevitable that the feelings and sensations associated with this, would integrate into my emerging adolescent sexuality.

So, as an adult, my little self has become somewhat intertwined with my sexuality, but this has never been a primary motive, that remains strongly regressive. To be honest, any adult associations interfere with regression and can at times be unsettling.
 
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catsRcool

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Had a little side and needs all the way since my earliest memories, wasn't really allowed to act on any of it unless it was secretive. I didn't gain the "fetish" aspect until I was in my late teens, but I still had a lot of shame and internalized it as a fetish thing. Even when I was living completely alone as a young adult, I had shame and seldom wore around my house or collected little stuff. Just for fear that it was somehow damaging.. All the while I was engaged in many harmful behaviors like drug use, and hanging out with the wrong crowds.

Depending on how far back you have this "fetish" we'll call it, it could be or not be a major component of your lifestyle. For me, it's literally a requirement to survive day to day. The only way I know of to destress and relax after all the adult stuff. It's also the only way I'm going to continue to live a sober life, which is extremely important when you have ADHD as to not interfere with dopamine/meds.
 
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Seasonedcitizen

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The problem with any “fetish” is when it controls your life as drugs/alcohol will. You have a problem if you just desire to be alone with it instead of interacting with other people.
 
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Anemone

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SophiaNuw said:
But i just find it really hard to do so, as it feels wrong to give this much time and value in my life to a sexual fetish. I spend way too much time worrying or browsing forums, just like i'm now. I don't think it's healthy for me, but i don't think suppressing it is either.
I just find it really hard to balance my life with my fetish, and defining how much of my fetish is me.
From what I can see the question is how much do you think is the right amount?
Clearly it is important so some time and energy is appropriate, have you tried working within a limit?
An hour a day, for example, would hardly define you but would give space to explore and understand yourself better.

SophiaNuw said:
Have anyone had similar thoughts or experiences, or are there anyone in general that have some good advice for dealing with such thoughts.
I have and I have dealt with them poorly and more recently better.

Be kind to yourself, including the parts which you would rather weren't there. If you feel the need to express something and explore then find a safe way to do so, as tempting as it may be to punish yourself for human frailty.

If you can feel content that you can express who and what you are how you are the awful internal pressure can dissipate.
 
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SophiaNuw

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Anemone said:
From what I can see the question is how much do you think is the right amount?
Clearly it is important so some time and energy is appropriate, have you tried working within a limit?
An hour a day, for example, would hardly define you but would give space to explore and understand yourself better.


I have and I have dealt with them poorly and more recently better.

Be kind to yourself, including the parts which you would rather weren't there. If you feel the need to express something and explore then find a safe way to do so, as tempting as it may be to punish yourself for human frailty.

If you can feel content that you can express who and what you are how you are the awful internal pressure can dissipate.
Thank you, i guess that seems like a healthy approach.
But be honest with me, has it helped you? Do you feel happier, more complete, do you find it to have meaning?
It's not that i'm trying to be downplay your life or be negative towards you, but my biggest fear is just that accepting and embracing it will just bring me falling deeper into my own puddle of sadness and animal like instinct. Like i might convince myself that it makes me happier, but in an unhealthy drug addiction sorta way.
 

K00paTr00pa

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For me I see it as less of an addiction and more of a life style that needed embracing. Like I've got this side of myself that needs this for both sexual desire/ stress relief. If I keep that side of myself happy than the rest of me is happy.

As far as over indulging, I think that depends on your wants/needs. If youre pursing some field of study and it feels like diapers (and everything associated with them) are getting in the way, I would often go somewhere like coffeeshops and do the bulk of my studying/work from there. This helped me a ton.
 

Anemone

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SophiaNuw said:
Thank you, i guess that seems like a healthy approach.
But be honest with me, has it helped you? Do you feel happier, more complete, do you find it to have meaning?
It's not that i'm trying to be downplay your life or be negative towards you, but my biggest fear is just that accepting and embracing it will just bring me falling deeper into my own puddle of sadness and animal like instinct. Like i might convince myself that it makes me happier, but in an unhealthy drug addiction sorta way.
I feel happier to not be at war with myself, that much I know for certain.

Likewise practicing kindness towards myself has greatly improved my experience of the world.

The fact that nappies have played a part in my new appreciation for life is somewhat secondary, they are significant only because they mean something to me.

I would advise against using sexuality to moderate your mood, my own experience of doing so was ruinous, but the flip side of that is I would also advise that you need to express what is inside of you.

Addiction thrives when it becomes the sole source of comfort, trying to repress a part of yourself provides exactly the sort of environment it germinates in.

I too was very concerned that I might fall into, what are for me, old habits. In actuality giving myself permission to do what I want - instead of what I "should" - has been the best defense, because what I want isn't what I had.

I keep a journal. It encourages me to reflect and, as such, be more aware of trends in my thinking and behaviour. It helps me to feel safe in myself and, in all liklihood, to be safe. Also being honest with one's self is always a good thing.

Sunday would be a good time to start one, if you are so minded, it's a useful habit even without any inner turmoil!
 
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Diapercutie

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For me it's 100 percent sexual.
 

Turfy

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For me personally, it’s definitely a blend, but a large part personality, it’s just who I am with my ASD unmasked. I feel that Little me is the real me, for the most part.

And I agree, this is a perfectly healthy coping mechanism, but it is intoxicating, so balance needs to be maintained.
 

Lyric

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Wearing diapers and rubber pants and wetting in them has been mostly if not entirely sexual since I was 13. That's when I first masturbated to orgasm and I was diapered at the time. I happened not long after my mom pinned my diapers on at night, I had erection while she was diapering me, and as soon as she left I started playing with myself until I came and nothing's been the same since.
 

pampers4U

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Its tough to digest, for myself I think its personality more then anything, at one point it was more sexual, but now, its more of just in my comfort zone, I've been into diapers pretty much since I've been potty trained and promoted to big boy status, some of my earliest memories involve me thinking about, looking at or trying to get diapers, hard to explain to a 3-5yr old that its sexual and understand what sexual even is.
I'd say puberty and into my mid 20's diapers were sexual, makes sense since some of my first orgasms happened behind some squishy padding or the fantasy of a very pretty woman changing me would always be a favorite go to daydream.
Today I'm married, my wife changes me routinely as I need or want it, I have it all, yet my inner warmth or comforted times is being taped into a thick disposable piece of plastic and not being judged for it.
 
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SophiaNuw

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Diapercutie said:
For me it's 100 percent sexual.
Yeah, that's how i feel about it too. But i just think sex is such a strong drive you know? It feels very life defining that diapers are my sexual outlet. It feels wrong and i fear that i'm never gonna be able to experience sex without diapers somehow involved, even if it's just in my thoughts. I'm scared that i'll never be able to find a partner that i can love and be with sexually. I fear that all of this will come true if i accept myself and fall into the rabbithole that is this almost lifestyle of sex.
 
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SophiaNuw

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Anemone said:
I feel happier to not be at war with myself, that much I know for certain.

Likewise practicing kindness towards myself has greatly improved my experience of the world.

The fact that nappies have played a part in my new appreciation for life is somewhat secondary, they are significant only because they mean something to me.

I would advise against using sexuality to moderate your mood, my own experience of doing so was ruinous, but the flip side of that is I would also advise that you need to express what is inside of you.

Addiction thrives when it becomes the sole source of comfort, trying to repress a part of yourself provides exactly the sort of environment it germinates in.

I too was very concerned that I might fall into, what are for me, old habits. In actuality giving myself permission to do what I want - instead of what I "should" - has been the best defense, because what I want isn't what I had.

I keep a journal. It encourages me to reflect and, as such, be more aware of trends in my thinking and behaviour. It helps me to feel safe in myself and, in all liklihood, to be safe. Also being honest with one's self is always a good thing.

Sunday would be a good time to start one, if you are so minded, it's a useful habit even without any inner turmoil!
I like the idea of journaling, i've done it in the past aswell. It's definitly nice to look back at how i was thinking before and being able to spot a pattern in when i feel the best and when i feel the worst.
But to me that pattern is, whenever i fill my life with friends and family and everything non-diaper or sex related, i'm the most happy and fulfilled. But whenever i'm lonely and my sex drive hits me, this is where diapers come in, as an evil fake idea of comfort.
Whenever my Post-Nut clarity hits i get this instant disgust of diapers, it's like i finally understand how dumb and stupid it is, but then litterally hours can pass and i'm back into it's dirty grasp of me. I'm just scared and i feel alone, and i'm scared that i'll never be able to live a complete life nomatter how i tackle my relationship to diapers. If i accept it, it might ruin me, but if i don't accept it, it's gonna come back and bite me when 'm at a low.
 

Anemone

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SophiaNuw said:
I like the idea of journaling, i've done it in the past aswell. It's definitly nice to look back at how i was thinking before and being able to spot a pattern in when i feel the best and when i feel the worst.
But to me that pattern is, whenever i fill my life with friends and family and everything non-diaper or sex related, i'm the most happy and fulfilled. But whenever i'm lonely and my sex drive hits me, this is where diapers come in, as an evil fake idea of comfort.
Whenever my Post-Nut clarity hits i get this instant disgust of diapers, it's like i finally understand how dumb and stupid it is, but then litterally hours can pass and i'm back into it's dirty grasp of me. I'm just scared and i feel alone, and i'm scared that i'll never be able to live a complete life nomatter how i tackle my relationship to diapers. If i accept it, it might ruin me, but if i don't accept it, it's gonna come back and bite me when 'm at a low.
Sex is comforting, on a chemical level. It is a substitute for other people, just not a very good one.

It sounds like, whilst you like nappies and what they do for you, you are not liking the way you use them.

In all liklihood your interest is not going to go away, but it is also not going to take over if you employ a little discipline. The bigger risk, as I see it and as you alluded to, is that you find yourself in a low and use sex-nappies to cope.

That is where the vicious cycle kicks in, but the threat is not the fetish but the underlying mood disorder and isolation.
 
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