Feelings toward being a DL

DPRLuv85

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Hello everybody! I'm hoping the collective opinions and advice of the community can help me work through some changes to my feelings about being a DL. First a little history...

I've been a DL since...well a long time. I've basically had an interest in diapers since I got out of them when I was a toddler. I fit the stereotype of most DL's at that age; I stole diapers from relatives, I tried (unsuccessfully) to fashion make-shift diapers out of towels and plastic trash bags, and I just knew I wanted to wear diapers...wearing diapers made me feel funny. As I grew older, sometime around late middle school, I lost interest in diapers for a few years. I thought it was wrong to want to wear diapers for the fun of it, so I just kind of suppressed my feelings. Sometime in my freshman year of high school, during puberty, I discovered that the internet had unlimited content that a teenage boy would enjoy. I don't remember exactly what led me there; but somewhere along the way I discovered there are communities of people online that enjoyed wearing diapers. There was even pornography featuring women wearing and using diapers. I suddenly had flashbacks to when I was a young kid wanting to wear diapers. Could it be that I had the same attraction to diapers that the people online had? At this point is when I realized that I did indeed have a diaper fetish and I was a DL. Throughout the years since then, my DLism has progressed. Shortly before I got married I told my wife about my lifelong interest in diapers and she took it wonderfully...she now fully embraces my DL life and even happily participates. We have no kids (yet), so I'm free to wear anytime I want. So, now the reason for this post...

Before I told my wife, I would only wear when she wasn't around so I wouldn't get caught. If I was lucky that meant I got to wear a couple times a month. After I told her I was still a little embarrassed to wear around her, even though she supported me, so I would still only wear once every week or so. That was about 4 years ago now. I'm finding that I wear more and more; now I probably wear 3 or 4 times a week...sometimes more. I know for some of you, this really isn't much but for me it is a big leap. I just want to wear diapers every free chance I get. So here's my problem: the more often I wear diapers, the more shame, fear, and excitement I feel. The excitement is actually not a problem, and sometimes the feeling of shame itself can be exciting. However, most of the time it is not. The shame, I think, comes from the stigma of wearing diapers for pleasure...like I'm some kind of freak. The fear stems from becoming addicted or in some way dependent on the diapers. I've been a diaper lover for my entire life and I'm now 33. I've been a part of this online community for a large part of that...so I've seen related post and I know that everybody says that it's not shameful to wear diapers. I know that there's nothing wrong morally, legally, or otherwise with wanting to wear diapers; but I just can't seem to get past these feelings of regret when I wear more frequently. Interestingly, when I only wear once a week or so I don't have these feelings...it's only when I can't get diapers off my mind and I can't wait to get home from work to tape one on.

So, who can offer some advice on how to get past this? I want to not feel this way so I can get more enjoyment out of wearing diapers. I want to wear freely whenever I want and not feel like I'm doing an abnormal thing. Has anyone else felt this way?
 

Trevor

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This is a feeling a lot of us have had to struggle with. I don't think it has an easy answer. One thing that helped for me was to acknowledge that it was weird. I deviate from the norm in this area. What of it? It brings me much enjoyment as an expression of my desires. If you keep it private, it's of little consequence to others. I would also say to try wearing as much as you like. The downside is expense but you may satiate yourself and feel better than constantly holding back.
 

Slomo

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It sounds like your wife is at last somewhat supportive, getting encouragement from her is about the best way you could get over your feelings of embarrassement and shame. You should ask her about it, be honest about your feelings with her, and see if she can help you.

Also try and figure out the underlying reason of why you feel that shame. For many it's the old misnomer that we are somehow less of a man, or that it's morrally wrong to love wearing diapers and be happy. For some they think our diaper wearing somehow hurts or offends others, or maybe they believe it's wastefull to wear and not use them- even though they still fulfill a purpose for us. Or maybe it's something else, or everything. Once you identify the problem(s) then try to logically break it down to proove why that is not correct. And the next time you start to feel that shame just remind yourself why you shouldn't be. And eventaully you'll find you wont be.
 

DPRLuv85

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Diaper Lover
Thank you Trevor and Slomo...your responses are very helpful. In the past, I have discussed these exact feelings with my wife. When I first told her about my diaper wearing; the frequency at which I wear diapers immediately jumped from once or twice a month to weekly. It was at this point that I had similar feelings that I'm having right now; although not as strong as now. Now I wear either daily or every other day. She has been supportive and excited for me at every step. She tells me over and over again that I have nothing to be ashamed of. She at times even begs me to put a diaper on...she likes it when I wear diapers. So, my wife has helped some. In the back of my mind though, I can't help but think that she's not an ABDL and that I need the advice from people that have been through this before.

After some more thinking, I think at least part of what I am feeling comes from trying to be "normal"...whatever the hell "normal" even is. I strive to fit in with everybody else around me, and most of the time I do; however, I do think to myself that being an average person doesn't involve wearing diapers for fun. Am I wrong here? Can I be normal guy and at the same time have a secret diaper wearing life? Don't get me wrong...I'm not about to give up being a DL. Just the opposite actually, I only want to wear more often...so you can see where my dilemma is. The more I wear the farther removed I feel from conforming to social norms; should I even care about social norms? What's strange is I actually have conflicting feelings in this area. I also, at times, am a very proud DL. There's just something about wearing diapers that makes me feel special when compared to the non-diaper wearing public.

Now about that feeling of fear. What if my diaper wearing starts to interfere with my other hobby and interests? I don't want to become some kind of creepy diaper addict that only cares about diapers and nothing else. I mean, so far I'm good...I still go to work, I still play my guitar, I take care of all the bills, I keep the house in good shape...but what if?
 

Elenwen

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Well... I can't comment on the topic of "diapers", being IC, and I know it's not the same, but I get similar feelings about games or anime. When I play or watch anime for a long time, I start, kind of, daydreaming about that or something... And I sort of drift away from the "real world". Then I get this feeling of shame — there is life going on somewhere and all I'm doing is playing or watching cartoons? Seriously?
Basically, the best way to counter that, as I found, is establish some kind of system, when you have time for what you like doing (anime in my case, diapers in yours) and, at the same time, aren't missing out on life. This works for some time for me. Maybe you could actually combine some activities with diaper wearing, so that the focus will shift from the fact of "wearing" as it is to them simply being there, while you do something else.

Also, about your wife and how she's supportive and even excited.
You know, if I had a boyfriend, who had some kind of a "hobby" or something, that I enjoyed him doing, I can certainly say, that I'd have wanted to do this myself at least once. So your thoughts about her not being a DL might be not exactly right. Try suggesting, that she tries this herself, if you hadn't already. Not just out of the blue with "I have something to say to you", but when she asks you to put on a diaper need time, in, like, a kind of a playful, half-joking way. It may be, that she's simply shy, because it's a bit strange.
But then again, her motives might be entirely different, I'm just making an assumption, based on my own character.

Anyway, if you enjoy doing something and it's not harming anyone, including yourself, just do it and don't worry! [emoji4]
 

DPRLuv85

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Diaper Lover
Well... I can't comment on the topic of "diapers", being IC, and I know it's not the same, but I get similar feelings about games or anime. When I play or watch anime for a long time, I start, kind of, daydreaming about that or something... And I sort of drift away from the "real world". Then I get this feeling of shame — there is life going on somewhere and all I'm doing is playing or watching cartoons? Seriously?
Wow, this is actually a really good analogy! Now that I think of it, this is at least part of why I feel the way I do. Thank you!
 

Slomo

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Thank you Trevor and Slomo...your responses are very helpful. In the past, I have discussed these exact feelings with my wife. When I first told her about my diaper wearing; the frequency at which I wear diapers immediately jumped from once or twice a month to weekly. It was at this point that I had similar feelings that I'm having right now; although not as strong as now. Now I wear either daily or every other day. She has been supportive and excited for me at every step. She tells me over and over again that I have nothing to be ashamed of. She at times even begs me to put a diaper on...she likes it when I wear diapers. So, my wife has helped some. In the back of my mind though, I can't help but think that she's not an ABDL and that I need the advice from people that have been through this before.

After some more thinking, I think at least part of what I am feeling comes from trying to be "normal"...whatever the hell "normal" even is. I strive to fit in with everybody else around me, and most of the time I do; however, I do think to myself that being an average person doesn't involve wearing diapers for fun. Am I wrong here? Can I be normal guy and at the same time have a secret diaper wearing life? Don't get me wrong...I'm not about to give up being a DL. Just the opposite actually, I only want to wear more often...so you can see where my dilemma is. The more I wear the farther removed I feel from conforming to social norms; should I even care about social norms? What's strange is I actually have conflicting feelings in this area. I also, at times, am a very proud DL. There's just something about wearing diapers that makes me feel special when compared to the non-diaper wearing public.

Now about that feeling of fear. What if my diaper wearing starts to interfere with my other hobby and interests? I don't want to become some kind of creepy diaper addict that only cares about diapers and nothing else. I mean, so far I'm good...I still go to work, I still play my guitar, I take care of all the bills, I keep the house in good shape...but what if?
You said it yourself, what is normal anyways. True normal actually isn't what everyone thinks it is, because everyone, -everyone- has something that skews them from that idea of perfect normalcy. Be it a physical deformity, disability, mental instability, or yeah even a diaper compulsion or diaper fetish. For us, diapers IS what makes us normal because it's what skews us from that idea of being normal. If that makes sense.

And who says you can't include wearing a diaper while engaging in your job and other hobbies as well? I'm legitimately incontinent so I wear a diaper while doing absolutely everything I'd "normally" do anyways. My also being a DL and loving to wear a diaper doesn't interfere with that "normal" life, it enhances it.

Honestly, your last bit really sums it up well. The "but what if". That is truly being afraid of fear itself. You can't let that stop you from living your life, or that's what will make you will end up becoming a creepy addict that cares about nothing else than the fear of what if my diaper this, or that....
 

DPRLuv85

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You said it yourself, what is normal anyways. True normal actually isn't what everyone thinks it is, because everyone, -everyone- has something that skews them from that idea of perfect normalcy. Be it a physical deformity, disability, mental instability, or yeah even a diaper compulsion or diaper fetish. For us, diapers IS what makes us normal because it's what skews us from that idea of being normal. If that makes sense.
This all makes perfect sense actually.

And who says you can't include wearing a diaper while engaging in your job and other hobbies as well? I'm legitimately incontinent so I wear a diaper while doing absolutely everything I'd "normally" do anyways. My also being a DL and loving to wear a diaper doesn't interfere with that "normal" life, it enhances it.
I like this a lot. I don't think I could confidently wear at work though. I've done it a few times when I know I'm going to have a slow day at work; but normally my job is very physical with a lot of bending over and squatting....a recipe to have a shirt ride up and expose my secret to all my coworkers. A chance I'm not willing to take unless I had to. Other than that though, this is really something to think about. I often try to wear when performing other activities, but I find that my concentration is split up between the task and thinking about the diaper I'm wearing. Maybe with enough repetition and time this could become less of an issue?

Honestly, your last bit really sums it up well. The "but what if". That is truly being afraid of fear itself. You can't let that stop you from living your life, or that's what will make you will end up becoming a creepy addict that cares about nothing else than the fear of what if my diaper this, or that....
Thank you...that helps a lot!
 

makena43

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I am same with up for sure. I need to for sure learn about the concepts.
 

Slomo

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This all makes perfect sense actually.



I like this a lot. I don't think I could confidently wear at work though. I've done it a few times when I know I'm going to have a slow day at work; but normally my job is very physical with a lot of bending over and squatting....a recipe to have a shirt ride up and expose my secret to all my coworkers. A chance I'm not willing to take unless I had to. Other than that though, this is really something to think about. I often try to wear when performing other activities, but I find that my concentration is split up between the task and thinking about the diaper I'm wearing. Maybe with enough repetition and time this could become less of an issue?



Thank you...that helps a lot!
The wadrobe issue is a concern for many. Heavily consider upgrading your wardrobe to include long length shirts, or even better yet plain onesies that look exactly like a standard tee shirt or under shirt. That, and make sure to upgrade your pants wardrobe to be one size larger than you normally need (to accomodate the bulk of the diaper), and of couse black as well (just in case of leaks).

You'll find that with the right attire, and with a diaper you can trust won't leak, then you won't be so preoccupied by them. And yes, the longer you wear without any issues, the less of an issue it becomes.
 

Trevor

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Thank you Trevor and Slomo...your responses are very helpful. In the past, I have discussed these exact feelings with my wife. When I first told her about my diaper wearing; the frequency at which I wear diapers immediately jumped from once or twice a month to weekly. It was at this point that I had similar feelings that I'm having right now; although not as strong as now. Now I wear either daily or every other day. She has been supportive and excited for me at every step. She tells me over and over again that I have nothing to be ashamed of. She at times even begs me to put a diaper on...she likes it when I wear diapers. So, my wife has helped some. In the back of my mind though, I can't help but think that she's not an ABDL and that I need the advice from people that have been through this before.

After some more thinking, I think at least part of what I am feeling comes from trying to be "normal"...whatever the hell "normal" even is. I strive to fit in with everybody else around me, and most of the time I do; however, I do think to myself that being an average person doesn't involve wearing diapers for fun. Am I wrong here? Can I be normal guy and at the same time have a secret diaper wearing life? Don't get me wrong...I'm not about to give up being a DL. Just the opposite actually, I only want to wear more often...so you can see where my dilemma is. The more I wear the farther removed I feel from conforming to social norms; should I even care about social norms? What's strange is I actually have conflicting feelings in this area. I also, at times, am a very proud DL. There's just something about wearing diapers that makes me feel special when compared to the non-diaper wearing public.

Now about that feeling of fear. What if my diaper wearing starts to interfere with my other hobby and interests? I don't want to become some kind of creepy diaper addict that only cares about diapers and nothing else. I mean, so far I'm good...I still go to work, I still play my guitar, I take care of all the bills, I keep the house in good shape...but what if?
It's funny. The desire to be normal isn't nearly as strong when you're thinking about something positive. Many people would be fine with being abnormally wealthy or smart or strong. We're far more sensitive to it when the abnormality is considered negative. Obviously, a desire (sexual or otherwise) for diapers would be quickly called out as a negative abnormality by many. Everyone has many abnormalities that go to make up a person. We moderate them in public so as to fall into the range of what is considered normal and average. That doesn't make normal or average intrinsically better, it just means it's easier to get along with everyone when we behave in that way. I suppose our problem would be more substantial if we had to convince everyone we met to accept our love of diapers as part of "normal". Keeping it private, we only have to explain it to intimates and it's only relevant in the circumstances where we wish it to be. We are many things to many people and I think there's more than enough room to be a diaper weirdo when you want.

Your last paragraph about fear reminded me of something: when I first learned I wasn't alone, it wasn't really comforting because all the other ABDLs I was seeing seemed extreme to me. As a young ABDL, I was afraid that this might be my destiny and I wasn't looking forward to my time on daytime television in a diaper or forever asking "Who's wet?" in chatrooms. Over time, I got more comfortable with the community and myself and I realized that I was going to remain essentially who I was even as I grew and adapted. I've become less self-conscious about it over the years but I'm still myself. You will be too.
 

DPRLuv85

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It's funny. The desire to be normal isn't nearly as strong when you're thinking about something positive. Many people would be fine with being abnormally wealthy or smart or strong. We're far more sensitive to it when the abnormality is considered negative. Obviously, a desire (sexual or otherwise) for diapers would be quickly called out as a negative abnormality by many. Everyone has many abnormalities that go to make up a person. We moderate them in public so as to fall into the range of what is considered normal and average. That doesn't make normal or average intrinsically better, it just means it's easier to get along with everyone when we behave in that way. I suppose our problem would be more substantial if we had to convince everyone we met to accept our love of diapers as part of "normal". Keeping it private, we only have to explain it to intimates and it's only relevant in the circumstances where we wish it to be. We are many things to many people and I think there's more than enough room to be a diaper weirdo when you want.

Your last paragraph about fear reminded me of something: when I first learned I wasn't alone, it wasn't really comforting because all the other ABDLs I was seeing seemed extreme to me. As a young ABDL, I was afraid that this might be my destiny and I wasn't looking forward to my time on daytime television in a diaper or forever asking "Who's wet?" in chatrooms. Over time, I got more comfortable with the community and myself and I realized that I was going to remain essentially who I was even as I grew and adapted. I've become less self-conscious about it over the years but I'm still myself. You will be too.
Thank you for the positive words of encouragement, Trevor! It makes a lot of sense that the abnormality of certain things is amplified by public perception. I really hope that I can learn to ignore this aspect and/or diaper wearing in general becomes less taboo. I mean, I wear diapers...so what?

I can totally relate to the same fears you had. I for sure don’t want to end up like the examples you described. Aside from wearing diapers more and more often; I can’t see a time when I would take my diaper wearing public or sit in chat rooms describing what’s in (or not in) my diaper. It’s certainly comforting to know someone else has had the same fear and gotten through it while retaining the same personality and integrity.
 

Evahasgone2

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If everyone thought "what if" I don't think anything would get done. I always say the words "I Can" , and go from there. If someone sees your diaper so what, you are protecting your clothes from getting wet and soiled. This is for your security, not theirs. Enjoy and be yourself, and there is nothing creepy about wearing diapers.
 

trysexiea

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The simplest when you are DL is simply not to ask this question, just consider a disposable diaper like a classic slip but that in addition to the ability to absorb. If you consider it that way, then there is no more question to ask. To avoid this, it is obviously important to change it often enough, and to have a healthy lifestyle :). by that there is no question. The real risk that some see it is precisely that you worry too much. If for you it's normal then it will not worry anyone :)
 

Andrewgdfw

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@ Evahasgone2: A positive attitude I admire.

This I have learned:

Expand your horizons and seek the enhancement qualities a diaper can give you -- beyond the protection ! A (DL & enuretic) girlfriend from my college days schooled (kinked) me well. A lifetime attraction for me resulted. This has made for some interesting 'travels' on my own AND shared. Yes, YOU CAN. Step forward and follow your dreams.
 
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