Ever Had Bad Lending Experiences? (A Rant)

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Pramrider

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We've had too many ourselves and adopted a strict "NO LENDING" policy. My wife once loaned a beautiful dress to a so-called friend years ago. It was all wrapped up and on a hanger when her friend received it. Guess how it was returned? All balled up in the bottom of a brown paper bag! Needless to say, my wife was very hurt over how she got it back.

Then there were our baby furnishings. I had to work my tail off to earn the money to buy all that stuff new - changing table, playpen, crib, stroller, etc. No one in either of our families had money to help us out. We kept the furnishings like new figuring selling them later to get some of our money back. Well, my wife's brother and sister-in-law had a baby and asked if they could borrow some of the items. They didn't have much money to spend either, so we said they could, with the stipulation that when their child outgrew them we'd get them back. Well, they never told us they were finished using them. I just happened to spot them tossed in a storage building where all my wife's family lives. I dug them out and the more I examined the condition they were in the madder I got. :mad: Everything was to the point of falling apart! It was literally reduced to junk!! You wouldn't even get $5 for the whole lot!!! A baby didn't do this - this was adult abuse! All the nice things we had bought were no longer worth anything.:frown: Really shows how much they appreciated our generosity in lending them. The only things we have left in decent shape are the three items we DIDN'T lend out - a baby crib, a high chair we kept at home, and the stroller. The infant crib (smaller than a baby crib), two playpens, a changing table, and a second high chair we used to keep at the in-laws house are worthless now. We even bought them a nice replacement stroller when theirs was damaged in a car accident. It was also reduced to junk last time I saw it. I still have the two playpens, though I don't know why I've kept them this long. Guess it's the sentimentality in me since our babies played in them. I thought about trying one of them out myself since I can't really hurt it any more than what damage has been done.

More recently, the same relatives who trashed the baby items wanted to borrow our main family car when we went for a visit, because theirs needed repairs. I wouldn't let them! I said I'd take them where they needed to go since I really had nothing else to do, but NO WAY were we lending another thing to them, or anyone else for that matter. Maybe that's the real reason for keeping the playpens - as a constant reminder of what happens when you lend things out!:sad:

Hope none of you have had such bad experiences lending nice things out only to get them back in much worse condition.:frown:

~Pramrider
 

WildThing121675

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Have had that too, my baby sister owes me a lot of $$$ cause of her douche-bag boyfriend who is only interested in money and avoiding child-support. She owes me over a couple hundred bucks, and refuses to pay me back.

Also, I've had some people borrow video games and DVDs, and give them back to me scratched up and unplayable.

I only loan things out now if I trust a person.

WildThing121675
 
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After lending some of my stuff to my older brother throughout the years, I've developed a strict, non-negotiable lending policy. That is, if you ask for something, the answer will be NO.

My parents never really bought me much as we were growing up, and this was emphasised more so when I got into my mid-to-late teenage years. Everything I own I've purchased myself, with the exclusion of my bed and chest of drawers. At times, I've lent items out to people only to have them returned as broken or not returned at all. It infuriates me to think that something I've worked hard for is so needlessly destroyed by someone who was given the item off my own goodwill.

The reason why I adhere strictly to not lending anything out to anyone is because a few of those items I've lent out were very expensive and/or meant a lot to me. It really does hurt when you see something you cherish just dissipate at the hands of some imbecile and it cuts deeper when they return it to you with full knowledge that they have damaged it.

So as I've said, I never lend anything out to anyone. Probably the closest I come to lending items out is letting someone I trust use it while I'm around. If I leave, or if they leave, I ask for it back.
 

Trevor

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I've had pretty good luck with the stuff I loan out, but it's a combination of choosing the recipients carefully and knowing my own limits as to what I'm comfortable loaning. Every time I hand something off, I have to remind myself that it's possible I'll never see this item again or it will return significantly the worse for wear either due to neglect or just bad circumstances. For me, the pleasure of sharing something with a friend outweighs the risks.
 

tiger2

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im not much of a lender
i own all my familys xbox games
and my dvd collection makes up 90%+ of our familys over all collection
but, ill lend things out to friends and the teachers at school use my stuff a fair amount.
but againt, im pretty careful with stuff.
 

Pramrider

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I guess what upsets me the most is that when I was growing up you were taught to take BETTER care of something borrowed than if it were your own. I still live by that upbringing. The last thing I borrowed was a garden tiller from a co-worker who lived nearby. After I finished using it I hosed it off and cleaned it up real good, so it looked nicer than it did when he dropped it off. I just can't understand how anyone can show so little appreciation, and so much nerve, in returning something damaged and not think anything of it.

As you've all responded so far, you do have to feel confident you can trust the recipient. Glad to hear not all lending experiences have been bad.

~Pramrider
 

Icey

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Sorry to hear about your lending troubles, Pram!! I have lent stuff to family & one of two things has happened; one, I never got it back or two, it came back damaged!! I have never been one to get mad at family, no matter what!! So I would just go out & replace it!! I am like you, when I borrow something from someone, I return it in the same or better condition than when I got it!!
 

Pojo

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Stuff like that always seems to happen...I personally haven't really had experiences like that, other than lending people pencils and just never getting them back...
 

BabyMullet

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Whenever I lend things out, I somewhat expect them to come back eons later. Currently I'm lending out three books, one of which has been gone for year, another for five months, and another for 2. However people still take good care of them, and I get them back looking as good as I lent them.

I'm the same way with burrowing things, it may take awhile to bring it back, but I treat it with the utmost respect and care.
 

starshine

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I don't mind lending things to my bff. I have friends that I'll only see once a week or so, sometimes longer, and I don't like lending to them because they'll "forget" to bring it back for months.

Our family as a whole won't lend out anything though. All my neighbours, and I mean all of them, never seem to have anything. Last year we had 3 familys using our lawn mower, until finally one of them let their 9yr old daughter use it (wtf) and completely broke it. They had to take it to a shop and replace a few things. What was funny though - they got very angry when they found out they couldn't use it after that. Did they think because they replaced a few parts it'd be part theirs?

All the neighbours always used to borrow little things too. Such as a cup of milk, a few eggs, my one neighbour borrowed a roast from us. And we don't expect our cup of milk back, what we do expect, is that cup of milk when we are out. However - everyone came to us to borrow things, but when we went to someone because we didn't want to go to the store, no one had it.
 

Charlie

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I only lend stuff to people who I know I can trust, and I couldn't care less whether people think of me as stingey or tight or not.

I've never had to lend people money. I'd probably have to really trust somebody to lend them money.
 

dogboy

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I feel your pain Pramrider. I usually only lend to family members, like my own children, and even then I don't always get things back. Typically I forget what I've loaned them, and then I go out and replace whatever it is because I have forgotten who has it, and they all seem to be in denial. I seldom borrow because I am like you. I feel a bigger responsibility to that which I've borrowed than if it was mine.
 

ballucanb

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Yes I have money out and I never expect to see it back, it's not that I don't want it back, its I know I will never see it again.

And I'm talking thousands of dollars, If I added it all up it would just make me sick, sooo that person knows better than to ask me again, but I'm sure he will, and like an Idiot I will give it to him, I can't say no to my brother when he is in need.

After all drinking is more important than working....right?
 

TallestBabyEver

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living in an area i hardly know, im very firm about lending my tools and giving rides and such. I expect whatever i lent them back without damage or of equal value. I've only had experiences within the family with lost DVDs, video games and toys. I'm always skeptical of people lending me stuff but i do have limits. My roommate wants to use my computer since he doesnt have one so i tell him: NO.
 
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I quickly learned back in elementary school to adopt a no-lending policy since its almost certain that you won't get your money back or whatever you lent back in good condition (if you do get it back at all). The only time I break this rule is if one of my best friends wants something for a short amount of time. They're really good about returning stuff/paying me back so I don't mind lending stuff out to them.

But yeah, I'm otherwise a bit of a douche when it comes to lending (I go so far as to charge people if they want to borrow milk/eggs/butter/etc. I don't even care about the money, its just the principle of the thing). It may not be the best way to get on people's good sides but at least I don't have any tales about CDs being returned with a fresh coat of beer on them or neighbors who refuse to give me some milk despite me lending them milk on several prior occasions.
 

Kovy

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This is silly, but I was still mad.

Last year, our class was going on a retreat, and we had been told that we would be hiking at night, so I brought my Russian fur hat that I got as a souvenir. It is special to me.

Anyway, some ass hat in my class demanded to see it, and I wasn't wearing it, so I said, "OK, if you are careful." He took it from me, and then we stopped for snacks at a rest area. Two hours later, when we arrived at out destination, I asked for it back, and he said helost it! He wasn't even sorry, and he didn't help me look for it. I was so mad! I scoured the bus, and eventually found it- crushed, with chip crumbs, Cheeto scum, and some energy drink spilled over it. Anyway, I got my teacher to wash it for me. The hat is fine now, but I never lent it out after that. Ever again.
 

Kip

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The only time I have ever loaned something out and it has come back in worse condition than when I lent it to them was the time I loaned out my hardcover copy of the third Harry Potter book. I loaned it out to a friend for him to read and he returned it missing the dust jacket. Needless to say, even though I didn't spend my money on it, I was still upset. He never did find the dust jacket, and, to this day it is still without the dust jacket. That was right after that book was released. The same guy that borrowed that book also borrowed my copy of The Bourne Identity and The Bourne Supremacy probably three months ago and I still don't have them back. I'll get them back one day though. That's why I don't loan out things to people very often. I only loan things out to people I know I can trust, unless I wasn't home to give my permission and the item was loaned out anyways(Like that book and those two DVDs). My mom says "Oh, he won't mind." and she gives it to them. A week later, when she remembers, she tells me and the only thing I can say is OK.
 

ayanna

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As Lord Polonius said in Shakespeare's Hamlet "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" and I couldn't agree with him more.
 

Dude84

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Don't do it!

I only lend stuff to people who I know I can trust, and I couldn't care less whether people think of me as stingey or tight or not.

I've never had to lend people money. I'd probably have to really trust somebody to lend them money.
JUST DON'T DO IT, EVER!

Trust me, it isn't worth the hassle.

Totalling all the money i've lent to supposed friends over the last five years, and never had a penny, not a single penny back, comes to around £2,500. Money that right now, I really could do with.

Most recently, one of my flatmates (someone who I once regarded as a friend) apparently couldn't pay half of his rent (a long saga i'll save you from). Anyway, I leant him £300 from my credit card, i.e. a cash advance, which after previous negative experiences I swore to myself that i'd sooner jump off a bridge than do again - it's ever so expensive to do.

He agreed, and I made certain he agreed, to pay me the money back four days later when he got paid. Well, needless to say, it never materialised, neither did the £50 cash i'd lent him before based on some random (and now, unbelievable to me) tale about having to help someone out in a life-and-death situation.

So, that's just another £350 i've lent to someone recently who's just used and abused me.

That's the problem; when people know you have money, even if it's a small surplus you've developed through careful fiscal management (that £50 was part of a larger surplus I no longer have due to how the afore-mentioned flatmate's shitty money management has screwed me up) and saving, they'll be after it with the most random and strange excuses you've ever heard.

On the subject of lending people property, I don't do that either. Some examples why:

  • A phone I once leant someone came back with no screen. Go figure...
  • An expensive book on server development, was never returned
  • A tshirt I leant someone, came back a different colour
  • A blockbuster membership card I once leant someone was returned, but I later received a letter threatening me with court action for £100 worth of charges (they'd given me £10 for what they were *going* to spend)

It's just a bad idea. And that's sad, because you should be able to trust people, but you can't.

To be honest, i've never felt like so much of an misanthrope.

MarkFox
 
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