End of Year

[diaperedteenager]

Well it is the end of my Junior year in HS and this where I stand. Academically, I am an Aristocrat in that feild, but socially... I have not hung out with one girl for more than 10 minutes in all of HS and same goes for going on a date, not a single one. I have never been to a party either and rarely hangout with friends, am I at a bad or underdeveloped position in my life?

Were any of you gron ups like me in HS and regret not doing those things?

 

[dogboy]

I was an only child, so I had to be with someone out in the real world. I always had my small group of friends, one of whom was my best friend. We hung out daily. In my junior year I met this girl and by my senior year we were intimate, so I'm afraid I was different from so many members on this site.

I will say that you are not alone in what I read posted on adisc. I've often wondered if being more of a loner tends to go along with the DL mentality. There's enough evidence to not support that theory, but there are many like you. It may be that the cart is before the horse. In other words, many of our members are on this site because they are at home on their computers rather than out with friends and girl friends.

Anyway, this has been a discussed topic, and I think my answer will be like many others. You have to get your nerve up and start talking to girls. Be a nice person, kind and considerate of others. I do believe girls take note of that. As a student, we live much of our life in the classroom. We have our own persona in that classroom. Try to assess what yours is like and how you go over to others. If you project being happy, caring and kind, I think there will be a girl out there who will be interested in you.

 

[starshine]

I went through a stage for a couple years where I didn't hang out with many people. Specifically last school year... mainly because I wasn't in school, and I stopped answering phone calls and going out, so eventually all my friends gave up on trying to get me out. It sucked. I felt so loserish.

I have to say, I do regret not hanging out with people for that stint of time. I regret not staying in school, going to my prom, all the parties, etc... I guess it'd depend on your personality, but I am much happier when I am in a social environment, and I have people to talk to and hang out with.

Being social and having friends is all a choice. If you're not happy with the way things are now, then change it. It IS possible.

 

[Asher]

I went through a stage for a couple years where I didn't hang out with many people. Specifically last school year... mainly because I wasn't in school, and I stopped answering phone calls and going out, so eventually all my friends gave up on trying to get me out. It sucked. I felt so loserish.

I have to say, I do regret not hanging out with people for that stint of time. I regret not staying in school, going to my prom, all the parties, etc... I guess it'd depend on your personality, but I am much happier when I am in a social environment, and I have people to talk to and hang out with.

Being social and having friends is all a choice. If you're not happy with the way things are now, then change it. It IS possible.

^^
this

What is most important is that you are happy with what you are doing. If you are not, why not go hang out with a some friends, go to a movie, etc.?

I know how you feel when it comes to being lonely in high school. In my freshman year, I was a loner, and I didn't hang out with any friends. Looking back now, I am surprised that I was able to survive that year. I wasn't happy with it, so come sophomore year, I changed and became more outgoing. The point is that you have to be happy with what you're doing; if not, go do something to change it! : )

- Asher

 

[Takashi]

I just graduated from HS and I did the same thing your doing. I only went on one date in HS and that was to go see Sweeney Todd with a girl from out circle of friends. As far as dances, I only went to one of those and it wasn't even a school function, it was a prom held by an orgination for blind/vision impared people.

My thing is that I didn't go to parties because I would rather just go to a friends house and drink the night away along with playing GTA IV; That's my idea of a good time.

So I say just do what you like doing, if you make it through HS and never go on a date or to a party that's fine, just as long as when you look back you ask yourself "Did I have fun?" if yes then who cares how you had it.

 

[diaperedteenager]

Well I can say I am not happy with the way things are going. First off, my idea of a party is NOT drinking! I have seen the effects of it and it is not good, only if I can exploite those who drink to make money off of them. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, have sex or anything! and I am happy with that. The only reason I go to school dances is to be seen. Personally the way people dance there disgust me. I need to change my ways and talk to girls more often, but IDK why, but I am just afraid of them, mainly b/c I have a horrible fear of rejection

By that I mean my body like goes into collapse...I get sad, angry, sick, I kind of starve myself and end up sleeping for like 20 hours. I am fine with not drinking or doing anything bad, but I would just like to hang out with girls and not go into complete collapse.

Another reason why I don't hang out with people is b/c my job. I work every weekend all day. I am a "Laborer" at a lumber yard and I unload rail cars full of lumber. I am just too tired to do anything at the end of the day. You could say that I live the life of a 17 years old in 1900.

As to one of the other posts above about the "I am surprised that I was able to survive that year" I almost didn't make it out alive in my Freshman year I was probably 2 seconds away from death(caused by me) I tried strangling myself b/c of social rejection and academic failure.

 

[h3g3l]

Take another English course; read The Elements of Style. These things will help you avoid social rejection and academic failure in life.

All else can wait.

 

[Ace]

I wouldn't worry about it all that much. Personally, Junior year for me was when I really started hanging out with a lot of people. At that point, I got involved in a few things, I was captain of the ski team. Yes, I know it's not the football team, but whatever, it was my thing and it still is really. However, I think the reason Junior year was the year that I came more out of my shell was that I finally had a car. Having a car was pretty much a necessity as it really was quite difficult for people to get together outside of school without transportation, as our school had a pretty vast geographic area, about 10 miles east, west, north and south.

I found out that I was a total gear-head, and hung out with other car guys. Really, with the group of people I hung out with, we weren't the type to take girls to the movies on friday nights, instead you would find us at one of our houses doing work to one of our cars, whether it was tinting the windows, upgrading stereo's, fixing problems, and just the general stuff that teens do to their cars to make them look cooler, that years later we then realize were pretty asinine. Of course, the highly illegal street races at midnight were fun too, and somehow none of us ever got caught which is a miracle in itself.

Really though, don't worry too much, find your thing and find others into it and you'll be fine.

 

[h3g3l]

The best advice that I can give you is this:

In my own life, I have never regretted the things that I have done. However, I have regretted things I didn't do.

Well, actually, I only have one or two regrets. *shrug* But these are both things that I didn't do. The things I did--even the stupid things--all helped shape me into the picture of awesomeness I am today. :smile1:

 

[Chillhouse]

well, I'm pretty much the polar opposite of you. Academicaly I suck, and instead of being a social pariah, I party hard every weekend. I've had tones of relationships but they never last long. And now that I'm graduating, I kind of regret not studying harder. Gosh, I haven't studied for a test since grade nine.

but yeah, I'd say you're a tad bit socially underdeveloped. then again, socializing comes as natural to me as possible. i'm fairly well known in my school and town, and a few of my friend's are in a band, so that means good weekly parties.
Instead of maybe working the weekend away and holing yourself up at home, you should get involved in maybe sports or other extra curricular activeties - even if it's just chess club. put yerself out there, man. do stuff you'd never expect yourself to do. ever see "Yes Man" where jim carrey has to say yes to everything? be like that. Go sky diving, do stand up comedy at an open mic night, sing karaoke, go to parties.\

... maybe have a sip of alcohol? I know you're against it and all that jazz, but alcohol is a very big part of the culture. I'm not suggesting you break the law, but a little bit of underage drinking never hurt anyone. (wink wink, nudge, nudge)

So, put yourself out there and enjoy life! You only have one go, so why not make the best of it? Sure, you could waste your time making a whole lotta money, but when you're lying on your death bed would you rather have friends surrounding you or piles of cash?

 

[Rheeer]

I was lucky, in a sense. Having a high IQ, I was able to skate by just acing tests and never really studying. I had a great party life.

None of those people is still in my life now, because I decided I wanted something different for myself. Even so, I had a great time nonetheless.

 

[diaperedteenager]

well, I'm pretty much the polar opposite of you. Academicaly I suck, and instead of being a social pariah, I party hard every weekend. I've had tones of relationships but they never last long. And now that I'm graduating, I kind of regret not studying harder. Gosh, I haven't studied for a test since grade nine.

but yeah, I'd say you're a tad bit socially underdeveloped. then again, socializing comes as natural to me as possible. i'm fairly well known in my school and town, and a few of my friend's are in a band, so that means good weekly parties.
Instead of maybe working the weekend away and holing yourself up at home, you should get involved in maybe sports or other extra curricular activeties - even if it's just chess club. put yerself out there, man. do stuff you'd never expect yourself to do. ever see "Yes Man" where jim carrey has to say yes to everything? be like that. Go sky diving, do stand up comedy at an open mic night, sing karaoke, go to parties.\

... maybe have a sip of alcohol? I know you're against it and all that jazz, but alcohol is a very big part of the culture. I'm not suggesting you break the law, but a little bit of underage drinking never hurt anyone. (wink wink, nudge, nudge)

So, put yourself out there and enjoy life! You only have one go, so why not make the best of it? Sure, you could waste your time making a whole lotta money, but when you're lying on your death bed would you rather have friends surrounding you or piles of cash?

Well I saw the restults of alcohol...it caused my uncle to kill himself. Most girls I know of that drink are dumb sluts. and personally I would like to see those who drink underage publicly executed. Friends would be good to have around my death bed, but I would love to have piles of cash and maybe adminstrators of my empire around me.

The way I see it, all who outcasted me will wish they didn't do it in 30 or 40 years...I want to build an Empire on the scale of Rome to get back at these people, like look at me know I am Czar and God of the Empire. Just saying...

 

[Chillhouse]

ah jesus. I don't even know what to say to that. Good luck?

 

[diaperedteenager]

ah jesus. I don't even know what to say to that. Good luck?

Thank You

 

[bobbyjeff]

In my own life, I have never regretted the things that I have done. However, I have regretted things I didn't do.

I'll second this sentiment.



Academic success and social success are not mutually exclusive. Those who attempt to put themselves in one box or another will just be self imposing unnecessary limits.
Go out and meet people, make friends, and be social. I promise people aren't as scary as they seem. Most people are just as terrified of this thing we call life as you are, and most people are always looking for a new friend whether they know it or not. Have fun today. Tomorrow usually comes, but none of us can guarantee it.

That being said, don't let your academic life suffer. Sure school seems like a bunch of stuff to learn that you will never need, and much of it truly is knowledge that you won't even retain. However, you have to see it for the game that it is. You can either play along and have an easy and potentially fun trip, or you can choose to sit it out, or worse; fight it, and never find out how deep the rabbit hole goes. It sounds silly, but knowledge is power.

 

[ZombifiedKitty]

If you don't like something about yourself then change. Accept your flaws and embrace them however be good to yourself and change what could be a handicap. Sounds kind of backwards but there is really no good way of describing it. Just because you want to change something about yourself doesn't automatically mean you don't accept yourself.

I never really learned how to make friends until I got to highschool. I went to a private school until 4th grade and was very much on the sidelines there. And once I entered the public school system I was typically bullied and isolated. I had maybe 2-3 friends for 8 years, once I got to highschool things changed and the number of people to socialize with broadened. Freshman year I was pretty much a sleeper, didn't say much didn't do much and actually worked. After that (now Sophomore year)I started to settle in, mingle, and slowly make friends however around that time a lot of mental problems plus the death of my older brother in the war messed things up.

I eventually shut myself off, rarely talked, was always depressed until one day in class I was put on the spot and for a couple weeks I realized I could hardly remember how to talk when asked to. So even though I was in no shape to do much of anything I decided I was going to change and better myself. I started to talk to people more, I started writing. I didn't write anything that was meant to be read, just to get it out of my head and let me move forward as a person. My journey through HS almost killed me, literally. I was in and out of the hospital more than a few times from mental sickness. Bottom line is you have to let go of your fears and just dive head first. Once you can let go you start to realize that you can have fun.

I not only pushed myself to do things I thought was uncomfortable but I also had been in a club for 5 years, a year early since my brother had co-founded the club. While it did take the edge off when getting to HS it also complicated things a bit. It was really a team type deal and the positions I took on the team would put me under pressure and have me in front of huge crowds of people, hundreds of people. Kind of a bad thing with panic disorder and agoraphobia. Being a robot driver takes a lot out of you.

Before I start rambling tooooooo much the idea is just close your eyes and dive head first, let things play out and go with the flow. Don't get too intense. Put yourself out where people can see you.

 

[h3g3l]

...let things play out and go with the flow. Don't get too intense...

This, too. Today-me would see the me-of-High-School as too intense, too serious, and too rigid. The good news is that you can pick and choose your rigidity... but you have to be willing to pay the consequences.

I think the larger message I'm sending here is this--a lesson I've learned since High School: you must choose your battles.