Early Memories and Later Coincidences


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It always strikes me as odd when I see someone write, "new ABDL" or "Just getting into this." I can't remember a time when I did not want to stay in diapers and stay little. This was in me from the beginning. As was my reluctance to have anyone push me into something when I was not ready and my severe bladder and bowel frequency and urgency. Together these things added to my confused childhood. I say confused because while everyone else was moving forward, I was standing still.

One of my earliest memories was of my parents trying to potty train me when I was almost 3. My little brother had just been born and my parents did not want two children in diapers. Suffice to say, it did not go well. They would try to force me to go in the toilet when I could not and get really upset at me for going in my training pants when I could not get to a toilet. I wore thick cloth training pants and plastic pants at least until I was 4. When my younger brother was potty trained about the time I was 5 and I was still having lot's of accidents, I got shamed for it by my mother and, you guessed it, my younger brother. I remember begging my mother to let me go back to wearing diapers, but she would say "diapers are for babies and you are not a baby anymore."

I tried to hold it as best I could, but often failed. The prospect of going to kindergarten and primary school had me terrified. I remember having wet and messy pants in school and my mom driving to school to either pick me up or deliver a clean change of clothes. It was during the time of one of those early school accidents, that things changed in my mind. I think I was 5. A new kid moved in next door who was only about a year younger than me and he still wore diapers full-time. He was not a baby. My mom was wrong about that. I played with him regularly and his mom even babysat me and my brother while our parents were away. His mom was not only okay with him being in diapers, but she treated him kindly and lovingly. I really wanted that. And, more than anything I really wanted to go back to wearing diapers for my own stress and security.

And, that's exactly what I did around age 5 or so. I was fortunate to have a lot of younger cousins who we frequently visited. It was easy to take a few of their diapers for myself. I was also a skinny kid who could fit in toddler diapers and plastic pants up until I was about 8 or 9. After that I learned to modify them to fit me. Every time my mom found my diapers, she took them away and that cycle repeated itself many times throughout my childhood. Eventually, at a relatively young age (around 12), I began buying my own diapers at the pharmacy with chore money. By the time I was a teenager, my mom stopped taking away my diapers and turned to shaming me about girls. She would say things like "how are you going to find a girl to date, if you are still wearing diapers?" I had really hoped I would stop wearing diapers and, most of all, my bladder and bowels would stop surprising me with accidents. That never happened and things got much worse in my 20's.

Besides my innate predispositions, these are some of the odd coincidences in my life:
- The boy who moved in next door and still wore diapers full-time. He would have been about 4 going on 5 and I was about a year older.
- Lot's of younger cousins and well off aunts and uncles who would not have missed a handful of diapers from time to time.
- A pharmacy relatively close to our house growing up where I could eventually bike there and buy my own diapers.
- A family board game that we played once when I was a teenager. I happened to pick a card that said something like "you must pick a person in the room to diaper you". My cousin diapered me (with a towel on the outside of my pants) in front of everyone. I don't remember the game, but no one ever got that card except for me.
- When I was first diagnosed with anxiety disease in my 20s, the self-help book I purchased at the book store had numerous references about people wearing diapers who messed themselves.
- The first house I bought had several entrances into the neighborhood. Unbeknownst to me before I bought the house, one of the entrances had a huge billboard next to the road with a baby in a very wet diaper (it was a plumbing company advertisement).

There are more, and, I know I am sensitive to these things. Wearing diapers has always been about the practicality of it. I am most interested in diapers that function well and fit well for their intended need.
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Love the story, i was also eldest and cousins 10 years plus younger so was easy access to diapers, and my friends mom caught me in one and unlike your friends mom, my friends mom diapered me and no one knew.
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What a lovely story.

I can relate to some of it, as I wasn’t out of nappies until I was five. My sister, who’s two years younger than me, had grown out of them when she was two - so a whole year before I did.

It was so embarrassing then being the older brother, but still needing nappies when Lucy didn’t.

And I love the bit about the family game when a cousin had to put a nappy on you. Who invents those games, I wonder?
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Ali123 said:
Who invents those games, I wonder?
My family is big into board games. I was 18 at the time and it was an obscure game we played over the Christmas holiday. I just remember a lot of people playing and no one was surprised to see me get the pick-a-person-to-diaper-you card. I had to keep the diaper (towel) on the rest of the game. I was embarrassed at first and then was like, eh, it figures. I’ll have to ask my cousin if she remembers the name of that game.

My mom is still alive and a wonderful person. But she is a very conservative southern US socialite. Any oddities like mine were swept under the rug. Most of my accidents she was unaware because a lot of them I took care of myself, fearing punishment. She was mostly aware of the extra laundry, which she complained about. I think she thought that I would stop having accidents and stop wearing diapers when I got older.
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For many it is that they are just now acting on those deeply buried urges, it may have always been there but they never had the chance to try it.
Eclectic said:
It always strikes me as odd when I see someone write, "new ABDL" or "Just getting into this." I can't remember a time when I did not want to stay in diapers and stay little. This was in me from the beginning.
It's interesting that there's so much variation in this. There seem to be people here who only started being interested in diapers (or only realized they were) when they were teenagers, for example, but in my case I think I knew I wanted to wear diapers by third or fourth grade and I think I was probably already interested in diapers but just didn't understand it before that.

I don't think I was potty trained at an unusually late age, although I haven't heard the details in years and don't really want to ask my mother about it, but I think she said I wasn't really interested in being potty trained in the first place (I don't know how she actually got me to go along with it then).

I was a younger sibling and I think I absolutely hated whenever anyone said that I was little or babyish (I remember at a store one time when I was maybe 5 or so, my mother used the word "little" to describe me but just in the context of something like "little brother" so it wasn't actually even describing my age and I just immediately started crying), but I don't know if that somehow made me interested in diapers, or if I just always wanted to wear diapers but was really susceptible to being told I would be a baby unless I was potty trained.

After I was potty trained I was absolutely terrified of having accidents and my mother finding out, and I sometimes hid my underwear if I had an accident, and I'm not sure if this also made me just wish I could be wearing diapers instead.
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