"A study, published in today's Australasian Psychiatry journal, found that teens who listened to pop music were more likely to be struggling with their sexuality, those tuning in to rap or heavy metal could be having unprotected sex and drink-driving, and those who favoured jazz were usually misfits and loners."
"Drink-driving" just makes me laugh. Is this even real? They actually let that typo exist? Or is this some journalistic colloquialism that I haven't been educated on yet? Let's see how retarded it looks in other uses by putting it in the place of its cousin, "drunk".
- "Dude, you wanna go get drink?"
- "Paul, you're such a drink!"
Need I say more?
Of course kids who favor jazz are misfits and loners -- they get stuffed in lockers and punched in their tits on a regular basis. Why? Because you don't parade around saying, "Man, Duke Ellington is ****ing awesome," in school without expecting to get your nuts punched in or be called a "fag" (A derogatory term I'm quoting for its commonality in teenaged vernacular, not for its accuracy in describing the person to whom it is directed).
"The findings prompted a call for doctors to include musical tastes as a diagnostic indicator in mental health assessments."
But what if the doctor likes classical and he's biased against people who don't listen to it? Doesn't the age difference and the interest in different musical tastes factor in here, or are we blind to that? Musical tastes -- which are often a result of generation and age, as well -- are one of the most commonly notated forms of prejudice, after all.
"An American study had also shown that young adults who regularly listened to heavy metal had a higher preoccupation with suicide and higher levels of depression than their peers."
Because committing suicide is ****ing hardcore, so do it, or you aren't grim enough.
"Deliberate self-harm and attempted suicide were also associated with teenagers who listened to trance, techno, heavy metal and medieval music as part of the Goth subculture, while those who attended dance parties were much more likely than their peers to be taking drugs."
No shit! People who party use more drugs than people who don't? People who listen to goth music self-mutilate? If I had to listen to Marilyn Manson cry on a regular basis because my natural musical tastes encouraged me to do so, I'd probably want to find a way out, too.
"Some genres of rap music, such as French rap, were linked to more deviant behaviours, including theft, violence and drug use. Teens who listened to hip-hop were usually less troublesome, Dr Baker said. 'But it's important to point out that music doesn't cause these behaviours,' she said."
I like how drug use, violence, and theft caused by French rap are more deviant than the drug use, violence, and theft caused by other types of music. They're on their own level, monsieur.
Detective: "Officer, this looks ... this looks bad."
Officer: "Why? What's different about this dead body than the one last week?"
Detective: "I ... don't know. It must be..." (a pause.)
Officer: "You don't mean--"
Detective: "I do. Officer, it appears as though this person wasn't killed in any musically-induced fit of violence. It appears as though this person was killed in the throes of a French rap-induced fit of violence!"
Officer: (There is no response; the words have struck such fear into the Officer that there is the noise of something rumbling, muddy, and moist as his bowels empty into his pants.)
""It's more a case of teenagers who may have a mental illness or are involved in these antisocial behaviours being drawn to certain types of music."
Yeah. Music that sucks.
Trevor, I'm sorry that you had to discover this news article first. It must have hurt your soul to read it, because you're such a logical person, and the article seems so ridiculously retarded. Thank you for sharing its stupidity with us, and showing us just how insane people can really be.
My only question...
... I wonder what kind of music the author of the article listens to?
