Dressed up as an AB for the first time

siysiy

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Hi all. Today I dressed up (diapers, bib, onesie, bottle etc) and in the middle of eating my goldfish this sudden wave of sadness and loneliness came over me. Has anyone ever felt that way when in little space or dressing up as an AB?
Hi

I haven't read all the replies, so sorry if I am repeating what someone else has said. It sounds to me that you regressed. When you are letting your inner child come to the fore, it can come with emissions. I would encourage you to stay with them. Ask your inner child why they are feeling that way? What is the memory attached to this?

There are several ways you can do this; sometimes, it just asking the question? If your inner child is old enough, you could try to see if they would write it down or draw a picture. In doing this, you will understand why you feel that way; I use regression as a meditation a lot; dropping down into Little space, letting Siysiy have his playtime helps me cope with adulting.

I hope you find the reason for feeling the way you did. I had written this when I researched being a Little and having Pester Pan syndrome.
It is a journey of self-discovery to trust and to love yourself. And sometimes, it is more about that journey than the destination.

Sending time in Little space means coming out of the adult world for a time, so you can: -

Rest and reflect on yourself and what is going on around you. There may emotions that may come to the surface as you regress; they may be negative ones. Anger, sadness or fear. As well as positive emotions such as hope and joy.

Negative emotions do need to be dealt with, as in the Words of Yoda.

"Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate, hate. This leads to suffering."

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Everyone has emotions. And some emotions are nice, like joy or happiness, but some emotions are not so nice and might be hard to deal with, such as fear, anger, or sadness.

The first thing is to try to identify your emotions; trying to think of one emotion that covers what you are feeling is very hard. So, what I do is see if the feeling will fit one of these three.


1) Am I feeling sad about something or someone?
2) Or, am I feeling worried about something or someone?
3) Or, am I feeling angry about something, or am I angry at someone?

By doing things, hopefully, you can work out what you are feeling and then you can come up with a plan to deal with what it is that making you feel this way.

If I am feeling worried about something or someone, this could be a “what if” question. “what if they don’t like me.” This for us littles is quite common and can stop us from going to new places and meeting new people.

If I am feeling sad, it could be because I remember something that I have lost in the past or something that I could not have.


1625374674542.png
Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

Tromp, E. and Pechenizkiy, M., (2015)
 

MakABDL

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Hi

I haven't read all the replies, so sorry if I am repeating what someone else has said. It sounds to me that you regressed. When you are letting your inner child come to the fore, it can come with emissions. I would encourage you to stay with them. Ask your inner child why they are feeling that way? What is the memory attached to this?

There are several ways you can do this; sometimes, it just asking the question? If your inner child is old enough, you could try to see if they would write it down or draw a picture. In doing this, you will understand why you feel that way; I use regression as a meditation a lot; dropping down into Little space, letting Siysiy have his playtime helps me cope with adulting.

I hope you find the reason for feeling the way you did. I had written this when I researched being a Little and having Pester Pan syndrome.
It is a journey of self-discovery to trust and to love yourself. And sometimes, it is more about that journey than the destination.

Sending time in Little space means coming out of the adult world for a time, so you can: -

Rest and reflect on yourself and what is going on around you. There may emotions that may come to the surface as you regress; they may be negative ones. Anger, sadness or fear. As well as positive emotions such as hope and joy.

Negative emotions do need to be dealt with, as in the Words of Yoda.

"Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate, hate. This leads to suffering."

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Everyone has emotions. And some emotions are nice, like joy or happiness, but some emotions are not so nice and might be hard to deal with, such as fear, anger, or sadness.

The first thing is to try to identify your emotions; trying to think of one emotion that covers what you are feeling is very hard. So, what I do is see if the feeling will fit one of these three.


1) Am I feeling sad about something or someone?
2) Or, am I feeling worried about something or someone?
3) Or, am I feeling angry about something, or am I angry at someone?

By doing things, hopefully, you can work out what you are feeling and then you can come up with a plan to deal with what it is that making you feel this way.

If I am feeling worried about something or someone, this could be a “what if” question. “what if they don’t like me.” This for us littles is quite common and can stop us from going to new places and meeting new people.

If I am feeling sad, it could be because I remember something that I have lost in the past or something that I could not have.


View attachment 58548
Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

Tromp, E. and Pechenizkiy, M., (2015)
I mean it's quite possible to Lose a lot of those over time. I think that's what my brain began to do, Mechanically shut down ones that would hinder what I was doing

The only problem is it makes people I am close to annoyed with me because I'm thinking Much more mechanically than they are, where my brain goes "Eh, you can find your own solution to problems. It's not that difficult if you work at it."

I had a version of depression that was just a lack of motivation to do anything, it wasn't feeling sad or suicidal, it was just "I don't feel like doing anything right now." so I would just kinda shut down and not do anything that day, my brain would be blank.

I think humans are capable of many things At Will

Willpower is a very strong thing when honed and tempered. I just wonder how I can control it so my body doesn't Shut these emotions down like they're the hinderance.
 

babyann

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I don't have a mommy, someone to share the joy with when I'm just in a diaper and t-shirt sucking my pacifier. It hurts. The joy and freedom I feel when I'm in baby drag, and no one understands, people say they do, but how could they? I try to describe the feelings, but it's hard to explain. Best of luck to you.
Hi Katie, I am also an AB with CP, and I do find that many of my CP problems disappear when I am little, or if they don’t completely disappear, then they become inconsequential. My own CP is quite mild, but I do have some mobility issues, but then so do many littles…and it doesn’t matter if I knock my bottle over as it doesn’t spill!! Which is why I use my bottle all the time at home, because otherwise I spend a lot of my big time cleaning up messes.
 

WeakEndPartyPerson

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You put on two diapers at the same time on your first time?
IMO that's too much of a sensory awakener for a first time, it took me months to double up when I was new to adult products.
-
BW
 

ryansauder

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Hi all. Today I dressed up (diapers, bib, onesie, bottle etc) and in the middle of eating my goldfish this sudden wave of sadness and loneliness came over me. Has anyone ever felt that way when in little space or dressing up as an AB?
Yes, I prefer to only do it when I am with my partner who is playing as my mommy or else I can find it the most lonely thing to do on my own... that being said taking it halfway and wearing with my paci and cute little shirt and or bottle while watching adult type television or a sports game I feel like it scratches the itch some and is fairly easy to indulge in when I’m home alone or sometimes my partner is home but doing other things...
 

caitianx

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Hi Katie, I am also an AB with CP, and I do find that many of my CP problems disappear when I am little, or if they don’t completely disappear, then they become inconsequential. My own CP is quite mild, but I do have some mobility issues, but then so do many littles…and it doesn’t matter if I knock my bottle over as it doesn’t spill!! Which is why I use my bottle all the time at home, because otherwise I spend a lot of my big time cleaning up messes.
I myself have Cerebral Palsy.
PLus I have Autism.
My mobility issue is Spastic Diplegia.
I hobble a little across a room at home.
But outside I use mobility aids.
Forearm Crutches.
Quad Rollator Walker Frame.
 

Clyst123

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Hmm…we feed our little one’s biltong here in South Africa…I am told that American beef jerky is similar? It is air-dried lightly spiced raw meat. It is full of protein and good for gum development. It is quite tough even hard, so you have to gnaw and chew at it!!
Jerky is horrible stuff, not like biltong at all.
All my mates staying in USA make their own biltong🤫
 

longallsboy

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Jerky is horrible stuff, not like biltong at all.
All my mates staying in USA make their own biltong🤫
You're kidding me?? Beef jerky is horrible stuff?? Have you ever eaten Jack Links Peppered Beef Steaks or Jerky? Oh my goodness, I could live around that!

- longallsboy
 

Trainingwheles

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I can relate, it happens to me all the time. Often times, when I'm in my little space, I have random meltdowns. I'm sorry this happened to you, it can be upsetting when you dress up for something that nobody else comes to or even acknowledges.
 

longallsboy

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I have some issues that some of you here do not have - such as Classic Autism, ADHD, permanent developmental delays, OCD, abd so on. So what I am saying doesn't apply to some of you, in the very least. I'm also not technically an AB / DL as I don't wear diapers, though I do have some childhood leanings / childlike qualities due to my Autism. Emotionally and socially I'm like a 5 year old, and even that is questionable sometimes, I've been told by many others (both by those with higher functioning ASD, like Asperger's Syndrome, and the ones without ASD that are normal average people) that I even act younger than that. There are likely some actual real life 4 year olds that are actually more mature than me, to be really honest. And 4 year olds that understand social rules and have better social skills than me and can decipher nonverbal facial cues way better than me.

I suppose some AB people might feel alone, lonely or sad when they wear "baby clothes". But I don't have that feeling at all. Maybe it's because I have Autism and can't help myself. I don't wear diapers, but I love to wear one piece outfits (really actually just long-alls and jon jons) and T strap buckle shoes. That is really who I am and I feel very happy being myself and who I am. It certainly does make me happy. I'm in the process of trying to have other long-alls made for me, and if I can get it done, T strap shoes from children's shoe companies in Spain. I would be so happy after that if that happened - I'd be the happiest child in my county (including actual children), bar none. There is a thing called unbridled joy, boy. 😁 If anything, wearing "children's clothes" makes me much more cheerful.

This COVID 19 pandemic time has been incredibly stressful and if anything can bring me more happiness, then that's great! I had a bad stomach ulcer for 4 weeks in April 2020, possibly due to the COVID 19 situation (I basically didn't leave my house at all for over an entire month as my entire state was literally under lockdown by orders. I took 2 walks in my neighborhood, no one around, I could have thought someone dropped a nuclear bomb on my area. It was surreal. I actually got to the point in early May 2020 where my stool was black. I'm still not sure if I had blood in my stool. I may have. I had several days after that like that. It didn't smell bad though; usually blood in stool smells bad. I took Prilosec for a week and I was fine. After that point (I had been wearing "normal" clothes up to that point in my life, with the exception of the longalls and T straps on Halloween in 2018 and 2019), I made a decision to do whatever makes me happier. Which resulted in me wearing my long-alls to the county park (the only place that was open at that time in May 2020 that I could walk in). For the past 18 months, with a few exceptions (while getting my COVID 19 shots, because I didn't want to get my clothes dirty) and seeing my old Finite Math college instructor friend for lunch, the only thing I have worn is that longall. I need to get more long-alls made and into my wardrobe, closet, whatever. I also look very young. I look nothing like my mid 40s. Even wearing normal clothes, I look 21 easily. Others have told me that I look like a very tall 12 year old if I wear longalls. I really look like a kid if I get my facial hair off totally. I have no gray hair, no wrinkles, nothing. I'm like Dick Clark from American Bandstand - I never really aged much (knock on wood). Maybe it's my Autism. Some people (not all) with Autism look ethereal and look very young eternally it seems. Some don't, though.

But at any rate, there's no need to feel embarrassed about myself because of my problems that co-exist with Autism. In the past 18 months, I haven't had a single negative comment regarding how I dress. I got 2 people actually thinking it was adorable. One lady in her 50s that was walking her dog at the county park actually said she loved my T strap shoes. 🤣💜 I have worn it to a few other places. And it's a dark green Start Rite T strap shoe. That isn't even the best color -- wait till I get a cognac or burnt orange (tan) T strap made for me....with a primary plaid gingham longall in proposal, I wear those and people will think I'm freaking adorable. Stunning, some of my mommy friends said 🤣😁💜💜 (and these are moms in the Deep South who actually have little boys who are chronologically 3-5 years old who actually wear that sort of thing). One mom I know even said smashing. Oh, and longalls are very uncommon in my area on the West Coast. Almost unheard of. Most, if not nearly all, children in my area dress pretty casually - T shirts, maybe polo shirts if lucky, sweatpants, track pants, cargo pants, sneakers, etc. In general, most little boys do not wear clothes like long-alls and jon jons unless they are from somewhere like Alabama, South Carolina, and other parts of the Deep South that are more conservative. The style of dress (appliqued or even smocked long-alls and jon jons on little boys, smocked bishop dresses on girls), is after all, more traditional and more old fashioned, and conservative. Apparently too, if you want to dress like a kid for Halloween, there are two ways to do it - either a modern hip looking kid wearing casual clothes, or the older traditional type look (maybe even with wearing a propeller style baseball cap, though I never did that) with what I just mentioned. But where I live, even Oshkosh B'Gosh overalls are rare. I have seen some, but very rare, let alone longalls.

- longallsboy
 
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longallsboy

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I can relate, it happens to me all the time. Often times, when I'm in my little space, I have random meltdowns. I'm sorry this happened to you, it can be upsetting when you dress up for something that nobody else comes to or even acknowledges.

Strangely, when I wear long-alls or even overalls, I don't really get bullied. Perhaps society is more accepting of me being like this because they can probably tell I have Autism. In some situations, you can tell someone is Autistic without them even opening their mouth. I have a friend who has a son who is 7 years old from North Carolina and you can tell he's Autistic just looking at his photo. My own mom even thinks so. There are some people who can't even mask or hide their Autism. I may be one of those people too.

It's not to say that I've never been bullied in my life. I have been. Way too much. I was even bullied all the way from 5th grade till 111th grade, and also in university, of all places. I got called the R word all the time and called worse names in a college apartment dorm complex. These were people 20-24 years old mostly. Back in 1999-2000. It was really terrible. Strangely, when I bought these Oshkosh B'Gosh overalls from the internet, and wore them at the college for a week or two, NO ONE bullied me. Maybe people thought they pushed me too far and I flipped my lid or something and decided to dress like a toddler / preschooler. And I also got 100% on all three of the tests I took that week, in the classes I took!! Interesting what that does to people when they think they bullied you to the point of regression or acting like a preschooler. Also feeling better about yourself makes you do better academically on tests. Wonder if I will get a 4.0 average GPA and get a doctorate degree if I wear long-alls all the time in university....hmmm.....

Again, also, every time that I have worn long-alls and T strap shoes before in the past 2 1/2 years, I never had a single negative comment, never been bullied, nothing. I had a few people think I was very cute, though. One lady in her 50s walking her dog at the county park thought my T strap shoes were cute, she loved it. Wait till I get a burnt orange T strap shoe. 😁💜 Also with this #[email protected]#@&* (excuse my French) COVID 19 pandemic, anything goes. Radio disc jockeys are wearing pajamas to work, so what's the big deal of a longall?

- longallsboy
 
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caitianx

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I have some issues that some of you here do not have - such as Classic Autism, ADHD, permanent developmental delays, OCD, abd so on. So what I am saying doesn't apply to some of you, in the very least. I'm also not technically an AB / DL as I don't wear diapers, though I do have some childhood leanings / childlike qualities due to my Autism. Emotionally and socially I'm like a 5 year old, and even that is questionable sometimes, I've been told by many others (both by those with higher functioning ASD, like Asperger's Syndrome, and the ones without ASD that are normal average people) that I even act younger than that. There are likely some actual real life 4 year olds that are actually more mature than me, to be really honest. And 4 year olds that understand social rules and have better social skills than me and can decipher nonverbal facial cues way better than me.

I suppose some AB people might feel alone, lonely or sad when they wear "baby clothes". But I don't have that feeling at all. Maybe it's because I have Autism and can't help myself. I don't wear diapers, but I love to wear one piece outfits (really actually just long-alls and jon jons) and T strap buckle shoes. That is really who I am and I feel very happy being myself and who I am. It certainly does make me happy. I'm in the process of trying to have other long-alls made for me, and if I can get it done, T strap shoes from children's shoe companies in Spain. I would be so happy after that if that happened - I'd be the happiest child in my county (including actual children), bar none. There is a thing called unbridled joy, boy. 😁 If anything, wearing "children's clothes" makes me much more cheerful.

This COVID 19 pandemic time has been incredibly stressful and if anything can bring me more happiness, then that's great! I had a bad stomach ulcer for 4 weeks in April 2020, possibly due to the COVID 19 situation (I basically didn't leave my house at all for over an entire month as my entire state was literally under lockdown by orders. I took 2 walks in my neighborhood, no one around, I could have thought someone dropped a nuclear bomb on my area. It was surreal. I actually got to the point in early May 2020 where my stool was black. I'm still not sure if I had blood in my stool. I may have. I had several days after that like that. It didn't smell bad though; usually blood in stool smells bad. I took Prilosec for a week and I was fine. After that point (I had been wearing "normal" clothes up to that point in my life, with the exception of the longalls and T straps on Halloween in 2018 and 2019), I made a decision to do whatever makes me happier. Which resulted in me wearing my long-alls to the county park (the only place that was open at that time in May 2020 that I could walk in). For the past 18 months, with a few exceptions (while getting my COVID 19 shots, because I didn't want to get my clothes dirty) and seeing my old Finite Math college instructor friend for lunch, the only thing I have worn is that longall. I need to get more long-alls made and into my wardrobe, closet, whatever. I also look very young. I look nothing like my mid 40s. Even wearing normal clothes, I look 21 easily. Others have told me that I look like a very tall 12 year old if I wear longalls. I really look like a kid if I get my facial hair off totally. I have no gray hair, no wrinkles, nothing. I'm like Dick Clark from American Bandstand - I never really aged much (knock on wood). Maybe it's my Autism. Some people (not all) with Autism look ethereal and look very young eternally it seems. Some don't, though.

But at any rate, there's no need to feel embarrassed about myself because of my problems that co-exist with Autism. In the past 18 months, I haven't had a single negative comment regarding how I dress. I got 2 people actually thinking it was adorable. One lady in her 50s that was walking her dog at the county park actually said she loved my T strap shoes. 🤣💜 I have worn it to a few other places. And it's a dark green Start Rite T strap shoe. That isn't even the best color -- wait till I get a cognac or burnt orange (tan) T strap made for me....with a primary plaid gingham longall in proposal, I wear those and people will think I'm freaking adorable. Stunning, some of my mommy friends said 🤣😁💜💜 (and these are moms in the Deep South who actually have little boys who are chronologically 3-5 years old who actually wear that sort of thing). One mom I know even said smashing. Oh, and longalls are very uncommon in my area on the West Coast. Almost unheard of. Most, if not nearly all, children in my area dress pretty casually - T shirts, maybe polo shirts if lucky, sweatpants, track pants, cargo pants, sneakers, etc. In general, most little boys do not wear clothes like long-alls and jon jons unless they are from somewhere like Alabama, South Carolina, and other parts of the Deep South that are more conservative. The style of dress (appliqued or even smocked long-alls and jon jons on little boys, smocked bishop dresses on girls), is after all, more traditional and more old fashioned, and conservative. Apparently too, if you want to dress like a kid for Halloween, there are two ways to do it - either a modern hip looking kid wearing casual clothes, or the older traditional type look (maybe even with wearing a propeller style baseball cap, though I never did that) with what I just mentioned. But where I live, even Oshkosh B'Gosh overalls are rare. I have seen some, but very rare, let alone longalls.

- longallsboy
I am Autism level 1, and I am socially clueless at my chronological age of 63.
I have a bad enough time like negotiating the social function called shopping.
Yes!
Right now I am at the Walmart in Derry, NH, my hometown.
I am waiting for my local CART Paratransit Service ride home.
I am outside under some shade, and away from people.
Yes!
I did buy myself a toy truck, 2 hot wheels cars, and an Army Playset with small arny guys, chopper gunship, hummvee, and howitzer, and the toy army guys are armed to the teeth with uzi's, assault rifles, and pistols.
Yes!
Playtime for the rest of the day!
 

longallsboy

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I am Autism level 1, and I am socially clueless at my chronological age of 63.
I have a bad enough time like negotiating the social function called shopping.
Yes!
Right now I am at the Walmart in Derry, NH, my hometown.
I am waiting for my local CART Paratransit Service ride home.
I am outside under some shade, and away from people.
Yes!
I did buy myself a toy truck, 2 hot wheels cars, and an Army Playset with small arny guys, chopper gunship, hummvee, and howitzer, and the toy army guys are armed to the teeth with uzi's, assault rifles, and pistols.
Yes!
Playtime for the rest of the day!

If you are autism level 1, then you have higher functioning Autism or maybe even what used to be called Asperger Syndrome. I don't have that. I had total speech delays and didn't talk till 3 1/2 years old or maybe even closer to 4 years old, my mom wrote in some old notes. I'm definitely likely on Autism level 2. Working with me at a job being employed is a disaster. I definitely think if child labor was legal, and any previous employers had the choice between hiring me and an actual real 6 year old, chances are 99% likely that he would employ a child. A nonautistic 6 year old has a better concentration span than me and would be less disruptive. Asking me to concentrate past 25 minutes is nearly impossible. I look also incredibly young for being in mid 40s. Maybe I'll never get gray or white hair!

When I was in 8th grade in Catholic school in 1989-1990 (I went from 6th to 8th grade in Catholic school), I missed more homework assignments than any of the kindergartners or first graders. My executive functioning is very bad. I'd forget to even wrote my homework down sometimes. I knew most first graders because 8th graders had 1st grade "prayer partners" at school church / mass services. I knew little girls that were not much bigger than preschoolers who wore cute dresses and Mary Janes or T strap buckle shoes (it was much more common for kids to wear T strap shoes or Mary Janes in the late 1980s. Now on the West Coast, those shoes are nearly non-existent. It's different in the South though, like Alabama, where even some little boys wear them), and those kindergartners and 1st graders were better at completing their homework than I was. I got countless 30 minute after school detentions (ironically, more than a few times with this first grade nun teacher, though I got other teachers too. Teachers rotated duties on after school detentions) due to missing assignments, but nothing changed. I mean Catholic school is like punishments galore, but no matter how many detentions I got, I still missed homework assignments. My only strong point was Geography and that I ended up as one of 100 finalists in the state Geography Bee in March 1990. And another strong point was that I also had a gift to be able to work with young children.

I almost had to repeat kindergarten. I was in kindergarten in 1981-82. The school administration (teachers, principal, psychologist) all recommended I redo kindergarten. My parents disagreed. My first grade teacher wrote that I had "an extremely inappropriate and immature attention span for a 6 year old" in 1982-83. My elementary school even wanted to send me to the district special school for emotionally disturbed children. I'm very surprised they even suggested for me to redo kindergarten; I'm actually slightly surprised that they didn't expel me from the district and tell my parents to send me back to private preschool (aren't most preschools private??) or nursery school. I probably would have become the oldest preschooler ever because I probably would've been retained year after year. My social skills are bad to the point most actual 4 year olds are better. 😮 With my problems, I almost DESERVE to go back to preschool - even now.

- longallsboy
 
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caitianx

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Sigh...
No playtime until 11:00 PM an hour ago.
Earlier in the evening, a disability civil rights organization meeting.
Then sitting down to be an adult to pay bills.
 

BobbiSueEllen

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Putting on a diaper and baby girl clothes makes me feel happy, at ease. There's no sorrow or despair for me at all. Nothing on Earth feels much better than being in a thick disposable diaper and me-sized toddler girl clothes, plus cuddling a big teddy and sucking on either a binky or a bottle while under a blankie: softness, snugness, warmth, cuteness, safety, sweetness...security. It's a relief, a joy that few other things on this planet can equal, let alone surpass. 🧸🍼🤗🥰
 
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