Do your kids know you wear diapers?

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diapernh

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I was talking about Calico's son.

I think the, "Do as I say, not as I do," lecture sucks, too, so, I'd go for, "When you're older, but, not before then, okay, and, no blabbing, lest they put mom in the looney bin, and, you in foster care, understand? Promise? Good. Love you, kiddo, and, if this is in you, I'm sorry I'm asking you to wait so long, while I don't have to, but, it's only a few more years. I understand if you can't wait that long, but, if you can't, it'll have to be a private activity, that you take care of by yourself. I can't be involved. Understand?"

If it were my child, I certainly wouldn't punish, or get angry at all, for wettings, 1, because, you never, ever, punish bodily function snafus, according to any decent pediatrician, 2, because, they may've happened because I chose to ignore an honest question, or, 3, because he was asking me for some, without knowing the words that wouldn't get him in trouble.

Huh did I miss something, I didn't see calico talking about a son in this thread.


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SpAzpieSweeTot

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Huh did I miss something, I didn't see calico talking about a son in this thread.
I was using knowledge gathered from other threads of hers. Sorry to confuse y'all. I should be clear. I'm not picking on her. The majority of parents. . . Well. . .

"It was done to me, and I turned out fine."

Really? You sure?

"I didn't know what else to do."

Not an excuse! Did you research!? Did you ask peaceful, honest, well-attached, healthy, self-knowing, people, or, did you ask your parents? Do they meet those criteria? You sure? They raised someone unsure what to do to raise peaceful, honest, securely attached, healthy, self knowing, kids.
 
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littlemoosey

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What I was trying for, was to point out how messed up it is, that sometimes, to be considered a decent parent, one is expected to use a lecture that angeringly flawed. I've seen a court case of a parent losing custody for having an un potty trained 5-year-old, so, I'd be very careful how I'd handle it, if I suspected this was in my kid.

We can use that lecture, for no other reason than because we have all the power, in a completely non-voluntary relationship. Does doing that to our children make us feel like adults!? Why!? My intention was to draw attention to how messed up using that lecture, and punishing for wetting, and soiling, are. Even if purposeful, well, there's your operative word, purposeful. What was the purpose? You're the parent! Find out! Punishment is an open admission, that you, the parent, the one with the responsibility to be a competent giant, don't know how to reinforce for the appropriate behavior, so, you punish the inappropriate one. Yeah, because punishing people works so well, that's why our prisons are so exemplary. Why not teach instead?

Punishment doesn't teach what to do instead. It teaches, "I won't get caught next time," "I'll get revenge," and, worst of all, "I'm a terrible person."

Which of those do we want in our kids? Please, please, teach instead!



All of the above are great answers, thank you for taking the time to further explain your initial posts.

I wish I could just come out, but it is waaaay too soon.
 
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Maxx

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I was using knowledge gathered from other threads of hers. Sorry to confuse y'all. I should be clear. I'm not picking on her. The majority of parents. . . Well. . .

"It was done to me, and I turned out fine."

Really? You sure?

"I didn't know what else to do."

Not an excuse! Did you research!? Did you ask peaceful, honest, well-attached, healthy, self-knowing, people, or, did you ask your parents? Do they meet those criteria? You sure? They raised someone unsure what to do to raise peaceful, honest, securely attached, healthy, self knowing, kids.

LOL. As if. We all like to think we're doing it right. You can research all you want, but inevitably much if not most of parenting is done on the fly. There is no pause button when you find yourself in situations you didn't research and in many cases couldn't anticipate. Pretty sure there aren't any books or experts on how to raise a child when you're ABDL. The default answer would be "nobody knows, so you're safer keeping it out of the mix." Assuming you did 'turn out all right', you kinda have to trust that the way your parents did it was OK. If there were things you really thought they did wrong, then you have to trust your judgement on what to change.

Knowing something about the basics of child development and psychology is useful. Beyond that, there is a lot of crap floating around out there under the heading of 'parenting'. On top of that, every kid is different, you run into a lot of "well THAT didn't turn out like the book said". Fortunately, both we and kids are smart and adaptable. When we screw up as parents, most of the screwups are minor. We get another chance and the kids get over it.

On the dark side, if you or the kid screws up major, your genes, your example and your instructions don't get passed on to another generation. Darwin ya know.

- - - Updated - - -

I think the, "Do as I say, not as I do," lecture sucks, too,

Sadly, there are cases (addictions of various sorts, criminality) where that is the only option. "Do you want to turn out like me? No? Good. Then don't do the things that I've done"

Edit: Bad examples CAN be useful. I think a lot of the reason Junior turned out to be a reasonably tractable teenager is by seeing where outbursts, disobedience and defiance got his older sister. It's all better now (a quarter century later), so I'll spare you the details.

so, I'd go for, "When you're older, but, not before then, okay, and, no blabbing, lest they put mom in the looney bin, and, you in foster care, understand? Promise? Good. Love you, kiddo, and, if this is in you, I'm sorry I'm asking you to wait so long, while I don't have to, but, it's only a few more years. I understand if you can't wait that long, but, if you can't, it'll have to be a private activity, that you take care of by yourself. I can't be involved. Understand?".

Also shaky. It's unfortunate that so many kids find themselves without decent role models, and have to sort out good, bad, and out of bounds for themselves. Or not, finding themselves grown up physically, but without a clue how to behave and get along in the world.
 
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bambinod

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Also shaky. It's unfortunate that so many kids find themselves without decent role models, and have to sort out good, bad, and out of bounds for themselves. Or not, finding themselves grown up physically, but without a clue how to behave and get along in the world.

Sadly, I wonder if Darwin is truly dead. So much "childproof the world" going on right now, even most of the idiots are surviving and breeding. :shrug: Go watch Idiocracy.
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

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Don't misunderstand what I'm saying. If one wants children to turn out good, one has to identify his or her own bad, and consciously replace it with something better. That conscious replacement with better, for me, I wouldn't feel right if it only started taking place after they were already here. That's why I call it research. See? What happens, if one hasn't consciously replaced his or her bad, with better, is flaky, soft, angry, dare I say, Tide Pod eating, "Walmart hellions," and, um, no!

Let's take negative punishment, punishment where a desirable, "something," is subtracted. Let's take the one where the desired, "something," is the ability to move from a certain spot, without getting placed right back into it. What ages was this, "time out," intended for?

1 and a half, to 2, depending on brain development, until about the 5th birthday. What's the proper way to do a time out? There're steps involved here. Do it wrong, and it won't work. Do it too long, and it won't work.

I'm fully aware, that if I'm gonna opt out of punishment, I damn well better be good at reinforcement. I will be. I have to be. How much you wanna bet they call me The Reinforcer? They don't get to be made, by a good, virtuous, father and I, mind you, (See? My future kids even get to pick who I boink.), until I have something better I'm willing to take a chance on. I know it's a shaky way to respond to the suspision of ABDL, too, but it's honest, so, it's better than the standard response. It's worth it.

I'm the biological child of a drug addicted mother, and a father with a hellacious temper, who, is quite possibly nuts. I'm pretty sure I was neglected, in my very formative years. I still have a very strong, lower-brain-based, reaction of disappearing inside myself, when voices are raised.

New research suggests, addiction is neither a disease, nor a choice, but failure to bond securely, and fully individuate. I can see it. What well attached parents let my 12-year-old, future mom, have, even accidental, access to hard drugs!? What the F$%*; she was 12 when she started doing that crap!

My children don't need being spanked to lower their IQs, because cerebral palsy is brain damage, and guess what. My children, perhaps more than most, need to know how to think for themselves. In order to do that, they must grow up in enough peace, that they know they won't get, figuratively, slaughtered for simply (gasp) disagreeing with us.

Mine won't be swaddled, so they can practice using the mirror neurons necessary for empathy, they'll be breastfed, if at all possible, until they're ready to stop, and, anyone who doesn't like it, can lick my left front wheelchair tire, they'll co-sleep, safely, until someone involved is unhappy with the arrangement, and they'll get their needs met, until they're capable of meeting their own. Being neglected, i.e. not having one's needs met, feels like being left alone to die! No! Not again, not mine!
 
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Maxx

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LOL again. I'm sure you'll be spectacular when the time comes, as I'm sure Calico is doing a good job. There are a lot of different ways to approach child rearing in general and the diaper question specifically, and probably several that can work reasonably well, assuming you're consistent with it. I suppose it's most important for younger children to think you know what you're doing. Even a calm "I'm going to read the instructions" shows that you have a handle on things.

I'm just saying its easy to say how it should be done looking on from the sidelines, whether pre-child like you, or grandparent like me. It's different when you're in the middle of a mall, the one kid who is normally rivetted to your shirttail decides to bolt while the other one has just had a very obvious, uncomfortable and leaky grape explosion in his pants and is announcing it to the world at the top of his very powerful lungs. You know, the sort of situation where you'd really like to say "Not mine..." and walk away.
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

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Again, Calico, sweetie, I'm not picking on you. You're just the one with kids, who talks about her kids, and asked if anyone's kids knew. That's all.
 

Ehorton

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If you are incontinent, the answer is pretty obvious. But what about if you don't have a medical condition, what do you tell them when they find out and ask you about it? Or do you just dodge the question?

I’m incontinent and niether one of my kids know to my knowledge. My wife and I decided that was best for them. We don’t know why I’m incontinent other than some retention issues.
 

CindyMarie

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The answer is yes. I told my wife five years into our marriage and explained how I was often diapered as punishment while I was in foster care. Over time, she learned to deal with it and we managed to keep it in the bedroom. Occasionally, I would put on a diaper and Baby dress when everyone was out shopping. Then one afternoon I fell asleep across my bed while dressed in my ‘play clothes’. My 16 year old daughter walked in and saw me just as I woke up and turned to see her staring down at me. My heart went into overdrive as she calmly left the room and went to her bedroom. Quickly changing, I rushed to tell my wife what just happened. She surprised me as to how calm she was as she went to talk to my daughter. I was shaking with total fear as I waited. They both entered about a half hour later and my daughter looked at me with a serious but kind smile. She said she understood and was alright with it. She also said she was sorry for what I had gone through as a child in that foster home. Thankfully, nothing more has been said about that day and life returned to normal with keeping my ‘hobby’ to the bedroom.
 
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