I have known many families with special needs kids. Any aid they could get from the state, they used. The only area that I saw them spend personal money was for specific disability clothing, so they could easily dress their child appropriately to take them out in public and minimize others ogling, while at the same time being convenient for the parents.
There is the fairy tale of being cared for, and there is the reality of carers handling a disabled family members and constantly fighting the system that has been put in place to help, but does everything in its power not to. I have never heard of anyone state that Medicaid, VA, or SSD have been helpful. It's a fight with some bureaucrat to get what you are legally allowed.