Difficulty with transitions...

[SherriLil]

This time of year marks a sort of anniversary for me - it was around now, or, actually, just toward the end of November, two years ago, that I threw out the last of my big boy underwear. I hadn't worn them for maybe 18 months prior to that, but they'd lived in a bag on a shelf in my garage, behind my winter tires, as a sort of safety net, which is probably why this topic just occurred to me, as it's snowing like hell outside right now.

I'd taken down the winters in October 2020, but had delayed putting the summer rubber up on the shelf, and I was straightening the garage in late November... and, on impulse, I tossed that bag of underwear into the trash. It's now been two years since I even had any in the house.

Which is cause for gratitude. I believe that I have now eclipsed my inaugural 24/7 stint as child, which was, legend suggests, about the first three years of my life. I was 12/7 for another 6 or 7 years after that, more or less - half the time in diapers, half the time, not. My diaper usually came off almost as soon as I got up, on school days, so let's say 7 AM, and, my diaper usually went on more or less after dinner on school nights - probably around 7 PM. My parents liked to have us kids bathed and dressed for bed before the hour or so of television we were permitted after dinner began. This was the 1980's and we had about 25 channels and one TV.

That transition was an interesting demarcation point within my day, more so at night than in the morning, in terms of its psychological weight. In the morning, it was self-directed - tabs torn off, diaper in the trash, underwear goes up, and away we go, nothing seismic. I had rejoined my age cohort. I sat at the breakfast table with my similarly-dressed younger brother and older sister.

The evenings were different. I took my bath or shower after dinner, dried off, pulled out my pajamas, often pulled the shirt portion on, and then I would open my bedroom door and summon a parental figure. They'd come into the room, pull a diaper from the box on the floor in my closet, and I'd lie down on the floor or on the bed, fold-rip-tuck-stick, and then I was up and pulling on my pajama pants 30 seconds later (unless it was hot out - we didn't have A/C back then, so I tended to sleep in just a diaper). Then, I would head to the living room to join my siblings on the couch... but now, I was the outlier. The bulk, warmth, and the very quiet crinkling when I shifted about, served to tap me on the shoulder and whisper, "you're wearing a diaper." My brother or sister might jump up during a commercial and run to the washroom. I did not. For the next 12 hours, I had rejoined a rank from which they'd been promoted, little kid, toddler, baby.

But at the same time, I had a love-hate relationship with that time of day when my "rank" changed. Although I couldn't articulate it at the time, I didn't mind wearing diapers; I actually kind of liked it. I just didn't like all the other feelings that came along with it... shame, embarrassment, the resignation I felt I could detect in my parents' loving but slightly-exasperated, semi-automatic motions as I was put "back" into baby pants. The feeling as I descended the staircase in my plastic underpants that my siblings knew I'd been demoted for the evening.

Which, I suspect, is part of the reason why I've eliminated that transition from my life, via going 24/7. That, and the ennui that I used to start feeling, as an adult, as soon as I had a furtive chance to put a diaper on... the understanding that I felt so right with myself in that moment, and that the feeling must inevitably come to an end, the diaper must come off. I've eliminated that from my life, as well. The diaper is now always replaced by another diaper.

Did any of you at some point in your life, or do you currently, struggle with transitioning into, or out of, diapers?

 

[tseaborn]

"Out of" probably, yeah. But just because I wasn't allowed to be in diapers anymore and objected to potty training. But not so much on the daily level. I wasn't allowed to wear after potty training. Even at night. I enjoyed hearing your story though. It's an interesting thought I've not considered yet at 38yrs old.

 

[Subtlerustle]

Your story is interesting in that there is certainly no mystery in where your abdl side came from. Rather poignant given the recent discussions on our “origins”. I feel bad for kids that went through the chronic bed wetting saga. I would hazard to guess that the majority found it traumatic rather than pleasant. As a parent there has to be a wonder if they’re handling it wrong as well. It’s a good thing that you’re able to make lemonade from lemons years later. No transition, no problem! 😂

 

[CheshireCat]

I was on the flip side; potty trained by 2, but wishing I could wear diapers as I seriously struggled to avoid wetting myself (and not very successful at it). The struggle continued until I became urinary incontinent just before I turned 40. It wasn't until I was 60+ and went through massive urinary testing because of severe retention that I found out that I've had a neurogenic bladder since birth. I figured out how to "stay dry" as a toddler, but barely, because my bladder never had the correct wiring to function properly. I'm sure if had been diagnosed when young and worn diapers I would have been been just as bummed as I was about not wearing diapers and having wetting accidents. The grass is always greener.

After being incontinent for nearly 29 years, when I'm doing well I do transition for night. During the day I self-cath and stick to a voiding schedule (using a toilet) to maintain bladder health, which allows me to wear more discrete diapers. After dinner I self-cath, diaper for bed, pull on my PJs, and kick back in the home theater. No more cathing, voiding schedule, or concern about bladder health until the morning.

The bulk, warmth, and the very quiet crinkling when I shifted about, served to tap me on the shoulder and whisper, "you're wearing a diaper."

I understand your statement. After spending all day tending to my bladder health and wearing a diaper for leakage beyond the cathing and timed voidings, the evening is when I can ignore all that, diaper up for my incontinence, and just relax. I'm not ABDL, but I still go through similar transitions as you.

 

[SherriLil]

As a parent there has to be a wonder if they’re handling it wrong as well.

This is very true. My older daughter sailed through potty training - she practically potty-trained herself, and she was dry overnight almost immediately. My younger daughter followed precisely in my footsteps... she still has pull-ups in her closet, although now she wears them intermittently. But my wife and I handled it completely differently than how my parents did, not that my parents were awful - they were not. They did their best, and it was a different time. But I had no choice about wearing diapers, there were no negotiations. And, the somewhat ironically, they also decided unilaterally when I was done with diapers... I'd been mostly dry for a few months, but, as you guys know but my parents didn't (I don't think, anyway), by then, I LIKED wearing diapers, and I wasn't campaigning to be let out of them, except for sleepovers or when we had family staying over. But my parents said, "That's it, no more diapers", and within a few months, I was making my own.

Now, pull-up diapers exist, so, we were able to "empower" my youngest by the time she was 4 or 5, to manage the situation completely by herself, more or less. We didn't comment on it, didn't celebrate dryness or lament wetness, just bought her whatever she wanted when she needed it and let her decide if she wanted to wear it. The only exception to that rule was longer car trips or flying, or driving home late at night - then, we would gently insist on her wearing a pull-up, because she peed in our cars a few times, and once in a friend's car. A bigger kid peeing the seat in a car can become deeply inconvenient.

But other than that, it's her show, so I'm hoping that we've managed to decouple wearing diapers from deep-seated feelings of humiliation and shame that can create the kinds of scares so many of us, here, bear.

 

[Subtlerustle]

That sounds like grade A parenting to me.