Diapers and sex

[growlycub]

I wanted to address this topic in a formal way in this forum because I felt it to be an aspect of this whole thing that is not commonly or openly discussed enough. I really hope that you guys can help shed light on this some more.

When I was a kid I was raised by parents that were very straight about how they viewed sex and anything leading up to sex: It was icky and nasty. Whenever there would be a hint as to a sex scene in a movie or on television, they immediately either skipped it or changed the channel. They never discussed anything of the sort, nor was I led to believe that they ever had a sexual relationship with each other after I was born. I don't believe they ever meant to imply that sex was completely immoral, but as a young kid, not knowing anything about it, and later on, when I learned more about it, I always thought of it as such. Sex was just plain wrong to me. I associated sex with unethicality and, more or less, that is how my mind views it today. I have very little desire to engage in sex in any way and I just find it kind of nasty to think about. My friends think I'm a saint and I thought I certainly was for a while. But the thing I was obviously not including in this whole thought was something I could never discuss openly, the desire to wear diapers.

I hear stories about how preaching abstinence is a useless and futile effort. I never thought it as much of a big deal, but maybe that is because I took the sexual tendencies I had and placed them with this fetish. So I wanted you guys to respond to this and share your experiences in regards to how you were raised and how this stuff has affected your desire to have sexual relationships with people.

 

[chevre]

Personally my interest in diapers hasn't had any real affect on my attraction to sex. I mean, I like diapers and all, but I am plenty attracted to plain women. Sometimes I think it's a little too much, but whatever . This hasn't decreased my sexual desires, though I could coneive that it increased them. And, I wouldn't mind incorporating diapers somehow, if I had a willing partner.

 

[Sila]

This could probably do well in the mature forums or diaper forum, but not for me to decide.

personally, I haven't found any link between any sexual desires for me and any desires to wear diapers. I'm mostly asexual due to several reasons, some being just undesirable memories toward it and others just having been shielded from it for so long. When I first wore diapers, I didn't really find them sexually gratifying. Heck all I could think about was how it was hot and itchy. I tried to wet them, I didn't like that much. Messing was even worse, I couldn't stand the feeling. If anything you could say it turned me off completely. xD I dont think how I was raised influenced my preference to be asexual, not as much as the experiences I've gone through as a child and as an adolescence. I dont have any desire for any type of sexual activity- I'm so "immature" that I even think kissing is gross.

 

[Siege89]

Well I can say for sure I was brought up on the other end of the world comparied to you. The first time I seen a porn, I was in 3rd grade. Granted my parents wern't some freaks, I just grew up fast for my age. But at the same time, the way my parents taught me growing up I could ask them anything I wanted to. I'm VERY open with my mom and dad. That dosn't mean my mom and dad support everything I do. But just as long as I'm safe is all they are worried about.

Now as far as my AB/DL and see sex in movies, or on the TV and such. Well they dont really seem that contected to me but they might be. Like it has been said before ever AB/DL has 1 thing in common but 1000 things different.

Now I'm not sure how your life has turned out. But the worse thing I do, I do drink from time to time. I do smoke cigs, and weed from time to time. I have had sex with 1 girl. My life isn't a total waste bye any means. I've lived an seen so manything I could go on for ever. An still being a young 21 year old guy. I have allot more to see and plain on seeing it.

But Idk that enough 4 am rambling from me.

 

[Elli]

Your post really interests me Growlycub, because I think I can relate to what you are saying and I think I am on a similar road with regard to working it all out and arriving at a resolved and balanced understanding of my own sexuality.

When I say sexuality here, I don't mean homo/heterosexual, I mean the sexual element of a person. I think that people are sexual, emotional, spiritual, physical, psychological etc and all these things are important.

And maybe that's what I had to learn, because like you describe, the important adults in my childhood, hid sex from me, almost never spoke about it and when they did mention it, it was shocking and embarrassing to hear. I'm sure they didn't mean to teach me that sex was a guilty pleasure, but unfortunately, this was the image they created.

Since then, I have realised that people are made sexual. Personally, I believe God made people and made them sexual. Heck, God invented sex! But those are my views, others will differ. Whatever your beliefs however, people have a natural sexual element to them.

Now I must be careful how I put this because it would be easy to misinterpret, but I think that people are in some way sexual right from the beginning, throughout childhood. I don't for a moment think that children have sexual urges and needs that teens and adults have, that's not what I mean. I mean they have a somewhat dormant, underlying and completely innocent child version of sexuality.

The classic 'toilet humor' that many children have, is a possible example of children toying with their sexuality. I'm not suggesting this would be a hint of a deep hidden sexual side to children. No, not at all. That would be very dodgy ground to tread on and I don't intend to tread on it. I merely think that children are not entirely asexual, because people by nature are made as sexual beings. Sexuality in childhood is as shallow and innocent as it seems and children have every right to be protected from adult sexual desire. But, if talk of sex is entirely hidden from children, then when they reach adolescence, their awakening overt sexuality has no grounding in loving parental guidance, there is no line of communication open with parents and the teen may believe their new-found desires are bad.

Again, let me stress that I'm not saying we should have children watching porn!! But rather that age-appropriate, matter of fact answers could be given to questions and that children can be taught to be appropriate with but not ashamed of sexual things. Much like the subject of death. You wouldn't take a child to an autopsy! But you would explain that a deceased pet hamster will not come back. You wouldn't entirely hide the subject of death from a child, and then sit them down when they are 13 and explain it all to them. Yet it seems some parents do this with the subject of sex.

I also seemed like a saint to some of my peers. I didn't desire sex with another person until it was a person I truely loved, and, as it happens, I am engaged to. I'm happy with how this has gone because I really think sex is a love thing, not just a desire thing.

From here on, I'm not entirely sure what I think, so give your opinions too, but I wonder whether because diapers provide an element of comfort, security etc, (the feelings that love brings) that they are forefront in some people's sexuality to greater or lesser degrees. People here have a range of sexual involvement in their AB or diaper behaviour, from totally asexual or emotional only, to mostly emotional but some sexual, to nearly all sexual and just sexual. If love and sex are made to be together, and nappies make us feel loved...does this figure?

Also I wonder, though I'm by no means sure, that perhaps the time when we wore nappies as a baby was sort of linked to our sexuality even at the time. Let me explain a bit...

Fowler, Piaget etc (child development psychologists - google it) suggested that toddlers have a balance to achieve between becoming independent and feeling shamed by their mishaps. It's called the 'autonomy vs shame' stage. If it isn't properly resolved, the child may retain feelings of being shamefully dependent. Potty training is a big part of this stage, with the shame of accidents vs the independence of continence. In adult life, life sometimes seems out of our control and perhaps we resort to the thing that used to help with our lack of (bladder) control. Or perhaps when life feels out of control at work, school, in relationships etc, maybe we 'reclaim' our freedom to control when we pee, almost rebelling against or returning to a time when this sort of lack of control was our biggest issue. Control and shame are also things that are utilised in many fetishes. I would say that emotions and adult sexuality are linked very strongly and it's very likely that there are ties between emotions we so intensely felt as children, the emotions we feel as adults and the things that infiltrate our sexuality.

I think that teens have every right to have not yet worked out what makes them feel the way they do. I think adolescence is no easy time and it extends well into the 20's for many of us, especially if things during childhood were not as they should have been. What I do hope though is that people keep going and reach a point where they understand enough to be at peace with themselves.

Edit: Oh man, I just realised how much I wrote! Can tell I finished college recently!

 

[PrincessAshley]

Thet was... deep Elli.
I have many of the same views, but combined with depression and a bad autistic childhood, these are very twisted.
I don't believe that abstinence is futile. I have never wanted to have sex ever in my life, and have never wanted to have sex anytime in the future. I'm very much like you, Growlycub, I see it as something "Icky". I have never been called a "Saint". Being a Mormon, we are taught that premariatal sex is a bad thing, so that side of my friends finds it completly normal. The other side, the ones from school, always talk about how they "got laid last night".
I have always desired sex, it's a man natural instinct, given to him by God. Because of modern medicine, the age which puberty starts (this is a prooven fact) is lower, while the marrage and social customs stay the same for the most part.
I find myself as a bit of a pervert, having this TB/DL problem labeled as a fettish all the time, but I start to agree with it, though, because when i'm dating, the desire goes away. None of my friends realize thet's why I despratly search for girls, because I want my obsession gone.
Sorry about my spelling, I need to work on it.

-Iscariot

 

[teddy564339]

When I was a kid I was raised by parents that were very straight about how they viewed sex and anything leading up to sex: It was icky and nasty. Whenever there would be a hint as to a sex scene in a movie or on television, they immediately either skipped it or changed the channel. They never discussed anything of the sort, nor was I led to believe that they ever had a sexual relationship with each other after I was born. I don't believe they ever meant to imply that sex was completely immoral, but as a young kid, not knowing anything about it, and later on, when I learned more about it, I always thought of it as such. Sex was just plain wrong to me. I associated sex with unethicality and, more or less, that is how my mind views it today. I have very little desire to engage in sex in any way and I just find it kind of nasty to think about. My friends think I'm a saint and I thought I certainly was for a while. But the thing I was obviously not including in this whole thought was something I could never discuss openly, the desire to wear diapers.

I hear stories about how preaching abstinence is a useless and futile effort. I never thought it as much of a big deal, but maybe that is because I took the sexual tendencies I had and placed them with this fetish. So I wanted you guys to respond to this and share your experiences in regards to how you were raised and how this stuff has affected your desire to have sexual relationships with people.

Very interesting....there are some strong similarities to your past and mine, though some differences as well.


My parents never treated sex as a bad or immoral thing...but like, they never ever talked about it. If something sexual came on TV, they just wouldn't comment in any way. They never talked to me about sex at all. Even now I don't know if I've ever had a truly serious discussion with my dad about sex.


For me as well, diapers and AB stuff are the only things that turn me on. Sexually, I am not attracted to men or women....at least not by themselves (what I mean is that *B stuff has to be involved in some way).

I had never really made a connection between the lack of sexual exposure in my childhood to my own lack of sexual feelings, though...I think mainly because it seemed like a lot of people didn't have parents who talked about it.

(Of course, on the other hand...everyone I know in RL has no idea that I have no sexual attraction for people, so maybe there are more asexualish people that I know ).




But yeah...I think you and I are very similar in this aspect, growlycub....I also kind of find sex to be kind of icky and my friends and family always viewed me as a bit of a "saint" too. But I've always assumed that this was because of the fact that I only had sexual feelings for *B stuff. I didn't think about how it could have gone in the opposite direction...

Very interesting post.

 

[Elli]

I am Christian and I have wrestled to the max with what desires are right and wrong. I too have always been taught that sex outside of marriage is wrong. I think this was taught with the best of intentions but unfortunately it was taught with control and rules rather than with explanations. I love the fact that I will only have had sex with one man all my life (I am a girl btw!). That makes things very special. It's a shame that we are taught sex is bad and dirty. It is not, but it can be mis-used.

Since allowing myself to explore my desires re. nappies and baby things, I have become closer to who I was made to be. Your desires do not make you bad. They do not make you perverted. Even acting on them doesn't necessarily make you a TB or DL. You can choose not to accept a label.

Dating a girl will not make TB desires go away. I am engaged and yet still have my own obsessions. I have had to work out where they can co-exist (or not) with my thankfully very loving and understanding fiance.

I understand depression but in my experience I've made progress when I've managed to like who I am despite my unusal ways. I would also say I've stopped believing that God is against me and begun believing he can use my odd ways for my healing from my past and becoming who he made me to do. Don't let people rob you of those things.

I hope people don't mind me mentioning my beliefs, not meaning to preach, just seemed relevant to Iscariot's post.

 

[avery]

i'm another one of these people who has no interest in sex or in people's private parts, and who views sex as "icky." diapers are pretty much the only thing that i have any sexual interest in.

but there's nothing extraordinary in my upbringing that explains why i might have developed an aversion to ordinary sexuality. my parents were sort of ex-hippies, and they didn't take any kind of victorian attitude toward sex. we weren't a religious family, and i was never particularly sheltered. i've learned in adulthood that my parents maybe didn't have the healthiest sex life, and they're now divorced. but there's really nothing to explain why i would have been so horrified and revolted by ordinary sexuality that i would have completely sublimated my desires and redirected them into a diaper fetish.

it makes much more sense to me to explain it this way: i'm not interested in sex BECAUSE i'm interested in diapers instead. not the other way around. i've heard a lot of people explain fetishes as a redirection and perversion of ordinary sexuality due to shame or trauma or whatever. but i think my sexuality just happened to develop down a different path.

i'm no psychologist of course. this is just the explanation that makes the most sense to me based on my own memories of childhood and my understanding of my sexuality. i'm still really curious about why i turned out the way i did; there don't seem to be any easy answers.

 

[Peachy]

- Moved to AdultBaby ...it's not really Teenbaby stuff! -

 

[Rosy]

I too would consider myself basically asexual, though I do regularly have sex. I don't consider sex as icky, and I don't find it an unpleasant activity, but I don't particularly desire it, and I don't feel the need for it to be part of my life. My parents were extremely open about sex: I understood that it was a natural and acceptable human behaviour from a very young age. However, I also experienced sexual trauma outside of my family unit, so while I had one image of sex as a normal behaviour among adults, I was also forced to go through excruciatingly painful sexual acts as a very young child. I suspect these two things gave me a strange view of sex and sexuality. I do not know which of these things is responsible for my interest in diapers, or if either of them have had an effect, though it would be hard to believe that neither of them is relevant. I don't think my desire for them comes from a sexual place, as I do not have desires for sexual things. I don't think they replace an urge for sex, I think they give a sense of comfort and security.

 

[Elli]

Agreed, Peachy. Thank you for moving it!

 

[PostTenebrasLux]

A very interesting conversation. I wish I had the requisite time and energy to make a meaningful contribution.

Growlycub & gang-

I can sympathize with folks expressing their less than 'normal' drive for sex. I was raised in a fashion similar to what's already been described by a couple folks, and acted accordingly in high school. Sexual behavior--including most forms of physical contact--was bad, girls found it offensive, and it'd probably land you in hell (that's how I thought at the time).

A few days ago I wondered if I might start considering myself to be 'asexual', since I find pornography aversive and I'm not actively engaged in the universal quest for sex and sexual partners. I even find the act somewhat disgusting. After reading some of these comments and thinking for a bit, I realized that how I feel now is likely to change if my circumstances changed. Back when I was in a somewhat serious relationship (that was more than 6 years ago), I was surprised to discover my own 'normal' sexual self. Alcohol helped....this was unintentional.

I'm not too worried about it for the moment. Even without being AB/DL, I'm a busy guy, and would have to make some changes to be able to devote time to a relationship.

 

[growlycub]

It's funny that you mention developmental psychology, Elli, because I was in that very class I was in when I was thinking about all this stuff.

One of the things that seemed really interesting to me was that you think the idea of sex and sexuality have more to do with love than with impulse, which seems to make a lot of sense from my perspective. When I am on the phone with a girl I really can't wear a diaper or it makes me really uncomfortable. Maybe that is because I feel them as a sort of thing that makes me feel good in less of a sexual or love way, but in a childish impulse kind of way.

Everyone was raised by different people and we all had different experiences obviously. Maybe the reason why we all have different levels of sexuality wrapped around diapers, and things of the sort, is because the factors that led up to it are completely different.

For some people it could have been a direct experience with diapers when they were in puberty and now they may not think about sex nearly as highly as diapers. Maybe some of us as kids had an experience, in that less developed sexual state that Elli described, that made us have an fixation on diapers but did not make us think of them in such an overtly sexual way (I suppose this could all fall under some type of Freudian theory). To the people that can't be described by either of those ideas, I am sort of at a loss of reasons why that could be. Maybe some of these important experiences in our childhood and adolescence are not immediately recognized as very significant, but they were, in fact, pretty crucial.

I am also thinking, that since the culture of our household when we grow up can sometimes describe sex as immoral and wrong (since kids "shouldn't know about sex"), we may fall victim to our pre-conceived notions about sex, and that would dramatically change our views on it.

Hope some of this made sense.

 

[Elli]

More good points made.

I think my biggest thought on this subject, that helps me make sense of my desires, is that sex and emotion are not seperable. I know people could argue otherwise, but I really think that the sexual and emotional side of people are entirely linked and this is apparent in many ways, from the millions of songs about love, to the deep emotional hurt caused by sexual abuse and sexual unfaithfulness.

Personally, nappies give me an emotional kick, rather than a sexual one, but if I am wearing one when I become turned on, then they do feature sexually too. In the moment, a nappy can be source of physical sensation and arousal with no deep psychological meaning. But, for me and maybe for others too, the nappy also brings deep emotional fulfillment. Some feelings, such as empowerment can be both emotional and sexual. And psychological if we apply this to memories of being toilet-deprived as a child when we were bursting to go, and the humiliation of accidents.

I think that growlycub makes a good point that each of our pasts, our stories, will reveal a different reason. There may be some trends, and for some the reason will be deep while for others it'll be quite flippant.

Hey, growlycub, I don't mean to be one of those spelling geeks, but I have to ask, did you really mean to write asphyxiation? Do you know that means the deprivation of oxygen to the brain? asphyxiation - definition of asphyxiation by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia. Did you mean fixation?

 

[growlycub]

This is why I'm in college. Hopefully I will have perfect word use, spelling and grammar upon graduation.

 

[somfme]

I absolutely love sex. even if its with a non * b/dl. there really is nothing that can replace sex my rents were the samke way still though nothing can replace sex its...... amazing.