Diapers and breastfeeding/nursing question

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Elisem

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Hi all,

This is kind of an intimate topic but I took time to try to build the guts to ask.

I have been having a thought for a long time. As you guys might know from previous posts, my husband is ADHD and wears diapers, which I have supported believing that everyone has a right to comfort. We have also been going to the doctor because he was having incontinence and erectile dysfunction. There have been lots of upheavals and I feel a bit disconnected from him (probably partly because the distractability of ADHD makes sex very very rare).

So here was my thought. My breasts ache for attention...seriously I am a bit starved. Is there a way to connect nursing or something like that to the diaper fetish so that we both go fulfilled? Ty for reading and providing counsel. I am not seeking a joy ride from this post. Please only answer if you have ideas that can help us re-connect intimately. I love my husband and my body and soul are tired of missing him through this ADHD fog.
 

Tyger

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Well, does he actually classify himself as an adult baby or does he consider himself more of a diaper lover? I'm an adult baby and if my future wife offered me her breasts to nurse on, I'd go for it, probably with very little prodding either. Have you ever just asked him if he was interested in breast feeding?
 

Beloney

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Hi Elisem, I'm ADHD and I don't have those issues. However,I'm also aware that there's varying degrees and it affects everyone differently. I've been with my spouse 21 years and lets just say we've had our struggles too. I'm not into the AB thing and I don't really call myself DL. They don't excite me. I'm a 24/7 wearer. They're my underwear. However, what I'm getting at, is I love to cuddle my spouse and love it when she rubs or pats my butt. I don't know what kind of fore play your both into but if he likes to be touched in his diaper as do I no different than if I had regular underwear on then maybe you guys can cuddle in a way that he would like to hold, fondle, kiss your breast or whatever you would like with them and you do the same with his desires. Just a thought. I don't know enough about him nor is it my business unless you want to share then it helps understand and give you the proper support. Hopefully others will add their input. I know if my wife asked me I'd be like yes dear I'm on, but can you rub or touch here too. Just good clear communication helps you both.
 

Elisem

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Well, does he actually classify himself as an adult baby or does he consider himself more of a diaper lover? I'm an adult baby and if my future wife offered me her breasts to nurse on, I'd go for it, probably with very little prodding either. Have you ever just asked him if he was interested in breast feeding?

I am not sure...he says he is a wearer but it is also sexual but often he keeps stuff to himself bc he has been ashamed growing up by others

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I think what I am looking for is a way to increase our bond

He likes to wear them during (but I am not kidding if I say we are together 4 times a year sexually...and that is not enough for me). So my thoughts is that if we include an intimate/bond growing thing that works for me that might help.

Just unsure if the dp aspect can be connected to the suckling aspect in a healthy bond-giving way (healthy= makes both happy and safe)
 

Tyger

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I am not sure...he says he is a wearer but it is also sexual but often he keeps stuff to himself bc he has been ashamed growing up by others

- - - Updated - - -

I think what I am looking for is a way to increase our bond

He likes to wear them during (but I am not kidding if I say we are together 4 times a year sexually...and that is not enough for me). So my thoughts is that if we include an intimate/bond growing thing that works for me that might help.

Just unsure if the dp aspect can be connected to the suckling aspect in a healthy bond-giving way (healthy= makes both happy and safe)

Well if he just says that he is a 'wearer' he may not actually consider himself AB and might not be receptive to trying breast feeding.
If he says that it is also sexual, have you tried wearing a diaper in front of him? I know that a lot of AB/DL's fantasize of seeing their spouse in one, it could be a big turn on.
 

wyatt

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I am also ADHD tho don't have the hyperactivity part I am kinda in the same boat, I don't really crave thos sexual desires as often as most (like once a week or less) I love my wife more than anything in this world its just my mind doesn't crave it like it should I guess, its not that I'm not attracted to my wife I think she is a very beautiful woman.
I would just ask him if it would be something he would be interested in, my wife doesn't like to connect sex with my baby side because it makes her feel uncomfortable because one minute I'm her baby then later I'm her husband and were intement, its hard for her to seperate the two. Many he has the same problem?
 

Elisem

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Equal Voices

Well if he just says that he is a 'wearer' he may not actually consider himself AB and might not be receptive to trying breast feeding.
If he says that it is also sexual, have you tried wearing a diaper in front of him? I know that a lot of AB/DL's fantasize of seeing their spouse in one, it could be a big turn on.

I let him dp me before but it does not feel good to me. My goal is to find something that satisfies both our needs/hopes. To me wearing dp rubs way to close to being humiliating.

Adhd makes me somewhat invisible to him, to have to adopt his practices which I can support but not take on) is another step on the invisibility ladder. I seek to find a way to, as potentially constructive lego pieces, make his desires and mine click.

- - - Updated - - -

Well, I got proactive. He came home from work, I walked him into a room and put a cushion on the floor and asked him to kneel. He got the idea of something sexual by the expression on his face and I opened my clothes. He nuzzled (is that English? I hope so) We held each other like that for a while... I wish it was longer but circumstances were not good for that. After he left to get some things done I emailed him and asked for feedback to see if I should proceed or not. I know he liked it, I just need to figure out a way to make it part of his working desires so it helps us have a consistent level of intimate life. Wish me luck.
 

Tyger

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I let him dp me before but it does not feel good to me. My goal is to find something that satisfies both our needs/hopes. To me wearing dp rubs way to close to being humiliating.

Adhd makes me somewhat invisible to him, to have to adopt his practices which I can support but not take on) is another step on the invisibility ladder. I seek to find a way to, as potentially constructive lego pieces, make his desires and mine click.

Well, if it makes you feel uncomfortable then you shouldn't do it, kudos for trying though.

Well, I got proactive. He came home from work, I walked him into a room and put a cushion on the floor and asked him to kneel. He got the idea of something sexual by the expression on his face and I opened my clothes. He nuzzled (is that English? I hope so) We held each other like that for a while... I wish it was longer but circumstances were not good for that. After he left to get some things done I emailed him and asked for feedback to see if I should proceed or not. I know he liked it, I just need to figure out a way to make it part of his working desires so it helps us have a consistent level of intimate life. Wish me luck.

Sounds like you did a good job, you probably will have to be proactive with him about this if he is not paying enough attention to you. Unfortunately he should probably be paying more attention, but i guess with him being adhd it might not get to be that way. I think nuzzled is an English word, it doesn't show bad on the spell check, plus I like the word. I'm assuming that when you say he nuzzled, he was breast feeding?
 

Elisem

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Nuzzle

I'm assuming that when you say he nuzzled, he was breast feeding?

I mean he snuggle to my breast. Sounds like a start, but you are right, his attention span will be an issue. For me ...I will have to find a balance between encouraging him and my own discouragement. You know?
 

Tyger

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I mean he snuggle to my breast. Sounds like a start, but you are right, his attention span will be an issue. For me ...I will have to find a balance between encouraging him and my own discouragement. You know?

That might be the case, but hopefully it shouldn't be too much. You could always try seeing a Sex Therapist together.
 

Elisem

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surprise discoveries

That might be the case, but hopefully it shouldn't be too much. You could always try seeing a Sex Therapist together.

Well...talking about this even if shy-like has taken us into unexpected directions. Last night he put his dp on (I figured he was out for the night) but it was still way early. Then I was surprised to see him disrobing my chest quite confidently and latch on... Holy cow... I thought he would be there for a few minutes (attention stuff, you know)...but he was there for over an hour until he fell asleep. It was not only bonding for us both, and fulfilling, but we have been desperate for each other all day...I never ever got a sexual email from him until this day telling me he could not wait to grab onto me again tonight. All day the distracted one has been me! I can't even think straight. I have a million butterflies. I am so glad I dared open up about this.
 

bbMe

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congrats on your first nursing session. nursing for me was always relaxing and stimulating. i too would fall asleep, maybe to be wakened by a gentle touch to my diapers... always a nice way to wake up.
try a nursing bra for him.
 

CuriousOne

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Hi all,

This is kind of an intimate topic but I took time to try to build the guts to ask.

I have been having a thought for a long time. As you guys might know from previous posts, my husband is ADHD and wears diapers, which I have supported believing that everyone has a right to comfort. We have also been going to the doctor because he was having incontinence and erectile dysfunction. There have been lots of upheavals and I feel a bit disconnected from him (probably partly because the distractability of ADHD makes sex very very rare).

So here was my thought. My breasts ache for attention...seriously I am a bit starved. Is there a way to connect nursing or something like that to the diaper fetish so that we both go fulfilled? Ty for reading and providing counsel. I am not seeking a joy ride from this post. Please only answer if you have ideas that can help us re-connect intimately. I love my husband and my body and soul are tired of missing him through this ADHD fog.

Well I have ADD myself, which is the same, just without the Hyperactive part. These days they call ADD ADHD though. For some reason they decided to just lump the non hypers in with the same group, incorrectly labeling them hyper as well. So I understand how that can work. And being so distractable can be a problem. However I learned to cope with it, though non medicinal means. So I can sympathize. As for your trying on the diapers, that was very considerate of you, despite it not doing anything for you. As for breastfeeding, that is many AB's fantasy, though he may not be an AB. Perhaps read some articles on how to tell the difference. The Understanding Infantalism article can be good, just good "Understanding Infantalism" though I think the guides here tend to be better in general to most other sites. That said I am not really entirely sure how just ADHD is interfering in your sex life so much. But having ADD myself, it might be hard for me to see from that angle? IDK. Either way, I wish you good luck. Sorry I couldn't give much useful advice.
 

Elisem

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Well I have ADD myself, which is the same, just without the Hyperactive part. These days they call ADD ADHD though. For some reason they decided to just lump the non hypers in with the same group, incorrectly labeling them hyper as well. So I understand how that can work. And being so distractable can be a problem. However I learned to cope with it, though non medicinal means. So I can sympathize. As for your trying on the diapers, that was very considerate of you, despite it not doing anything for you. As for breastfeeding, that is many AB's fantasy, though he may not be an AB. Perhaps read some articles on how to tell the difference. The Understanding Infantalism article can be good, just good "Understanding Infantalism" though I think the guides here tend to be better in general to most other sites. That said I am not really entirely sure how just ADHD is interfering in your sex life so much. But having ADD myself, it might be hard for me to see from that angle? IDK. Either way, I wish you good luck. Sorry I couldn't give much useful advice.

This was useful and thank you. To bbMe (I never thought about the bra, is it for a nurturing role?)...To CuriousOne...I will look at the articles to see abut the difference. For him the ADHD interferes bc he forgets I am even there. 6 months can go by and he feels bad as he sees me droop like an unwatered plant, but everything enters his focus at once, and normally, me, who he already "has" fall by the way side.

On the awesome side, last night was number two for us nursing. I had to stifle a giggle bc he fell asleep but I could not move out bc every time he sensed movement he started again. An unexpected benefit is that he normally has a horrible time sleeping well the whole night but these two last nights he said he was able to sleep like a baby (pardon the pun). Ty guys for helping me get my brave on. Now I know i cannot be fulfilled if I see him as a little all the time, so this morning we talked about how he can be more assertive other times with me sexually. So we both get fulfilled. Let's see how that goes. He has been reading about this and decided he wants to try to get me to lactate, but he does not want me to talk to him like a baby, he wants the nursing/dp reassuring, but he wants to do this also bc he would be the only man to ever suckle me, so we seem to be headed towards a combo nursing/assertive ...I hope so. Wish us luck and again Ty..any counsel as we go down this road is so very welcomed. I have no family so you guys are my surrogate brothers and sisters in this road. Hugs.
 

Elisem

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Well..I was being an optimistic imbecile... :( I was trying to direct this into some sort of equality and mutual fulfilment... he connected it all to just own needs only. Pulled me in the bathroom... 10 second ... and he was done. Holy hell I feel used... I think maybe this is the time to stop being understanding. I don't think I can have a sexual relationship with someone that decides I am a pacifier, or just another dp. Maybe the smart women are the ones that do not try to understand and make room ... I feel like such an imbecile. Time to stop trying so hard and just let myself turn off. I can't even talk without sobbing.
 
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chronos51

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Nursing is very intimate. It brought me and my wife closer. If your consistant and serious, you may even produce. But that takes time and consistancy. Nurse both sides for 20 min and every few hours, a pump helps the stimulation.
A bond between u and ur signifigant other may develop one that is hard to explain. Good luck and have patience.
 

Tyger

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Well..I was being an optimistic imbecile... :( I was trying to direct this into some sort of equality and mutual fulfilment... he connected it all to just own needs only. Pulled me in the bathroom... 10 second ... and he was done. Holy hell I feel used... I think maybe this is the time to stop being understanding. I don't think I can have a sexual relationship with someone that decides I am a pacifier, or just another dp. Maybe the smart women are the ones that do not try to understand and make room ... I feel like such an imbecile. Time to stop trying so hard and just let myself turn off. I can't even talk without sobbing.

OH noooo. I'm so sorry you feel this way. You know that non of us here can fully understand what is all going on there, but I think we all know you are trying hard, and that you are not an imbecile for doing so. Trying to understand and make room for somebody else's needs and even turning it into something that you can enjoy like you have is not a quality of an imbecile by any means. I don't know what you can do in this situation but he certainly needs something to remind him that you are not just another object. giving him a reminder that you are a gift to have might be the only thing you can do, but also don't give up on him, or yourself, especially yourself considering how selfless you have already been. Is there somewhere you can get away for a little while? Family or friends?
 

BlueGrey

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There is a book I recently read which I think is a great help in this area. Available from Amazon and other, it is "There's a Baby in my Bed!" It helps point out the feelings and actions, with an emphasis on learning to balance baby life with adult life. Basically, when he is an adult, you are a couple. When he is a baby, you are in charge. And it should not be all baby time. It needs to be balanced.
It is written by a psyc whose husband is an adult baby. Reading it together could be quite useful, as he could see paragraphs that describe him, and both of you could learn a lot about him.
Amazon allows you to read about 30 pages on line to get the feel of the book before buying.
As I went through it, I highlighted lines that described me. There are a lot.
Since I read this book, I have become a better person. Much more helpful around the house. I realize that part of me is a toddler and part is a lovable adult. The toddler wants everything his way, and his way is not always wise (maybe never). I do better at defining which person I am at any given time. I understand why I have had troubles in certain areas. I am trying to be more flexible, and recognizing her input as valuable, and be more attentive to her needs. She says I am more loving and a lot more helpful.
You may find this book useful in your relationship also.
 

Tyger

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I read that book, It seems to me like it was more focused on helping the non-ab/dl partner to accept the ab/dl partner, but it sounds like to me she is totally accepting, but isn't getting any attention at all. I don't know though, it could help, maybe it would ignite some ideas for him to engage in play with her.
 
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