LittleMonsterUK
Moderated
- Messages
- 1,573
- Age
- 23
- Role
- Diaper Lover
- Little
- Carer
Hope it get’s better for you! This song helped me at my lowest point, maybe it can help you.
LVDL69 said:I was diagnosed with depression earlier this year. Diapers is sort of my coping mechanism.
well, they have helped me.LittleMonsterUK said:Don’t make them a coping mechanism it takes away the fun and novelty instead just shed the adult baggage and the things that affect your mental health
That’s what I’ve done things that use to bother me I don’t give the time of day anymore.
Same. They just bring me back to a time where it felt alright to be myself.LVDL69 said:Diapers is sort of my coping mechanism.
And that is one of the many downsides of it, unfortunately.LittleMonsterUK said:Don’t make them a coping mechanism it takes away the fun and novelty instead just shed the adult baggage and the things that affect your mental health
I feel your pain we had to put my father into hospis from the same autoimmune disease that plagued this family I was diagnosed with it also constant depression I've had people smirked at me said why are you so depressed I said you want this pain I'll be glad to give it to you and you couldn't handle it and some choice words and big fights at least we didn't have to have my father on lifesupport he was completely comatose from the time he went to hospice until he passed was just a little more than 48 hours he was on oxygen for the 12 months prior depression is very powerful hope everything works out for you.Chatzoe said:Depression feels like an inescapable pit. Some days you wonder if you'll get out one way or another.
I don't understand how I've gotten myself to this point in life, where I feel like nothing is going to get better. Normally, I'll pad up and be little when things get too much. But I've been out of it due stuff that has affected me emotionally. Each day is just a mere struggle to get through. So out of it that a week goes by in a blink. I've known that I've had depression through out my life. Many times very close to putting a bullet through my head due to life and social issues going on. But what made life hard years ago now feels like a small drop of water in a ocean compared to how and what I've felt in the last few months.
Back in May, I had to make one of the most hardest decisions (so far) in my life. I had to pull the plug on my Mother, who a week earlier was walking and talking normally. In a span of a week: She was hospitalized because of liver issues, underwent surgery and was slated to get well, only to find out that she was dying. It hurt pulling that plug and I feel guilt that there might've been a chance for her to improve (very unlikely). At the same time I feel happy for it. This person was the cause of some major trust issues that I had growing up. She'd always look at my grades despite me getting a A-B average and suggesting that I was slacking in school. That lead to some very heated arguments that got very personal. She'd always go through my mail no matter what. Which lead to a few close calls of my ABDL side being discovered during my Teen Years. She'd go through my trash to 'find' stuff. Sided with my Father when he would emotionally abuse me for 'Not being a man' and talking about how they're glad that I'm not LGBTQ+ (Even though I knew I was at least Bi by that time) and the like.
I felt so conflicted during all of that.
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A few months later in July, I planned a trip to go see my CG for the First time. Me and him have been talking for at least 3.5 years at that point. But this would be the first time that I see him face to face. We made arrangements and I went down. It was a fun 3hr drive. I went to his house and talked for what felt like minutes but were nothing more than hours. I was away from all of the shit back home and with a guy that has helped me out for those 3.5 years. For the week that I was down there, I felt many emotions. I felt happy for the first 2 days but it slowly turned into envy and loneliness.
My CG had a girlfriend who was ABDL aswell. She knew me due to going to the same High School for a bit, so we were already familiar. Surprisingly she took more care of me than my CG. But that was for a fraction of a few days. We did Littlespace activities through out the entire trip and whatnot. Watched movies, visited parks, Made paper crafts. All of the things that made me feel little. But all in a position where I felt like I was the unwanted third wheel. Granted, I came in with unrealistic expectations. It felt like their focus was just on each other and not me. Led me to think that they're just doing this as a gesture of pity. I didn't have the heart to tell them my issues because I didn't want to lose them. I didn't want to be alone again, stuck with the same thoughts that one day might kill me.
After the trip ended, I headed back home. The moment I parked into my parking space, I just broke down. Even in the company of others, I felt alone.
Now I have another trip coming up in December. The same thoughts plague me as they did during July.