Dealing with feeling "silly" about being an AB, during roleplay.

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Virtual_Gravity_27

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So,

I'm about to have an experience of a lifetime.

My girlfriend is going to be my babysitter.

I've wanted this since I was six.

It's a security thing for me, but also sexual. I've been a DL,
but the AB side has grown on me.

She's on the same page as me, and she's willing to fulfill my fantasy. It's the nicest thing anyone has ever offered to do for me.

Problem is, I don't know what to do when I will be deep in role-play with her,
and then if I do find sexual fulfilment in the moment and the retraction period comes up....

Because everything falls apart. Suddenly I feel stupid, not interested in diapers or being little because I just feel embarassed and uncomfortable in a diaper, and now I'm not sure how to handle this.

Should I just wait until the absolute end (night-time?) to relieve my urges? I feel like this will be torture/impossible.

Or what do I do? How do I handle relieving my sexual urges, and then feeling like an idiot sitting in front of my girlfriend, as a full grown adult....in a diaper and pacifier, etc? It takes a while, but after maybe 45 minutes, the feelings come back.

How does anyone else deal with it?
 

ozbub

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Sounds like a nice time to just snuggle and watch some tv or something until your mojo returns. Don't worry or get weird about it, she's obviously cool with it. Maybe just ask her to try and read your mood...let her know that it comes and goes a bit.
Good luck it sounds like fun. Oh and take it easy.
 

MagicMeow

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If you are worried about ruining your "little" time, I would try one of two things.

the first, "relieve" yourself an hour or so before "playtime".

if that does not work for you, work on strengthening your will, and hold out till after everything is over.
 

Trevor

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As much as I think getting to indulge in the sexual aspect is great, you might want to or go slower until you are better able to manage the feelings. This was a problem for me as well after climax but I finally came to understand that the anxiety after the fact was ridiculous. It's a normal, biologically induced feeling but we don't have to take it as hard as we do. It doesn't bother me at all these days, thankfully.

Talk with your girlfriend and see what you can work out. It will get better if you work on it and possibly she can help. I hope you both have a great time. Caretaking for someone you care about can be great fun and very fulfilling.
 

sbmccue

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Give your girlfriend "adult authority" during your time together. Allow her to make the decisions and decide what you'll do and how you'll do it. Then she can decide whether and at what point during your time together to help you "relieve your urges."

By giving your girlfriend complete control, you almost automatically put yourself into the role of a submissive child who needs to be cared for. The challenge, obviously, is to avoid breaking character. Talking with your girlfriend before hand is clearly essential.

You may find that your girlfriend enjoys the dominant role, or, she may hate it. Either way, it's valuable information for future times together. If you give her the power to control the ebb and flow of the session, you'll find that you don't worry quite so much about "natural biological reactions" and that ultimate progression.
 

dogboy

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All good advise from above. I understand the let down after the "big event" because I go through that, believe it or not. I like the idea of giving your girlfriend "adult authority" if that's possible. I also would keep running in my head that this is an amazing opportunity. I think you should just let the events run in order and let them take care of themselves. You could act somewhat "little" at first and see how your girlfriend reacts. I'm guessing it will be positive and that should give you some courage to go a little bit further.

This is probably something you will do again assuming all goes well, so you don't have to go full baby. Just enjoy the moment and push your limits within the comfort of your boundaries. Rome wasn't built in a day, and there will be other baby days, each one allowing you to regress a little more. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!
 

Virtual_Gravity_27

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Thank all of you, that advice was very helpful.

It helps I suppose, to just not feel bad about it. I'm coming to terms with accepting myself...I've just never truly accepted this part of me.

I liked diapers, but I knew everyone would think it was screwed up.

Until I met my wonderful girlfriend.

I think my best option, for me I guess, is I could give my girlfriend more control (that sounds fun), but if I do find myself in the spot, for a little while, I will do something a little bit less childish (some of the kid things, playing candyland, little kid TV shows, can be boring if your not feeling it). So I'll maybe play a game or something that I liked from my childhood with her, or a show, but not something so childish as to be completely unstimulating to my adult mind. Something that is still somewhat fun as an adult, yet nostalgic too, and yet still childish.

Thank you guys for all your help!!!
 
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gigglebutt

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I'd say don't feel silly, but if it were that easy, you wouldn't be here!

I think from your posts you've got a bunch of concerns and a lot of unnecessary worries, you should focus on remembering you've got a lovely partner whom is willing to share with you, and just go with the flow of it. One worry at a time. Assuming it won't be a one time thing, and it sounds like it won't, you'll slowly grow more comfortable with it. Focus on one issue you feel at a time, and maybe next time tackle another. Your last post shows you think about the situations you'll be in a lot before they actually happen, and that can set you up for a lot of anxiety and worry that might make the experience worse!

I'd say put the diaper on, sit next to her, and the rest will play out on it's own and become history. Try not to think about it beyond that! And more than anything, don't have a bunch of expectations! She sounds new to it. :3 Be gentle!

Best of luck sweetie.
 

AdorableRabbit

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Oooooooh! Lucky duckie!

In my experience, as you share time with your girlfriend, and you become comfortable that she really accepts you, the feeling of silliness and shame will pass. The feelings of self loathing after ... um .. playtime will also pass, but you should take it easy. It takes lots of positive experiences to slowly whittle away at your anxiety and society's programming - and a bad experience can set you back fast. Putting her in complete control is a good idea, as it helps her control the pace of what she's comfortable with too, and that's more likely to be good for both of you.

Um... and sorry, but the health and safety officer for the class says we hafta mention that you should discuss limits and have a safe word/signal if you're going to play with control! Even when not indulging in extreme physical play, extreme emotions require care too. Having her push you past the feeling of self conscious silly or self loathing is the goal, but not pushing you into greater shame or hurt your trust. I've had a few close calls there myself, so I know ...

Take it slow, if she's really going to be cool and accepting of this, you have lots of time to enjoy ahead of you!

Also, don't force yourself to do little stuff that you don't like! If board books, and candy land is boring, finding something a little older is totally fine. Nothing will kill your head space faster than being unhappy (unless of course being unhappy and put upon is the point of your fantasy and that of course has limits too). I can't stand Candy Land! But there are bunches of little kid games that are are just interesting enough to stimulate adults while still being kiddish - Richard Scary's Busy Town is a fun game that you play cooperatively, which can be great because she can help you and you're both making progress together. It also has a real time spot-it aspect which is just engaging enough for adults. I can recommend more if you'd like.

Same goes for TV shows, don't watch Barney if he gives you hives! Watch a Disney movie! Cuddling up and watching a Disney or Miyazaki movie that she chooses for you can get you in the right mood and not bore you to tears. I'm gonna recommend Sarah and Duck here again, because it's silly sweet, short and also slightly surreal in a way that keeps my grown up self just interested enough that my little self can just take over.

Anyhoo, good luck!
 

BlueGrey

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I know diapers are top of the list for you, but if they induce sexual actions, it may be best to do the first session without them. You could be a 3 year old or so, totally submissive to babysitter, but without the urges brought on by the diapers. As said above, putting her in complete control would bring some reality to it. One thing I find is that baby talking during role play tends to break the mood. If you find this to be, you could keep a paci in you mouth the whole time to prevent talking. Then if you want something, you have to find a way to communicate it without words.
 

Virtual_Gravity_27

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This is all good advice.

So I have talked to her a lot so far, gonna talk one more time before we do this.

Because here's where we stand. I like being about 3 years old (not potty trained) and she is OK with most everything, including diapers. It is a bit much to all try and do in one day though. And I need to let her be comfortable too definitely. So I SHOULD probably give her control.

Here's one moderately large concern:

She's willing to put me in a diaper, but she is unsure if she could change a wet one (I promised her I would not mess, I am not really into it anyway, I expressed that I found it gross and her too).

But she says she would have to decide as it comes if she would change me.out of a wet diaper.

As much as this is a huge huge part of my fantasy, I greatly (and have to) respect her. So I am thinking perhaps I should just offer to change myself out of it? And clean myself up? She needs to be comfortable too.

And then she could put me in a new one.
That way, when it comes up, we have a way of dealing with it.

Everything else she is OK with. Even cuddling next to her in a wet diaper.

I love her so much.

But I know I need to make sure her needs are also met.
 
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gigglebutt

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You do need to consider her, yes. I think changing out of it yourself and letting her put a fresh diaper on for you is a great compromise. I think eventually she'll be curious enough and confident enough to do it for you, but for now, just do that for her! Babies take their diapers off all the time!

I think you two are gonna be just fine. Have fun on your big day!
 

AdorableRabbit

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But she says she would have to decide as it comes if she would change me.out of a wet diaper.

As much as this is a huge huge part of my fantasy, I greatly (and have to) respect her. So I am thinking perhaps I should just offer to change myself out of it? And clean myself up? She needs to be comfortable too.

And then she could put me in a new one.
That way, when it comes up, we have a way of dealing with it.

I think this is a great idea! If she asks if you're wet, you can say "yes" *blush* and if she offers to change, great! If not you can tell her that you'll change yourself then or in a minute if you want to chill longer.

Heck, you *could* just simply not wet on this first ... er ... date, to avoid the situation, but so long as you're not pushing her, I think you'll do fine!
But I know I need to make sure her needs are also met.

A million, bajillion, thousand, times THIS!!!

Yup yup, you lucky ducky, I hope you're taking her out to a super duper nice dinner, or buying her a pretty piece of bling or what ever she really enjoys!!!

Have a great time!!!!
 
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