Dating woes

RetroGamerGuy

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Ive pretty much given up ever finding somone sadly. For three weeks ive been talking with a nice (so i thought) woman on OKcupid and finally we were supposed to meet in person today (sunday). Well she asks me what kind of place we were gonna meet and I mentioned going to have coffee or something as it was totally no expectations or whatever. Well I find out on Saturday she must have mis-interpreted something i said and deleted all communications and deleted her account. Sigh, this was going to be the first time i had ever gone on a date or anything in 20+ years being a socially awkward aspergers sufferer and was supposed to be a big step in fixing my life and everything just goes down the toilet....i dont even know why i bother i guess some people are just destined to be alone their entire lives
 

BobaFettish

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Bruh, this is much more likely on her than it had to do with you.
There's a good chance she lost her nerve.
I got stood up for a coffee date on the first day of April. When she didn't show up, I finished my drink and gave a llittle time just in case traffic. I laughed when I think this could be an elaborate April Fool's Joke.
She let's me know later she lost her nerve. She hasn't been out on dates after her divorce.
Honestly I felt bad for her. The up side, I thoroughly enjoyed my dirty chai at the coffee shop.
Shutting down is the way to ensure you won't find what you're looking for.
put yourself in position for the stars to align. People don't succeed by putting themselves down.
There's a key to every lock. You may try two keys and find it. You may have to try hundreds of keys to find the one that works. You may find keys that fit the lock, but don't turn. No matter how hard you try, they don't work. If you put yourself in position to find the key to your lock, you will find that person.
 

RetroGamerGuy

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Nah BobaFettish it wasnt that. I think she mis-interpreted what i said when she asked where we are going i think she thought i meant that i said something like (No-commitment) type place like coffee when i meant that obviously you dont go out to a fancy restaraunt if youve never met before
 

DanielW

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It sounds more like she freaked out when it was time to meet in person. People do that a lot going from the internet to IRL can be very hard for people with anxiety and other issues too. I've tried repeatedly to get people I talk to online to actually meet up, and you would be surprised just how many will make excuses at the last minute or just not show up at all. If this person really wanted to meet you, it wouldn't be because the restaurant was fancy or not.
 

RetroGamerGuy

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yeah thought im telling you it was probably that she took what i said regarding where to meet and why as to meaning that i was some kind of jerk or something. This surprises me because we had been talking for 3 weeks prior, it wasnt just a first message then meetup kind of thing
 

BobaFettish

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There's a lot of probablies, thinking what she must thinking, assigning motives and reasons, and writing scripts for her actions and reactions.

I try to deal in only actual factuals, things people actually said rather than what I think they think.

In my vanilla life I don't like it when people talk shit about my friends, including friends talking shit about themselves.

This one obviously wasn't the one. 'Meant to be' things happen. It's sad that she missed out on you, off to the next.
 

BobaFettish

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I always think coffee is the best for first meeting. It can run short or long. It also gives me an idea of the person and I can plan an awesome first date.
 

DanielW

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I always think coffee is the best for first meeting. It can run short or long. It also gives me an idea of the person and I can plan an awesome first date.
Seriously, coffee or something low-key, low-pressure, is pretty much the standard "meet in public and make sure you aren't an ax-murderer" safe first date/meet-up.
 

Seasonedcitizen

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People lose their nerve after a bad marriage or relationship. It is hard to learn to trust again. Coffee is a quick way to get to know someone. You can meet for fifteen minutes and if things click then a longer meal later.
 

RetroGamerGuy

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EXACTLY all these comments are exactly what i was thinking. I just have a feeling that i typed something that she misconstrued as being not wanting to commit to something or whatever
 

dogboy

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Like the other respondents, I think your approach was perfectly correct. She may have realized she really wasn't ready to commit to something as tame as a simple meeting in a coffee shop. Definitely keep trying with other people. Like they say; nothing ventured, nothing gained.
 

SorcerorElf

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EXACTLY all these comments are exactly what i was thinking. I just have a feeling that i typed something that she misconstrued as being not wanting to commit to something or whatever
Like the other respondents, I think your approach was perfectly correct. She may have realized she really wasn't ready to commit to something as tame as a simple meeting in a coffee shop. Definitely keep trying with other people. Like they say; nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Or she may have Aspergers too.
 

trysexiea

Mysterious
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Ive pretty much given up ever finding somone sadly. For three weeks ive been talking with a nice (so i thought) woman on OKcupid and finally we were supposed to meet in person today (sunday). Well she asks me what kind of place we were gonna meet and I mentioned going to have coffee or something as it was totally no expectations or whatever. Well I find out on Saturday she must have mis-interpreted something i said and deleted all communications and deleted her account. Sigh, this was going to be the first time i had ever gone on a date or anything in 20+ years being a socially awkward aspergers sufferer and was supposed to be a big step in fixing my life and everything just goes down the toilet....i dont even know why i bother i guess some people are just destined to be alone their entire lives
Do you want really find someone for you or to be on the "mold" of the society to be "normal" if it's for you have a really great chance to find it, if you don't really need it you will block yourself.
 

RetroGamerGuy

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No i wanna find somone so im not alone all the time heh. I could care less about "normal" if i was that i wouldnt be into diapers/furry stuff/MLP etc
 

trysexiea

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I think you expect to much in three weeks take time to know the person before, and do not expect to much of dating site, the people on this are generally here to sex. there also a lot of fake users.
 

BobaFettish

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We live in a time different than humans have seen before. Tho I'm a bit old school and would prefer to meet "in the wild", meeting online is kinda how people meet now.
I've met some awesome women that I didn't fully click with. I've had full on relationships.
It's kind a numbers thing.
I hope you don't feel like I am attacking you, but you may wanna work on that self esteem and confidence. Without evidence or confirmation, you put yourself down and found every way possible to put her actions on you. You posted a lot of musts, probablies, and such finding ways to be down on you.
Know your worth. Confidence is sexy. Find things you're passionate about. Passionate people are sexy. Be the best you.
People often take cues on how to treat you by how you treat yourself.
Without confidence I'm a fat ugly motherfucker. With confidence I'm a BEAST in search for his Beauty.
 

BabyTyrant

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I dont bother with dating either

On top of that I seem to mess up socially when I am trying to sell things too (it's part of one of my hobbies to sell extra stuff)

I guess I'm just bad socially, I know I am way too nervous and prone to instability and extreme emotions; you start to feel like nobody would accept you for having so many problems
 

RetroGamerGuy

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@BobaFettish oh nonono i didnt think you were attacking me at all. I know i have self esteem issues. It is 100% fact though that i did type to a single mother on that dating site that i wanted to meet (non-commitmently) or something close to it when i meant to say (No expectations)
 

Zeke

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Self esteem seems to be a major issue these days since our society is so focused on it. Some have way too little, some way too much. Learning to be content with who we are is a lost art.
 

trysexiea

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Self esteem seems to be a major issue these days since our society is so focused on it. Some have way too little, some way too much. Learning to be content with who we are is a lost art.
This is not always bad this depends of the degree of Self estime you miss, if you have a sufficient degree of it this help to innovation, but if you missed too much of Self estime this have no advantage sadly it's the same if you have to much of it.
 
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