dating older people

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AnonKiba

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Ok, i want to know is there a point were i just shouldn't date some one. I like older guys, and i mean i find guy's in there 30's way hotter than guy's my age. And because of the fact i was gonna ask this guy out, my friend flipped out on me saying he was to old. This guy is ten years older than me (I'm 17 he's 27) and i plan on asking him out on a date but my friend and his girlfriend both said i shouldn't because the guy is way to old, which caused some drama because i freaked out on them a little because it sounded like they were trying to act like my parents. so back to my question, should i ask him out or is he to old? I would have to tell him I'm 17 because i lied about my age and made a pounced AD (furry dating site)
 
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Yeah ten years is a little much, I mean would you date a 7 year old? because when he was you age that is exactly how old you were and sorry to be the one to say this but if a 27 year old has to date a high schooler to get some then he is either a total loser or a scum bag, or something else is seriously wrong with him
 

chevre

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Hey, if you're interested I say go for it. You're both consenting adults, and if it makes you happy, then who cares what other people think?

And I don't think it's a fair comparison to ask if he'd date a 7 year old. At 7 you're just a kid.. blissfully oblivious to the world of dating, and well.. I think it's just quite a bit different. As you get older, age differences mean less and less.
 
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Ok, i want to know is there a point were i just shouldn't date some one. I like older guys, and i mean i find guy's in there 30's way hotter than guy's my age. And because of the fact i was gonna ask this guy out, my friend flipped out on me saying he was to old. This guy is ten years older than me (I'm 17 he's 27) and i plan on asking him out on a date but my friend and his girlfriend both said i shouldn't because the guy is way to old, which caused some drama because i freaked out on them a little because it sounded like they were trying to act like my parents. so back to my question, should i ask him out or is he to old? I would have to tell him I'm 17 because i lied about my age and made a pounced AD (furry dating site)

Awesome.

Now that this is out of the way, let's get another thing immediately out of the way: you're 17. That means that dating isn't going to happen with anyone older than 19 if they value their freedom.

Now that THAT is out of the way, we come to the truth: Dating and relationships is less about age and more about experiences. I've lived outside the family home and stood on my own feet for a long time. This means that I have very little in common with someone who still lives at home. Hence, there is much less chance of me having anything in common--and any interest in as a peer--with someone who is, say, mid-twenties and still lives at home, fully supported by parents.

It also means that I have MORE in common with a 40-year old without children than a 28-year old still living in the family home.

Hence, it becomes less of a jump (for me) to date a 40-year old in the contrived example above than the 28-year old.

The threshold ages really are these:
5
10
13
16
18
21
22-23
30
40
60
80

This is a pretty rough estimate, but there's a valid reason; thresholds are being met and passed at each age, and with these thresholds come very different circumstances and experiences. While I can relate with people who are outside these bands, it would not typically be as an intimate partner.
 

AnonKiba

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Awesome.

Now that this is out of the way, let's get another thing immediately out of the way: you're 17. That means that dating isn't going to happen with anyone older than 19 if they value their freedom.

Now that THAT is out of the way, we come to the truth: Dating and relationships is less about age and more about experiences. I've lived outside the family home and stood on my own feet for a long time. This means that I have very little in common with someone who still lives at home. Hence, there is much less chance of me having anything in common--and any interest in as a peer--with someone who is, say, mid-twenties and still lives at home, fully supported by parents.

It also means that I have MORE in common with a 40-year old without children than a 28-year old still living in the family home.

Hence, it becomes less of a jump (for me) to date a 40-year old in the contrived example above than the 28-year old.

The threshold ages really are these:
5
10
13
16
18
21
22-23
30
40
60
80

This is a pretty rough estimate, but there's a valid reason; thresholds are being met and passed at each age, and with these thresholds come very different circumstances and experiences. While I can relate with people who are outside these bands, it would not typically be as an intimate partner.

ummm ya i think i understand most of that, but as far as legally i think i can date people over 18 if i have my parents consent (and my mom has told me straight out she wouldn't care if i dated people in there 20's
 
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ummm ya i think i understand most of that, but as far as legally i think i can date people over 18 if i have my parents consent (and my mom has told me straight out she wouldn't care if i dated people in there 20's

*shudder* <-- Directed at your mother, not you.

I'd recommend against going out with a 27-year old. You're looking for different things, and your life experiences will be very different (hopefully).

As for hotness, are you perhaps looking at/for people who are more mature and/or are responsible? If that's what it is, with few exceptions you'll be looking at the over-30 crowd.

I don't know what your school/life plans are, but you're on the cusp of heading out of the family home and you will change and grow greatly in the next year or two.
:smile1:
 
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Hey, if you're interested I say go for it. You're both consenting adults, and if it makes you happy, then who cares what other people think?

And I don't think it's a fair comparison to ask if he'd date a 7 year old. At 7 you're just a kid.. blissfully oblivious to the world of dating, and well.. I think it's just quite a bit different. As you get older, age differences mean less and less.

A 17 year old is just a kid too age differences mean less as you get older but a 17 year old has probably not experienced very much at all. I mean hell I am 19 and I have experienced more in the last two years than I have in most of my life and I know I am still a kid, but even I have trouble relating to high schoolers because honestly if you think you understand the ways of the world in high school you are wrong. Look I am not trying to be rude or put you down because I know what it feels like to be years more mature than others in my head, I mean hell I am 19 and people ask me when I graduated college regularly so I guess I look older too but that doesn't mean I am going to date a 29 year old. I am just saying large age differences before both people are at least over 20 can be very unhealthy for the younger person. And technically it would be statutory rape if you all did anything sexually.

Edit: Never mind if your Mom said she doesn't care than you have been raised in a way that dating old dudes is fine and if he abuses you or something like that I mean I'm sure you'll probably stand by his side and take it because he loves you and he is just in a hard place.
 

AnonKiba

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A 17 year old is just a kid too age differences mean less as you get older but a 17 year old has probably not experienced very much at all. I mean hell I am 19 and I have experienced more in the last two years than I have in most of my life and I know I am still a kid, but even I have trouble relating to high schoolers because honestly if you think you understand the ways of the world in high school you are wrong. Look I am not trying to be rude or put you down because I know what it feels like to be years more mature than others in my head, I mean hell I am 19 and people ask me when I graduated college regularly so I guess I look older too but that doesn't mean I am going to date a 29 year old. I am just saying large age differences before both people are at least over 20 can be very unhealthy for the younger person. And technically it would be statutory rape if you all did anything sexually.

Edit: Never mind if your Mom said she doesn't care than you have been raised in a way that dating old dudes is fine and if he abuses you or something like that I mean I'm sure you'll probably stand by his side and take it because he loves you and he is just in a hard place.

i really don't get the whole more experience thing is bad, that's one of the things that attracts me to older guys. And yes i know about the whole it would be rape, i almost started a relationship with a 23 year old but he was hard to talk to and lived far away so it never started. And the abuse thing... I'm not an idiot ive seen abuse i know what it is, my dad was abusive, my sisters boyfriend could be abusive, my grandfather was abusive, my uncle was abusive, and Ive pretty much have been mentally abused ,my dad fucked with my head every time i saw him, he called me a name so many time that if some one called me that, i think i would pound there face in, my sister called me it once and i just got instantly outraged to the point were i had to walk away from her. i would never let it happen.
 

chevre

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Well sure, you need to be compatible on a number of levels, including world experience and maturity, but all I'm saying is ruling it out purely on age is kind of silly. If those things don't match, I think it will shake itself out soon enough. I mean, we all can have our own limits, but apparently this guy is within anonymous kiba's interest.. so if anonymous kiba is within this guy's interest, I say give it a shot.

Now, I'm not saying age is not a factor to consider.. just saying it should not stop you from being happy.
 
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Which is why you shouldn't get into a situation where it is more likely to happen. If a 27 year old will date a 17 year old than he is obviously not in the right mindset and might likely have self confidence issues which is why he doesn't try to date people around his own age and then during your relationship with him he will probably become slightly jealous at first and then it will slowly turn into an abusive relationship. I went to a seminar on abuse last semester with a friend of mine who's boyfriend abused her and this set up already reminds me of what is a potentially unhealthy relationship.
 

Peachy

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There are two issues here:

(1) Legal issues. Are 17 year olds allowed to 'date' legal adults where you are? I can't answer that question, but tell your potential date to check on that if he doesn't want to go to jail. Even if he doesn't have sex with you, it's better to wait a few months until you're 18, if that's your legal age of consent over there (it's 14 with restrictions and 16 without major restrictions here).

(2) Emotional issues: Be aware that older people have different priorities in life. They don't go for 'high school crushes' whose only purpose is to have sex and to brag to your school buddies about your date. They're interested in a deeper relationship. Make sure you're mature enough for that and don't want a highschool type of relationship. You may also have to accept that there's a greater risk that the relationship will fail when you're both in different age groups and find that you don't share many common interests.

On the other hand, you may just be looking for a more mature relationship than your peers could offer. I can't blame you for wanting to bypass the highschool dating scene altogether - I shudder when I look back to that time! In that case, I see no reason why anyone should stop you from dating an older person. I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid when a 40 year old dates a 30 year old, so why would it make a difference between a 27 and a 17 year old? :confused: As someone else pointed out: Just make sure you're not forced or manipulated into anything.
I, for one, see no moral problems in this case, but maybe I have a different view on the issue as I'm the physical result of a relationship where the people involved were more than 10 years apart in age.

Peachy
 

Charlie

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I say go for it.

If it works out: Great!
If it doesn't: That's still experience, and that's great too!

As long as it's legal, and you're careful, it's worth a try IMO.
 
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(2) Emotional issues: Be aware that older people have different priorities in life. They don't go for 'high school crushes' whose only purpose is to have sex and to brag to your school buddies about your date. They're interested in a deeper relationship.
This is largely true, unless someone who is nearly tries to date a child in high school. At that point, they're probably looking to "get their fuck on," as we'd say over here.

I don't think anyone would bat an eyelid when a 40 year old dates a 30 year old, so why would it make a difference between a 27 and a 17 year old? :confused:
Don't be confused; see page 1. You've just proven the point that I made there.
 
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Pojo

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I'd really wait until you are at least 18. As long as you don't do anything sexual with him now, you two should be fine legally, but if you two do, then he could be arrested for sex with a minor. Even if he has your consent, he can still be arrested for it. I don't think asking your mother for her consent is really going to help. That just seems like a conversation worth avoiding.
 

AnonKiba

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I'd really wait until you are at least 18. As long as you don't do anything sexual with him now, you two should be fine legally, but if you two do, then he could be arrested for sex with a minor. Even if he has your consent, he can still be arrested for it. I don't think asking your mother for her consent is really going to help. That just seems like a conversation worth avoiding.

i now that its illegal, i don't plan on have sex with any one for a long time. And i need to ask my mother to consent other wise it is still illegal
 

Pojo

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i now that its illegal, i don't plan on have sex with any one for a long time. And i need to ask my mother to consent other wise it is still illegal

It's not illegal to just be with someone older than you. How are other people going to know that you two are dating, unless you guys are going to be kissing or something.
 

AnonKiba

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It's not illegal to just be with someone older than you. How are other people going to know that you two are dating, unless you guys are going to be kissing or something.

well i still want it legal in case any one finds out and freaks out thinking its sick and wrong, and besides my mom most likely wont care, she has told me she thinks I'm mature enough to date people older than me, and she has told my sister (is 19) that if she had it her way my sister still wouldn't be dating at all
 
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secretdl26

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I could not tell you who to date, but would only suggest to take the relationship slow and approach it with a degree of caution. I believe (as an informed resident) that the age of consent in Minnesota is 17. Again, as long as you and your (soon-to-be?) boyfriend realize that this relationship can be viewed as having too large an age gap by some, you can have a healthy relationship.
 

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My partner and I have been together for over 8 years now and we have a large age gap in our relationship. I'm 25 and my partner just turned 64. I believe that as long as both parties are responsible, have common interests, and are willing to make the relationship work it can be wonderful. There are things that I haven't experienced and my partner has and vice versa - this makes for a very unique set of experiences that can play off of each other. I found that in my relationship that where I am childlike and have tantrums my parter has patience to put up with my BS. Where my partner is more laid back I add fun to the relationship.

My father didn't like the idea at first but understands from me that another minute on this earth with my partner is a wonderful minute to be cherished.

I also believe what Dan Savage has to say about relationships with large age gaps.

" Savage promotes his "campsite rule": at the end of the relationship, the elder partner should leave the younger in "better shape than they found them". This includes no diseases, no fertilized eggs, no undue emotional trauma, and whatever sexual education can be provided. "

and also

" Tea and Sympathy rule. The rule is a reference to a line in the play of the same name, in which a much older woman states to a high-school-age boy, right before having sex with him: "When you speak of this in future years... and you will... be kind." "

Bottom line - It doesn't need to be a cut and dried " Date nobody that is over 7 years older or younger than you. "
 

bgi39jsjw0ggg

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I like the (X/2)+ 7 rule. If you want to find out the youngest age you should be dating, substitute your age for X. EG: a 25 year old would be:

(25/2) + 7
12.5 + 7
19.7

To get the oldest age you should date, simply do it in reverse; (X-7)*2. For the same 25 year old, you get:

(25 - 7) * 2
(18) * 2
36

Given your age of 17, you get 20 as the top age you should date. I find this is a good age range to follow. But given that you're not of legal age, this is a BAD idea. As in, jail bad.

Please note the above formula only applies to "dating" as most people refer to it. IE, boyfriend/girlfriend going out on dates and being in a 'relationship'. If it's just sex, then as long as it's legal, go for it. The reason for the disparity is this:

The X/2+7 rule is for emotional maturity. A 27 year old who is able to emotionally with a 17 year old and form a dating relationship actually has emotional development problems. A 27 year old should not find a 17 year old mentally stimulating enough to form a meaningful bond. If they do, then said 27 year old has actual mental and emotional issues that need to be addressed. Physical attraction, on the other hand, knows no age limits or life experience differences. I'm too old to be 'dating' some of the 18 year olds I see walking around by a couple years, and on the rare occasion I hear one of them talk I know exactly why. They're insipid and boring. The drama associated with their highschool lives was annoying enough when I was in highschool, and now that I'm paying rent and holding down a job it's even more boring to hear what Vanessa said to Chelsea about Aiden's new jeans and ohmygod isn't this the cutest purse ever. But if I could get them to shut the hell up and dance naked, my god would I ever be interested.

FYI, I've also been known to lie to 18 and 19 year olds in order to sleep with them. Yeah, sleazeball thing to do, but in my defense, I was really horny. Be warned this may be the case here.

As for ABDLBoy's position, I have to say - while I agree with a lot about what Dan Savage says, in reality, most people just don't have the maturity to make the campsite rule work. I don't think I've ever met a 27 year old who did, especially one that would consider jailbait as a girlfriend or boyfriend.
 
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