Could ABDL desires be caused by too much attention & love from parents and minders when one was a baby?

AMATOR

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Or maybe lack of attention, wanting more?
One thing is shure, we are all different so both can be true ....
 

MillyBelle7

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I really wish I knew how to make sense of it. But even if we knew where it came from would that make any difference?
 

jspoter

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if anyone had theripy on this id love to hear their results, i did have physical disapline as a child, and was potty trained around 2, never understud my dl just acepted it
 

PCBaby

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The other thing to consider with this particular argument is if it is abuse that drives some of us to want to regress and be loved and comforted and nurtured, why are there those who were abused but want to continue it in their AB life?
As for could it come from living in a good and loving home, I'm not sure, if you had a good childhood why would you need to go back and find it, unless your adult life is totally screwed up and then we are back to the comfort, security and tenderness aspect.
 

PCBaby

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if anyone had theripy on this id love to hear their results, i did have physical disapline as a child, and was potty trained around 2, never understud my dl just acepted it
to be honest 2 years old is a bit young to be fully potty trained. Parents from the 50s onwards seemed to have developed some sort of inter mum competition as to which baby did what first. As in my baby potty trained at 6 months and spoke a whole sentence at 7 months (exaggerated for effect). Most 2 year olds are barely able to associate the internal rumblings or pressure to void with the act. Most children will potty train by 3 and will be much happier for the extra year. One of the reasons for this is as soon as we are potty trained, if we have accidents after we are bad or naughty or dirty or a baby or all of the above. Just my sixpence worth.
 

Dylan292

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I had child hood trauma and abuse I was never allowed to speak what was going on my mom's boyfriend was abusive a lot of things occur during my child hood one day I just found a bunch of them and got padded
 

Drifter

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That's one of the psychological theories about how ABDL desires start. It's obvious from the responses here that there is another psychological theory which is the exact opposite. No matter what your childhood experiences were you can always come up with your own psychological theory for your desires based on those experiences. Psychological theories about this are useless; especially the psychological theory that we can never know the cause.
 

Katie2fingers

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My dad taught me to be a man, but because of my disability, I always felt like I was his little girl because of the special care he gave me the first 30 years of my life. We didn't plan it that way, it just happened. Now it's so comforting to be a little girl. I'm not sure really why I'm an AB girl, and I don't really care, but it's just a taught.
 

fearfulharmony

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It could definitely be caused by that, but personally from me, it was likely more caused by the lack of emotional attention I received as a child. Not necessarily abuse, but if you're a parent, please be emotionally there for your children. Emotional neglect is a real thing and can negatively effect your child. Not necessarily saying becoming an ABDL is a negative thing, but there were a lot of negative effects on my emotional development that probably contributed to becoming ABDL.
 

TabulaRasa2017

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Hello everyone,

First, I'm so sorry to hear that some of you had difficult childhoods, and I wish each of you peace and happiness and a way forward in figuring things out. I did not have such experiences so I how could I understand what each of you have been through?

I think this is one of those subjects where there must be a combination of nature, nurture, and random factors coming together. For example, I had a happy childhood, but I was the oldest of a large number of siblings and if I recall my mother made sure we were all potty trained by 2. All my siblings were trained at about that age and in the same way (I was old enough to observe the process for the last few), and I'm the only one who is ABDL. So I think we all want to attribute particular events with causes, but it can't be that simple or so many more people would be ABDL or some variant.

I think there is a tendency to view ABDL as unhealthy and as something that has a root cause in childhood trauma, or humiliation, or anything negative. Even the OP's thread suggests too much of a good thing (and therefore something that becomes bad) could be a cause. I'd just like to say whatever the origins of this in you, don't pathologize this in your life as you live it now. Part of what I see in this community are people searching for an answer to the origins of these behaviors in themselves because perhaps they are looking for a "cure". I understand that feeling because that used to be me, too. However, the reality seems to be that by whatever means these behaviors have manifested in each of us, they are typically here to stay. Why? Because I think they bring us everything from comfort to sexual gratification and everything in between. If it makes you happy, and if it doesn't hurt you or others, maybe letting go of the search for the origins might be helpful.

I agree that pondering the origins of these behaviors can be intellectually stimulating and fascinating, but at the end of the day it usually does nothing to change who we are. If you need to hear it, you are okay. I think that's what our community needs to hear and often - you are okay. Please believe that. Please know you can always reach out to others and surround yourself with good people who love for who you are.

Tab
 

DylanLewis

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Hello everyone,

First, I'm so sorry to hear that some of you had difficult childhoods, and I wish each of you peace and happiness and a way forward in figuring things out. I did not have such experiences so I how could I understand what each of you have been through?

I think this is one of those subjects where there must be a combination of nature, nurture, and random factors coming together. For example, I had a happy childhood, but I was the oldest of a large number of siblings and if I recall my mother made sure we were all potty trained by 2. All my siblings were trained at about that age and in the same way (I was old enough to observe the process for the last few), and I'm the only one who is ABDL. So I think we all want to attribute particular events with causes, but it can't be that simple or so many more people would be ABDL or some variant.

I think there is a tendency to view ABDL as unhealthy and as something that has a root cause in childhood trauma, or humiliation, or anything negative. Even the OP's thread suggests too much of a good thing (and therefore something that becomes bad) could be a cause. I'd just like to say whatever the origins of this in you, don't pathologize this in your life as you live it now. Part of what I see in this community are people searching for an answer to the origins of these behaviors in themselves because perhaps they are looking for a "cure". I understand that feeling because that used to be me, too. However, the reality seems to be that by whatever means these behaviors have manifested in each of us, they are typically here to stay. Why? Because I think they bring us everything from comfort to sexual gratification and everything in between. If it makes you happy, and if it doesn't hurt you or others, maybe letting go of the search for the origins might be helpful.

I agree that pondering the origins of these behaviors can be intellectually stimulating and fascinating, but at the end of the day it usually does nothing to change who we are. If you need to hear it, you are okay. I think that's what our community needs to hear and often - you are okay. Please believe that. Please know you can always reach out to others and surround yourself with good people who love for who you are.

Tab
TablaRasa2017

I always enjoy your posts for their smarts and kindness. This one too. You conclude with the inspiring statement –

“… that's what our community needs to hear and often - you are okay. Please believe that. Please know you can always reach out to others and surround yourself with good people who love for who you are.”

I absolutely concur. But I reach that space from a different path than your own. You post seems to imply that seeking an explanation is an obstacle to your inspiring end point – we are okay. It says -

“Part of what I see … are people searching for an answer … because perhaps they are looking for a "cure".”

“… pondering the origins of these behaviors can be intellectually stimulating and fascinating, but at the end of the day it usually does nothing to change who we are.”


Those statements can be true. They aren’t true for me. In seeking an explanation for why I am AB, I am not looking for a cure to stop being AB. I am looking for how live with being AB in the most psychologically healthy way. In my experience being AB has both intrinsically positive and negative facets. What I have discovered about why I am an AB, has changed me, minimizing the negative and enhancing the positive aspects of being AB.

I agree with your sentiment that when we discuss explanations we need to show care for others who come from a different space. As adults, everyone (not just ABDLs) constructs their own identities, based on what we choose to believe about ourselves. Those beliefs can change over time, and our identity changes with it. We chose the explanation (or non-explanation) for being ABDL based on what makes us feel safe.

Our strongest need is to defeat shame. We have a rare, stigmatized identity, that has made us feel isolated from others, and uncertain about ourselves, for a large part of our lives. So shame is a big issue. Shame tells us we are to blame, we did something wrong, and it is our job to fix it. We are afraid of pressure to give up being ABDL, because most of us know we can’t, it is hardwired, and we don’t want to feel shame about something we have no power to stop.

We want an explanation (or non-explanation) that vanquishes shame. We need an explanation for being ABDL that tells us - ‘its not our fault’ – we didn’t choose to be different. And we commonly prefer an explanation that doesn’t identify being ABDL as a mental disorder, again because that implies we are defective, or we can ‘be treated’ and give up being ABDL. These needs are very understandable. They are true for me.

We can see why discussions about the origins of being ABDL can be contentious. We have the same need to feel safe, but we may have chosen different explanations (or non-explanation) that meet that need. Someone else’s explanation can feel like they are taking away what we need to feel safe. It becomes a win:lose situation.

To avoid this we need to see any explanation for being ABDL by an ABDL as an invitation, not an intellectual contest or a demand. In terms of our personal identity no one has the right to tell us what we should believe about ourselves. So any explanation for being ABDL is about giving people the choice about what they believe about themselves.

For it to be a win:win situation we need to accept that we can each validly choose the explanation (or non-explanation) that most lets us feel safe, based on both our logic and our emotions. Live and let live. Regards.
 
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Katie2fingers

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I was VERY LUCKY to have loving and supportive parents, especially growing up with a disability in the 1960's My heart go's out to all you guys who were not so lucky that I have read about over the years who are ABDL. I can't imagine what you went through, but I do know the comfort and peace you feel now, whatever you do to feel "little." Best to all of you!
 

TabulaRasa2017

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Hi DylanLewis,

You said, in response to my post, that "You post seems to imply that seeking an explanation is an obstacle to your inspiring end point" that seeking the origins of this identity usually does nothing to change who we are.

First, thank you for the thoughtful reply. I didn't mean to suggest that seeking an explanation was an obstacle to self acceptance. Instead, I meant that many of us think that if we could just find and understand the origin of our expression of ABDL, then we can have peace. I realize for some people that can happen, as it clearly has for you, Dylan, and I'm happy for you. For others, those two things don't always go together, and even if many of us could know precisely what factors led to our ABDL, that in and of itself may not make us feel any better or get to peace.

I guess my point was, you can have peace with this side of you, even if you never understand the origins. And, that the past cannot be changed but the present certainly can - so that even if the expression of ABDL comes from a negative place in the past, how you embrace it and how you treat yourself now matters a lot. Because we each have the power, now, in the present, to change how we feel and choose to come to peace with this part of who we are.

I wish for all of us that we find peace with this part of ourselves and that we find the love we deserve from people who know and love us for who we truly are.

Be well,

Tab
 

Bobbysgirl67

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For me I think its the opposite.
I think I had a pretty normal childhood. I was daddy's girl, but being military he was gone a lot. He always made up for lost time when home. Unfortunately, he passed really early (I was just 12) I was never close to my mom, things went down hill fast. (My go to adults were my grandma and my daddy--lost gram at 10 and dad at 12) I was emancipated at 15 so I raised myself from that point on.
I think my lapses and periods of regression are more looking for that warm support I had from my "people"
I married very young. had my first baby very young, but we were fine. Our relationship was awesome. Unfortunately, he also passed early (as did my daughter) thanks to a drunken a------ Again I was alone = regression. My second marriage was a nightmare but I stayed for 21 years until it got too violent. I think now when I regress I am looking for those warm memories of visiting daddy on his ship or at the CG Academy. Or the wonderful summers I traveled to Novie with grandma.
That being g said. I think we all have our own Triggers.
 

mickdl

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I'm not sure if it's OK to link a discussion from other board here, but there was a pretty interesting topic with a similar background that rises up ideas also mentioned in this thread: DD-Boards & Chats: The Psychology Behind Incontinence Desire.

I think the first point to find better answers to this question is to understand the "ABDL" synonym. In fact I often wonder why this is put together as a synonym for something that - from my understanding - have complete different roots and effects. While AB is commonly seen as a type of regression DL is comonly seen as a fetish. Then we have a lot of mixtures - DL that became also AB's and visa versa, incontinent people find there way into it and much more. I think _one_ approach to come closer to an individual answer could be to ask first "what" and then "why". If you can explain what _exactly_ make things so desirable to you, then you may find the answer to the why a bit easier. But again - this is just an idea - not the solution that most likely doesn't exists.
 

griphixx

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From what I see here (and from my own experience) I think the opposite is true. I feel that most regressors had a short or difficult childhood and didn't have the time or option to act like an actual kid. And because of that, when they are adults, they choose to go back to that, and do what they weren't able to the first time. For me personally this holds true, as at a very early age (around 6) some stuff happened that more or less forced me to grow up, and now I wish I could just be a little kid. Not because "life was so much simpler then" which isn't untrue, but just because I never really got to.
 

RunButDontHide

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I suspect maybe both extremes can cause it. I was well loved as a child, even if I was mostly lonely. And I have liked diapers for as long as I can remember, maybe back to when I got out of them, even. I've always leaned much more to the DL side.
 

Hooflepoof

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Could ABDL desires be caused by too much attention & love from parents and minders when one was a baby?

As an only child I would have received almost constant & undivided attention from my parents when I was a baby. Wondering whether my ABDL desires are my body's attempt to re kindle the undivided love and attention to return to a time with no responsibilities, pressures of daily adult life?
Well, I think I'm an ab because i never got the childhood as a little girl, and I think I want to get that chance, therefore I like to regress and all that
stuffs. I think being an AB/DL could be caused by either, by either wanting to get that childhood, or go back to that care-free time in your life.
 

bounduptoplease

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Whilst I thankfully do not have any memories of what happened to me just before my second birthday, I have absolutely no doubt that it had an effect on the rest of my life. After my mother explained it to me when I found out at 33 years of age that the name I knew myself as was not my actual name! It all made sense, to this day only three people alive know what happened to me, and I am one of them.
 
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DaddyCool55555

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Birth trauma, abuse, injury, etc all interfere with development. It's understood academically that 'arrested development' is a natural situation for growing creatures that experience extreme situations in the earliest phases of life..
It's okay to accept that this is perhaps not 'knowable' information. It might affect us, but if we can never really recall, should we really dwell that much on it?
 
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