Confused rant about homosexual experience, please help....

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watashinicksan

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Sorry if this ends up too long, but I've got a lot on my mind so...
A couple of months ago a guy I met about 2 YEARS prior in a park (note to self: NEVER give out your phone number to some random kid)
called me and kept pestering me to hang out with him.
At first I said no defiantly, and as we were talking somehow I mentioned that I was (and still am) a virgin, and then he invited me over to his house to "meet some girls" I guess?
I don't know what I was thinking but I went. At first he started talking about how he was going to call some girl that wanted to have sex with me, now I was kind of skeptical. He gave me some clothes to wear because he said my clothes weren't attractive enough. Then he asked a somewhat personal question: if my groin was shaved. I said no. Then for some stupid reason I agreed to have him shave it for me. :eek:Again, I don't know what I was thinking :confused: Because he was pulling on my penis, naturally I got an erection, and he started to suck my penis. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he thought I had got an erection because I was turned on.
I have never had the slightest idea that I would be bisexual, and still think that I'm not, but I'm not quite sure. I am not attracted to having sex with a man. He stopped and we then did something that I would consider more normal but a little weird: started watching porn. But then he suggested we watch a GAY porn. Which we did. By this point he had offered me meth, which I reluctantly snorted. Now that we were watching gay porn, he started to jack off. I was a little perturbed but we kept watching.
A little while after he suggested that we try what we saw.
Now I was maybe slightly buzzed from the meth and beer, but for some reason I said ok. Then we went into the bathroom and uh, did some stuff. I couldn't get an erection and was reluctant to everything, but for some reason or another I agreed to do it. Now I am confused because, I really could have left at any point but I stayed, and agreed to do everything. Maybe I am too naive or maybe I am too passive, I don't know. But I really do not want to see him ever again (not to mention everything he said was a lie) nor do I have any inkling to do anything with any other guys. He called me several times after that saying annoying things and trying to pressure me more, but I would say no and hang up.
Sorry if this is long again, I just really wanted to get that off my chest. I didn't tell anyone but my mom, who was understand, I didn't even tell my twin brother whom I tell everything to (except that I like diapers). Thanks for listening to me rant.:eek:
 

Lazy

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Next time if you decide to experiment, don't pnp! Your lack of an erection is known as "Crystal dick"
 
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Butterfly Mage

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There's a lot about human sexuality that isn't cut-and-dry. A lot of folks think gay/straight is an either/or thing. The Kinsey Study pretty much determined that sexual orientation has a whole lot of grey area to it. I think the Kinsey Scale goes from "0" for "exclusively homosexual" to "6" for "exclusively heterosexual". However, there probably aren't many people who are "0" or "6". Most gays would actually rate a "1" and most straights would rate a "5".

(Note: I might have the numbers reversed. It might be that 6 is gay and 0 is straight. It's been a while since I was in college).
 

dinorider

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From your story I wouldn't think you're gay, or bisexual for that matter. Having a homosexual experience doesn't mean you are. You've been there, done that and apparently didn't like it. There's nothing wrong with experimenting. If anything it should make you more sure about your sexuality.
 

Charlie

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Yeah, it sounds like you were just passive...

The fact that you didn't enjoy it is what's important. I'd put not stopping it down to drinking, the pressure, maybe the meth and maybe a desire to simply experiment a little.
 

chevre

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Getting an erection doesn't mean anything. I bet you could go out in the woods and rub up against a tree, and, if you did it right, get one. Tactile stimulation will do that.

As for your story, I had a friend of mine have something vaguely similar happen to him. He ended up at some guy's apartment and the guy was trying to massage him and then get him to watch a DVD with him (his DVD collection seemed to contain an awful lot of gay porn). At that point he decided to split. He's been pretty homophobic ever since.
 

watashinicksan

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The guy tried to convince me otherwise. I'm not homophobic, but I hope people with a more open sexual orientation aren't like that guy. Because he was a total asshole trying to control me.
 

teddy564339

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Yeah, it sounds like you were just passive...

The fact that you didn't enjoy it is what's important. I'd put not stopping it down to drinking, the pressure, maybe the meth and maybe a desire to simply experiment a little.
I don't think I could have said it any better.
 

Kovy

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Sorry if this ends up too long, but I've got a lot on my mind so...
A couple of months ago a guy I met about 2 YEARS prior in a park (note to self: NEVER give out your phone number to some random kid)
called me and kept pestering me to hang out with him.
At first I said no defiantly, and as we were talking somehow I mentioned that I was (and still am) a virgin, and then he invited me over to his house to "meet some girls" I guess?
I don't know what I was thinking but I went. At first he started talking about how he was going to call some girl that wanted to have sex with me, now I was kind of skeptical. He gave me some clothes to wear because he said my clothes weren't attractive enough. Then he asked a somewhat personal question: if my groin was shaved. I said no. Then for some stupid reason I agreed to have him shave it for me. :eek:Again, I don't know what I was thinking :confused: Because he was pulling on my penis, naturally I got an erection, and he started to suck my penis. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he thought I had got an erection because I was turned on.
I have never had the slightest idea that I would be bisexual, and still think that I'm not, but I'm not quite sure. I am not attracted to having sex with a man. He stopped and we then did something that I would consider more normal but a little weird: started watching porn. But then he suggested we watch a GAY porn. Which we did. By this point he had offered me meth, which I reluctantly snorted. Now that we were watching gay porn, he started to jack off. I was a little perturbed but we kept watching.
A little while after he suggested that we try what we saw.
Now I was maybe slightly buzzed from the meth and beer, but for some reason I said ok. Then we went into the bathroom and uh, did some stuff. I couldn't get an erection and was reluctant to everything, but for some reason or another I agreed to do it. Now I am confused because, I really could have left at any point but I stayed, and agreed to do everything. Maybe I am too naive or maybe I am too passive, I don't know. But I really do not want to see him ever again (not to mention everything he said was a lie) nor do I have any inkling to do anything with any other guys. He called me several times after that saying annoying things and trying to pressure me more, but I would say no and hang up.
Sorry if this is long again, I just really wanted to get that off my chest. I didn't tell anyone but my mom, who was understand, I didn't even tell my twin brother whom I tell everything to (except that I like diapers). Thanks for listening to me rant.:eek:
If you honestly think you're straight, you almost definitely are. Anyone gets an erection from being touched down there, by either sex, straight, gay, or somewhere in between.
 

dogboy

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I went through college like that, but then I was borderline personality disorder. That's what we do, and deviant sex is part of it. Being needy to one other person is part of it as well. Most BPD are girls, and when it happens in guys it takes some different turns. You might check it out. I liked my males younger, and so as I got older, I gave it all up, realizing I didn't like men. I married and have lived a fairly normal life, unless you consider the diapers...haha... Anyway, I'm not suggesting you have BPD, but there are slight degrees of everything, just like sexuality. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it, and would just move on to who ever I find attractive. Keep it simple.
 
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xdeadx

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Along with what everyone else is saying, don't do meth dude.
 

Dawes

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Hear, hear on that, xdeadx!

Not to sound like I'm trying to be overly heterosexual or manly ... but if some dude tried to have me do all of that shit, from shaving my crotch to asking me to snort meth, he'd probably get punched in his skull at least six times. Then, not to mention him jerking off in front of me. In truth, this is a lesson for you to show a little self-control in situations like this in the future. You engaged in several potentially self-destructive acts, and it's important to develop the self-awareness you'll need to keep dumb shit like this from happening to you in the future.

Good luck, and please be safe.
 
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Drugs and sexual experimentation... sounds a lot like college years. Although I really don't condone what actually happened, I will say that it was a lesson learnt and you now know your boundaries. Thing is, do you have the self-control to avoid things like this in the future?
 

IncompleteDude

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One time I was in a situation sort of like that, but not nearly to the same depth. Just stand up for yourself next time. If you are uncomfortable, don't do it. And don't do meth, that shit will kill you.
 

Moo

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Sorry if this ends up too long, but I've got a lot on my mind so...
A couple of months ago a guy I met about 2 YEARS prior in a park (note to self: NEVER give out your phone number to some random kid)
called me and kept pestering me to hang out with him.
At first I said no defiantly, and as we were talking somehow I mentioned that I was (and still am) a virgin, and then he invited me over to his house to "meet some girls" I guess?
I don't know what I was thinking but I went. At first he started talking about how he was going to call some girl that wanted to have sex with me, now I was kind of skeptical. He gave me some clothes to wear because he said my clothes weren't attractive enough. Then he asked a somewhat personal question: if my groin was shaved. I said no. Then for some stupid reason I agreed to have him shave it for me. :eek:Again, I don't know what I was thinking :confused: Because he was pulling on my penis, naturally I got an erection, and he started to suck my penis. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he thought I had got an erection because I was turned on.
I have never had the slightest idea that I would be bisexual, and still think that I'm not, but I'm not quite sure. I am not attracted to having sex with a man. He stopped and we then did something that I would consider more normal but a little weird: started watching porn. But then he suggested we watch a GAY porn. Which we did. By this point he had offered me meth, which I reluctantly snorted. Now that we were watching gay porn, he started to jack off. I was a little perturbed but we kept watching.
A little while after he suggested that we try what we saw.
Now I was maybe slightly buzzed from the meth and beer, but for some reason I said ok. Then we went into the bathroom and uh, did some stuff. I couldn't get an erection and was reluctant to everything, but for some reason or another I agreed to do it. Now I am confused because, I really could have left at any point but I stayed, and agreed to do everything. Maybe I am too naive or maybe I am too passive, I don't know. But I really do not want to see him ever again (not to mention everything he said was a lie) nor do I have any inkling to do anything with any other guys. He called me several times after that saying annoying things and trying to pressure me more, but I would say no and hang up.
Sorry if this is long again, I just really wanted to get that off my chest. I didn't tell anyone but my mom, who was understand, I didn't even tell my twin brother whom I tell everything to (except that I like diapers). Thanks for listening to me rant.:eek:
Since you have no inclination to do anything with other guys, I would say that you're probably not gay.

I don't know exactly what the effects of meth are.
I suspect, though, that he gave you the meth so that you wouldn't be able to say no to him.
It really does sound like he's a manipulative, exploitative bastard.

Thankfully, very few gay people are like that.
You were just very, very unlucky to run into him!

Please don't become homophobic as a result of your experience.
That said, if any person (gay or straight, male or female) attempts to take advantage of you again, I suggest that you leave the area immediately.
Physically harming them before walking out would probably feel very gratifying, as well, but I advise against it as it would likely violate the law.

I am not a lawyer, but I would not be at all surprised if what he did qualifies as a crime, because he gave you drugs and then exploited you while you were in a vulnerable state.
I would advise seeing a mental health professional about this.
Do a little research, though, to find one with good qualifications, who doesn't have an agenda, and preferably has counselled other patients who have been sexually abused.
Tell a mental health professional about what happened to you.

Best of luck in your quest for healing.
I am truly sorry you had to go through that, and hope your life improves in future.
 

Boogeyman

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Dude... he was jerkin your gerkin. I'd be surprised if you didn't get a boner.
 

watashinicksan

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Thanks for the replies, yeah I do have a lot of self control, and I don't do drugs anyway. I think I have more self confidence now to avoid situations like that.
 

NEJay

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I'd be worried less about the gay experience, and more about never touching meth again and getting tested (if you guys had intercourse, I hope you used a condom?).

Gay or not, that is a very dangerous and compromising (and sad :frown: ) situation you put yourself in. Giving in to blowing amphetamines and having indiscriminate sex is not the same as deciding between a salad and a Whopper. I'm guessing you learned your lesson, but I still want to tell you to think about the consequences of your actions before diving head-in to situations like this.

Dangerous stuff, man... Think about it. What if you caught something from him?
 

Korey

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Yeah, not too sure what to say... I don't think wether your gay or not should be the main point of concern here...

Sounds like you were in absolutely no control. You don't do drugs... But you railed meth and had some random guy shave your crotch and give you head?

That is fucked. One minute your a straight edge virgin, next your taking amphetamines to the dome having questionable homosexual experiences?

Hey so what happened to the girls, anyway?
 
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