Confused about non binary, questions (this might be triggering for some)

Calico

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Many people seem to think you need to meet the gender stereotypes to identify with being male or female. But because they don't fit into the gender norm, they question their gender and have created this new term, non binary. I am not against it, people can call themselves whatever they want. I am not the gender police so I am not going to tell people how to identify themselves and they are not hurting anyone so who am I to judge?

I never questioned myself but I grew up as a tomboy, I liked boy stuff but I also liked cute stuff and I liked dolls and Polly Pockets but I played with my brothers stuff too. They also played with my toys. My mom never did the gender roles for us like she didn't tell me I couldn't do this or that because I am a girl or tell me to be lady like or tell me "that isn't lady like" or to act like a girl, not a boy. Maybe this is why I never questioned myself?


I am also not into make up and never got into it, I am not interested in fashion and I don't wear dresses often or even dress up unless it's on special occasions. I still never questioned my gender because I am literal and because I was born with a vagina and have female chromosomes so therefore I am a girl and female, I didn't question it because of what I was taught about the difference between boys and girls. I never thought I had to wear dresses and make up because I am female. I never felt pressured into the gender norms because I always thought who the fuck cares what you like or play with or what you wear.

Is it possible to be non binary and still be female?

Is it possible to be non binary and still be cis gender?

Can one be non binary and still dress as female? I feel I don't fit into the female stereotype.

Can one be non binary and not identify as one?

I guess all this non binary stuff is making me question my own gender. :/ Am I non binary, just to make this all simple for myself, I just say I am female and say the way it is and go with science so I am not OCDing about it and stressing myself out because I can't figure out the answer. But then again I am afraid I am just wanting to jump on the bandwagon here because this whole thing has become a trend and I am worried I might be called a fake. Plus in the past some people online have told me I looked male or boyish looking when I would share a photo. :/ But yet I have looked total female in my headshots and portraits because I would actually dress up for it and bam I look so female. But online I was still told I looked boyish even though I had on female clothing.
 

OmiOMy

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By definition, if you are nonbinary, you are not cisgender. A nonbinary individual doesn't identify with the gender binary.

Nonbinary people can dress any way they want. My personal aesthetic is Grace Jones meets David Bowie--it could be described as Futch glam.

By definition to be nonbinary you kinda have to declare yourself nonbinary--elsewise, you're cis or trans.

Science itself says that gender is a spectrum. It's more than chromosomes and hormones and body shape. And nonbinary people have been around for literally centuries. Colonization has tried to erase them from history but if you do some looking you can find evidence for third (and more!) genders in many, many cultures.

You can find more information here. It's not as pretty as the old wiki but that's what happens when transphobes attack.
 

Evahasgone2

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You are who you are is how I look at it. I am a female bisexual woman that is an avid diaper lover. I respect everyone for who they are and how they present themselves. I have met many here that are trans, or asexual and those that say they are not male or female. I just want to tell all of you ( WE ARE HUMANS ) Respect us all and respect you will receive in return !!:thumbsup::thumbsup:
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

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Non-binary as feelings, as my CIS, and very lucky, ass understands it.

"I was born with a Y chromosome, and I don't really want a second X chromosome, instead. If I did want that, I'd be MtF," or, "I was born with a second X, and I don't really want a Y, instead. If I did want that, I'd be FtM. X? Y? Nope. Z! I'm something else! Who cares! 'He,' 'him,' 'she,' and, 'her,' don't feel right! At this point, how about something that just doesn't feel all wrong!? F%$*!"

Do you feel brain itch when someone calls you by name? I'm on asking, because you told me once what your name is, and it's a girl's name. Are you okay with your plumbing? Anything not fit, top bits, bottom bits? Do certain ones fit, and others not?

Are you left wondering what everyone's obsession with their private bits is? I should think that sort of, "Fit right? They're my bits; of course they do! Still not one or the other," or maybe having one set, top or bottom, fit, while the other set doesn't, is non-binary.
 
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Calico

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I used to hate my name because I thought it was boring lol and there was no one else with my name so I felt left out and then I thought it was the cause for me being picked on as a kid because my name was Beth and all the Beths got picked on in the world. Not because of gender. I also hated my breasts and hated my periods. I also wished I had a penis because I thought they were cool but I got over it when I started to think how it must be annoying to have it hang on you and to sit on it and to feel it hit against your skin when you move or run and jump. But I had checked my female privileges and like being female because of the advantages they have and my boobs got smaller after I had kids so I have started to like my breasts now but I still like how deflated they are. I like to wear sport bras to make them look flatter. I believed I had body dysmorphia because I would fixate on my body flaws and I felt disgusted at my own breasts because they were so big. I also hated being fat and didn't like my woman's body and it didn't feel right. I think that is why I like being so skinny because I lose the figure and it gives me a little kid feeling, same reason for small breasts and making them flatter with a tight sport bra. I used to think it was all OCD to explain why I was so obsessed with my weight and my boobs and wished I were smaller like smaller bone. I only hated my periods because of how heavy the blood flow was and the hot flashes and the cramps. Plus how unpredictable they were and then I was put on birth control and didn't mind them anymore. Now I have a IUD and only have spotting sometimes.

I thought non binary was intersex for a while and then I started hearing it's when they don't fit into gender standards so I am like "okay, so that would be tom boys right and tom girls and those with different gender interests or are not like other men or women?"

Maybe I am cis since I am fine with the sex I was assigned with the day my mom's egg was fertilized from one of my dad's sperm. But what is the meaning of feeling female and male? I never felt female, I always felt like me. I even asked my husband if he feels male and he had this weird look on his face like I had asked a stupid question so I had to explain it to him and he didn't know what I was talking about and he also said he never felt male and there was no feeling.

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I used to hate my name because I thought it was boring lol and there was no one else with my name so I felt left out and then I thought it was the cause for me being picked on as a kid because my name was Beth and all the Beths got picked on in the world. Not because of gender. I also hated my breasts and hated my periods. I also wished I had a penis because I thought they were cool but I got over it when I started to think how it must be annoying to have it hang on you and to sit on it and to feel it hit against your skin when you move or run and jump. But I had checked my female privileges and like being female because of the advantages they have and my boobs got smaller after I had kids so I have started to like my breasts now but I still like how deflated they are. I like to wear sport bras to make them look flatter. I believed I had body dysmorphia because I would fixate on my body flaws and I felt disgusted at my own breasts because they were so big. I also hated being fat and didn't like my woman's body and it didn't feel right. I think that is why I like being so skinny because I lose the figure and it gives me a little kid feeling, same reason for small breasts and making them flatter with a tight sport bra. I used to think it was all OCD to explain why I was so obsessed with my weight and my boobs and wished I were smaller like smaller bone. I only hated my periods because of how heavy the blood flow was and the hot flashes and the cramps. Plus how unpredictable they were and then I was put on birth control and didn't mind them anymore. Now I have a IUD and only have spotting sometimes.

I thought non binary was intersex for a while and then I started hearing it's when they don't fit into gender standards so I am like "okay, so that would be tom boys right and tom girls and those with different gender interests or are not like other men or women?"

Maybe I am cis since I am fine with the sex I was assigned with the day my mom's egg was fertilized from one of my dad's sperm. But what is the meaning of feeling female and male? I never felt female, I always felt like me. I even asked my husband if he feels male and he had this weird look on his face like I had asked a stupid question so I had to explain it to him and he didn't know what I was talking about and he also said he never felt male and there was no feeling.
 

ESPF

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... I also wished I had a penis because I thought they were cool but I got over it
I've wondered before if "penis envy' might not be a vary milled form of gender dysphoria... The fast that you were able to "get over it" would mean it's not the real thing though. Real GD is something you can't get over or out of your head. It gets to the point that it drives you to real clinical depression even.

... I have started to like my breasts now but I still like how deflated they are. I like to wear sport bras to make them look flatter.
I'd say that's the proof you aren't GD right their.

... I believed I had body dysmorphia because I would fixate on my body flaws and I felt disgusted at my own breasts because they were so big. I also hated being fat
Fixating on imagined body flaws purity much is the deformation of body dysmorphia.

... I think that is why I like being so skinny because I lose the figure and it gives me a little kid feeling, same reason for small breasts and making them flatter with a tight sport bra.
And that's purity much the definition of "infanttilisum".

I thought non binary was intersex for a while...
As the terms "transgender" and "non binary" are "umbrella turns" Yes TECHNICALLY intersexed are part of the "non binary" community. BUT in practical 'day to day' living most intersex persons try to seperate themselves from the rest of the non binary subculture. In a way I can't say as I blame them as much of the surrounding... US culture? become violently irate over the idea of trans-people.

Maybe I am cis since I am fine with the sex I was assigned
Yes... If you are "fine with being a woman"... That is the differentiation of a "cis-female".

I always felt like me... I even asked my husband if he feels male and he had this weird look on his face like I had asked a stupid question so I had to explain it to him and he didn't know what I was talking about and he also said he never felt male and there was no feeling.
Sooo... You're saying your husbin have always been comphertable in his assigned gender role and never had to think about it. You on the other hand have thought about to some extent... But in the end. You feel like you.
I'm happy for you both.

PS Please be aware that all of the above is based on a single page of information. And that I am in no way a psychologist. And I suggest that if you still have questions, you consult with one.
Live long &prosper. _\\//
 
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trysexiea

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You are who you are is how I look at it. I am a female bisexual woman that is an avid diaper lover. I respect everyone for who they are and how they present themselves. I have met many here that are trans, or asexual and those that say they are not male or female. I just want to tell all of you ( WE ARE HUMANS ) Respect us all and respect you will receive in return !!:thumbsup::thumbsup:
And some are asexual lesbian trans :)

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Otherwise I do not have any opinion or experience whatsoever with non-binary people. Since I'm binary about a lot of things it's something that I have not managed to understand yet for the time being. But it would never come to me to judge that.
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

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I don't consider you non-binary, or gender dysphoric, simply because you're just too comfortable. I'm not being crude; just saying. Your brain doesn't itch that way. I know you have food issues, and other body image issues, but that's body dysmorphia.

I could see a non-binary person opting for no surgery, and saying, "It won't change anything. I'm non-binary. However my brain itches, surgery won't scratch it."

I could see that person opting for different surgeries.

I actually went through penis envy, at about 6. It was over too quickly, and was too utilitarian, to have been dysphoria. Boys can hide their parts under blankets and kill the pain in their bladders. That and boys were stronger. Even now, once a month, for about a week. . . :lol: but not permanently.

If you'd asked my mom, when she was that age, she'd have said, "Sure, I wanna be a boy. They run faster," but that doesn't make her gender dysphoric, because the minute she was done being faster and stronger, she'd wanna go back.
 
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Calico

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How is it possible for someone to be trans and non binary? How can one identify as another gender and then say they are neither gender if they are trans?
 

OmiOMy

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Sorry I keep hitting y'all with text walls but it's not often my nonbinary butt is useful around here.:D

How is it possible for someone to be trans and non binary? How can one identify as another gender and then say they are neither gender if they are trans?
Again, being nonbinary puts one under the transgender umbrella. I recommend checking out a few of the things in thisthis link, as it explains more than a few of the more well known forms of nonbinary gender. In more direct answer to your question, a nonbinary person falls under the definition of trans simply because they do not identify as cisgender (trans = not cis).

"Neither" gender implies that you're still thinking in a two-gender binary. A trans person could be anything in between those on the spectrum--or off it altogether, in the case of people who are agender (people who identify with ZERO gender) or neutrois (a neutral gender). Being trans is as simple as not identifying as your assigned gender at birth.

[Hr][/hr]

Gender doesn't seem to sit on one's chromosomes, I must reiterate here. It's a mind-body-spirit thing that science is still trying to get to the bottom of. They've found tantalizing bits and pieces, but it's mostly a lot of making the "hmm emoji ��" at results so far.

[Hr][/hr]

Also, little trans pet peeve: tomboy/girl are gender presentation/expressions, not genders themselves. Sorry, but that was buggin' me.

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Non-binary as feelings, as my CIS, and very lucky, ass understands it.

"I was born with a Y chromosome, and I don't really want a second X chromosome, instead. If I did want that, I'd be MtF," or, "I was born with a second X, and I don't really want a Y, instead. If I did want that, I'd be FtM. X? Y? Nope. Z! I'm something else! Who cares! 'He,' 'him,' 'she,' and, 'her,' don't feel right! At this point, how about something that just doesn't feel all wrong!? F%$*!"

Do you feel brain itch when someone calls you by name? I'm on asking, because you told me once what your name is, and it's a girl's name. Are you okay with your plumbing? Anything not fit, top bits, bottom bits? Do certain ones fit, and others not?

Are you left wondering what everyone's obsession with their private bits is? I should think that sort of, "Fit right? They're my bits; of course they do! Still not one or the other," or maybe having one set, top or bottom, fit, while the other set doesn't, is non-binary.
Physically it's unique to each nonbinary person. Some of us do a physical-medical transition, some of us don't. I know I would kill for a certain surgery...I feel UNFINISHED. We haven't figured out if it's an in-womb dose of hormones or our karyotypes (that would be the XX/XY thing). And there's actually more than that combination out there, and more common than we think--but most people don't even KNOW their karyotype (we usually don't have a reason to), so we can't really use that.

"BRAIN ITCH." I thought I was the only one who said that! That's exactly what it felt like when I was trying to pass for cis and cramps myself into the expected box. The wrong pronouns made my brain and teeth itch. Thank the gods for support groups. Dysphoria is a special hell: your body is wrong and your mind doesn't match it and you'd do anything for SOME kind of reprieve or answer. It's close to being physically ill.

I can also tell you it's not always the bits that get us to realizing the situation. A few of the nonbinary people I know are just fine with their, er, factory plumbing. (I am not, but much line with auties, when you've talked with one enby, you've talked with one enby. And speaking of, A LOT of us are spectrumites!) I just knew what I wasn't, and had to figure out what I was. It took a new wardrobe, a new name, and a new aesthetic, and then my brain stopped itching!
 

trysexiea

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With all your explanations not better what is the non-binary genre than before, the only thing I understood is that you do not seem to know too much either. if you have clear explanations, I'm always interested.
 

Calico

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I checked out the link and I am still confused. With all these terms they have made up, I can't keep up with it all. Then I see someone posting on Reddit about not feeling her own gender but is fine with female pronouns and is fine with her body? Okay, I am lost lol. Then again what the hell is a female feeling and a male feeling? I guess I will say it is up for people if they want to put these labels on themselves. I choose cisgender and straight and gray a. Cis gender because I can't see myself getting a male body and having a penis and having extra body hair and having to shave my face and I like my female privileges and feel being female is more attractive than being male. Straight because I can't see myself having sex with another woman and I want a daddy and can't see myself having a mommy and breast feeding from her. Gray a because I don't need sex to live and be happy, I may crave it once in a while but I often never have it on my mind to have it and I don't look at guys and think how I want to fuck them and start thinking sexual of them or seeing them as handsome. I only find myself attracted after knowing someone and based on their personality and how they treat me. I never had that same feeling for another female after I would really like them and when I think about them in diapers and them being babied and changed, I picture a guy doing it to them. Though I do think about another AB female playmate and us changing each other and using dildos and imagining what it would be like to have sex with a trans woman. I just cannot see myself doing lot of sex moves and sex positions and I feel revolted by lot of that stuff and find it to be all boring. Only thing I like is penis in vagina, that is it. Then I think is doing that with a female any different if they have a penis or a strap on dildo? And I am married to a guy so straight I pick.


I also hear how you can be trans and not have a dysphoria about your gender, what do you trans people think?
 

OmiOMy

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With all your explanations not better what is the non-binary genre than before, the only thing I understood is that you do not seem to know too much either. if you have clear explanations, I'm always interested.
Uhmmm. I don't know if I can make you understand me anyways, after noticing the blatant aphobia in your avatar. #Yikes.
 

trysexiea

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I think I'm completely lost in your discussion (and it's not a translation problem). If someone gets to make a clear and precise, maybe I'll get better at understanding. currently it does not fit my understanding criteria, the original subject is not simple (not binary) but you have to add tons of other names associated, which for me are more or less equal. Trans is easy to understand, asexual is easy to understand, lesbian is easy to understand. But everything that comes out of the binary (oneself either) my brain does not arrive simply not the assimilated, the problem is that I can not associate an image, a correspondence to this Thermes

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Uhmmm. I don't know if I can make you understand me anyways, after noticing the blatant aphobia in your avatar. #Yikes.
I do not see the report sex does not interest me, it does not relate to the original subject, it's not because it does not interest me that it prevents me from having information about subject and inform me as I inquire about many other topics. To say that does not interest me it's good to have an idea of ​​what we are talking about.
 

OmiOMy

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I checked out the link and I am still confused. With all these terms they have made up, I can't keep up with it all. Then I see someone posting on Reddit about not feeling her own gender but is fine with female pronouns and is fine with her body? Okay, I am lost lol. Then again what the hell is a female feeling and a male feeling? I guess I will say it is up for people if they want to put these labels on themselves. I choose cisgender and straight and gray a. Cis gender because I can't see myself getting a male body and having a penis and having extra body hair and having to shave my face and I like my female privileges and feel being female is more attractive than being male. Straight because I can't see myself having sex with another woman and I want a daddy and can't see myself having a mommy and breast feeding from her. Gray a because I don't need sex to live and be happy, I may crave it once in a while but I often never have it on my mind to have it and I don't look at guys and think how I want to fuck them and start thinking sexual of them or seeing them as handsome. I only find myself attracted after knowing someone and based on their personality and how they treat me. I never had that same feeling for another female after I would really like them and when I think about them in diapers and them being babied and changed, I picture a guy doing it to them. Though I do think about another AB female playmate and us changing each other and using dildos and imagining what it would be like to have sex with a trans woman. I just cannot see myself doing lot of sex moves and sex positions and I feel revolted by lot of that stuff and find it to be all boring. Only thing I like is penis in vagina, that is it. Then I think is doing that with a female any different if they have a penis or a strap on dildo? And I am married to a guy so straight I pick.


I also hear how you can be trans and not have a dysphoria about your gender, what do you trans people think?
I'll try to take these in order.

1. Non-binary people can go by whatever pronouns feel right to them. If she searched and concluded it's "she," then it's "she." Same goes for any pronoun. The reason there are so many gender names is that there are just that many kinds of non-binary existence, with different nuances between them. You don't have to memorize them or anything though.

2. I don't know if I understand what you mean by "female feeling and male feeling." If you mean the intrinsic sense that one has in connection with their gender, it's just there. Maybe you're not getting it because you never had to fight with it like us trans folx often do.

3. Glad to see you figured out your own labels there. They're useful. Only thing I'd like to add is gender ≠ sex: regardless of the equipment they pack, someone's gender is what they say it is (or, I've gone a long way to saying trans women are women and trans men are men).

Lastly, you don't have to have dysphoria to be trans.
 

trysexiea

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Lastly, you don't have to have dysphoria to be trans.
Its not required. But it seems logical enough that it happens, except possibly if you make the transition sufficiently early
 

Calico

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"female feeling and male feeling."
What I mean by that is that is always something I started hearing early as 2006 (thanks to internet) by people. They would say they don't feel male or female and they feel the opposite gender. I will often see non binary or trans people saying they never felt their own gender they were assigned with. They say they never felt the sex they are and they always felt male or female.






And another thing I find interesting is how trans kids seemed to be aware of their gender before age 3. I was not aware of my own gender until age 5. I didn't know only boys had penises and girls didn't have one and once my mother explained it to me, that explained why mine looked different than my brothers and why my baby cousin had the same privates as me and I thought babies had penisis and then they fell off lol. I also thought my dad looked weird down there until my mom explained he was a boy. This is how cis gendered kids learn about sex, they learn about between their legs that determines their gender and then they learn that women have boobs and guys don't. But I guess that is what gender dysphoria is, they just know their own sex and gender before they are even taught pronouns and sex while cis gendered kids have to learn this stuff?
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

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I think trams and non-binary people hit that boys and girls stage from 3 to 6, just like CIS people, but the difference is, what occurs to them as a result. Kerry, the stories Mod, told us the story of seeing, I don't remember if it was a brother, or a boy cousin, or who, but a younger male family member. She saw him, and thought, "We match. That must be why everyone thinks I'm a boy."
 

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I guess all this non binary stuff is making me question my own gender. :/ Am I non binary, just to make this all simple for myself, I just say I am female and say the way it is and go with science so I am not OCDing about it and stressing myself out because I can't figure out the answer. But then again I am afraid I am just wanting to jump on the bandwagon here because this whole thing has become a trend and I am worried I might be called a fake. Plus in the past some people online have told me I looked male or boyish looking when I would share a photo. :/ But yet I have looked total female in my headshots and portraits because I would actually dress up for it and bam I look so female. But online I was still told I looked boyish even though I had on female clothing.
I had very similar thoughts when I was more properly looking into myself, but one thing was for sure - I wasn't male. Rather, I knew I was some kind of mix, but I wasn't sure which label matched me best. I wanted something to describe myself easily. Now, nearly 10 years after this, I can assuredly say:

Trans is not a trend. No brand of transgenderism has ever been a trend, and any fortune 500 company that sells you otherwise has no idea. Even amongst the trans community, there's a lot of infighting when it comes to who's "really trans", but the more this happens, the fewer people it turns out are doing it for kicks, and there were very few to begin with. This follows the same curve of people screaming "Everyone's gay!" - Well, it just seems like that because it's only now when we've lifted the curtain and accepted what's behind it because at the end of the day, what this topic boils down to doesn't actually hurt anyone. There's a lot of hurt in the process trying to "figure it out" but that's where it is.

Gender and the dysphoria of said gender are no two simple things. For those of us who have experienced it in the past or still do, the best we have is "Well, it's like everything about you screams something different (in some cases, the dead opposite) of what everyone's told you since the age of 3" and the science of this hasn't exactly gotten very far because nobody wants to fund the places that specialize in it. However, that doesn't mean there isn't something to draw from. There's a lot of endocrinology in this because, well, it does end up in that field even though people think it's just about the reproductive system.

From what I've gathered of my own dysphoria and from others, it comes about because of a sum of:
- what other people say about you and your reflection on that
- conversely, your own experiences of your body and its relationship to that of what people say is conventional
- Interests (though this is of course becoming less and less of one)
- Your physical makeup
- Your development physically and mentally
- Whether or not you even like what's on your body (this is the most obvious piece of dysphoria)

If most of those tend to stick with conventions we know of the sexes, then it's far more than likely the person is cisgendered. Otherwise, they're under the trans umbrella.

As for the non-binary terms, as said before, there are so many of those because gender is understood as a spectrum (even though it's far more complicated than that). There are many instances where someone's definitely not entirely female, or even mostly female, but they know they exhibit far too many feminine traits to ignore it. In my own case, I'm smack in the middle for most of the time, but there will be an off day where I know it leans more to a particular side. For that reason, I say androgyne is the term I use because it fits best. And some people are just all over the place, and they can't ever figure out specifics, so they just say "genderqueer".

Oh, and regarding non-binary people being included under the transgender umbrella - That's what the white stripe is, according to the designer of that flag.

So, it's all really up for you to decide. You can ask around and get some better understanding that way, sure, but nobody should really be telling you whether you're non-binary or whatever. It's a very personal thing, and I mean that in a positive way.
 

CutePrincess

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I also hear how you can be trans and not have a dysphoria about your gender, what do you trans people think?
That is correct, being trans means your mind does not agree with your body, and how strong those feelings varies.

When they attach dysphoria is when those feelings are really extreme. This means they are under great distress that can very from being a social shut in (basically not wanting or being withdrawn to socialize because of the conflict) to other impairments like not doing what you like because of it, this how mental disorders are diagnosed to begin with, to suicide.

For you, it is as simple as this:
you are biologically female, are you happy with that? are you fine with being called "she" and other fitting pronouns for girls? then you are cis. Being non binary or trans has to do with your mind fitting and being happy with your body, to put it simply. When there is a conflict there, is when we explore the non binary situation. Some people are unhappy being labeled strictly as a boy or girl, boy and girl (for non binary that rejects both, where you see people preferring to being called "them" and such) just as some don't want to be referred as one of them.

If you do not like being refereed to as "he" or being seen as a boy, while fine with being a girl, your cis and you really do not have much to worry about.
 
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